Thanks for all the votes in the Best Nude Scenes balloting. There was no need to continue it over several days. The winner was obvious - ol' Rollergirl had more votes than the next three added together. Results and article tomorrow.

UPDATES:

Updated Encyclopedia volumes: Salma Hayek, Heather Graham

New volumes: Lucy Liu, Janine Lindemulder, Amy Locane, Kelly Lynch, Traci Lords

Other crap:

• "If you were a convicted felon facing the prospect of jail time, who would you ask to write a character letter to the sentencing judge?  Mom? The local priest? Perhaps your old Boy Scouts troop leader? Actually, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs would be a much better choice. Details at: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/djohn1.html"
• "Just when it seemed we were the first ones to expose reality TV's "Joe Millionaire," we discover that the construction worker/model had beaten us to the punch. He sure did have a nifty secret: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/marriott1.html"
• TV outtake - guy demonstrates "irreplaceable, one of a kind" item - oops!
• Time Online's Year in Pictures
• Naked chick rides Berlin subway
• Two leading House of Representatives Democrats called on Tuesday for bringing back the military draft. Yeah, that'll bring a lot of young people to the Democratic Party. Is this a suicide thing for the Dems? I have a much simpler solution for the problem they outline. Make President Bush's daughters serve on the front line. Then we'll see if he REALLY thinks war is necessary.
• Scoop: Maxim has photos of  Trista, the "Bachelorette" -- show debuts Wed (tomorrow) so it's topical…all  shows were pre-taped from Oct to Nov -- check interview where she admits she screws at least one of the contestants . "It's considered cool for a guy to date 25 girls, but for a girl it's something else. But I don't care. I just want to make sure the guy I end up with is the guy I should end up with. And if that means getting intimate with him behind closed doors, I will."
• Gary Glitter has been deported from Cambodia. Pat Reeder's comment: "This is what Dracula would look like after he sucked blood from Siegfried and Roy. "
• Michael Moore throws bizarre tantrum on London stage
• A guide to sequels. I'm really looking forward to "Trey Bigalow" and "Seriously, Dude, Where's My Car"
• The proper technique to take a crap at work
• What if Lord of the Rings had been written by somebody else? Pretty funny, and clever.
• Dirty Harry says it's OK that his daughter is posing for Playboy
• From Page 6: "tennis temptress Anna Kournikova is sporting a new tattoo just above the crack of her delightful derriere, a spot favored by ink-loving ecdysiasts. But Kournikova isn't ready to show off her tantalizing tattoo just yet. While practicing for a doubles match in Sydney, Australia, the ravishing Russian sported tape over her tattoo, which insiders say is a sun design." Here's a picture of her with the tape over her tat
• Mr Blackwell introduces his annual worst-dressed list - Anna Nicole rules. She would be pretty close to #1 in the worst undressed as well
• A Chilean university has caused controversy by featuring a naked woman in a TV ad to attract students.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human (1999) -- Based on the title, I expected a third rate soft core, but found a serious romantic comedy, made on a low budget, but with an interesting premise. It is a first film from writer/director Jeff Abugov, and shows some real promise. A book entitled The Naked Ape by Desmond Morris was published in the 60's, which analyzed man as someone would analyze an animal species based on observation. Although it was a semi-serious work, the premise provided for a fair amount of humor. Although Abugov got his inspiration from The Nature Channel, the premise here is similar.

Take a standard romantic comedy, and add alien narration describing the mating rituals based on observation. The romantic comedy itself is trite, but the narration sometimes works, and works well. One step in the mating ritual is a date at a double feature. The narrator comments that female humans like shadow pictures where one person dies slowly, while male humans like shadow pictures where a lot of people die quickly. When the narration is good, the film works.

Other than that, all you have left is Carmen Electra showing her breasts, or buns in a thong, or pokies, or lots of cleavage.

IMDB readers have this at 6.4 of 10, which may be a little generous. The few critics who have reviewed it were not kind, but Apollo readers have it at 80%. The DVD has both wide screen and 4/3 versions, and a commentary from Abugov. Given that I was expecting a grade B soft core, this was a pleasant surprise. It is not the best comedy I have seen, but it was mostly watchable. C-.

 

• Thumbnails (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Carmen Electra ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 )

Diane Lane in Unfaithful. Chosen among the top five nude appearances in 2002

Dark (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 )

Cochran (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 )

Maribel Verdu in Amantes

Amy Dolenz - The Stepmonster

Dana Delany and Stephane Niznik in Exit to Eden

Elizabeth Cavalotti in Guardami. (1, 2) She's not a porn actress, but she plays one in the movie, and the Italians have realism down to a science.

Cristina Camara in Tantacao (1, 2, 3, 4)

Heather Graham in Killing Me Softly - voted by you the #1 nude scene of 2002 (pretty impressive, since the movie never played in the USA except now on TMC, which is where these came from) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Emma Thompson in The Tall Guy (1, 2)

Margot Kidder in Quackser Fortune has a Cousin in the Bronx

*  At this rate, whoever she marries when she's 80, she'll actually stay with until she dies!

*  The wedding will be traditional, as in "an annual tradition."