Wednesday

Written by Scoopy today

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Johnny Web

Unknowns in Gangland. (I wrote a pretty funny review of this awful, awful film - found below) (1, 2)

The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Tuna

"Warm Blooded Killers" (1999)

Warm Blooded Killers (1999) is a dark comedy about a brother and sister who work as hit men. He is engaged to a stripper, collects baseball cars, and  thinks of every woman in his family as a virgin. She dated a porno film maker, who secretly taped her, then sold it to satellite TV. Brother (Mick Murray) kills the creep, only to find out that he was godson to his boss.  Sister Constance Zimmer runs into person after person who recognizes her  from the broadcast. When their boss gives them another contract on the person he thinks killed his Godson, the conflict is set. The film was shot  in 13 days with a crew of 50, and was filmed in the LA area on what must have been a very low budget.

The plot was a little contrived, and not especially eventful, but I enjoyed this film very much. The reasons were good characterization from all the players, and very clever dialogue in places. I found myself caring about the characters, and even got some belly laughs. For example, The bride to be,  Doria Valenzuela, wrote her own wedding vows, which she read to the priest at the pre wedding meeting. She essentially said, even though I have had sex with hundreds of men, and thousands have seen my naked body, it is only you I am thinking of. Mick Murray tells someone who is trying to sell him a counterfeit baseball card that he has make a career choice to be a bad guy, and would really like to know the truth about the card. The film has played in a few festivals, and is now on DVD. For a B comedy, it has a lot of
entertainment value, and breasts from Valenzuela stripping. It is well worth the cost of a rental. C+.

• Thumbnails
• Doria Valenzuela ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

"Queer as Folk" (US Version)

Queer as Folk (2000) - Disk 3 of 7 finally provides some good female exposure as the two lesbians, or, as the men call them, "the munchers," get naked and nasty. We have full frontal of Michelle Clunie, breast exposure  from both her and Thea Gill, mostly in a hot lesbian sex scene with Clunie licking and sucking on and around the nipples, and another shot of Gill nursing the baby. Unfortunately, the nude scenes are darkly lit, and some color noise is exposed in the lightening process, but the images are still not bad.

Tomorrow, episode summaries from the first half of the season, and disk 4.

• Thumbnails ( 1, 2, 3, 4)
• Michelle Clunie ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
• Thea Gill ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

Blackshine

And his review of the non-nude fashion magazines

Hankster

Nic Nac

• Carrick Glenn
• Carolyn Houlihan (1, 2)

Graphic Response

• Helen Hunt
• Farrah
• Janine Turner

SkyCaps

I've never seen Skycaps work before, but he did a good job on "There's Something about Mary" (1, 2, 3)

Mr Skin

Ilona Staller, aka the distinguished Italian Parliamantarian "Cicciolina", showing off her very young flesh in "L'Ingenua"  (1, 2, 3, 4).

Sybil Danning in an old episode of The Hitchhiker

Paparazzi pics of Dimintra Liani (1, 2, 3, 4), wife of the Greek president

Variety

Xenia Seeberg in Lexx

Polly Walker in "8 1/2 Women"

Notes from the Comedy Wire, and other comments by Pat Reeder. News stories in white. Pat's comments in yellow.

Yank It! Yank It! - Monday, red-faced CNN executives yanked a promo for anchorwoman Paula Zahn, after receiving widespread ridicule.  In it, the narrator says, "Where can you find a morning news anchor who's provocative, super-smart, and oh, yeah, just a little sexy?"  The sound of a zipper is heard, then a photo of Zahn appears.  CNN called it a "major blunder" and said it was created by a woman in the promo department.  Critics said it's unlikely they would have done such a promo for a male anchor.

*  But Bryant Gumbel's now demanding one.

*  It WAS a major blunder: it was supposed to end with a nude photo of Andrea Thompson.

Oh, Cable Man! Come Plug Me In! - MTV and Showtime are discussing launching a gay cable TV channel.  The programming might include gay dramas such as "Queer As Folk," gay talk shows and news, gay dating game shows and gay music videos.

*  Isn't that what VH1 is for?

Christina Aguilera says she does not feature in a sexually explicit video posted on the internet. She says the video posted on pornographic websites is a hoax. Aguilera's lawyers are threatening to take legal action against sites hosting the video footage. Her representatives have issued a statement on her official website, www.christina-a.com.

It says: "It has recently come to our attention that certain pornographic websites are posting sexually explicit photographs and video footage on the internet fraudulently representing that it is Christina.  The video clips advertised on the websites are of a woman with blonde hair shown only from the back - the person in the video is not Christina. In addition, the person who claims to have taken the video is not, and has never been, associated with Christina or her management. Christina's legal representatives have contacted the website hosts, and
Christina plans to vigorously pursue all necessary action against the individuals responsible, including, if necessary, initiating criminal
proceedings. We regret that there are individuals who engage in such fraud with no regard for the injury to Christina's feelings or reputation."

It appears that no celebrity in a sex video is actually that celebrity. Makes you wonder who that couple in the Pam and Tommy video really are. From the NY Post, Page Six:

THE story that a video has surfaced of Mick Jagger "shagging" a female fan is a hoax. The Rolling Stone's lawyers issued a statement yesterday saying: "It has come to our attention from certain newspapers in the U.K. that a Harry Lime Esq. of Harry Lime Management is attempting to sell photos and possibly video footage which purports to be of our client for substantial sums of money. We can categorically state that the person shown in this material is not Mick Jagger." Harry Lime was the name of the black marketeer played by Orson Welles in "The Third Man."

Sounds like FHM has hired one of your digital wizards.   From NY Post, Page Six:

WHEN the folks at FHM magazine decide their covergirl isn't clad scantilly enough, they undress her with computer magic. Nelly Furtado was shocked when she saw the cover of the U.K. version of the lad mag and discovered half her shirt missing and her belly exposed. "There I am with a shirt that has been digitally altered," the Canadian pop star told Britain's Radio One, "with a stomach I don't recognize. I don't like being misrepresented to my fans."

A couple of items from IMDB News that you might find titillating.

Kim Cattrall: 'I Have Better Sex Than My TV Character'

 Sex And The City star Kim Cattrall has one main difference from her character in the hit show - she has better sex in real life. Cattrall plays sex-mad PR rep Samantha Jones in the Home Box Office (HBO) comedy. But Kim - who is soon to appear as Britney Spears' mom in the singer's movie debut Crossroads - insists she has a better sex life than Samantha, and is even prepared to employ sex aids to improve her bedroom antics with husband Mark Levinson. Kim explains, "I'm often asked, 'How is Samantha different to you?' And the answer is very simple - basically I have a much better sex life." And when asked if she has ever used the drug Viagra, Kim responds enthusiastically - "Oh yes! Yes! It's fantastic! It does exactly the same thing for the clitoris as the penis. I mean, our erection is not as big or anything, but I think some women don't realize how powerful the clitoris is."

Swank Laughs Off Sexuality Reports

Oscar-winner Hilary Swank has laughed off reports she starred in a period drama to get rid of her masculine image. The stunning brunette won an Academy Award for her portrayal of transsexual Brandon Teena in Boys Don't Cry, and has since been hindered by constant media references to her sexuality. Hilary says, "I am a girl. Look at these five-inch heels. I love clothes and make-up. I didn't choose to do The Affair Of The Necklace because I wanted to prove I was a girl. I did it because I loved the story and the idea that something that happened then could happen now."