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The Last Woman (1976)
I have not seen this film. You can get additional information about
it from the ICMS section below. It's certainly one of a kind. Not much
in the world of film surprises me, but I was surprised at my first
look at the uncensored version of this film (ICMS, clip 10), in which
Depardieu is running around sportin' wood on camera. Well, we can
all do without that, but Ornella Muti did her share of nudity as
well. These are caps made from the ICMS film clips.
Other Crap:
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Postal Service Marks Rate Hike with R. Kelly Stamp
Reality show update
- "By dating 25 women at one time, Dr. Travis Stork
probably won't win many fans among feminists. Perhaps,
though, he'll help dispel the reality-TV stereotype that
all Southerners are ignorant, dim-witted, beer-swilling
buffoons."
- Obviously not true. Many of us are ignorant,
dim-witted MOONSHINE-swilling buffoons. We call them
"aristocrats."
"PAT ROBERTSON: SATAN CAUSED CHENEY'S SHORTNESS OF BREATH
...Devil Laid Veep Low, Evangelist Says"
- “Vice President Cheney is dedicated to defeating the
evildoers in Iraq, and that angered the evilest doer of
all, Satan”
The Daily Show:
Pierce Brosnan looks like a Civil War gent and talks about
walking around in a bikini.
The Daily Show's "Jason Jones spends some time with of a
group of spearchuckers who just want to kill things."
The 2006 predictions of The Amazing Kreskin
- "There will be a fad of practical jokes in which ice
cubes will play a role whether they are dropped down
people's backs, placed in packets, or what have you."
Ten architectural wonders of the new China
The Chocolate Clone-A-Willy lets you make an exact milk
chocolate copy of your penis
- The perfect Valentine's Day gift - well, I mean as a
gift for people already familiar with your real penis,
and within that group probably not for your mom or your
gym teacher.
"Broadway has a new long-run champion: 'The Phantom of the
Opera.'"
- I can see why it passed "Cats." Although I struggled
with wakefulness, I did stay awake throughout Phantom of
the Opera. I was sawing logs during Cats
Hilary Swank and Husband Chad Lowe Split
- The reason for the dissolution is that, while Lowe
is 7 years older than Swank, he looks 7 years younger -
ample grounds under Hollywood laws
A Brit-Tv classic:
Blackadder meets William Shakespeare (Colin Firth
plays Shakespeare)
Matthew Broderick, Nathan Lane Get Their Stars
The film awards that REALLY matter - the ones for "adult"
films
- My favorite winner: Best Specialty Release, Big Bust
Genre - "Faster Pussycat! Fuck! Fuck!" (Russ Meyer would
so proud.)
U.S. Olympic women's hockey team loses a squeaker - to a
high school team
"Vengeful mouse sets house ablaze"
Some interesting ideas:
Google Hacks
'Lost' star Naveen Andrews admits fathering child while
separated briefly from his longtime girlfriend.
- I know it doesn't sound like our kind of story. The
twist which makes the story interesting is that his
longtime girlfriend is actress Barbara Hershey, who is
57. He's 35.
- If memory serves, they worked together on her last
nude scenes in Drowning on Dry Land
WTF??
Brooke Burke Hanging With The Burger King
Detroit Auto Show 2006 Coverage
Some stills from Guillermo del Toro's new film, Pan's
Labyrinth.
- Del Toro (Hellboy, Blade II) wrote and directed.
- Pan´s Labyrinth is the story of a young girl that
travels with her mother and adoptive father to a rural
area up North in Spain, 1944. After Franco´s victory.
The girl lives in an imaginary world of her own creation
and faces the real world with much chagrin. Post-war
Fascist repression is at its height in rural Spain and
the girl must come to terms with that through a fable of
her own.
Howard pays it back."The
day before Stern's Sirius debut ... subscription telephone
activation was delayed nine hours due to caller volume."
Illustration from withdrawn Yellow Pages ad reveals risque
image when a portion of it is viewed upside-down.
- It would have been tragic if this had gone
unnoticed. Thank God the guardians of our morality have
time to read the Yellow Pages upside down.
Sunday's New York Film Critics Circle kicked off movie
awards season
- Best picture and director: Brokeback Mountain
- Actor and actress: Ledger and Witherspoon
Macaulay Culkin writes a scary family saga centering on a
troubled child star
- I don't know how close it is to his real life, but
it sounds depressing if it is true.
- I think Mac gave possibly the best performance I
have ever seen from a child when he was just a tiny tyke
- in Jacob's Ladder
The trailer from Clerks 2
There are some dumb legislators out there, but I think
we may have found the dumbest ever!
"A state senator wants to force Missouri stores to sell
warm beer"
- "He said the idea came from a fifth-grade student in
Jefferson County who was participating in a program to
teach elementary students about state government."
- That's what we need - more policies written by fifth
graders! (Well, at least President Bush could understand
them!)
- Case after case has shown that such a proposal would
not reduce alcohol sales and in fact, would probably
increase the DWI incidents! I suppose that's the kind of
results you can expect when fifth graders write the
laws.
Facts here.
Teddi Bruschi wins comeback player of the year. And how
did Bruschi do it you may ask?
Here's a funny audio file with an explanation
MovieJuice! takes a jaundiced look at Hostel
- "wherever you find genocide and human misery, a
throng of American college students looking to get laid
can't be far behind."
- "The women in Hostel come in three flavors. Variety
A: Is putting her clothes on. Variety B: Is taking her
clothes off. Variety C: Revels in the absence of clothes
and wouldn't think of interrupting her busy day to
bother with them."
- "This movie is said to be inspired by a true story,
specifically the story of how writer/director Eli Roth
needs to eat and how Lions Gate needs to solidify its
reputation as the premier provider of genre films that
are best enjoyed after a big-ass blunt."
Notes on the word "faire" (the link is irrelevant)
- As you may know, there was no standardized English
spelling during the English Renaissance.
- The OED lists four instances in the 15th through
17th centuries of "fair" being used as a noun meaning "a
gathering for trade and entertainment."
- The four citations used four different spellings:
faire, fayre, faier, fare. The only use of "faire" was
in a biblical translation.
- The three pre-Renaissance citations are spelled:
feyre, feire, and faire
- Dr Johnson published his dictionary in 1755. All of
the post-Johnson references are spelled "fair."
- In other words, "faire" is not "the way it was
spelled then." There was no "way it was spelled then,"
and virtually every conceivable spelling variation was
used at one time or another during and before the
English Renaissance. It is, rather, a contrived
marketing term used to stamp a place or event with a
cachet of quaint old-world charm, ala "ye olde shoppe."
Tom Green wanders into Weird Al territory with an obscene
rap parody.
Bloodrayne, as reviewed by that master of subtlety, The
Filthy Critic
- Bloodrayne sucks goat tits. It sucks shit and smelly
ass. It sucks the husks off corn, the foreskin off
dicks, the shit off the submissive in a Dirty Sanchez.
It sucks harder and more sloppily than a Bennigan's
waitress on her lunch break, but costs slightly less. It
is, however, better than Alone in the Dark (the
director's previous movie - ed.). That's not to say it's
good, it's just that it's like getting a staph infection
below the knee instead of the entire leg.
- For the actors, appearing in a Uwe Boll is a
declaration that they act for money and have costly
addictions that must be fed.
- Costumes have a vague sense of old timeyness, as
though the costume designer pillaged the rennaissance
faire at the "special" school. The girls wear
midriff-baring bustiers and hotpants similar to those
Randy "Macho Man" Savage wore in the 80s and also, I
guess, waifs of ancient time liked on a cold wintery
night.
- There are more fights in Bloodrayne than at nickel
beer night in Comiskey Park.
- We get to see Lokken's tits a bunch, and they are
very nice. In the middle of the movie there is some sort
of vampire orgy with fake blood and lots of writhing.
Watch in the background of this scene to see actors who
are clearly as uncomfortable with this horrid attempt at
eroticism as I was. Meatloaf rubs blood on one lady's
nipple, and others lounge around half-naked dripping
endlessly like snot from a hooker on an endless coke
bender.
Frvade - The hardest enigma on the internet
- 393298 people have tried to solve this puzzle, 0
have succeeded.
I've always felt the British to be a sensible people,
and now I'm sure of it:
British laws allow eviction for playing Britney Spears
music.
10 Questions for Dave Barry
"BLOODRAYNE's $1.2 MILLION WEEKEND BOX OFFICE ESTIMATE OFF
BY $1,199,991.75"
- "Executives at some other studios complained that
“Bloodrayne” shouldn’t get credit for its $8.25, as it
was paid by a 19 year-old college student in San Diego
who bought the ticket in order to get into a sold out
showing of Hostel."
The first six minutes from Running Scared
- Paul Walker ("The Fast and the Furious") stars in
the fast-paced crime drama "Running Scared" from
critically acclaimed director Wayne Kramer ("The
Cooler"). Walker plays a low-level mobster who, in order
to save his family, must recover a gun used in a mob hit
before it's found by his bosses or the cops.
Howard Stern Makes Debut on Satellite
- "Howard Stern began his new satellite radio show on
Monday by putting to rest rumors that he got married to
his longtime girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky in a
comment complete with a federally banned expletive."
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Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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American Pie 4: Band Camp (2005)
Band Camp (2005) is a straight-to-video teen comedy adapted to the
American Pie franchise. It obviously began life as a summer camp film,
with the usual script pitting rich kids vs poor kids in a milieu of
sexy counselors. Then it occurred to them to make it band camp, use
Stifler's little brother as one of the "poor kids," and they even got
Eugene Levy into the cast as the camp disciplinarian, and a cameo from
the Sherminator as the school's guidance counselor.
Plot element one. The Stifler character pulls of a joke on the
band, and is sentenced to band camp as punishment. He hits on the idea
of filming the "bandies" getting naked and crazy, and selling the
results.
Plot element two. There is a contest between the rich and poor
kids. The winner of the camp competition gets a scholarship to a music
academy. (One of the qualifying events is soap suds volleyball, an
event closely correlated to musical genius.) From there, the film
dissolves into a romantic comedy and a pecker contest between Stifler
and the head snob of the rich school.
Band Camp was the American Pie episode I have been waiting for, but
it should have been a prequel, should have included the original cast,
and should have been much sexier. The flute line from the original
made a far bigger impression on me than the much touted pie scene. The
pie scene took too long to set up, robbing some of the humor, but the
"One time at band camp, I shoved my flute in my pussy" line came out
of nowhere. This film should have been bandies getting off. Further,
they should have researched what a band camp is really like, rather
than do a quickie paint job on a summer camp drawing. I can't even
imagine soap suds volleyball and paddle boat racing at a normal summer
camp, much less a band camp. Other than the reliable blow to the
testicles, and an amorous adventure with an oboe, the humor is built
on bodily secretions and excretions.
The did manage a few boobs, including Ginger Lynn Allen as the camp
nurse, Angela Little, Rachel Veltri (who also has brief frontal), and
some unknowns.
IMDb readers have this at 4.9. Honestly, it is watchable once, and
produced a few laughs for me, but does not deserve to have the
American Pie pedigree. This is a C-, as a marginally acceptable teen
comedy.
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Angela Little |
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Rachel Veltri |
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Ginger Lynn Allen |
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Unknowns |
     
     
     
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Ornella Muti is often completely naked in these ten clips, but unfortunately
so is Depardieu. Clips 1 to 9 come from Italian TV which aired a somewhat
censored version. Clip 10 comes from a less censored or uncensored version on
French TV and shows more of Ornella and every inch of Gérard. Yes, men, as
you'll see, every inch. (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10) |
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Some great looking gals today. Angela Lindvall
is a fashion model and Victoria Beckham used to
sing, or so I have heard. Nell McAndrew is famous
for getting and staying nekkid and apparently for nothing else. Same sorta
deal with Orlaith McAllister, only she first got
her kit off while on Big Brother 5, UK version. Last up is
Evangelina Paterno who I gather is a television
showgirl somewhere in the world.
Scoop's note: I have seen Luck Clarkson and Nell McAndrew naked more times
than I have seen the women I have had sex with, yet I still have no idea who
they are or why they are famous, except for an extreme level of willingness to
get naked and body parts which look excellent when said nakedness occurs.
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Angela Lindvall |
Posh |
Nell McAndrew |
Orlaith McAllister |
Evangelina Paterno |
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Dann reports on Her Name is Carla Strange and different, but also
plodding, this psychological thriller from 2005 offers a constantly
changing plot where things are never quite what they seem.
Married couple Carla and Bill are staying at their waterfront home
located in a beautiful seaside resort town. In what appears to be an
accidental meeting, Carla runs into Molly and Jack, who claim to be a
married couple in town for the day to attend a meeting. When the meeting
is postponed and Molly in unable to find a room for the night, Carla
invites the pair to stay with them overnight.
As the four interact, things become strained as sexual tension flares
between Carla and Jack, and Molly and Bill. Even stranger, Bill finds he
keeps getting different answers from the pair about the same questions.
Also mysterious is a daughter the couple keep mentioning, named Carla.
Eventually, Bill asks the pair to leave. They agree, but keep finding
excuses not to. As the movie progresses, it eventually becomes obvious
that neither Molly nor Jack are what they seem, and they have no intention
of leaving.
This movie takes a long time getting to the point. Depending on your
tastes, that is either a good thing or a bad thing. Once it does, the
ending is twisty and interesting. I confess to being bored through most of
the film, but the ending saved it somewhat. I'd say if you like intricate
and detailed thrillers with slow pacing, you might enjoy it. If not,
you'll definitely be mostly bored.
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| Mina Badie |
Julianne Nicholson |
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Italian, French and German stuff from me this time.
She Beast (a.k.a. La Sorella di Satana),1966, is an old-looking horror film,
more funny than scary for a viewer today. The plot involves Dracula, Van Helsing,
an ancient Witch reincarnated, and also Communists(!). It was drected by Michael
Reeves, of "Witchfinder General." The quality of the picture is abysmal. However
Barbara Steele is in there, recommendation enough for me. Her face conveys
untold morbid desires (so they say...and I agree) and has been used to that
effect in various films. Here she's very close to but not actually nude.
     
"2 or 3 things I know about her" (2 ou 3 choses que je sais d'elle), 1967, is
a French film from Godard, so don't expect traditional Hollywood storytelling. I
found it very engaging, but there are others who can't stand Godard and find
that kind of filmmaking pretentious. In the film, people talk a lot, about
prostitution, sex relations, advertisements. The Vietnam war is very prominent
too. Having recently watched De Palma's "Greetings", it's easy to see why that
film has been called "Godardian". Marina Vlady is good-looking ...
... and, according to imdb, the girl in the bath is Helena Bielicic ...
... plus an unknown.
"Keoma" (1976) is a late entry in the spaghetti western genre, starring
Franco Nero and Olga Karlatos.
Just for the curiosity value, this is Leni Riefenstahl from the 1926 b&w
german silent film "Die Weisse Holle vom Piz Palu."
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