Snapdragon (1993) is an erotic thriller staring Steven Bauer as a police psychiatrist, Chelsea Field as his detective main squeeze, and Pamela Anderson as the villain. Field is promoted to a homicide investigation from vice, and is sure she has a serial killer on her hands. She asks Bauer to do a psychiatric profile for her. His best friend, also a shrink, introduces him to an amnesia patient, Pamela Anderson. Bauer becomes obsessed with the murders, and hooked on helping Anderson.

Complete spoilers follow.

The murders are peculiar enough. Men who seemingly have nothing in common are fucked, their throats slit, and a black scarf place over their eyes. A Chinese symbol is found on a mirror in the room, and there are no fingerprints. They suspect an oriental woman, except that they find blonde pubic hair on all of the victims. Long after we know beyond all reasonable doubt that Anderson is the killer, Bauer figures out that she has multiple personality disorder, and is actually the killer. Then, in a flash of screenwriting genius, it is not multiple personality disorder at all, but the dread surprise evil twin. And, still giddy over the clever twist of cliches, Field shoots the wrong twin at the end, and the guilty girl goes free, clearly to leave room for a sequel.

End spoilers

As if all of this weren't enough, Anderson gave the most nearly competent performance in the film. Bauer and Field were especially bad. Anderson does show her robo hooters to good advantage more than once, and buns in a thong. IMDb readers have this in the right neighborhood at 3.5 of 10. Assume that bad acting with a little nudity in the genre is around C- level, then deduct one halff letter each for multiple personality disorder, surprise evil twin and sequel friendly ending, and add half a letter for lack of an evil dwarf, and this is an D-.

Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation. I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage and such!

Other Crap:

• DUSTIN HOFFMAN REVEALS STREISAND'S SEX LIFE.
• Weekly World News: WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN TEA!
• Letterman's "Top Ten Shows on the New Gay Cable Network"
• Could early man only see three colors?
• Desperate Housewife Awarded Worst-Dressed Award:
  • "Nicollette Sheridan, known for short skirts, tight pants and a famously dropped towel in a television ad, was named the worst-dressed woman of 2004 on Tuesday by fashion designer Mr Blackwell. Also on this year's list were teen actress Lindsay Lohan, sisters Jessica and Ashlee Simpson and a potpourri of other celebrities: Courtney Love, Paris Hilton, Serena Williams, Britney Spears, Paula Abdul, Meryl Streep and Anna Nicole Smith."
  • Paula Abdul is still alive? I wonder what their definition of a "celebrity" is?
• A pile of new pics from Be Cool, the sequel to Get Shorty
• Broadcast Film Critics Association names 'Sideways' best picture.
• MODEL PETRA NEMCOVA - WILL SHE LOSE HER LEG?
• Matthew McConaughey teaching Penelope Cruz to play the bongos.
• Apple to make $499 Mac, holiday iPod sales hit 4.5 million
• Hugh Jackman to Produce X3 & Wolverine, also wants to sing and dance more. We can only hope those are two separate stories.
• You have to love this headline: QUEERLY BELOVED: Hollywood lesbians in legal smackdown? Sounds like a good PPV for Vince McMahon.
• Screen Actors' Guild rewards Jamie with three nominations.
• Garden gnomes die screaming with sharp things in their heads!
• Jon Stewart says, "After the first Palestinian election in twelve years, it's all over but the shouting."
• The trailer and two clips from Assault on Precinct 13. (Police action drama with Morpheus and Ethan Hawke)
• The trailer for Rory O'Shea Was Here: "The winner of the Audience Award at the 2004 Edinburgh International Film Festival, 'Rory O'Shea Was Here' is an extraordinary story of determination that fuses highly emotional drama with bracingly boisterous humor. Inspired by the experiences of real people, the film follows two young men with physical disabilities as they band together and seize an opportunity to savor life on their own terms."
• The show tunes of the Nazis. "The disturbing collage of Third Reich musicals, newsreels, home movies, cartoons and commercials, including rare segments in color, shows how the Nazis relied on escapist entertainment to promote their murderous ideology and bolster the veneer of normalcy during the nightmare of Adolf Hitler's reign."
• Tsunami - receding waters - click for before/after switcheroo
• STUFF MAGAZINE - complete cover archive
• I don't know if this is totally legit, but here's the link if you are daring. "completely free subscription to Stuff Magazine
  without commitments of any kind".
• Reforming Social Security: President's Confidential Memo to Party Foot Soldiers Explaining New Policy of "Zero Tolerance for Geriatric Decrepitude" - WHITEHOUSE.ORG
• Bush issues an 'open invitation' to Abbas to visit the White House, because Dancing Queen is his favorite song.
• $28,000 Cheese Sandwich Mistakenly Eaten at Party. The owner was checking the feces of the person who ate it "just in case the image happens to appear again."
• Magic Manning near-unanimous MVP choice. (47 out of 48 votes, with Vick getting the other)
• Second Wave of Horror Hits Southeast Asia as Hollywood Stars Arrive
• "if i knew that being tiffany teen would forever fuck up any hope for me to live a private life i would have never done it."
• Jackie Stallone joins celebrity big brother. (Fellow contestant Brigitte Nielsen used to be her daughter in law)
• Party photos from the Vegas Porn Convention
• Mud wrestling with Queen Kong. Her home page also has a lot of GLOW nostalgia, if you're into that.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

As Bodas de Deus (1999)

• Azevedo 1 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Azevedo 2 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Azevedo 3 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Azevedo 4 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Durao (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Velazquez (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!

• Professional party girl Tara Reid wearing a bikini and knocking back some beer at the beach.

• Jennifer Love Hewitt also in a bikini. (1, 2)

Erotic Tales is a series of short films (about 30 min long) about erotic fantasies. You've probably come across some of these through your travels, but most likely you haven't, and every once in a while, the local multicultural channel runs some (to which it is currently doing so).

Some of them are OK, but most are flat out stupid. What you'd pretty much expect from arty directors. But at least they have nudity.

I have featured 5 here and will probably do more in the future (there's one that features Jason Lee's hot wife Beth Riesgraf called The Summer of My Deflowering that I'm hoping to do soon). Some are in Digital TV quality, and some a just old analog cappings.

• Renata Dancewicz in bares all 3 B's in "Devilish Education". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

• Theresa Russell also bares all 3 B's. Scenes from "Hotel Paradise". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

• Hetty Baynes shows a bit of nipple while wearing lingerie and playing with a vibrator in scenes from "The Insatiable Mrs. Kirsch" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Gosia Dobrowolska topless and showing a little rear nudity in "Touch Me" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Claudia Karvan, the Aussie actress topless and showing brief views of the other 2 B's in more scenes from "Touch Me". Look for her on the Big Screen this May in "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

• Cynda Williams partial breast and bum views (obscured by suds) in scenes from "Wet" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Julie Strain
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

CATTRALL: YOUNG MEN AND NAKED DANCING
And Older Women Are More Grateful - Recently-divorced "Sex & The City" vixen Kim Cattrall says she's decided to emulate her character and sleep around. She said, "In my 20s and 30s, I was a serial monogamist," but now that she's 48, "I'm going to swing." She's dating a chef 21 years her junior because, she said, "Sex is about opening yourself to someone else. Younger men are less frightening and less tentative."