Anna Sondall, Tammie Bergholdt, Kari Alison Hodge and Jenney McAfee
 in Get Close (2017) in 1080hd

Roberta Hilarius Reichhardt in Nar Vi Ses Igen (2017) in 720p

Toni Collette in Madame (2017) in 720p

Macarena Gomez in Holmes & Watson: Madrid Days (2012) in 1080hd

Elizabeth Hurley in Kill Cruise (1990)

Ah, yes, the kill cruise. It's a pretty popular themed cruise now on Norwegian Cruise Lines. I think the celebrity cruise is still number one, then the sports cruise, then the kill cruise. You see, one of your fellow passengers is a serial killer, and you have to find the right one before everyone on the ship is dead.

The cruise line likes the business, but they don't get that many repeat customers.

"Death, exciting and new. Come on board, we're expecting you. Welcome aboard, it's death ... death .... death ...."

I'm just fuckin witcha. All of that has nothing to do with this movie, which is also called The Storm and Der Skipper. Patsy Kensit and Liz Hurley play two working class English floozies drifting around in Gibraltar, making a subsistence living with a cheesy nightclub act. They want to go to the West Indies, and they end up falling in with a drunken German sailor who owns his own yacht. The crusty old Teutonic sea salt has been unable to sail since a trip which caused some people to die with him at the helm, but Patsy and Liz have no problem persuading him to take them to Barbados.

And the last 80 minutes of the film is simply the three of them on the ship. Pretty much nothing happens for about 78 of those 80 minutes. There is a bit of misdirection. We see his the captain's needles and wonder if he is a junkie. It turns out he is simply a diabetic. We think Patsy is crazy with jealousy, and may be psychotic. It turns out that she's just afraid of being left alone when the Cap'n predictably falls head over heels for Elizabeth Hurley. Hurley seems to be simply an innocent caught between these two monsters.

SPOILER

The last two minutes present an absolutely silly resolution to the situation. Completely out of left field, unexpectedly and for no reason, Hurley kills the captain, then smothers Kensit with a pillow when she protests.

Then we see a word caption that says, "The boat drifted into port three weeks later. It was deserted."

The frigging end.

END SPOILER

The sailor is played by Jurgen Prochnow. He's obviously had the ocean-going experience. Remember him in Das Boot? Hurley does a surprisingly good job in this film. She's much looser and more animated than usual, and performs with a reasonably consistent working class accent. Unfortunately her nudity isn't even visible without freeze-frame, and the DVD is so weak that it isn't even that visible with freeze-frame.