Thursday

Tuna
"Death Wish II"

Death Wish II (1982) follows the sequel rules:
1) Up the body count
2) Up the nudity
3) Reprise the most interesting characters.

This time, Kersey (Bronson) is living in LA. His daughter is still institutionalized but showing signs of recovering from her rape and the murder of her mother. Kersey, his daughter (Robin Sherwood), and Kersey's girl friend, Jill Ireland are enjoying a day together, and some hoods on Olivera Street steal Kersey's wallet. He chases one of them, and beats him up. Armed with the wallet, they go to his house, brutally gang rape the housekeeper, Silvana Gallardo, and wait for Kersey to return. When he does, they kidnap the daughter, knock Kersey out, and bludgeon Gallardo to death with a pry bar.

They rape Kersey's daughter at their hideout, and she lies there motionless. As soon as the rapist crawls off, she runs, jumps through a glass window, and impales herself on a wrought iron fence. When Kersey hears the news, he tells the cops he can't describe the assailants. He remembers that the New York police did nothing, despite good descriptions, and he knows how to meet out justice. He systematically sets out to kill all of the assailants. When the LA police realize they have a vigilante on their hands, they ask New York how they handled their vigilante years before. The New York cops, worried that the fact that they released Kersey would come out, send a detective to find Kersey, see if he is at it again, and stop him.

This is much different than the first film, where Kersey starts eliminating miscreants he sees committing a crime. This time, he is out for revenge against the individuals that killed his daughter. For us to side with Kersey and his cold blooded revenge, they made sure the two rape scenes were long and graphic. Unfortunately, France and Brazil are the only two countries that are allowed to see the uncut version. Versions available in the US have most of the nudity and some of the violence removed. I saw the US version years ago, and was unimpressed. The Brazilian DVD I watched today was a movie worth seeing.

IMDB readers have this at 4.4 of 10. That is probably fair for the R rated version, but the Uncut version is a much better film, as Kersey's actions seem justified. Gallardo shows everything during the long rape scene, Sherwood shows breasts, and possibly pubic hair during the rape, Melody Santangello shows breasts during an attempted rape, and either Karsen Lee or Leslie Graves also shows breasts briefly. This is an acceptable sequel in the unrated version, and the Brazilian DVD sports a very nice 4/3 transfer, and decent sound in the original English. C.

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  • Melody Santangello (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Robin Sherwood (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
  • Silvana Gallardo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Unknown

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Movies:

    This is the best frame I have seen from The Good Girl. In fact, I've been through that DVD looking for a frame like this that I could make this big, and couldn't find one.

    It's not a fake. I found the same frame - right here - but I couldn't get it to look good with that much size and that much saturation, so props to the job "dmac" did in assembling it for our eyes.

     

    Updates:

    • new volumes for: Rochelle Swanson, Julie K Smith, Brinke Stevens

     

    Other crap:

     

    Mailbox:

    Hi Scoop/Junior,

    My pc is still in the shop (actually I'm the "shop" and I haven't finished).  Last night, while watching "Hidden Hills" on NBC, I noticed that Paula Marshall (http://us.imdb.com/Name?Marshall,%20Paula) had a scene where she pulls up her shirt and shows her tits at a Def Leppard concert. Using my TiVo, I see she really DID show her breasts. Since my PC is in the shop, I can't cap this. Can you post this to the mailbag?  I will save this on my TiVo and cap it later if no one else does.

    Thanks much,  DeafBeer
     


    Scoop- Just a heads up for fans of Kitana Baker, the brunette Miller Lite wrestling babe.  She's in an episode of Playboy's Sexy Girls Next Door entitled, according to the TiVo guide data, "Ring My Bell."  The beginning of the show, though, it seemed to be actually entitled "Sexy Girls Take Over Hollywood."  According to TiVo "Ring My Bell will next be aired on the Playboy channel Friday @ 7am
    ET and 7pm ET.  As they say, though, check your local listings.
     


    Scoop - Stefania Sandrelli is one of those big breasted, nice assed, great looking Italian actresses. In the "Naked Encyclopædia", in the last section, "poses",  frame # 2 is actually taken from her movie "La disubbidienza" ("Disobedience"), an obscure flick by Aldo Largo (1981), I had never heard of, but which, according IMDB, stars Teresa Ann Savoy, of "Caligula" fame, so that it might be interesting. 

    Scoop says: Thanks for the info! I'm sure that the Encyclopedia entries only scratch the surface of her screen career.  She has made movies for 42 years, and was still doing a little bit of nudity as late as 1996, 35 years into her career.


     

    Scoop. Re: bawdy verse. Scotland's national poet, Robert Burns (whose birthday is next week on Jan 25), apart from his own beautiful writings, anthologised bawdy verse back in the late 1700s. The attached song/poem 'The Plenipotentiary' is the king of them all.  In the original published version (yes, it is published - a friend of mine has a copy of the book), the 'naughty' words were omitted with only the first letter of each shown.  The words in red in the poem are my interpretation of what the words should be, but I could be wrong. It would be a mighty tribute to the great bard to publish this on his birthday.

    Scoop says: Why wait until then? Oh, sure, that was your scheme, but the best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley, so we'll take a cup of kindness today, for auld lang syne, so close to the New Year. As for me, I'm not here. My heart's in the Highlands, a chasing' the deer.

    The Plenipotentiary

    Tune : The terrible law or Shawnbuee.  Composed by:  Captain Morris, author of ‘Songs Drinking, Political and Facetious’ (c 1790)

    The Dey of Algiers, when afraid of his ears,

    A messenger sent to our court, sir,

    As he knew in our state, the women had weight,

    He chose one, well hung for the sport, sir.

    He searched the divan till he found out a man

    Whose balls were heavy and hairy.

    And he lately came o’er from the Barbary shore

    As the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    When to England he came, with his prick in a flame,

    He showed it his hostess on landing,

    Who spread its renown thro’ all parts of the town,

    As a pintle past all understanding.

    So much there was said of its snout and its head,

    That they called it the great Janissary;

    Not a lady could sleep till she got a sly peep

    At the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    As he rode in his coach, how the whores did approach,

    And stared, as if stretched on a tenter;

    He drew every eye of the dames that passed by,

    Like the sun to its wonderful centre.

    As he passed through the town not a window was down,

    And the maids hurried out to the area,

    The children cried, ”Look, there’s the man with the cock,

    That’s the great Plenipotentiary.”

     

    When he came to the Court, oh, what giggle and sport,

    Such squinting and squeezing to view him,

    What envy and spleen in the women were seen,

    All happy and pleased to get to him.

    They vowed from their hearts, if men of such parts

    Were found on the coast of Barbary

    ‘Tis a shame not to bring a whole guard for the King,

    Like the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    The dames of intrigue formed their cunts in a league,

    To take him in turns like good folk, sir;

    The young misses’ plan was to catch as catch can,

    And all were resolved on a stroke, sir.

    The cards to invite flew by thousands each night,

    With bribes to the old secretary,

    And the famous Eclipse was not let for more leaps

    Than the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    When his name was announced, how the women all bounced

    And their blood hurried up to their faces;

    He made them all itch, from navel to breech,

    And their bubbies burst out all their laces;

    There was such damned work, to be fucked by the Turk,

    That nothing their passion could vary;

    All the matrons fell sick for the Barbary prick

    Of the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    A Duchess whose Duke made her ready to puke

    With fumbling and fucking all night, sir.

    Being first for the prize, was so pleased with its size

    That she begged for to stroke its big snout, sir.

    ‘My stars!’, cried her Grace, ‘Its head’s like a mace,

    ‘Tis as high as the Corsican Fairy;

    I’ll make up, please the pigs, for dry bobs and frigs,

    With the great Plenipotentiary.’

     

    And now to be bored by this Ottoman Lord

    Came a virgin far gone in the wane, sir,

    She resolved for to try, though her cunt was so dry,

    That she knew it must split like a cane, sir.

    True it was as she spoke, it gave way at each stroke,

    But oh, what a woeful quandary!

    With one terrible thrust her old piss-bladder burst

    On the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    The next to be tried was an Alderman’s bride,

    With a cunt that would swallow a turtle,

    She had horned the dull brows of her worshipful spouse,

    Till they sprouted like Venus’s myrtle.

    Through thick and through thin, bowel deep he dashed in,

    Till her cunt frothed like cream in a dairy,

    And expressed by loud farts she was strained in all parts

    By the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    The next to be kissed, on the Plenipo’s list,

    Was a delicate Maiden of Honour,

    She screamed at the sight of his prick, in a fright,

    Though she’d had the whole palace upon her.

    Oh Lord, she said, what a prick for a maid!

    Do, pray, come look at it, Cary!

    But I will have one drive, if I’m ripped up alive,

    By the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    Two sisters next came, Peg and Molly by name,

    Two ladies of very high breeding,

    Resolved one should try, while the other stood by

    And watch the amusing proceeding.

    Peg swore by the Gods that the Mussulman’s cods

    Were as big as both buttocks of Mary;

    Molly cried with a grunt, he has ruined my cunt

    With his great Plenipotentiary.

     

    The next for his plan was an old haridan

    Who had swallowed huge pricks from each nation,

    With over much use, she had broken the sluice

    ‘Twixt her cunt and its lower relation.

    But he stuck her so full that she roared like a bull,

    Crying out she was bursting and weary,

    So tight was she stuck by this wonderful fuck

    Of the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    The next for a shag came the new Yankee flag

    Though lanky and scraggy in figure,

    She was fond of the quid, for she had been well rid

    From Washington down to the nigger.

    Oh my! Such a size! I guess it’s first prize,

    It’s a wonder, quite Ni-a-gary;

    W-a-l-l, now I’m in luck, so stranger, let’s fuck,

    Bully for the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    All heads were bewitched and longed to be stitched

    Even babies would languish and linger,

    And the boarding-school Miss, as she sat down to piss,

    Drew a Turk on the floor with her finger.

    For fancied delight, they all clubbed for a shite,

    To frig in the school necessary,

    And the teachers from France fucked à la distance

    With the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    Each sluice cunted bawd, who’d been shagged abroad

    Till her premises gaped like a grave, sir,

    Found luck was so thick, she could feel the Turk’s prick,

    Though all others were lost in the cave, sir.

    The nymphs of the stage did his ramrod engage,

    Made him free of their gay seminary;

    And the Italian signors opened all their back doors

    To the great Plenipotentiary.

     

    Then of love’s sweet reward, measured out by the yard,

    The Turk was most blessed of mankind, sir,

    For his powerful dart went right home to the heart,

    Whether stuck in before or behind, sir.

    But no pencil can draw this great-pintled Bashaw,

    Then let each cunt-loving contemporary,

    As cocks of the game, let's drink to the name

    Of the great Plenipotentiary.

     

     


     

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Sandahl Bergman, although she's probably best known as Arnold's woman in "Conan the Barbarian", a few years earlier she gave us one heck of a sexy performance in "All That Jazz" (1979), the semi-autographical-bio-pic from legendary broadway director/choreographer Bob Fosse. These collages feature her long legs and breasts, but do not do the scene justice. The sexy song and dance number has been a favorite scene of mine for years. Too bad it's not available on DVD!

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Demi Moore is not the only babe who gets all nekkid in "Striptease". No siree, she's just the most famous. And in the unrated DVD you get a longer scene of one babe (Barbara Alyn Woods and her pet snake) and two new clothing-removal scenes from Rena Riffel and Dina Spybey. These scenes turn what had been a bitterly disappointing movie with precious little to recommend it except Demi into a bitterly disappointing movie with a little more to recommend it. So I do. Recommend it, that is.

    • Barbara Alyn Woods, toplessness in 1-4, thong view in #5. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Dina Spybey, thong in #1, topless in #2. (1, 2)


    I like Rena Riffel a lot. Remember her from Showgirls (if she'd stripped in Dancing at the Blue Iguana, she woulda had the trifecta of celeb stripper movies). Small and attractive on top, with a killer bum-bum. My kinda gal.

    • Rena Riffel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


    Pandora Peaks actually has quite a speaking part in this movie, and she has little exposure. Well, that's a lie. She exposes a lot, but that's because she can be wearing a shirt, a sweater and a trenchcoat and still show about four acres of cleavage. Only real topless view comes during the credits and, thus, the frames are small. So small that were it just about anyone else you wouldn't be able to see much.

    To make ammends I've also sent along a bunch of other people's scans of Pandora seriously topless and with an occasional gynocam shot.


    Last up for today is Isabelle Huppert in "Bedroom Window". You know, I'm thinking if you write a play, it's a good thing to leave out the words "long day's journey" from the title. Simply brings to mind another, earlier work against which your efforts cannot compete. By the same token, murder mysteries ought to leave out the word "window" from their titles. No windows, of any kind, anywhere in the title. "Cuz if you put a window in, someone like me has to point out just how miserable your movie looks in comparison to that other window movie. With Stewart and Kelly? 'Member? 'Course Princess Grace didn't get nekkid in her movie, whereas Isabelle Huppert, yummy french actress, did in this one. Okay, a real improvement there.

    • Isabelle Huppert. Topless in 1 and 4, rear nudity in 2 and 3. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Blackshine
    Lucy Liu
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Fantastic scans from the German GQ. The "Charlie's Angels" star bares breasts in links 3,4 and 6. She also shows a bit of nipple in link #1, and in link #7 has extremely see-thru breasts and even a little something down below!

    Zora Starr Breasts, bush and lots of cats.

    Natalia Vodianova The ultra-thin model posing topless.

    Variety
    Sorority Babes Toplessness and some pubes from "Sorority House Massacre II".

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    This 1992 sequel to "Sorority House Massacre" has, according to the DVD cover, "cleavage vs. cleavers and the result is delta delta deadly". Yeah, they really said that.

    Definitely, the second of the Massacre Collection has a lot more nudity than the first, and oh yeah, there's not an unimplanted breast in the house.

    More fun than a Barney movie, and less plot than a cartoon.

    Kelly Brook The hot, brunette UK model-turned-actress posing nude, but with arms mostly over the goodies. You'll be able to see her on the big screen next year in "Mission: Impossible 3".

    Carol Connors
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Thora Birch's mom gettin' it on, hardcore style in scenes from the 1972 porn classic, "Deep Throat". Thanks to Señor Skin.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    BREAST IMPLANTS NOT DEDUCTIBLE
    Call It A Cost Of Expansion - After a three-year battle, an appeals court in Sweden ruled that a stripper could not deduct her $3,000 (US) breast implant surgery from her income taxes as a business expense. She may appeal further. Her lawyer said the court was prejudiced against her profession, and they let other performers, such as opera singers and dancers, deduct cosmetic surgery costs that are more private than professional. He said she derives absolutely no pleasure from her enhanced breasts privately, and it's "of 100 percent commercial interest."

  • But then, the government called her husband to the stand...
  • Opera divas need large breasts to act as an echo chamber.
  • The court found it impossible to believe that a woman would get breast implants just so men would spend money on her.
  • She just thinks taxes should be adjusted for inflation.
  • She also claims her ass is starting to sag, so she wants to take depreciation.


    BARBIE TO GIVE ADVICE BY PHONE
    Parental Shill Barbie - Barbie is trying yet another career: telephone advice operator. Monday, Mattel launched the Barbie Call Time program. Parents can go to Barbie.com to pre-arrange calls starting at $1.99 a call. Kids can then phone for a recorded message from Barbie, telling them a bedtime story with their own names worked in, and also nudging them to do their chores, study for a spelling bee, get along with their siblings, or whatever advice parents think they need to hear.

  • $1.99 for a brain washing is cheap! The Raelians charge you much more than that!
  • It's for girls who are just a little too old to believe in Santa.
  • Best of all, it trains your daughter to take advice from strangers on paid phone hotlines.
  • Older boys can try the new Barbie Hot Sex Line.