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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
2009
This film was created by Gawker's first alternate Douchebag of the Decade,
Tucker Max, from his eponymous and phenomenally successful book of
autobiographical stories. You can find several of his stories
here, on his home page.
What is Beer in Hell about? A short summation of Tucker's character tells you
want to expect from the film. The overview is provided by Tucker himself: "My
name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at
inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the
consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than
is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do
contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the
world."
The best seller and this film consist of those adventures. I agree completely
with Max's self-description above. Tucker Max is a smart, lazy, privileged, and
arrogant preppie, a smug frat boy who goes through life acting as kind of an
unpaid insult comedian, gratuitously offending everyone he conceives to be
beneath him, which means virtually everyone. Since this assessment of Mr. Max is
not in dispute, the only item left to discuss is whether his stories are funny,
since watching or reading about such anti-social and mean-spirited adventures
would serve no purpose if they did not amuse. I suppose Max would disagree with
that. He would probably counter that obnoxiousness has its own intrinsic value
which exists independent of humor. But I don't buy that, and I've made obnoxious
behavior a lifelong pursuit, so I suspect that the average person would disagree
even more strongly.
The answer to the original question is that the stories can be funny, but the
humor is only sporadic. Some of Max's quips and insults are absolutely
brilliant, while others just seem nasty. Here's one I like: "I would fuck you so
deep that any man who could pull me out of you would be declared king of
England."
The film script had to attempt to pull Tucker's various picaresque anecdotes
into a single story. In that tale, Tucker's goal in life is to have sex with
every possible kind of legal woman: mute, blind, old, young, small, large ...
whatever. At the start of the movie he's nailing a deaf girl. The next item to be ticked off on his checklist is a "midget." In
order to pursue a tiny stripper of notoriously questionable virtue, he almost
ruins the life of his best friend, who is about to be married. The plot follows
him on a Dwarfquest road trip in which he alienates his friend, then attempts a
reconciliation. Will he succeed in obtaining forgiveness? Is he even sincere
about wanting to?
Who cares?
The key point is that the flick is funny once in a while, but probably not
often enough to merit a couple of hours from your life unless you believe that
obnoxiousness is always fun to watch, irrespective of whether it contains any
wit.
The female nudity is as follows:
The guy who played Tucker Max also showed his butt, if you're scoring at home.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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8 1/2 Women
1999
Part 3
Toni
Collette film clips. Samples below.
Kirina Mano
film clips. Samples below.
Scoop's notes:
I have a love/hate relationship with the movies of the eccentric
auteur, Peter Greenaway.
Although his plotting is almost irrelevant and his concepts are so
eccentric as to defy summarization, I have found some of his movies
charming, quirky, intellectually engaging, and aesthetically brilliant.
- I think Pillow Book is an aesthetic marvel, although I have to admit
the purity of my aesthetic appreciation was rarely polluted by any
comprehension of what the hell was going on.
- I think Drowning by Numbers
is a masterpiece of eccentric art and puzzle construction, smarter and
artier than, but comparable to, TV's "The Prisoner."
- I think A Zed and
Two Noughts is one of the best examples of "moving pictures" as art - a
true moving painting, although is stranger than strange.
- As for Prospero's Books - well, it is unusual and quite a feast for
the senses, although Elya reminded me that it was the most pretentious
thing she's ever seen. And this from a woman who has seen all of
Tarkovsky's movies. I mean - more pretentious than "Nostalghia"? That's
pretty friggin' pretentious. Maybe she has a point, but I also thought
the film was a stunner in a lot of ways.
On the other hand, Greenaway's eccentricities can be irritating and boring and
uncomfortable to watch. The Draughtsman's Contract, one of
the director's most respected films, could be the single
most boring non-Russian movie I've ever seen.
Eight and a Half Women is not that dry, but doesn't have enough of Greenaway's strengths, to offset the fact that it is too deeply
rutted in his personal eccentricity, intellectual aloofness, film theory
and artistic theory. It starts out with the death of a beloved wife,
after which the sole son consoles his stiff banker dad by having sex
with him. So right away you know this ain't gonna be a Touchstone Pic.
Then, together, they assemble a mansion full of concubines to fill up
their grieving lives. A sub-plot about the bank's foreclosing on a
Japanese businessman gives Greenaway an excuse to indulge his
fascination with Japanese art, aesthetic design, and flower arrangement.
Not just Japanese. Italian as well. There are at least two tributes to
Fellini's 8 1/2: in the title, obviously, and in the fact that the
father and son watch that Fellini classic twice.
The movie has some striking visual composition, and a truly excellent
performance from the older man, John Standing. It also has some
interesting discussions about filmmaking, the engineering marvel of the
penis, Kabuki theater and various other subjects that you won't find
discussed in the next Bruce Willis movie. For example, one Japanese
woman wants to become a female impersonator so she can be more feminine
- because the female impersonators in Kabuki are trained in every nuance
of feminity.
I try to support individualistic filmmakers like Greenaway, because I admire solitary and unique geniuses and their
disregard for the copycat formulae of Hollywood. We need such people,
and who else but Greenaway could even conceive of making such a movie as
this? I really wanted to like this movie.
But in the last analysis, I really wanted it to end.
This is, per the IMDb ratings, is tied for the dishonor of being
Greenaway's worst feature length non-documentary:
- (7.44) - The Falls
(1980)
- (7.20) - The Tulse
Luper Suitcases, Part 2: Vaux to the Sea (2004)
- (7.19) - The Cook
the Thief His Wife & Her Lover (1989)
- (7.18) - The
Draughtsman's Contract (1982)
- (7.17) - A Zed & Two
Noughts (1985)
- (6.78) - Drowning by
Numbers (1988)
- (6.74) - The Tulse
Luper Suitcases, Part 3: From Sark to the Finish (2003)
- (6.71) - The Tulse
Luper Suitcases, Part 1: The Moab Story (2003)
- (6.69) - A Life in
Suitcases (2005)
- (6.64) -
Nightwatching (2007)
- (6.58) - The Belly
of an Architect (1987)
- (6.58) - Prospero's
Books (1991)
- (6.49) - The Pillow
Book (1996)
- (6.09) - The Baby of
Mâcon (1993)
- (5.60) - 8 ½ Women
(1999)
- (5.60) - The Death
of a Composer: Rosa, a Horse Drama (1999)
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Halloween II
2009
I was a big fan of Rob Zombie's 2007 "re-visioning" of the 1978 classic
Halloween, so I was eager to see this 2009 sequel, which is actually a
sequel to the 2007 flick and not a remake of the 1981 follow-up. I was
really disappointed. This one is crap. Unlike the 2007 effort which gave
more depth to the Michael Myers character than the original, this thing
looks like a poorly made B-movie hacker flick, and nothing more. Even the
surprise ending in the last few seconds doesn't save it.
The movie starts a few hours after the first one ended. After Michael
Myers wreaks havoc while searching for his long-lost sister Laurie, and
Laurie supposedly kills him during the attempt, she is in the hospital
recovering from her wounds. After her release, she is deeply traumatized
by what has happened, and while she struggles to maintain her sanity,
people once again start to die.
The problem with this one is that there is no clarity of the story as
in the 2007 version, and it really is mostly a big mess. While the
10-second surprise at the end lends a nice twist, it doesn't come close to
saving it. A shame, too, because the potential was there, but this
"re-visioning" is mostly just a nightmare. The caps are from the Blu-ray
version.
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| Danielle Harris |
Sylvia Jefferies |
et alia |
Scoop's note:
Mr Skin recently did some HD vids from this film, so this seems like
a good place to put them:
- Sylvia Jefferies.
This was a nominee for the best nude scene of the year, but did not
make the top twenty. (Perhaps it should have, but the movie sucked so
hard that nobody saw it.)
- Danielle Harris
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