Saturday

Tuna
"Hammer"

Hammer (1972) is an amazing film, and should be required curriculum i every film school. It is a complete encyclopedia of every blacksploitation cliche and every prize fighter cliche neatly packaged into one short exploitation film. Fred Williamson plays B. J. Hammer, the young tough fighter who forgets for a while that he has soul. Elizabeth Harding is the white girl who likes black meat. Vonetta McGee is the classy black woman who wises up to her sleazy bosses criminal activities, and falls for Hammer. She also doubles as the kidnap victim used to pressure Hammer into throwing the big fight. Hammer's first girlfriend and sometimes hooker is played by Nawana Davis, and the part of the unknown stripper is played by Tracy King.

Harding does a lovely full frontal, Davis and King show breasts, and McGee's character shows a breast, and buns through a shower curtain. I am guessing that the body parts are actually her. I would imagine there would have been more and clearer exposure had a double been used.

IMDB readers have this at 4.3 of 10. Williamson is fine in the role, and made several Hammer blacksploitation films. The problem with the film is that it gives us absolutely nothing new, and even the "hip" dialogue is hopelessly dated. Low C-.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Elizabeth Harding (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Nawana Davis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Tracy King (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Vonetta McGee (1, 2, 3)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Cabin Fever (2002):

    This is the third time I've been through this hokey but sometimes entertaining splatterfest. Comments here.

    The commercial DVD is now available. Kind of a disappointing DVD, from my perspective. No deleted scenes, no outtakes. Very brief "making of", and some other jokey minor features. They put all their energy into commentary tracks, of which there are FIVE. I didn't listen to any of them. Who the hell would listen to five commentary tracks?

    • Cerina Vincent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

     

    Movies from Shiloh:

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.
    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made .wmv versions of each video -  I do know the codecs for these - Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

     

    Today's roster of classics:

    • Another clip of Cybill Shepherd in The Last Picture Show  (.mpg version, .wmv version)

    • Catherine Zeta-Jones in 1001 Nights  (.wmv version -clip one: dancing in a thong with no sound, .wmv version - clip two: parachuting topless with no sound, .avi version - both clips with sound)

    • Sean Young in Love Crimes - full frontal and rear nudity.  (.avi version, .wmv version)

    • Kristin Scott-Thomas in -Le Bal du Governeur - full rear and frontal nudity, but the frontal is brief  (.avi version, .wmv version)

    Today's roster of new stuff:

     

    MAILBOX: (more on movies for Mac owners)

    Hi Scoopy,

    I just thought you'd like to know that every AVI video you have posted recently is viewable on the Mac, but since I know a lot of people have trouble I thought I'd send along some tips.

    1) Use Max OS X. Jaguar (10.2) is fine, but Panther (10.3) is better. Actually, 10.1 will probably work too, but come on and upgrade already!

    2) Use the free VLC media player (the Mac VideoLAN client). It plays darned near anything you throw at it, except Real Video (use RealPlayer for these) and Indeo Video (there is no OS X codec for this as far as I know, but it's pretty rare anyway). The latest version of VLC, 0.7.0 as I write this, is available here: http://www.videolan.org/vlc/download-macosx.html

    3) If you prefer QuickTime Player, or if you are stuck with Mac OS 9, here are some tips: A) Install either the 3ivx (http://www.3ivx.com) or DivX (http://www.divx.com) codec for proper video playback. I prefer 3ivx. B) QuickTime Player does not properly handle MP3 audio in AVI movies, so you'll have to use DivX Doctor (http://doctor.3ivx.com/download.html) to convert the movie before playing it. Note that this can significantly increase the file size because the audio is being expanded.

    I don't work for any of the above mentioned companies. I'm just a Mac user and a loyal Funhouse reader.

    I hope this helps.

    Mr. T
     

     

     

    UPDATES:

    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.

     

     

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Here's a whole host of nekkid babes (the good news) as capped from videotape (the bad news). Results vary with the quality of the source material and with the cappers limited means of dealing with slings and arrows.

    Okay, from Sun Bunnies (1973) we have a nekkid babe triple. It's really a homerun, since there is a fourth babe, but I'm saving her for another day.

    Sun Bunnies is a dreadful movie about a gossip columnist who has out to get the goods on a male movie star. Seems someone has suggested the stud-muffin is back from Europe minus a few things that dangled between his legs. She wants to find out the truth of the situation in the worst way. Or worst ways, as it turns out, for she fails repeatedly with schemes the Coyote would have looked at and said, "Naw! That'll never work." Sort of like this movie.

    In Scoopy Sr's world of relative suckatude this cinematic achievement is the standard against which all others are judged. Best example is the first stripping scene. Two babes disrobe with nary a word of conversation that isn't, "It sure will be good to get these clothes off." Tis said five, six, seven times. By each of them. "Sure will be good to get these clothes off." Indeed. Very good. To get them off. The clothes, I mean. So just shut up and do it.

    Ten minutes of the movie is panaromic shoots of cars driven from point A to point B. Those points are supposed to be Hawaii, but I swear it's Laguna Beach, CA. And then, toward the end of the movie.. right before all main characters hump someone, there is this hula scene... one dancer... that I know lasts fifteen minutes. I wouldn't voluntarily watch anyone dance that long. Not even Nikki Cox. Even if she were naked. Well, okay, maybe then.

    Worst movie I've ever seen if you count the clothed moments. Worst than Manos. Beyond parody. Mike and the Bots would have given up halfway through it. But there is so much exposure in this puppy the local video store had it in the special room with Backdoor Sluts 9 and all the others of that genre. I can sorta see why.

    Anyway the three women are Brenda Fogarth (the reporter), Linda Gildersleeve and Wendy Cavanaugh. None of them is babalicious, but the fourth one... former Pet Mariwin Roberts...is very much a babe and she is nekkid the most. (I'll send along those caps as soon as they are done.)

    Bottom line: this the movie that lead directly to the invention of the Fast Forward button. Seriously. The inventor saw Sun Bunnies and spent the next six months perfecting the technology.


    Second movie is The Manhandlers, about a variety of TV dinners with big portions of cardboard chicken and wax peas and plastic mashed potatoes. Oh well, that's not true. It's about three gals who inherit a massage parlor and turn it into a legitimate enterprise. Two of the women are Cara Burgess and Judith Brown... the third I saw and really liked but something happened to the clip of her nude scene and I am NOT renting this thing again. It's horribly dated. Something like an episode of Mannix as it might have appeared had HBO been around in those days.


    A cute little movie with hours of exposure is Soft Touch. IMDB indicates this is the first of two movies, made from episodes of a show that ran on the Hef channel. It's all about three gals making their way together in the big bad world. All is light and breezy, there are some attempts at humor and the babes are a) really good looking; and b) naked a lot.

    The three babes in question are Jeannine Louise, Sue Morrow and Jennifer Inch. Another woman, Jennifer Whyle, also shows off a bit. Jennifer Inch is the only one you are likely to recognize, either as the star of the Euro-softcore, Frank and I, or as a feature player in the Canadian PBS chick production, Anne of Green Gables. In this production, she plays a blonde with the sweetness, looks and intellectual abilities of Jessica Simpson. All of which means this is worth a look if you can find a copy of the movie.


    The third movie is Killing for Love, a DTV that is surprisingly good. It is a murder mystery of sorts but it has the good sense to go about things with tongue firmly planted in cheek. You'll figure out the core of the mystery long before our protagonist does but you won't care because a lot of real babes get real naked real often. Too bad it's not been released on DVD.

    Scanman did such a great job on this movie lo those many years ago (it has Brandy Sanders, Jennifer Leigh Burton and Raelyn Saalman in several, long, kick-ass sport-humpin' scenes) that I decided to focus on two women he left behind, Lisa Haslehurst and Monica Soares. Triple B's from both of em.


    Last thing today is a single collage of veteran B movie babe, Lisa Comshaw, in the Petra Verkaik tape, Centerfold Fantasies. Lisa has not been the centerfold of the Hefmag or of any other magazine that I know of. But she's not only merely nude, she's really most sincerely nude and I figured that made her scene worth grabbing.

    Variety
    Mary Carey
    Elizarah
    Elizarah, Carey and Jodie Moore


    		The porn star and former candidate for Governor of California (she came in 10th in the election) is joined by a couple of other topless babes in scenes from "Sapphire Girls". 'Caps by Dragon.


    Jill Schoelen Hugo 'caps of one of Brad Pitt's former co-stars and girlfriends. Here she is topless and baring her bum in a shower scene from "The Stepfather" (1987).

    Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
    (1, 2, 3)

    		Gman 'caps the dynamic duo wearing skimpy outfits on their surprise hit series on FOX, "The Simple Life".

    Jenn Rivell
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    		Topless in something called "Haggard: The Movie" (2003). Directed by and starring MTV "Jackass" guy, Bam Margera.

    Sharon Hughes
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    		Señor Skin 'caps of the busty B-movie babe topless in scenes from what appears to be her last movie, 1991's "Mission: Killfast".

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    WOMEN'S ATTRACTIVENESS INDEX DISCOVERED
    Most Attractive Number: A 10 - Scientists in Hong Kong claim they've developed a formula for calculating the female attractiveness index. They had 50 people look at 3D movies of female silhouettes of different shapes and sizes and rate them. They say men made a snap decision about a woman just by looking at her rough body volume, rather than any specific features. From this, they developed a complex volume-height formula that involves dividing a woman's volume in cubic meters by the square of the distance between her chin and feet. The resulting number explains 90 percent of a woman's attractiveness to men.

  • Of course, the other 10 percent contains all the really good stuff.
  • They don't know if this works on real women because these scientists have never seen one.
  • Guy who are no good at math just tend to like the biggest boobs.
  • A man's attractiveness index is calculated by multiplying his height times his bank balance.


    "AVERAGE JOE" GETS HIS PICK OF GIRLS
    Him, Or Any Other Millionaire - The next round of NBC's "Average Joe" will have a new twist: average-looking, nice-guy millionaire Adam Mesh, who was rejected by a beauty queen in favor of a hunky waiter, will be the man women compete for. Mesh told the New York Post that NBC got tens of thousands of e-mails from women wanting to meet him. He said it will be really strange to be on the other end of picking from among 20 women who want him.

  • It's nice that the women can look past his face to the money behind it.
  • One shocking twist: they're all average-looking, too.
  • Of course, he'll choose the most beautiful one.


    OLD MOVIE CAR CHASES STILL THE BEST
    No "Blues Brothers?!" Recount!! - In a poll of 5,500 film fans by Choices Video, the 10-minute chase through San Francisco in Steve McQueen's 1968 movie "Bullitt" is still the best car chase ever. The original 1974 "Gone in 60 Seconds" was second, followed by "The French Connection." Other top 10 slots went to "Smokey and the Bandit," "Mad Max 2" and "Goldfinger." The only recent movies were #4 "Ronin" (1998) and #10 "Die Another Day" (2002).

  • It's harder to do car chases now...Everybody's driving like that.
  • These days, the first person the hero cut off would go into a fit of road rage, pull out a gun and kill him.
  • Maybe if "Cold Mountain" or "The Last Samurai" had a car chase, people would want to see them.


    ORGY ON "TOP MODEL"
    Move This Show To Cable! - Tyra Banks said she was helping to edit the raw footage for her UPN series, "America's Next Top Model," when she was startled to discover that four of the women engaged in an on-camera orgy with four men. The incident will appear on the show, blurred and heavily edited.

  • Still, look for it during Sweeps Week.
  • Well, I guess we know who the four finalists are.
  • I'm shocked! She found FOUR male models who weren't gay?!
  • Let's pray this never happens on "Average Joe."


    BRITNEY BELIEVES IN THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE
    "I'm, Like, Totally Sanctimonious!" - In a phone interview with MTV, Britney Spears blamed Las Vegas for her quickly-annulled marriage. She said, "I do believe in the sanctity of marriage, I totally do. But I was in Vegas, and it took me over."

  • It totally did!
  • Didn't she also totally believe in remaining a virgin?
  • Yeah, Vegas has a way of making people forget about the sanctity of marriage.