Forever Evil (1987) is one of the worst films I have ever seen, but it is a must watch. Here is what you do. Play the first 20 minutes, just to confirm for yourself how bad it really is, then start over and turn on the commentary track. Writer Freeman Williams begins, "Hi, I'm Freeman Williams, and I wrote this mess." That sets the tone for the entire commentary, and they advise taking a drink for every lit cigarette, POV scare shot and phantom unexplained dog. They even remind you when it is time. If you play the game, the extended directors cut should entertain the entire party for two or three nights, as everyone will pass out long before it is over.

Standard set-up. Three couples are spending the weekend at a cabin on a lake. And evil zombie kills all but one. When the one escapes, he stands in the middle of a highway, until an obliging motorist runs him over. So much for the pre credit scenes. He wakes up in the hospital. He then joins with a woman who also lost a bunch of friends the same way, and they team up to figure out what is causing all of the evil. I am still not sure I have the answer, but it involved an ancient God, a pulsing quasar, a zombie and a real estate agent.

The only nudity was in the opening scene where Diane Johnson takes a shower and is murdered. She shows breasts and buns. IMDb readers have this at 3.2 of 10. Two of those who commented got it, and loved laughing at it. And get this, they were talking about the shorter video release. This DVD set includes that original VHS release, and a brand new extended Directors cut. Gather some friends, buy a keg or two, and play the Forever Evil drinking game. This is actually an E+, but, as a "make fun of in a group film," it is nearly unparalleled.

Tropic of Cancer (1970):

Henry Miller has a rare combination of professions: he was a pornographer and a sensitive poet. He is the modern Catullus, his poetry avoiding romance and "lovemaking" in order to examine the joys of flat-out fucking. In order to appreciate Miller's style, it is essential to get a feel for the extraordinary juxtaposition of his elegant, heartfelt prose with the profane nature of his subject matter. It's not easy to capture all of that in a film. The sexy part is fairly easy, but mixing it with the sensitive observations is no small hurdle to leap. This movie had difficulty synthesizing this sense of sacred and profane in harmony. It tried to evoke its literary roots, now with a Rip Torn voice-over consisting of Miller's actual prose, then with some poetic shots of the beauty of Paris, but it never really seemed to succeed.

A second great weakness of the film is that the script could never find anything to focus on. The story we see is a string of vignettes, and the separate episodes don't really seem to lead anywhere. Many scenes seem to concentrate on minor characters for much too long, and without apparent purpose. A picaresque effort like this can succeed, but it has to draw its impact from great individual scenes and the charm of characterization. This film has some of that, but not enough to make it really involving. The whole project gives off a vibe that somebody said "let's make a film of Tropic of Cancer" without actually feeling any passion for why they wanted to do that.

On the other hand, some of the locales are accurately evocative, and Torn is reasonably credible in the lead. It was certainly interesting to see the Ripper so young and so handsome, and to see multiple Oscar nominee Ellen Burstyn in such a flagrant display of nudity.

The late 60s and early 70s were a time when filmmakers were casting off their yokes and flexing their muscles in terms of explicit sexuality. This film was extraordinarily daring for an American film of the era. There is no penetration, nor even any penises to be seen, but the film supplies plenty of female frontal nudity, is fairly explicit in the sexual scenes, and is extremely explicit in its use of language. Today, even 35 years after this film was made, it is rare to hear the word "cunt" in an American film, but you'll hear it repeated frequently and rhapsodically in Tropic of Cancer.

You could watch this film and not feel you've wasted your time, but be advised that you won't feel much rewarded, either.

Following Brainscan's lead, I am continuing to make VHS caps made from some of my old tapes, using more sophisticated capturing techniques than we had a few years ago. They are coming out reasonably well.

• Ellen Burstyn. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) I suppose you know she has been nominated for six Oscars, and won one for Alice Doesn't Live Here Any More. All of those more modest roles came after her total frontal nudity in this movie.  She also did some topless nudity in The Ambassador and The King of Marvin Gardens, but would never again show her pubes after Tropic of Cancer. Too bad she got so conservative, because she looks mighty good naked. Those of you younger guys who saw in Requiem for a Dream probably can't imagine just how damned sexy she was.

• Ellen Burstyn movie clip (no sound)

• Sheila Steafel

• Magli Noel

• assorted minor characters and extras (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Other Crap:

• Airbus to unveil an 800 passenger jet!
• Many extortionists are targeting net-based betting firms and threatening to cripple their websites with deluges of data unless a ransom is paid.
• Former 70s beauty queen and Charlie's Angels star Farrah Fawcett shocked onlookers at an MTV bash in California with her sunken eyes and cheekbones. (With scary picture)
• Kate Stelnick, 19, of Princeton, N.J., who weighs just 100 pounds, on Wednesday became the first person to eat a six-pound hamburger - and five pounds of fixins - within three hours. At last, a woman for me.
• Promised Land Paintball Park. "America's Best Christian Paintball Park" is even competitive with some of the Buddhist and atheist parks.
• Nostalgic commercials. N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle's makes the very best .............. chocolate.
• A FORMER friend of Nicolette Sheridan is trying to sell nude photos of the 'Desperate Housewives' hottie to the highest bidder.
• 10 Things I Learned From Working at Quizno's Subs
• Everyone loves stupid crook stories! Robber Moves Fake Camera, Caught On Real One
• National Lampoon's look back at ... 2005. 
• An Illinois man and his girlfriend rack up $1400 in speeding tickets in Wisconsin - in 3 hours.
• A Presbyterian minister collapsed and died in mid-sentence of a sermon after saying 'And when I go to heaven' ...
• These are great!!! The winners of the "I Look Like My Dog" contest
• If you are into Auto Shows, here's the one from L.A.
• The eleven worst songs of 2004.
• Did The Surreal Life 4 show Adrianne Curry's genitals?
• Stalin World ... an unlikely theme park provoking laughter and outrage in Lithuania. “It combines the charms of a Disneyland with the worst of the Soviet gulag prison camp,”
• Mr. Blackwell's 45th Annual Worst Dressed List 2004
• YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Herbie is back and he's "Fully Loaded".
• Odd, but strangely compelling, department ... The top five depressed superheroes.
• Farrah Fawcett Gets Her Own Reality TV Show. WTF?? "Cameras are following Fawcett around as she shops, does her painting, goes to celebrity events and plays at the beach." Now THAT'S entertainment.
• Minnesota Town Hits 54 Below Zero. That was the high, and they took off their shirts. The low however, was kind of uncomfortable.
• The Implicit Association Test is a new instrument developed at Harvard which may be able to tap into your subconscious prejudices. By measuring one's reaction time and the number of mistakes made when attempting to associate a certain group with positive or negative characteristics, the test purports to measure the extent of our biases.
• JoBlo.com looks at the Globes in pictures
• Jennifer Aniston has moved in with her hairdresser. (He's the guy who invented the Rachel look.)
• US comedienne Ellen DeGeneres has made her first public appearance with new lover Portia de Rossi.
• Five clips from Assault on Precinct 13.
• One guy is already in line for "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith"
• The BAFTA (British Academy Awards) Nominees have been announced. Jamie Foxx and Kate Winslet have been nominated for two apiece. The British are much more impressed with Eternal Sunshine than the Americans, much less impressed with Sideways.
• Forget the awards - who had the funniest lines at the Golden Globes? "Lisa Ling asked Johnny Depp during NBC's pre-show if there was a role he always has dreamed of playing. Depp's reply: Mae West."  
• The Broadcast Film Critics Association picks Sideways and Scorsese.
• Gallup: Americans' Satisfaction With Aspects of Life in the U.S..
  • Satisfaction with certain elements of life -- such as crime-related issues, the amount paid in federal income taxes, and race relations -- has improved. But a number of broad measures have deteriorated -- particularly those relating to the economy.
• Two private US companies have designs on building the first luxury recreational vehicle that could withstand nuclear radiation.
• Globes Tip Oscar Watchers to Three-Way Race. The author feels that it now boils down to The Aviator, Sideways, and Million Dollar Baby.
• URL says it all again: AnimalHead.com/wearable.html
• URL says it all: CarnalCookies.com
• New Batman pictures.
• Teri Polo looks pretty darned good without her clothes.
• Pamela Anderson says she regrets turning down a role in Desperate Housewives. She was offered the role Hatcher ended up with.
• Nicole Kidman to work for minimum wage. No, she is not giving up acting to work at Wal-Mart. "Nicole Kidman will be paid just 570 dollars-a-week to star in her next film. She is accepting the Australian minimum wage to appear alongside Russell Crowe in Eucalyptus, in a bid to help the country's movie industry."
• Do you have a problem with that whole pesky literacy thing? Become a headline writer! "Cameron Diaz will reportedly get married to Justin Timberlake wearing a Native American dress." Groucho's next line: "How Timberlake will fit in that dress, I'll never know"
• The Weekend Update highlights from the Robert DeNiro SNL show on Dec 18th.
• The Weekend Update highlights for the Topher Grace show on Saturday.
• FilmJerk.com v4.0 - The Early Report for January 16, 2005
• UK approves 24 hour pubs.
• MovieJuice - Carvin' Elektra

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

"In einer Nacht wie dieser" (2002)

• Buehring 1 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

• Buehring 2 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

• Buehring 3 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

So, this week's topic is now...
Best Nude Debut, the 80's

Here is our current list of actresses that have made both their film as well as their nude debut in the same movie, 1980-1989.

Naturally, we're going to allow for a little padding. For example, Lisa Bonet was already a star on TV, but "Angel Heart" was her first movie role.

If anyone has any more names to add to the list, please email Scoopy Jr.. Look for the voting to begin Wednesday or Thursday.

Today the Ghost has a few video clips (zipped wmvs) featuring scenes from 3 out of 4 "Body Chemistry" movies.

• Lisa Pescia topless and baring her bum in a bubble bath scene from "Body Chemistry II: The Voice of a Stranger" (1992). (1, 2)

• Shari Shattuck, the daytime soap actress and B-movie babe bares breasts and bum in two love scenes from "Point of Seduction: Body Chemistry III" (1994). Links 1-3 are from a slower moving scene. Links 4-6 are faster paced. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Queen of Direct-to-vid Erotic Thrillers and former Heffer Shannon Tweed. Here she is topless and briefly baring the other 2 B's in a sex scene from "Body Chemistry 4: Full Exposure" (1995). (1, 2, 3)

• Leslie Ryan, topless while riding a dude in a love scene also from "Body Chemistry 4".

This year's fashion theme seems to have been elegant cleavage.

• Angie Harmon

• Courtney Peldon

• Evangeline Lilly

• Katie Holmes

• Maggie Grace

• Mariska Hargitaypokies only from the winner of the "Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama" category for her role on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit".

• Melina Kanakaredes, cleavage and also baring her stomach in an unusually cut dress.

• Minnie Driver

• Mischa Barton, no cleavage, but her dress was very low cut on her dorsal side.

• Tara Reid

• Teri Polo

• Twins Camilla and Carey More showing a little breast and bum in scenes from "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter" (1984). aka Part 4.

• Judie Aronson, topless and brief rear nudity also in scenes from Part 4. (1, 2)

  
  

• Debi Sue Voorhees, in a very busty nude scene from "Friday the 13th: A New Beginning" (1985) aka Part 5. Naturally she has sex in the woods and then gets chopped up by Jason.

• Juliette Cummins and Rebecca Wood also have topless scenes in Part 5.

  
  

• Last up in this batch, Heidi Kozak shows breasts, bum and underwater pubes in scenes from "Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood".

TV DOCTOR NOT A BOOB JOB EXPERT
Nice Nips - "Nip/Tuck" star Julian McMahon says that playing a plastic surgeon on TV has a weird side effect: strangers keep asking him if they need to get any work done. He was at a restaurant recently and a whole table of girls who'd obviously had a little work done kept asking him his opinion of their boobs. He said, "I'm really bad at judging boob jobs," and he doesn't know any more about breast and butt surgery than he did before he became Dr. Troy on TV. He added, "I think I need more practice!"