Asylum (2005)

Following the lead of Brittany Daniel, here is the second nude scene which will eventually end up as a nominee for the year's best, come December.

The film itself is dreary. It starts out as kind of a 1950s version of Lady Chatterley's Lover. A new administrator moves into a  mental health care facility in the countryside. His marriage seems loveless and virtually passionless, and his wife feels frustrated and bored by her life on the campus. She ends up starting a passionate affair with the gardener, who is a young, lusty and Russell Crowe-lookin' mofo. Of course, in this case the risk is a bit higher than in Chjatterley, because the gardener is also a patient in the asylum, and a rather dangerous one at that, one who killed his wife in a particularly gruesome fashion. The affair leads to some unfortunate consequences, a simple summary of which would read "tragedy ensues." The plot twists become more and more melodramatic until they bordering the absurd and testing the patience of even the most tolerant viewer, which I am certainly not.

Some have described Asylum as a psychological thriller, perhaps because it features several psychologists as characters, although nothing seems to explain the "thriller" portion of the equation. I believe it would best be described as a film version of a a particularly over-the-top gothic romance novel, even though that may not be a fair description of the actual source novel, which seems to be respected as an analysis of female subservience in the repressed culture of Britain in the 50s.

Natasha Richardson and Marton Csonkas provide substantial nudity in several sex scenes, and Ms Richardson adds two bathing scenes.  It seemed that Natasha had given up screen nudity, but here she is, 13 years after her last nude scene, looking absolutely great without her clothing, and showing us her body in good light, including a procto-cam! Who would have predicted that? It looks like she's had a boob job, but they look great, real or not, and she also has a flat tummy, and elegant legs to go with the boobs.

Natasha Richardson.

 

Lord of War (2005)

Lord of War is a black comedy in which Nic Cage plays an arms dealer and Ethan Hawke plays the Interpol agent obsessed with his capture. Let me cut to the chase with this one. This is one of the best movies I've seen in years, and is probably the second-best anti-war black comedy of all time, after Dr. Strangelove. The script is brilliant in just about any way you can imagine. The narration by Cage is hilarious, yet often very moving. The situations are imaginative and bizarrely twisted, yet almost real because ... well, because the life of an arms dealer is pretty damned surreal to begin with. The attention to small details is impressive. The ending is a truly cool way to finish the cat-and-mouse chase, although the final outcome is annoyingly inconsistent with an important plot point established either.

The film's visual imagination is a perfect match to the spirit of the script. Not only is it inventive, with several outstanding scenes, but this is just a slickly packaged and generally great-looking movie which came up with some incredible location shots. It is so damned cool that Elya came in to tell me something and ended up watching the rest of the movie. As I filled her in on what had transpired earlier, she was laughing out loud at my description, and I was giggling while recalling it. Whether the film is picturing the massive fire sale of weapons which accompanied the fall of the Soviet empire, or the corruption and tragedy of Africa, it is simultaneously funny and heartbreaking.

The only real weakness of the film is that the overall point is obvious. I mean, is there someone out there who doesn't think that arms dealers are bad dudes? I chose to ignore that point simply because I can't see any reason to create a rule that says nobody can make fun of arms dealers. Given the absence of such a rule, the film does everything it should. It is both entertaining and emotionally involving, and it even has a lot of educational value.

How did this film get forgotten at awards time?

Tanya Finch. She is a South African model. Here is her portfolio.

Bridget Moynahan in the deleted scenes. She is theoretically naked beneath her robe, but I can't really reach any definite conclusion about what we are actually looking at here.

I watched four other new releases today. Capsule summaries:

• There is no nudity in Puppet Master vs the Demonic Toys, and the film is about what you would expect for a film with that title which stars Corey Feldman.

• There is brief Jamie King nudity in Two for the Money, the gambling movie with Pacino and McConaughey. Unfortunately, the scene is so dark that no detail can be seen at all. Jamie may be wearing a bra, for all I know. The first half of this movie is excellent, fast-paced, well-plotted, and with a real driving energy supplied by good editing and joyful performances from the two leads, who really seemed to be relishing their roles. Unfortunately, the screenwriter didn't know what to do once he established the set-up. The second half is a mess. It's melodramatic, it lacks credibility, the characters' motivations are confusing, and some of it just doesn't seem to make sense. The two halves seem like two separate movies, one of which I liked very much, and the other of which I didn't like at all.

• There is no nudity in Half Light, the ghost story starring Demi Moore. It is a tragedy - basically a supernatural/psychological  soap opera with slick production values. It's a mediocre movie, neither very good or bad, certainly not the right engine to power Demi's comeback.

• There is no nudity in The Man, the mismatched buddy cop movie with Eugene Levy and Samuel L Jackson. The movie is not worth a look, in my opinion.

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

That Man Bolt (1973)

That Man Bolt (1973) is a Fred "The Hammer" Williamson actioner. He plays a professional courier, living in Hong Kong, who is forced to carry $1M from there to Mexico. While there was a lot of discussion and several plots and counter-plots revolved around the money, I never really understood where the money was going in Mexico or why. It really doesn't matter, as this was a vehicle designed to allow The Hammer to kick ass in some exotic locales, and seduce women in the process.  There are very few moments when Williamson is not on screen.

His registration of the currency with the American Embassy displeases the folks who forced him to take the job, so he goes to Las Vegas, kicks major ass, then goes back to Hong Kong and kicks more ass.  He has sex with a club singer (Theresa Graves) in Vegas, who is evidently an old flame. She is killed. Back in Hong Kong, he seduces the mistress of the rich evil Japanese man that is behind all of the trouble.

This seems to be a forgotten film, as it well should be. Despite all the ass-kicking, the fight scenes are not particularly impressive. Of course, a strong black man as hero was a fairly new idea in 1973, so it had some appeal.

Overall, this is a C-. IMDb readers say 4.9, but with only 47 votes.

Theresa Graves shows her left breast.

 

Witchcraft 6: The Devil's Mistress (1994)

A serial killer is after young women wearing crosses, and two bungling cops enlist the aide of a psychic divorce attorney to catch the perp. Seems Satan's current Earth honcho needs a virgin in LA before an eclipse, and has sent Shannon McLeod and her main squeeze searching for a suitable victim. Slight problem. The main squeeze is screwing the virgins before turning them over.

It all comes down to the psychic lawyer's secretary, who is a virgin. Will Satan triumph? You will have to suffer through this just as I did to find out.

This Troma release is listed at IMDb as horror, and IMDb readers score it 2.7. No wonder it's that low, if they were expecting horror. This was clearly a comedy, although the biggest laughs were unintentional. The correct genre is "bad movie," but this one is not quite bad enough to satisfy genre fans. D.

   - Tamara Davies

  - Lisa Kudrow

- Maggie Gyllenhaal

* Isola:

   - Makiko Watanabe

* Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo:

   - Elisabetta Canalis

   - Katie Downes

- Chantal Janzen

   - Monika Kuczowska

- Hanna Verboom

* Kings and Queen:

   - Emmanuelle Devos

   - Marie Françoise Gonzales

   - Magali Woch