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What a frickin day'. I spent something like 30 of the last 36
hours playing around with server migration. (We're in the process
of a major move, but if I've done a good job, you haven't noticed
anything too screwy. )
Anyway, the point is that I didn't watch any movies or do much
of anything else except change file permissions and check
directory paths, and that kind of fun stuff. As the kids today
would call it - EXTREME webmasterin'
All's well that ends well. Your other Uncle, the Big Tuna, was
able to cover for me, so mosey down to his area where he did
about a gajillion masterpieces!
And of course, Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site has
been updated.
Other Crap:
Another Sundance nudity report from Mr Skin:
Wristcutters: A Love Story. A female dwarf
stands with her pierced breasts exposed, lighting
cigarettes for Patrick Fugit and Shea Whigham. (The
credit doesn't list a specific actress, but from the
looks of it it may be Bridget Powers, a.k.a.
"Bridget the Midget" from The Howard Stern Show.)
Unfortunately, I can't decide whether to see the
movie because the review isn't clear about whether
she is an evil dwarf. The classic rule of thumb for
nautical moviegoers also applies to landlubbers:
"Evil, lacking height: viewer's delight. Tiny and
unscorning: viewer take warning."
The Daily Insider for Day 7 of the SUNDANCE FILM
FESTIVAL
Letterman:
Top Ten Surprising Facts About Osama Bin Laden
- Plans to release next threatening videotape in
high-definition
- Secretly likes Kosher pickles
- Middle name: Duane
- Stole "Death to America" catchphrase from Fran
Tarkenton
- Got cave hooked up with Sirius so he can listen
to Howard Stern
The trailer fo Outlaw
- "'Outlaw' is about a group of people that take
the law into their own hands and try to right
perceived wrongs. It's about people that are sick of
being treated like they don't exist. Failed by the
government and left to fend for themselves by a
redundant police force, 'Outlaw' is about people
that have had enough and decide to do something
about it. They take to the streets and deal with the
wrongs themselves. The film is the next to come from
writer/director Nick Love following his successes
with 'The Football Factory' in 2004 and 'The
Business' in 2005. 'Outlaw' will be entirely funded
by the public through a tiered payment strategy
available only on the film's official site."
Osama bin Laden Considering "Dancing With The Stars"
Now, c'mon - if your name was Tiny Kox, wouldn't you
change it?
- Plus, take a look at this guy. He's so white and
nerdy that he makes Bill Gates look like Mean Joe
Green
- The only possibile explanation I can think of is
that he really has a schwanz like Johnny Wadd, and
gets a chance to show it off when people make fun of
his name.
The trailers for The Beach Party at the Threshold of
Hell, a indie about a post-Apocalyptic dystopia
with all the necessary ingredients except Roddy Piper.
The trailer for Evil Aliens, an offbeat
sci-fi/horror film with a cynical POV
The trailer for Duck Season
- "Duck Season' takes you into one particular
Sunday morning in the lives of two fourteen-year old
boys, Flama and Moko. With their neighbor Rita and
pizza delivery boy Ulises, they create their own
adventures to overcome their boredom. 'Duck Season'
explores the loneliness of childhood, the effects of
divorce and the curious power of love and
friendship."
The trailer for Dave Chappelle's Block Party
"CHENEY DENIES KNOWING BUSH ... Veep Putting
Distance Between Himself and Embattled President"
The movie that enters the unknown. Soderbergh's
new gamble - a movie that comes out in theaters, on
cable, and on home media simultaneously
The Daily Show's Ed Helms resolves to get out of his
job.
Jon Stewart talks to Hannibal Lecter
The Daily Show: "Bush's team can handle anything
except a foundational assault on the very Constitution
we rely on."
HassleMe - set up an e-mail or several e-mails to nag
yourself about stuff you forget
"Jennifer Love Hewitt is reportedly considering posing
nude in Playboy."
- I have heard this rumor every six months since
1998. I'll believe it when I see it.
eBay: Seattle Seahawks SUPER DOG! NFC Championship hot
dog! 100% Authentic hot dog from NFC championship
game!!!!!! (This item was selling for $222 when I
checked)
Oprah Winfrey challenged author James Frey over his
disputed memoir, asking him on a live telecast of her
show Thursday to explain why he 'felt the need to
lie.'
- I think I can answer for him. "I don't know if
"need" is the right word, but my lying did have a
distinct purpose. No lie = no money. Is that a clear
enough explanation?"
British people who like to indulge in energetic sex
cause 350 million pounds worth of damage per year
- The injuries include carpet burns, pulled back,
twisted wrist, scratched back, and so forth
- And those were just the injuries to Guy Ritchie.
French police were relieved to discover the reason
they couldn't crack a murder case: the woman died in
the early 1400s
Silent Bob picks his ten favorite films from 2005
For inexplicable reasons, Colbert talks to the fashion
critic for the Washington Post.
Colbert reports that Chernobyl, with all the humans
gone, has become a paradise on earth.
"Eavesdropping. Stephen Colbert debates against ...
Stephen Colbert."
Avril Lavigne recreates herself. Yesterday Grace
Slick. Today Paris Hilton. |
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Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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The Sensuous Nurse (1975)
The Sensuous Nurse is:
A) One of the best Italian sex farces ever made?
B) The best exposure ever from the amazing Ursula Andress?
C) A chance to see two naked Bond girls in one film?
D) Available in a pristine UNCUT DVD version?
E) Lighthearted fun, and reasonably good comedy?
F) Full of eccentric but believable characters?
The correct answer is G)
All of the above
Producer Carlo Ponti contacted director/author Nello Rossati after
seeing his successful low-budget La Nipote in 1974, asking him to make
another sex farce in 1975, and offering him eleven times the budget.
Rossati and his brother, who did the production design, were so used to
low-budget production that they finished The Sensuous Nurse nearly
three weeks ahead of schedule, and couldn't figure out how to spend any
more of their time or Ponti's money on it. I agree, it is done perfectly
as is.
It begins with a wealthy
widower having a heart attack after having sex with the wife of the
grave-digger, which goes a long way toward explaining why he had visited
the cemetery twice per week since his wife died. His two nephews come to
his aid, and find him barely conscious, chanting "pussy, hard-on,
pussy." They take him home before the grave-digger returns. The priest
gives last rites, and the doctor doesn't give him much hope. Almost all
of his nieces and nephews are overjoyed at this, and hope to cut a deal
with an American investor (Jack Palance) to sell off their uncle's
vineyard.
The old boy proves hardier than expected and recovers, but the doctor
cautions the relatives that a second heart attack would kill him for
sure, and that they should make sure he doesn't get excited. That is
when they hire nurse Ursula Andress to seduce him to death. Their plan
certainly seemed flawless. Ursula Andress was arguably the most
beautiful woman of her time and she was in her physical peak, so her
charms could have overcome the resistance of the most abstemious man,
let alone an old lecher. The master plan backfires, however, when Ursula
finds out that she really likes the old man.
Most of the Italian sex farces of that period were so over-the-top they
were just plain silly. This is a happy exception. Each character is
somewhat developed, and much of the humor comes from supporting
characters, especially one military retiree who stages military
exercises on the estate, and can only get sexually aroused in his
basement bunker with martial music playing. The drunken handyman, who is
his rival for the maid's affections, constantly and hilariously thwarts
the war games. In addition to top-notch erotica and physical comedy, the
film is beautifully photographed and offers acting which is is good to
excellent. Equally important, we can now see and hear every minute of it
in an uncut widescreen DVD with an amazingly good transfer. Perhaps
Ponti knew something about film preservation. The DVD also includes a
featurette with memories from the Rossatis, trailers, a poster art and
stills gallery, and excellent liner notes. This Noshame release elevates
The Sensuous Nurse to its proper status near the top of the list of the
best film nudity of all time. Bottom line: very high C+.
Top of its genre.
Something Wild (1986)
Something Wild is an outstanding Jonathan Demme romantic comedy/thriller
comedy staring Melanie Griffith, Jeff Daniels, and the then relatively unknown
Ray Liotta. Daniels is a stockbroker, newly promoted to vide president, and
having lunch in a corner deli. He sneaks out without paying, and is accosted
by Melanie Griffith. She even goes so far as to threaten police involvement.
He hands her the lunch money, and she offers him a ride back to the office.
Turns out she doesn't even work for the restaurant. She has correctly sized
him up as a closet rebel.
Daniels realizes he might be in over his head when her shortcut to his
Manhattan office takes them through the Holland Tunnel to Jersey. A short
while later, they are in a cheap hotel, screwing like rabbits with him
handcuffed to the bed. Our first clue that Daniels has some secrets of his own
comes when he fakes a call to his wife and kids. We learn that Griffith has
decided to take him home with her to Pennsylvania to meet her mother, and then
attend her High School reunion as her husband. Once at the reunion, they meet
up with Ray Liotta, her husband, recently released after serving a nickle for
armed robbery. The rest of the film is a battle for her.
While the above sets up the story, it doesn't even begin to do justice to
what is a brilliant act one, after which I was totally enchanted by the two
lead characters. After the introduction of Liotta, the film becomes somewhat
more conventional, but Liotta is a great villain as always, and the leads are
so good that the entire film keeps working. I found the film a total delight.
IMDb readers say 6.6. Ebert awarded 3.5 stars, praising performances from
the three leads, who were alll nominated for Golden Globes.
Bottom line: B-.
Griffith shows breasts and buns.
El Imperio de la Fortuna (1986)
El Imperio de la Fortuna (1986), translated The Realm of Fortune, is a
Mexican film based on a novel called The Golden Rooster, which was written by
Juan Rulfo, a master of Mexican literature. A crippled peasant, who lives with
his invalid mother and works as the crier of a small town, is given an injured
fighting cock. After nursing it back to health he wins several cockfights, and
attracts the attention of a major gambler who first causes his prize cock to
be killed in the ring, and then takes him in as an apprentice. He soon
surpasses his teacher, and takes the man's girl in the process (singer Blanca
Guerra).
The cockfights take place at the same location where Blanca Guerra sings,
and she becomes a good luck charm to the peasant, who makes money
hand-over-fist. He can't lose with his good luck charm in the room. They
eventually have a daughter and move toward domesticity, but Guerra chafes at
the bit, wanting more freedom, and realizing that the peasant is becoming a
most unpleasant person. Not that he started out very nice to begin with. When
their relationship changes, the peasant's fortune changes, and the film ends
with the daughter starting down the same road as her mother.
The depiction of life in poor Mexican villages is honest, and
non-judgmental, but after 130 minutes, I was more than ready for it to end.
The DVD transfer is not especially good, and the subtitles are sloppy, missing
some dialogue entirely, and inventing lines in other places. However, this is
as good as it got in mid-80s Mexican cinema, and the film nearly swept the
Ariel awards in 1986. IMDb readers say 7.2, but with only 47 votes,
indicating that the film has remained obscure despite its multiple Ariels.
This is a C, but for a very small audience.
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Dann reports on Werewolf Hunter:
This 2004 werewolf flick is not so much a horror story as it is a crime
story, and a pretty good one.
It tells the true story of Manuel Blanco Romasanta, a traveling
salesman who in 1852 Spain was tried for mutilating and killing 13 people
and using their body fat to make soap to sell. He avoided capital
punishment by claiming to be a werewolf who was powerless to stop the
killing.
Werewolf or not, Romasanta's main talent was charming women, and when
his latest conquest, Barbara, (played very well by Elsa Pataky)
realized that her three sisters had been his victims, she turned from
being his lover to his hunter and was instrumental in his capture.
An interesting and well done movie that delves somewhat into the
supernatural werewolf possibilities, but also tries to stay realistic.
It's very different from normal werewolf fare, and I enjoyed it.
Elsa Pataky |
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First I've got 3 clips (1,
2,
3) from the Luis Buñuel movie Le Fantôme de
la Liberté (1974; Phantom of Liberty). A 41-year-old
Adriana Asti shows her pubes in see-through pantyhose, then her
breasts (or more?) playing some dude's instrument...
I'll end this ICMS light contribution with a short
clip of Thérèse Liotard in 1980's Viens chez moi,
j'habite chez une copine. An obnoxious Michel Blanc enters the bathroom when
Terry's in the shower cleaning all 3 B's. When she protests he says
that young people don't worry about such things and that he thinks of her like
of his sister. She answers that that is the problem since he hasn't got a
sister...
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Kate Nauta in Transporter 2 |
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Alexis Dziena in Broken Flowers, one of the
great nude scenes of last year. |
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Spice Chick Geri Halliwell, from the days
when she was extra curvy. |
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A very nice (and rather unexpected) see-through from Jennifer
Garner |
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