Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

Comments and collages by Mister Grundy

Hodgepodge of Honeys!

GRETA GERWIG — The young actress appeared as one of four people in a cabin, writing a horror script where the “monster” seems to materialize; her character is tricked into taking off her top. The film is “BAGHEAD,” from 2008, and is not a bad example of today’s trend, where anyone with a camera can make a film. Gerwig’s career seems to be going full steam ahead.

ELEONORA GIORGI — Her breasts are on view in 1982’s “BEYOND OBSESSION” (“Oltre la porta”), where she is part of a love triangle between Tom Berenger and jailbird stepfather Marcello Mastroianni. The actress, who was around 29 at the time, has appeared in a good many Italian films, including Dario Argento’s “INFERNO.”

FLORENCE GUÉRIN — In “BIZARRE” (“Profumo”), an erotic psycho-thriller from 1987, Florence plays a wife who is stalked by an abusive husband. The attractive French actress was far from shy, at age 22.

LAURA GEMSER — “How much snake can one woman take”? That is a great tagline for Joe D’Amato’s “BLACK COBRA” (“Eva Nera”), from 1976, and of course, unscrupulous U.S. distributors took advantage of Gemser’s most famous role, titling the film “EMMANUELLE GOES JAPANESE,” inasmuch as the film has nothing to do with Emmanuelle. The very lovely but painfully skinny Indonesian actress offers a wondrous “dance” with a snake at a club, which causes the reptile fancying Jack Palance (in an impressively creepy performance) to invite Gemser to stay at his Hong Kong digs. He won’t allow her to stray from heterosexuality, however, and his slithering friends are put to good use on his new lover’s female detractors. Gemser’s real-life husband, Gabriele Tinti, plays Palance’s slimy brother. Gemser’s days of stardom were mostly over by the mid-1980s, and many of her roles since have strangely been in uncredited bit roles. She shifted gears into the realm of costume design for a few years, and some have speculated that the reason for her “disappearance” might be that she is not proud of her cinematic past. (Would anyone see something wrong with a film like, say, “TRAP THEM AND KILL THEM”?) Gemser was 26 years old at the time of this film, and certainly looks beautiful.

MICHELE STARCK — The attractive blonde was very generous with her wares in 1976’s “BLACK COBRA” (“Eva Nera”). The few films she has appeared in besides have mostly capitalized on her willingness to appear nude, including the infamous “SALON KITTY” from 1976, as well as what seems to be her swan song, playing one of the sex-loving IBM girls from the Tom Hanks comedy, “BACHELOR PARTY” (1984).

SIGRID ZANGER — A very beautiful lady, playing the victim from 1976’s “BLACK COBRA” (“Eva Nera”). The German actress, aka Ziggy Zanger, had a limited output.

KRISTYN GREEN — One of the many victims of the cheap, shot-on-video bloodbath entitled CARVER, from 2008. Its two main attributes was a charmingly hokey hillbilly song, contributing to an aura of menace, and this blond actress who was, of course, too beautiful for the goings-on. She was one tough lass, too, barely screaming while some big nails were being driven into her kneecaps. Looks like Kristyn has been keeping busy, breaking through as well in the world of television (with a recurring role in “The Starter Wfe”). She unfortunately keeps her clothes on in this schlockfest, but at least the clothing can be on the skimpy side.

SAVANNAH COSTELLO and her boyfriend are the victims of the “carver” in 2008’s CARVER, as shown through a movie projector by our victims-to-be. While we may wonder how today’s young generation could know how to thread and operate a movie projector, what the killers have done is produce snuff films, and it wasn’t easy to snatch these frame grabs from the intentionally jumpy footage. Savannah appears to have been hired primarily because she did not mind being what I believe was the only naked girl in the movie.

VICTORIA DeMARE plays a stripper who meets a ghastly end in “DIARY OF A SERIAL KILLER” (a.k.a. “Copycat,” from 2008), a film that interestingly explores the stories of three famous serial killers, tying them in with the one from the film. But it is not a very successful attempt, and one quick giveaway of superficiality was its unimaginative catering to the “actors must be on the good-looking side” trend of Hollywood casting. (Ed Gein was a handsome hunk?) By the way, this entry is not to be confused with the 2005 Spanish film about a serial killer called “DIARY OF A SERIAL KILLER,” nor the serial killer film from 1995 with Sigourney Weaver that was called “COPYCAT.” (Are original titles that hard to come up with?) Victoria’s career appears to have been impressively busy, and I have just noticed she is cool enough to sometimes personally reply at the IMDb Message Board.

UNKNOWN from 2008’s “DIARY OF A SERIAL KILLER” (a.k.a. “Copycat”); she dances with Victoria DeMare at the strip joint, and later tries to soothe DeMare’s anxiety. My failing memory gave someone else the credit on this collage, but I see now the Scoopy archivist who speculated that the identity of this young lady might be Alma Saraci was none other than Uncle Scoopy himself. Now, unless this actress was credited by another name in the film, why would a latter-day movie neglect to credit a cast member who had a speaking part?

“GRAVE DANGER”

(2009)

This is a no-budget video film in anthology form with “tales of terror” featuring a ghost, a voodoo-possessed wife, and a ventriloquist dummy come to life As its companion piece from the same director (coming up below), one heartwarming aspect of such productions is that the nudity featured by necessity as a selling point comes mainly from young women who are ordinary girls next door. Thus, we are treated to real bodies, with all of the imperfections we have fondly encountered those times we have gotten lucky, and have managed to separate our dates from their clothing.

ANN MARIE YOO is a bad girl who makes a play for the heroine’s loser boyfriend, and she somehow gets her comeuppance from Jerry Mahoney’s second cousin. (Jerry, as well as his pal Knucklehead Smith, were surely far more believable as living things than the dummy used here.)

CATHY ST GEORGE, in the role of a therapist, is one of the few who keeps her clothing on. Since she is a former Playboy playmate (from 28 years back), her unnecessary part was probably included as an afterthought, in order to have a “celebrity” in the cast. While twice the age of her fellow females, she still has the traditional good looks we have come to expect in our more customary movie actresses.

DEBBIE KOPACZ is the thread that ties the stories together, forced to stay on the telephone by a threatening caller who demands that they trade tales of terror. Her acting skills have yet to be developed, but naturally the overriding reason for her participation had to do with her willingness to intimately show off somewhat average assets.

KAITLIN OWENS offers some spark as the good-natured heroine in the dummy segment, but she drew a line in exposing her more tantalizing charms. The inverse relationship between talent and nudity is not always a given, but has been well established.

KATE WEBSTER offers the best bang for the buck amongst the film’s X-chromosomes, as an abused wife taken over by a magic spell. Her acting is not embarrassing, and she is conventionally pretty, revealing sweet secrets from both the back and the front – looks not always shown to best advantage, given the amateurish videography.

REBECCA ROSE McCAIN provides the love interest in the first story. Around 28 years of age at the time, she has let it all hang out, bless her, and she offers oodles of energy as well as holding her own in the thespian arts.