Monday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6..2.1 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Au Pair Girls (1971) is one of those take-your-date-to-a-skinflick-and-get-laid-after-rather-than-slapped-in-the-face films. Four girls arrive from different countries to work as Au Pairs, trading light housework for a chance to travel and learn English. So far, common set-up for one of these films. Two of the girls end up in farcical situations, but the other two have more serious stories. Me Me Lai is placed in the palatial home of a sheltered boy who is being groomed to be a concert pianist. He is attractive and sweet, but emotionally 9 years old. She takes his virginity, then realizes that this is not a future she wants, and leaves.

Nancy Wait is placed in the home of a woman with a rock groupie daughter (Lyn Yeldham), probably as a companion. When the daughter finds out she is a virgin, she thinks of it as a problem to be solved, gives her a new wardrobe and a make-over, then offers her as a ritual sacrifice to a rock star. After taking her virginity, he essentially discards her.

Gabrielle Drake is picked up at the agency by the playboy son of her employer, and "taken for a ride." After a flat tire, she rips her dress in a barn while waiting for repairs, then spends the rest of the film naked. From the barn, they go to a photographer friends house to borrow clothes. He is shooting a commercial with a naked Christine Donna, and Drake joins in. The two end up discovered by the prodigal sons father, naked and asleep in his Rolls in the morning.

Astrid Frank is a fun-loving Swede, and walks around nude most of the time. Her date, on her first night, takes her to a casino where he loses all of his money, and she wins a Sheik, who taker her to his harem. The harem is full of women in transparent outfits, who bather and dress her for her big night with the Sheik.

All 4 principles show everything, and Yeldham, Christine Donna, and several unknowns show breasts. The music was pure period garbage, except during the scenes with the concert pianist, and the dialogue was late 60s mod. The stories were stronger than the norm with this genre, and some of the sets, lighting and photography were surprisingly good. This is not the first time I have seen both bitter and sweet mixed in a couples film, although I am not sure I understand the reasoning. In my experience, you are more likely to get laid with a laughing woman than a crying woman.

Although the film was not especially a turn-on for me due to the two poignant stories, which were interlaced with the farcical ones, the woman are very attractive, and very naked much of the time. It is a solid example of what I call the "adult drive-in genre." C.

MOVIES

The Au Pair Girls is a 1971 British nudie film, OK for its type, distinguished in history by a massive amount of frontal and dorsal nudity from Gabrielle Drake, who later became a familar face on UKTV.

• my images tomorrow - see Tuna's captures above, see review below

Amadeus is one good movie. Intelligent Mozart biopic based on a play by the same author. Lengthy review below.

• Elizabeth Berridge - not quite there on the areola exposure, but pretty damned close. (1, 2, 3)

After that tease in Amadeus, I thought some of you guys might want to see what Mozart's wife looked like without her top. Here she is, three years earlier, in The Funhouse, an offbeat Tobe Hooper horror pic with a grotesque cast of carnies. It's a grainy DVD, but she's topless in good light.

• Elizabeth Berridge - some new caps (1, 2)
• my older caps from the same film (1, 2, 3)

The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Kristi Ducati

A few other things to offer:

Melanie Good in Die Watching. I'm not all that partial to damsels in distress-type scenes, but Melanie certainly has the goods and she does a great job showing them off in this movie.

• Melanie Good (1, 2)

• Melissa Stone all topless and stuff in Poison.

• Denise Faye in American Pie 2. Lots of great collages of Denise have shown up lately in the Funhouse but Tuna's caps were too good to leave alone.

• Demi Moore in her young, natural days sport-humpin' in the shower and hed and all over the place. (1, 2)

Jane Birkin in Ms. Don Juan. She's old enough to be my mother but I think she's hot, PETScan thinks she's hot, everybody with a Y chromosome that I've ever talked to think's she hot. Even PETScan's dad, who must have been fifty thought she was hot; said she was the only woman in the late 1960's and early 1970's who looked like she would love to take you to bed and leave you permanently altered. So I added a few scans of her just because.

• Jane Birkin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Hayley DuMond

"Heart of Justice"
No visible nudity by Jennifer Connelly in Heart of Justice. However, there are some very nice pictures by what some people seem to consider to be the actress/body of the year.

• Jennifer Connelly (1, 2, 3)

"Jennifer On My Mind"
No nudity from Tippy Walker in the 1971 dross Jennifer On My Mind. Just an interesting collage after she gets out of the Venetian canals.

• Tippy Walker

"Squeeze Play"
Squeeze Play is another Troma production and fits in with all their others. It's the story of a group of girls and their softball team. Topless nudity from a variety of girls including Helen Campitelli and Jenni Hettrick. Nice shots also of Melissa Michaels.

• Helen Campitelli (1, 2)
• Jenni Hettrick (1, 2)
• Melissa Michaels
• Assorted goodies (1, 2)

"Joshua Tree"
It is supposed to be Kristian Alfonso in Joshua Tree, but the good bits are her body double Lisa Marie Stagno.

• Kristian Alfonso (1, 2, 3, 4)

"An Unkindness of Ravens"
There is some topless nudity by Jennifer Tung in the short film

• Jennifer Tung

"Flowergirl"
Another short film. Mikiko Ooka is topless in the bath.

• Mikiko Ooka

"Nutcracker"
Lots of nudity in the 1981 Nutcracker. It's the story of a ballet school run by Joan Collins, which also fronts for a high-class knocking shop. Full nudity by Lizzie Green and Carol White. Various stages of undress by Joan, Cherry Gillespe, Patti Hammond, Finola Hughes and some unknown actresses.

• Cherry Gillespe
• Patti Hammond
• Finola Hughes
• Lizzie Green
• Carol White (1, 2)
• Joan Collins (1, 2, 3)
• Unknowns

"Jungle Law"
A bit of topless nudity in the forgettable Jungle Law. It is supposed to be Christina Cox but it has all the signs of being a body double.

• Christina Cox (1, 2)
• Unknown topless chick

"They Came to Rob Las Vegas"
No nudity in this movie. But you do get some very nice cleavage from Elke Sommer.

• Elke Sommer

"Beyond Therapy"
Another forgettable movie. However, Julie Hagerty of the "Airplane" movies did take her top off when she showers.

• Julie Hagerty

"Jackson County Jail"
Topless caps of Yvette Mimieux from this movie have appeared before. However, this time around we also some brief topless caps of Marciee Drake and some good pokies by Mary Woronov.

• Yvette Mimieux (1, 2)
• Marciee Drake
• Mary Woronov

Elizabeth Mitchell

As we reported on Tuesday, Altman, who just won the Golden Globe for best director for "Gosford Park," had told the London Times, "When I see an American flag flying, it's a joke. This present government in America I just find disgusting, the idea that George Bush could run a baseball team successfully - he can't even speak! I just find him an embarrassment."

Altman even said he was thinking of moving to London for good, because, "There's nothing in America that I would miss at all." But after coming under fire for his traitorous remarks, Altman backtracked on Friday, saying his remarks were "taken out of context."

"I'm a very proud American," Altman declared in a prepared statement. "I've lived in New York City for over 30 years, and I love the city. I was born in Kansas City. I fought in the armed services in the Second World War. If something I said was taken out of context, I'm sorry about it."

Also from Page Six, this looks like a fun place to visit...

Site for L.A. sore eyes
THE latest Web site all the agents in Hollywood are checking daily is the "A List," which has a large register of celebrities and their quirks. Compiled by "someone who knows all," the list, found here, includes: Jennifer Aniston ("has jealousy issues"), Stephen Baldwin ("so enamored of himself he probably holds up a mirror while he [bleeps]"), Antonio Banderas ("not the brightest bulb in the lamp"), Matt Damon ("cracking under pressure of fame, the little punk"), Rose McGowan ("exhibitionist"), Tim Robbins ("boy toy of Susan Sarandon") and Harvey Weinstein ("hard to work for"). The site details who has hygiene problems and who is a "friend of Dorothy," an archaic euphemism for gay. Also listed are movie types who tend to get into feuds, topped by Sarah Michelle Gellar and Spike Lee. But it's not all negative. Dolly Parton, Rob Zombie, Henry Winkler and George Clooney are all described as "very nice people."

And from Neal Travis, NY Post. Is this really the most likely occupation for Debbie Harry to be holding these days?...

Bit of 'Fluffer'
THE New York Times, which is very squeamish about the ads it accepts, may have a problem with Debbie Harry's movie "The Fluffer." Debbie was at the premiere party for Selma Blair's "Storytelling" the other night and got talking with Webster Hall art curator Baird Jones, one of the few outside the porn movie industry who knows what a fluffer is. "I'd hate to be the one responsible for bringing the word into our linguistic mainstream," the normally fearless Harry said. "But now I guess it's going to happen." (If you must know, a fluffer is the woman on set who sees to it that the male porn stars are up to the occasion.)