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Virgin Territory
(2007)
Virgin Territory is an attempt to create an Elizabethan-style comedy with
modern dialogue, rock music, and a contemporary level of nudity. It tales
place in Florence with the plague raging through the city, and the central
character is a beautiful maiden whose father's death has left her in
unfortunate financial straits. Before he passed away, she had expected to
submit to an arranged marriage to a wealthy Russian count, but dad's untimely
demise has left her family estate in the hands of an unscrupulous Italian
aristocrat, and she will have to marry him if she wants to continue living on
the grounds where she grew up. To make matters more complicated, she is
actually secretly in love with a third suitor, a penniless rogue.
The plot includes the usual Elizabethan devices. There are several people
pretending to be who and what they are not, including a puckish painter posing
as a priest. There is a woman making love anonymously to a blindfolded lover
who must later identify her by her kiss. There are plenty of flashing
swords, and about six romantic sub-plots. On top of all those conceits, there
is also an encampment of horny gypsies who kidnap unsuspecting wayfarers, and
a convent full of horny nuns who promise a paradise of poontang to any man who
is suitably discreet and suitably randy. There is plenty of comic relief from
both major and minor characters. There's also also lots of nudity: breasts
everywhere, and copious buns from people of both sexes.
It all sounds kind of like fun, doesn't it?
It is, to some extent. It's not really a very good film because it's too
unfocused and relies on too many plot gimmicks instead of dealing more
honestly with real human passions. Furthermore, there is not a single surprise
in any of those contrived plot devices, except for a couple of chance meetings
where the surprise is generated by total implausibility. Everything goes down
just as expected until the completely predictable happy ending in which all of
the couples come together. The film also suffers from some weak performances
from actors who were either miscast or insufficiently talented to handle this
sort of period piece. Yet, in spite of all that, I found myself swept up by
the story because it believes in itself. The director felt he was making a
modern day classic, a dazzling Elizabethan costume comedy with a modern
spirit, ala Shakespeare in Love, with just a touch of A Knight's Tale and The
Princess Bride. While the film never rises to that level, its enthusiasm is
infectious and you can have a good time just letting it wash over you. Despite
all the nudity, it has a PG spirit and would make a very suitable date movie.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Good Luck Chuck
(2007)
Chuck was at a birthday party in grammar school or junior high, and playing
spin the bottle. He ends up in the closet with a Goth chick who demands to see
his penis and wants to sleep with him. When he refuses, she tears out some of
his hair and casts a spell on him. He will have no end of women, but only once
each. They will then marry the next person they date. Cut to the future. His
best friend has become a plastic surgeon who does boob jobs, and he is a
dentist. He is unable to find love. The curse is working, and his friend
pushes him to make the best of it. He has gained a reputation. Women are dying
to sleep with him so they will then meet their true love. He enjoys this for a
while, but falls for Jessica Alba, a penguin keeper, and tries to figure out
how to break the curse before he loses her.
Alba was singled out for Razzies, which I think was a little unfair. The
part didn't demand much, and I thought she delivered it. Critics were not kind
to the film in general. Of course one of the main reasons for raunchy comedies
is to show boobs, so I can imagine that the censored theatrical version was
much less satisfying than this one. Good Luck Chuck: The Unrated Edition (2007) does what an unrated edition is
supposed to do -- it dramatically ups the boob count. Chelan Simmons shows breasts and buns. Yasmine Vox, Vivian Dal Cengio,
Victoria Bidewell, Susan McLellan, Simone Bally, Michelle Andrew, Kari-Ann Wood,
and Carrie Fleming all show breasts in the film, and in the special features.
IMDb readers say 5.5.
Chelan Simmons 15
Yasmine Vox 19
Viviana del Cengio 14
Annie Wood
Victoria Bidewell 5
Susan McLellan 2
Simone Bailly 7
Michelle Andrew 7
Kari-Anne Wood 5
Carrie Fleming 11
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Notes and collages
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Mkone is back with Season 5, episode 4
of The L-Word. Collages to the right, film clips to the left.
Mkone also produced some new clips of
Kathryn Erbe in Stir of
Echoes (samples below)
 
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Hugo
Hugo is also back with his latest
masterful collages
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Finally, the sexy Eastern European model Malgosia Bela. This may be
an old picture, but it's new to me. |
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