The Heart of Me (2002) is a UK period soap set between WW I and WW 2 about the trials of being a stuffy as hell upper middle class Brit. The basic plot premise has a wealthy young man married to a proper gentlewoman (Olivia Williams), living in a proper flat, and having proper parties for their proper friends. When he isn't busy keeping up appearances, he is sport humping Williams' bohemian sister, Helena Bonham Carter. Lots of dynamics to play with in this triangle, but they preferred to focus on whom could keep the corn cob stuck up their arse the longest. I listen to part of the commentary, and discovered that the director and writer both still had theirs firmly implanted.

The only saving grace of this muck is breast exposure from both Helena Bonham Carter and Olivia Williams. IMDB readers have this at 6.0 of 10. Critics are divided between those that call this a soap opera but give three stars anyway, and those that call this a soap opera and give it the low marks it deserves. Even a talented cast could not save this given the dialogue and direction. Very low C-.

Some .wmv film clips

• Sherilyn Fenn in Meridien.

In the Cut (2003)

I'm sick of this film. I have talked about it several times. I read the book. Then I talked about that. I've done images several times. Tuna has done images. Enough!

• Here are my words.

• Here are my latest Meg Ryan images. I tried to do some different stuff this time - different lighting, whatever. Some of it came out good, other collages suck. So it goes. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

UPDATES:

• Updates for Meg Ryan and Theresa Russell.

MISCELLANEOUS:

• This is a beautiful non-nude picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt, but - didn't she used to have breasts?
• The people that did Old School and Road Trip have a new film coming up - Eurotrip. They are really marketing heavily at the age bracket 17-25, and probably the fake ID crowd as well - so much so that they actually included nudes in the pictures in their official publicity package. Here's an example.
• I was going to do a capture from that video clip of Nicole Ari Parker and Laurel Holloman in that lesbian scene, but Herr Haut already had some good captures. Here's Nicole, and here's Laurel.

OTHER CRAP:

• RALPH NADER CONSIDERS WRECKING 2004 ELECTION: "Mr. Nader was huddling with prominent crackpots in Washington, D.C. today to determine whether he has enough support among wing-nuts and whack-jobs nationwide to mount an entirely meaningless campaign."
• You Got Served is now ranked as the worst movie of all time at IMDb, knocking Gigli out of the bottom 10.
• "Project_ISM is a public self expression forum in which women present themselves as they would like to be seen, naked."
• Mutant Reviewers from Hell do one of Junior's faves, "PCU"
• Something that represents a sad passing for some of us old-timers: the record store is about to go the way of the dinosaurs. "Daddy, what's a record?"
• Is it my imagination, or is the Mouseketeer's mouth actually larger than that of a Mako shark? How can she open it that wide?
• Senator John Kerry once recorded a rock album with a band called The Electras in 1961. A copy is now selling on e-bay for more than $2300.
• Want to reduce the likelihood of a stroke? Get bit by a vampire. For real.
• Nipple shields are selling like crazy after their national spokeswoman's Super Bowl demonstration.
• Black leaders challenge the Michigan caucus results. The white folks seem to have moved the caucus sites, and they ... um ... forgot to tell the black people. Oopsy daisy.
• Kerry over Dean 49-31 in Washington caucus. Kerry with a commanding early lead in Michigan.
• As predicted, it has changed yet again! "Singer Janet Jackson has confirmed reports she has pulled out of presenting an award at this year's Grammys - following her controversial performance at the Super Bowl."
• Coming soon has five more new clips from Eurotrip.
• South Africa is in the Berlinale limelight with a star-studded new John Boorman drama
• Who says Asian women all have small breasts?
• The home page for the American Association for Nude Recreation. (Some innocent nudity)
• Cate Blanchett presents women-driven Western at Berlinale
• Jim Carrey is no fun since he gave up s-s-s-s-s-mokin'
• Would you buy a way of life from a guru? Francis Wheen traces the rise and rise of mystic mumbo-jumbo.
• Astronomy Pic of the Day for February 7 - The Little Ghost Nebula
• Roddick sets a new record for serve speed.
• ESPN seems to have missed this in their analysis of the most boneheaded moves in the history of sports. In was June of 1984, and the Portland Trailblazers had a critical decision to make. Would they choose greatness, or would they choose to suck? Being the Trailblazers, they chose suckiness, and Da Bulls got His Airness. The first year after that draft, the Bulls improved by 11 games, the Blazers fell by 6. Neither Bowie nor Jordan was the #1 pick. They were #2 and #3. The first draft pick that year went to the 29-53 Houston Rockets. They took Alajuwon, and it was the correct choice, at least in the short run. They improved by 19 games the next year, and went to the NBA finals the year after that. I guess you know what happened to the Bulls - eventually - but it took a long time and a lot more components before they could build that famous 72-10 team.
• Janet's beau quits Grammy-related job: "In continuing post-Super Bowl fallout, Jackson's boyfriend, Jermaine Dupri, quit Friday as president of the Atlanta chapter of the National Association of Recording Arts & Sciences, the organization that puts on the Grammy Awards."
• Story sucks, but let's hear you say this headline five times rapidly: Police hunt cockle picker gangmasters. Quentin Tarantino already has half the script completed.
• Nostalgia. Did you grow up in, go to school in, get stationed near, or visit Dallas in the 70s or 80s? In that case, you remember the legendary Bowley and Wilson
• Nostalgia, history: Central Pacific Railroad Photographic History Museum
• Former shock-rocker Kinky Friedman to run for Governor of Texas in 2006.
• Modern Nostradamus predicted Janet Jackson "outing" in the summer of 2001.
• Hillary Clinton nominated for a Grammy. Best Spoken Word album. Their whole family is very oral.
• Beauty queen posed nude for a web site, may have to forfeit her crown.
• Four more free videos from Playboy's Beach Babes!
• Why do they call it "Folding Money"? Fun with Greenbacks, some of it not paranoid.
• The Horror Channel to launch in October
• The now famous two headed baby dies after surgery.
• Nielsen SoundScan reported that music sales so far in 2004 are up 10 percent over the year-ago period.
• A Beijing businessman has applied to use the Chinese name of US President George Bush to market his disposable diapers.. Because they're full of ...
• JoBlo covers the lamest rumors in the current filmosphere. Will Farrell as one of the Three Stooges? In the immortal words of Oscar Wilde, "Nyuck, nyuck".
• No Cameras Allowed for Feb 13th Jacko hearing. Judge offers no explanation.
• Stephen Wolfram's "A New Kind of Science" is now available online

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

1. Something old.  Rachel Ward in Night School. Her most significant nudity. (.avi version, .wmv version .wmv version part 1 .wmv version part 2)

2. Something new. No matter which decade you're discussing, one thing is sure: Helen Mirren is naked. She did it twice last year, in Calendar girls and in this film, The Roman Spring of Mrs Stone (.avi version, .wmv version)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Jessica Lange nude in the 1988 mvoie "Everybody's All-American". These are from the recently released DVD. Graphic adds...'The scenes are still too dark to make it a winner but it still gets the message across OK'.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

"Love In a 4 Letter World" (1970)
French-Canadian sex comedy about a man with a beautiful wife and daughter who lusts after a woman (Cayle Chernin). Previously Monique Mercure was confused with Cayle Chermin.

• Cayle Chernin: full frontal and some gyncocam plus lesbian scene. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Helen Whyte: boobs and butt as the wife.
• Candy Greene: boobs and butt as the daughter.
• Unknown: big boobs.
• Strippers: topless.

"Night of the Demons III" (1997)
Third installment starring Amelia Kinkade this time filmed in Canada. The highlight is when she gives a blowjob to a handgun and spits out the bullets afterwards.

• Amelia Kinkade: lacy outfit, then fellating handgun. (1, 2)
• Tara Slone: nice topless love scene.
• Patricia Rodriguez: buns and breasts.
• Stephanie Bauder: bodydub, bodydub, bodydub.

"The Funny Farm" (1983)
Comedy drama about the standup circuit not to be confused with the Chevy Chase classic. Most of the shots are very dark. No nudity.

• Eileen Brennan: wrapped in bedsheet.
• Tracey Bregman: tight shirt, some leg.
• Jacoba Knaapen: brassiere pokies.

"Puppets Who Kill: Portrait of Buttons"
Season two has started last week. In this week's episode they have Canadian nurses who administer handjobs to assist guys who donate sperm. The thing to avoid is the male nurses.

• Polly Shannon: fully clothed people sex and puppet sex.
• Anna Silk: sexy as nurse about to administer handjob.

"Hog Wild" (1980)
Really bad Canadian biker movie. The high school students look old enough to be college seniors. No nudity.

• Karen Stephen: mega cleavage in flimsy brassiere, partial butt taking off pants.
• Bronwen Mantel: pokies tied up in bed.
• Stephanie Miller: cleavage in love scene.

"Suzanne" (1980)
One scene not to be missed is the go-go dancer audition. Not only did Jennifer Dale hike up her skirt but you can see a then-unknown Michele Scarabelli strut her stuff in a white bustier and cut-off shorts.

• Jennifer Dale: upskirt.
• Michele Scarabelli: nice legs.

"Conspiracy of Silence" (1991)
Miniseries based on a true story. Michelle St. John is sort of full frontal as a dead body in a post rape scene.

• Michelle St. John: gory nude.

"Family of Cops III" (1999)
Third and final installment of the Charles Bronson franchise. Laura Catalano is probably the blonde waitress in the bar scene.

• Assorted ladies (1, 2, 3)

"Welcome to Paradox: Blue Champagne Resort"
Weird episode about a woman (Rachel Hayward) who stars in virtual reality programs.

• Rachel Hayward: bare back, swimsuit, underwear.
• Jennifer Copping: partial breast, love scene.

Misc. stuff:

• Michelle St. John: distant dorsal nudity skinnydipping in "Where the Spirit Lives" (1989)
• Kathleen Laskey: underwear after sex in "Head Office" (1985).
• Jennifer Copping: showing legs taking off panties in "Impolite" (1992).

"Out of Order"
2003 Showtime mini-series turned into a feature-length film for DVD tells the story of married screenwriters who cope with her depression, overuse of alcohol and marijuana, and loss of interest in intimacy. As she struggles with her demons, he tries very hard to remain faithful despite being very tempted to stray. When he becomes attracted to a neighborhood soccer mom, things get even more difficult.

Very well done and interesting, and will be especially attractive to fans of shows like "Thirty Something", as it deals with many of the same issues.

• Kim Dickens
• Assorted hot tub nudity