Body of Influence 2 (1996) is a very weak very soft soft core about the worlds dumbest analyst. Not only did he get involved with a patient and end up accused of her murder in the original, but he does it again this time. The patient is played by Jodie Fisher. The shrink still suffers from flashbacks to the previous dead girl, Kelly Howard. There are two scenes in a sex club where we see assorted body parts including full frontal from some of the guests, but our two stars limit the exposure to breasts and buns. The sex scenes are tepid at best.

IMDB readers have this at 3.8 of 10. Believe it or not, it cost over $1M to make. There is really nothing here worth even a rental fee. D-.

Gothika (2003)

I have to admit that this campfire story fooled me.

Halle Berry plays a respected psychiatrist who wakes up one day confined as a patient to the same hospital where she had been a physician.  In fact, being a physican there is the last thing she remembers when she wakes up as a patient. (She has no memory of the intervening three days and nights.)

Even in the most difficult of circumstances, a physician would not be confined to the mental institution where she had been on staff three days earlier. In addition, automatic writing appears on Halle's skin and on her prison walls, and she sees ghosts. Finally, Halle is locked in a cell with no toilet.  ( I didn't make that up. See the picture at the scoopy.com page ). Therefore, given the surrealism inherent in those circumstances, I assumed she must be either dreaming or dead, in the tradition of Jacob's Ladder or The Sixth Sense.

I was wrong.

You can probably understand why I erred. The authorities really did throw her into her own institution; she really was locked in a cell with no toilet; and there really were ghosts.

Essentially, the presence of real ghosts explained all the unexplainable mysteries, including some elements of her patients' cases which she had been unable to understand back in her psychiatrist days. Indeed, Halle learned that anything in the world which didn't previously make sense - anything from the patients' paranoia, to the square root of minus one, to the 2000 balloting in Florida -  can be attributed to ghosts.

Well, except for romance - you can blame that on the Bossa Nova.

It really made me re-think my life. I realize that I have had the ghost-to-dance ratio all wrong in my blame calculations.

In the past, whenever things didn't work out the way I planned, I used to blame pretty much everything on the Bossa Nova. It started early on. My mom would say, "how did this room get so messed up, Mr. Smarty-Pants Future Webmaster, and what are all those scuff marks on the floor?", and I would respond, "Ma, the Bossa Nova contest?? Duh!!". I got to a point in my mid-twenties where I couldn't accept any responsibility for my own actions. I'd blame the Bossa Nova for my substance abuse, for the dissolution of my first marriage, even for the fact that my musical career wasn't doing as well as that of Joćo Gilberto.

Oh, wait a minute. That last one really was the fault of the Bossa Nova. But I was wrong about all the other stuff - everything except the Gilberto thing.

What was I thinking of? How could I have thought all my problems were caused by some silly, but infectious, Latin rhythm? Now I realize that nearly all of those things should have been blamed on ghosts. Logical enough. I can't imagine why I couldn't figure it out before this. If only Gothika had been made a few decades earlier. I would have been so much wiser.

Even if you accept the omnipresent interference of ghosts as the explanation for all human mysteries, ranging from the Dewey-Truman headline to the career of Justin Timberlake, you may get irritated by the way Halle got out of a corner that the script painted her into. Halfway through the film, it seemed hopeless for Our Girl. Incarcerated, drugged, haunted by ghosts, accused of murder, advised by her lawyer to plead insanity, and with all of the evidence stacked high enough to convict her beyond any reasonable doubt, Halle seemed doomed to spend the rest of her life in an institution.

You be the screenwriter. How could the script possibly get her out of that?

Easy as pie:

• First, Halle breaks free from the institution by overpowering a guard in her cell, taking his keys, and using the high-tech approach of "running away", a master plan which goes off without a hitch, abetted by her especially tricky move of hiding underwater in a swimming pool. A clear, indoor swimming pool. No bubbles, no colored water, no jets of water, no waves.

• Second, after her escape, with all of the local law enforcement officers and the entire FBI looking for her pretty ass, she makes the even more deceptive move of driving to her own house. And nobody thinks to look there.

That escape process starts into motion a final act which consists of the oldest crime movie cliché in the book, the ol' "The police believe I'm guilty and have closed the case, so I'll have to escape and solve the crime myself" trick. Even with her heroics, Halle still would have had trouble solving the crime, except that the ubiquitous ghosties helped her. Ghosts, it seems, have their own agendas, and sometimes they will assist humans in a crime scene investigation if it frees their souls, or punishes their murderers, or perhaps just because they're bored with the whole spooky noises thing. It is not known whether the ghost detectives wear invisible fedoras and chain-smoke Phantom Chesterfields.

Can you see why I was fooled, why I thought that none of it was real, and that it must all have been a dream of some kind?

I guess I'm being pretty mean, and when you couple that nastiness with the feeble 17% good reviews, you might conclude that the film is entirely without merit. After all, 17% is down there with Boat Trip and Gigli. You have to assume this movie sucks, right?

That assumption wouldn't be fair.

This is the kind of movie where you want to praise the director (Matthew Kassovitz) and criticize his film. I liked a lot of what he accomplished here. I liked the sets he chose, and I admired the way he maintained the atmosphere with a deft balance of lighting, music, dampness, rapid camera movement, effective acting, and nimble editing. Very creepy stuff, lots of "boo" moments. Even though the critics didn't care for it, the film grossed $59 million and Yahoo voters were enthusiastic, scoring it a B on the average, based on thousands of votes.

So there's no denying that it had some appeal and some strengths. Unfortunately, the second half of the script cried out for the Monty Python "too silly" guy.

Kassovitz will undoubtedly make some great genre films in the future. He almost pulled it off here, but he just didn't have the stud hoss script he needed.

• Halle Berry. Not much to see. (1, 2)

• Some loonies, full frontals and all. (1, 2, 3, 4)

OTHER CRAP:

• OutKast Wins "Album of the Year" Grammy
• The current betting odds for Worst Picture. Gigli is the favorite, of course, but From Justin to Kelly is still hanging tight.
• Current Worst Actress odds. J-Lo and Kelly Clarkson are running about even.
• Current Worst Actor odds. Affleck and Justin Guarini are neck-and-neck.
• Current Best Director odds. Jackson is a runaway favorite. The big news here is that Eastwood has dropped to fourth, behind Weir. I'm kinda shocked that Meirelles is only 15 to 1. I expected about 100 to 1. Who the hell would bet on him with only 15 to 1?
• Current Best Picture odds. This has gotten to a point where a winning $1.00 bet on ROTK will only return $1.15.
• Current Best Actor odds. Penn 3/5, Murray 23/20.
• Current Best Actress odds. Theron 1/5, Watts 5/2, Keaton 3/1. Theron and Watts gaining, Keaton losing ground.
• Here are four more free videos from Playboy's Big Breast Babes!
• Kerry Easily Wins Maine Caucuses. Kucinich actually got 13% in this one (more than Edwards)!
• Grammys 2004 Tally. Updated in real time.
• Timberwolf accepts Grammy with an apology. Pussy. Pop stars are sure wusses now, aren't they? What do you think Keith Richards would have said in the same situation? Jim Morrison? Frank Zappa?
• Cool quiz. Are they quotes from George W. Bush or Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars Movies?
• Study shows: No harm in extended Internet use. Unless you want a girlfriend.
• U.S. believes it has found Saddam's money: Woah - turns out it was under his pillow all along. Whoda thunk it?" Representatives for the tooth fairy responded that Saddam had left three billion teeth under his pillow, and so received 300 million dollars at the standard rate of ten cents a tooth.
• Do you feel that your life is not quite complete? This could be the missing piece: a new crime mystery/thriller written by the master of suspense himself, Bill O'Reilly. Honest. No, really.
• This one is a real news story: Nutty FCC Chairman Michael Powell considered a "tittygate" license revocation hearing against CBS after last week's Super Bowl, but aides calmed him down by offering to have Janet Jackson sent to Gitmo instead.
• This one is a satire from whitehouse.org: FCC Chairman Michael Powell Unveils Strict New Guidelines for Defining Televised Indecency
• Zellweger Says Audiences Want Top Roles for Women. Except that men want to add the suffix "-less" to one of those words.
• This is for you guys who are REALLY into large breasts. I'm not kidding here. We're talking monstrously huge and natural. (You'll notice I didn't mention the word "attractive"?)
• A cool slide show of the final scene from Robert Altman's Pret-a-porter.
• Mouseketeer thinking of getting remarried. US Magazine says she's still dating her ... um... ex-husband.
• Bill Clinton wins his Grammy, Hillary loses hers. In case you have forgotten, Clinton narrates a revisionist version of Peter and the Wolf in which the Wolf is set free at the end. Details here.
• Janet rejected a CBS offer, finally said "no" to additional apologies, but Timberwolf caved. "Janet Jackson has decided not to accept the CBS offer to appear on tonight's Grammy show. The network said it would allow her to present a tribute to Luther Vandross if Jackson apologized for her appearance on last Sunday's Super Bowl half-time show." As I write this, the Grammys have already begun, but I'm sure she still has time to change her mind one more time before it ends. The article also says, "Justin Timberlake however has decided to go for it. The ‘NSync singer will read some kind of apology to the nation so he can make a cameo on the Grammy show."
• Barbershop 2 and Miracle both open big. They grossed $25m, and $20m, respectively, for the top two spots this weekend. Return of the King passed the $350 million mark. ROTK will soon pass Jurassic Park for the all-time #6 spot, but it needs $53 million to crack the all-time Top 5, which doesn't seem to be in the cards at this point. The three LOTR movies are currently rated #7, #8, and #13 in all-time box office, and they are #4, #5, and #6 in the all-time IMDb rankings.
• FallonFey.com has already posted the complete weekend update tape from last night's SNL! (Megan Mullally 2-7-04) The quote of the day comes from Tina Fey, "It was a disappointing primary season for Joe Lieberman, but on the plus sign, his campaign was long, quiet, and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday."
• There's now a trailer online for The Cookout, a new Queen Latifah comedy.
• A Young Person's Guide to Chastity Belts. The title reminds me of National Lampoon's famous list of Nancy Reagan's Dating Dos and Don'ts. Yeah, those chastity belts are all the rage with kids today. What girl's room doesn't include her stuffed animals, her Justin poster, her Monet or Degas print, and of course her chastity belt?
• Weekly World News: Land Sharks Exist. Great Whites hunt on shore.: "Sharks with small, stumpy but powerful legs that allow them to run as rapidly on land as crocodiles have been spotted by dozens of eyewitnesses with impeccable reputations, in the Central American nation of Costa Rica."
• Laura Bush defends husband's interest in newspapers: "She also disputed the president's statement that he gets news from his aides and not from newspapers. The first lady says the two have read papers together for years. She says what her husband meant was that he doesn't read columnists he disagrees with or every section of every paper." Yeah, he doesn't read the national news, or the international news, or the local news, or the entertainment, or the sports. He does enjoy the subtle interaction between Nancy and Sluggo.
• The sure way to get blacklisted by telemarketers - recite bad poetry to them, and ask for their reactions in depth.
• Torrie and Sable will do a pictorial together in the upcoming Playboy.
• European court backs ban on Red Bull energy drink. Because European courts have no more important things to consider. They hope to weigh on on V-8 and Tang soon. Hopefully before their manned space launch.
• FilmJerk.com looks at the first draft of Will Farrell's: "Anchorman"
• Complete transcript of Tim Russert's Meet the Press interview with George Bush.
• Here we go again, as we predicted. Jackson undecided about Grammys! And this was 10 hours before they were scheduled to start. So she should have time to issue at least five more press releases: two yesses, two nos, and an undecided. Then the actual telecast will show her at the door to the auditorium. She starts to go in, hesitates, steps backward. Steps forward again ...
• Can you tell the difference between a real smile and a fake smile? Obviously I can't. I scored 11/20, and you should get that many with blind guessing since there are only two choices for each answer.
• MovieJuice! reviews Miracle. "But what better moment for a movie that takes us back to a time when the only revealed boob in the Jackson family was Tito."
• Peter Jackson honored by the Directors Guild. About 90% of the time, the guild's Best Director also gets the Best Director Oscar.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

1. An interesting comparison. Here's young Nicole Kidman, not in great physical shape, in Billy Bathgate. (.avi version, .wmv version), and here's a more mature 30-something Kidman in perfect trim in Eyes Wide Shut. (.avi version, .wmv version)

2. You may never see this again considering she's now a gigastar and seems to have settled into flicks for young girls. (It's a shame, because she has talent and energy to burn.) Here's Reese Witherspoon giving up the goods in Twilight. (.avi version, .wmv version)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Charisma Carpenter in a bikini scene from the second season DVD set of "Angel". (1, 2)

• Stacy Dash, the "Clueless" star getting it on in scenes from "Illegal In Blue". (1, 2, 3)

  This is my favorite submission of the day! The absolutely gorgeous Stacy Haiduk topless in a shower scene and also in a love scene from the 1990 movie "Luther the Geek". I'm not sure why Haiduk never became a bigger star. She can act, has an amazing face and has almost Connelly-esque large, natural breasts! She was about 21 or 22 when this movie was made and well...all I can say is wow. It's not currently available on VHS or DVD, so kudos to the Ghost for this find.

• Stacy Haiduk (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Assorted 'caps from the Ghost:

• Dawn Dunlap yopless in scenes from from "Heartbreaker, Streets of Fire." (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Mary Ann O'Donnell, also topless and showing off some pretty decent abs in more scenes from "Heartbreaker, Streets of Fire." (1, 2, 3)

• An almost topless unknown from "Heartbreaker, Streets of Fire." (1, 2, 3)

• Janet Gunn, the former "Silk Stalkings" star shows off her goodies in a love scene from "Night of the Running Man" (1994). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Kathrin Lautner, showing all 3 B's in more scenes from "Night of the Running Man". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Stacey Dash, best known for her roles in the movie and TV series "Clueless", here she is topless and gettin' it on in "Illegal In Blue".
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Night Shift"
The nudity in Night Shift comes from some unidentified ladies, although the credits indicate they are probably all B-movie actresses. Shelley Long is very sexy when she is down to her underwear.

• Shelley Long (1, 2, 3)
• Unknowns (1, 2, 3)

"Night Moves"
Plenty of nudity in Night Moves by a young Melanie Griffith (complete with bush and gyno-cam views!), Susan Clark and Jennifer Warren. Janet Ward shows cleavage.

• Melanie Griffith (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Susan Clark (1, 2, 3)
• Jennifer Warren (1, 2, 3)
• Janet Ward (1, 2)

"The Morning After"
Some good pokies by Jane Fonda in The Morning After and the briefest of nipple poking out as well.

• Jane Fonda (1, 2, 3)

"An Awfully Big Adventure"
Georgina Cates is the person in An Awfully Big Adventure and goes topless. An aging Carol Drinkwater is found completely naked.

• Georgina Cates (1, 2, 3)
• Carol Drinkwater

"The Osiris Project"
Some mild pokies by Rebekah Carlton in The Osiris Project, a movie not in the IMDB.

• Rebekah Carlton

"Replicant"
Marnie Alton is down to her underwear in Replicant.

• Marnie Alton (1, 2, 3, 4)

"Naked News"
I notice that there are some new naked ladies in Naked News that I don't think have appeared in the FH before. There's April Torres, Samantha Page and Ashley Jenning (who starts off wearing an Aussie bikini but I haven't heard of her down here. She's built like one of Hef's mates.)

• April Torres (1, 2)
• Samantha Page
• Ashley Jenning

Serena Grandi
(1, 2, 3, 4)