Alexander (2004):

Here is the condensed .wmv version of the monstrous DeadRed .avi of Rosario Dawson in Alexander. This was voted the #6 sex scene in 2004. If the rankings were based solely on my opinion rather than voting, it would have been #2 behind Eva Green in The Dreamers. It's a great nude/sex scene, although it's somewhat spoiled by some corny music, even cornier dialogue, and hammy performing.

There's no real dialogue in this condensed version, but if you want the whole 40 meg ball of wax, here's a RapidShare link (they are .avi files with a DIVX codec, and they have been compressed into .rar files, so you need to know what do do with that kind of package.)

All Things Fair (1995):

(This is a Swedish language film. The original title is "Lust och fägring stor," which translates literally approximately as "Pleasure and great beauty.")

One of the great experiences offered by film is transportation to another time and place otherwise unknowable. I suppose what I mean is "emotionally unknowable." It's possible to read an accurate historical account about what Sweden was like during WW2, but a film allows us to actually live in the time for a moment, and to store that time in a special place in our brains where we house manufactured memories. These memories become as much a part of us as our real ones, because they go directly to our subconscious and fill us with knowledge that we aren't even aware of. Did women wear stockings then? Heels? Did people get filthy from coal-generated heat? Did unmarried couples use condoms? Were children educated about sex in schools? Was there a sense that the people in Stockholm were different from the rest of the Swedes? Did people support Sweden's neutrality?  Was there a constant state of fear that the Germans might violate that neutrality when Sweden stopped being Germany's bitch in 1943? Were people worried that the Allied armies might choose a Scandinavian route to attack Germany, thus raising the possibility of warfare on Swedish soil? The answers to all of these questions have now been buried somewhere inside my head.

The big question then becomes, "Can I trust these memories, or not?" As I age, I become less trustful of film-implanted memories because I see more and more films about places and times I lived through and I realize that they may have the facts right and the artifacts authentic, but have presented the whole zeitgeist wrong, or have gotten all the wrong items in focus. I then start to think, "If the films about the seventies are so misleading, then I probably shouldn't trust the films about the forties either." In the case of this film, however, I'm willing to take a leap of faith. Bo Widerberg, one of the greatest of all the Swedish directors, was 15 and living in Malmö when the war ended. He wrote and directed this film about a fifteen year old living in Malmö toward the end of the war. It is a work of fiction, so I do not believe that all the episodes in the film actually happened to him, but I do believe that they all resonate truthfully, that the conversations in this film could have happened, and that the characters are drawn from real people.

I suppose you'd like to know what else the film is besides a history lesson about Swedish high school kids in WW2. Well, imagine if Ingmar Bergman had directed My Tutor, and you'll get the idea. Start with a sexually inexperienced and generally misinformed 15 year old boy falling into an affair with his thirty-something teacher. Now if Bergman had directed My Tutor, what would have been different? First, the teacher and her husband would be living lives of quiet desperation and excessive alcohol consumption. The teacher, using the student as her refuge from an unfulfilled marriage, would unrealistically cling to the idea that the extra-marital bliss could continue unabated. The student, after gaining sexual confidence, would want to move on to love, and would look for someone his own age. The teacher, jilted for a mere girl, would take revenge by failing the student in class. The student would then be forced into his own forms of revenge, like telling all to the cuckolded husband and destroying the teacher's most prized possessions.

Because all things are fair in love.

Throw in a sub-plot in which the student's beloved older brother is killed in a wartime submarine tragedy.

Because all things are fair in war.

There you have all the ingredients for a wacky, sexy coming-of-age story, Swedish style.

To be honest, my description is unfair. Like those hack films about the seventies that I talked about above, I have presented all the facts right, but I simply have assembled them in a way that misrepresents the essence of the movie. All Things Fair is not weighted down with tragedy, although tragedy there is. The characters are not overwhelmingly mean or vengeful, although they have moments of both. The script does not leave all of its characters bereft of hope and joy, nor is it weighted down with stoop-shouldered sadness as many Scandinavian films are. It is simply a slice of real life in that time and place, and it incorporates unhappy moments with others which are pleasant, sweet, and entertaining. It is simply a realistic depiction of the way adolescents first learn about the plusses and minuses of adult life. It's a coming of age story that actually recreates all the facets of what it feels like to come of age. It's sort of the Swedish equivalent of The Summer of '42.

And it is a good film, having been nominated for the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film, and scoring above 7.0 at IMDb. It's not widely known, but I think most people will enjoy it if they are in the mood for a thoughtful film.

The film represented a bittersweet finish to the directorial career of Bo Widerberg, whose films were not widely seen internationally, but who was considered one of Europe's master craftsmen in the period 1963-76. He had once gained a degree of renown in the United States for his exquisitely filmed 1967 work, Elvira Madigan, but by the time All Things Fair was released, nearly three decades later, his name was all but unknown in the States. The success of All Things Fair should have been his victory parade. After all, he had made a major comeback by writing and directing an autobiographical Oscar-nominated film starring his own son in the character based on himself. That's close to the top of the world for a film auteur. Sadly, his joy was to be short-lived. In a somber epilogue, Widerberg died of cancer before he could make another film.

That's exactly the way the story would have ended in a Swedish movie.

 

Marika Lagerkrantz looks like a DNA splice between Helen Slater and Charlotte Rampling, with a touch of Linda Hamilton as well.

Here's a film clip of her frontal scene

... and here are the caps:

Marika Lagerkranz

Marika was a star in Sweden before and after this film, but her only other nudity that I know of was in I Wonder Who's Kissing You Now, as seen here in captures from Herr Haut.

Marika Lagerkranz

 

Karen Huldt looks like Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan. According to IMDb she disappeared for nearly a decade after making this film, but recently re-emerged with a small role in a Swedish TV series. Here are her caps:

Karin Huldt

 

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

"Satanico Pandemonium (la sexorcista)"

Satanico Pandemonium (la sexorcista) (1975) is a Mexican nunsploitation film starring Cecilia Pezet. It contains a good deal of controversial material, including a self-flagillation scene, a lesbian encounter, torture, and grisly murders. The by line, "From Bride of Christ to Slave of Satan," summarizes the plot.

Cecilia Pezet is topless in much of the film, and shows bush and buns in a well lit scene. Several other women are partially or completely nude in a party scene near the end.

Evidently, nuns are considered erotic in some cultures, as I have run into that claim from both Italian and Latin film makers. I never found them so. Sister Michael Marie, AKA Big Mike, was the only reasonably young nun I ever met, and lust was not one of the feelings she evoked in me. Be that as it may, nunsploitation allows the use of serious taboos and a lot of symbols and imagery lacking in the WIP genre, although they are otherwise similar as groups of confined women who must look elsewhere for sexual gratification. This film made quite effective use of these symbols, including Satan as a serpent, a black cat and an owl, an apple symbolizing temptation, and many religious icons. The film makers committed what, for me, is a very serious crime with the ending.

Complete Spoilers Warning

The plot, essentially, is that the most pious of the nuns is tempted by Satan, succumbs, tries to seduce a young shepherd and another nun, kills several, and finally makes a pact with the devil in exchange for the job of jefe (Mother Superior). The nuns then throw a drunken party, where she sees the results of her leadership. At the end of the party, she is stabbed to death. I have no quarrel up to this point. Then we cut to real life, where we learn that nothing we have just seen really happened. These were simply temptations of Satan inflicted on her while in a coma dying of the plague. I absolutely despise endings that essentially say, ha ha, fooled you. Nothing you just wasted 90 minutes on actually happened.

It is easy to understand their motives for the ending, especially given that it was made in Mexico in 1975. The nudity and simulated sex would have bothered the church, but the notion that the most pious of the nuns could be easily and completely co-opted by Satan would have caused a furor. However, it would be in keeping with the church viewpoint that Satan would sorely tempt her on her death bed, and virtue would triumph.

End Spoilers

IMDb readers say 6.2 but based on only 47 votes. There are no major reviews listed at IMDb. The film was beautifully photographed, and the mondo MACABRO DVD release is pristine. Most of the plentiful nudity is in clear light, and special features include two shorts, and cover art. The film itself was visually stunning, but lacked pace, and managed an ending as odious to me as the evil dwarf, evil identical twin and split personality. The use of symbols and religious icons was very good. Those who, like me, enjoy nunsploitation will find it a worthwhile watch, no mater how you feel about the ending. This is a C+.

Cecilia Pezet Unknowns

MICHAEL JACKSON FLIES COACH
Let's Hope He Doesn't Lose Face - Fox News' Roger Friedman reports that Michael Jackson is facing foreclosure on a $270 million loan in 11 days, and his Bahrain royal family supporters have cut him off and told him to leave. He's reportedly so broke, he recently had to fly to Germany, and then on to Italy, on a commercial flight in coach.

* Worse, he had to borrow the money from Tito.
* Actually, Michael flew free because he could fit into the overhead compartment.
* On the bright side, he was the only passenger who didn't mind being stuck between two children.
* He can't even afford food...Luckily, he hasn't eaten since 1984 anyway.
* He's going to Italy to become a priest: he can live in poverty and still have a flock of choirboys.

JESUS PANCAKE FOR SALE
Syrup On The Mount - Mike Thompson of Beachwood, Ohio, said he was making pancakes for his family when he noticed the image of the face of Jesus in the burned marks on one pancake. Believing it to be a sign from God, he naturally put it up for sale on eBay. He said the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich brought $28,000, so he assigned a starting bid price of $500 for the Jesus pancake, adding, "It's a pretty good deal." At last check, nobody had bid.

* If someone pays $500 for that, then it will truly be a miracle.
* It would be ironic if the only hotcake that doesn't sell like hotcakes is the Jesus hotcake.
* It even performed a miracle: he poured low-cal syrup on it, and it turned into the real thing!