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Charlie Bartlett
(2008)
Opens February 22nd
Charlie Bartlett is a high school comedy which comes off as kind of a cross
between Ferris Beuller and Rushmore. The titular hero is a rich kid who has
been kicked out of every private prep school he might conceivably go to, thus
dooming him to public school, where the somewhat soft-spoken and almost
feminine young man shows up the first day carrying a leather attaché case and
wearing a blue blazer crowned by a Latin insignia. As you can well imagine, he
manages to last about a half hour before having his head stuck in the toilet.
But Charlie is a determined and crafty lad who wants to be liked, so he
concocts a plan. He has unlimited access to prescription drugs through the
family's psychiatrists, and the bully who stuck Charlie's head in the toilet
has what it takes to distribute those drugs, so Charlie proposes a
partnership. Charlie soon realizes that he can't just give everyone the same
drugs, so he consults with them, determines their symptoms, then repeats those
symptoms to one of his mom's many shrinks. Bingo. He's not only the school's
drug dealer, but its psychiatrist as well.
Activities like this can't be kept secret very long, so it is inevitable
that Charlie will come into conflict with the school's principal, and their
relationship will be further strained by the fact that Charlie is dating the
principal's daughter.
You're probably thinking that the film sounds like a typical high school
comedy, probably a straight-to-vid. It's better than that. Maybe I can convey
why by telling you that the film's authority figure is played by Robert Downey
Jr., who's not exactly the first person you'd think of when casting a stern
authority figure who needs to crush a teenage drug epidemic. Downey's
character was once the beloved and cynical history teacher, a job for which he
was perfectly suited. He was unwise enough to accept a promotion to principal,
a job totally inappropriate for his natural iconoclasm, and the frustration of
trying to function in the job drove him deep into the bottle. His wife left
him, which drove him deeper into the bottle. As we pick up his story, the only
thing he has left in life is his daughter, who is now having sex with the same
kid who's disrupting his school, a certain Charlie Bartlett.
By allowing the principal to be a complex and somewhat sympathetic
character, the script lifts the film above the level of the usual film about
high school rebellion. In fact, the film allows all of the adults to live and
breathe. Charlie's mother, although dotty, is also very interesting,
kind-hearted and sometimes surprisingly wise. The local police chief prefers
cooling off to busting heads. The only cartoon authority figure is a
superintendent of schools who is despised by both the kids and the principal.
The film can be forgiven that clumsy device for the complexity it exhibits
elsewhere.
Unfortunately, the film's successes in characterization are not matched by
its wit. I really wish I could tell you it is a great comedy, because I liked
its heart, and I liked its characters. But it isn't. It has a lot of the right
ingredients, but it just isn't very funny. The film was originally supposed to
be released last summer, but I can see why it was pulled from the summer
schedule. It's not a rollicking, low-brow summer comedy, despite its premise.
Without the laughs, the film comes up too long on teen angst, and plays out as
a thoughtful character study disguised as a comedy, kind of like Pump Up the
Volume without the edge. If you're OK with that, it's not an unpleasant way to
pass the time.
But if only it had a Spicoli. It coulda binna contenda.
The version I saw was a work print, and it would have to be rated R because
of the drug abuse and nudity. While I personally prefer my high school
comedies R-rated, the R will eliminate a good portion of the film's potential
audience. If this were my film I would try to negotiate a PG-13 from the MPAA,
making any reasonable cuts. (This
nudity, for example, is completely gratuitous. The two girls are extras,
and nothing would be lost if the brief scene were to be snipped.)
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS
(1975)
Ilsa, played by Dyanne Thorne, is an SS officer assigned as commandant of a medical unit.
Her mission is to sterilize women and then send them to forward battle areas
to service the troops sexually. She is far more ambitious than that, and is
doing experiments with some of the women sent to her to develop nastier
strains of diseases, but her real pet project is proving that women have a
higher pain tolerance than men, and should hence be used on the front lines. In fact, there is nearly no end to her creativity. There is the rule that
any female prisoner and male worker caught talking to each other will be
whipped to death. Then there is the pressure chamber used to make Uschi Digard
explode, an electrified dildo, and a nifty little dinner entertainment, where
she puts a naked woman on the dinner table standing on a black of ice, then
puts a noose around her neck. Imagine the fun of watching her slowly hang to
death with your meal. Then there are the male prisoners sent to her to do
maintenance around the place. She also has a creative way of utilizing them.
She spends one night with them, then castrates them. At least, that is how it
worked before an American prisoner with heroic staying power tames her with a
marathon fuck.
This nasty bit of exploitation was produced by our old friend David Friedman.
Friedman distanced himself from the film, not because he wasn't pleased with
it, but because he had issues with the distributor. The distribution must have
been fairly satisfactory because the film was popular enough at the box office
that three additional Ilsa films were made to capitalize on its
rapidly-growing cult reputation. I suppose the proper genre is the roughie, with some WIP
influence, although it lacks a shower scene, and the female warden should
normally be a lesbian. Whatever it is, it's a must-see classic for aficionados
of drive-in exploitation films. It includes water sports, torture, lesbian
content, some of the hairiest pussies ever filmed, and much more. Many unknowns show body parts, mostly full frontal. Also, Dyanne Thorne,
Uschi Digard, Donna Young, Jackie Giroux, Maria Marx, Sandy Richman and Sharon
Kelly give up the goods.
Dyanne Thorne 12
Uschi Digard 3
Donna Young 12
Jackie Giroux 10
Maria Marx 16
Sandy Richman 3
Sharon Kelly 9
Unknowns 24
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Notes and collages
"Friends"
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Jennifer Aniston |
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Episode 217-218
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Rachel's Angels
(2005)
Today's featured performer: Julianna Prada
Film clips
 
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