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Tuna
"The Fall"

The Fall (1988) is a joint British Hungarian film about a former New York prosecutor who is living in Budapest with his girlfriend, who has a high power job, and is working on his first novel. He and the girlfriend are not getting along well. His life becomes suddenly more interesting when a young woman barges into his apartment and collapses on the floor. When he discovers a bloody straight razor in her garter, he is more than a little concerned. We know that she did kill one person chasing her, and that another is still after her. She claims she and her daughter were kidnapped, and they still have her daughter.

She gradually earns the trust of the would-be author, and they have sex. Her supposed kidnapper is none other than an important official in Budapest. The story told by the official, and those around him, is very different than hers. During the final confrontation, the author has to decide whom to trust. Soo Garay (Blues Brothers 2000) shows breasts as a neighbor posing for her lesbian photographer girlfriend. Hélène de Fougerolles (The Beach), as the troubled woman, shows breasts in a lovemaking scene.

IMDB readers give this 5.2 of 10, which may be the correct score, as the performances were uneven, some of the minor characters were not fleshed out, and some of the photography could have been much better. I personally found it an interesting thriller, especially as the conflict was so evenly presented that I could have believed the ending either way it went. C.

  • Thumbnails

  • Helene De Fougerolles (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Soo Garay

    "Faithless"

    Faithless (1997) is a relatively unknown Canadian release that borrows a plot element from Roshamon. It is the story of a cop, his estranged wife, and the egotistical music producer who is seeing her. We are shown three versions of the story, one from each of their viewpoints, which supposedly prepares us for the big ending. Nicole Oliver shows breasts in each of the three versions, in increasingly better light as the story progresses.

    The film suffers from several problems. They used an ungodly amount of trick lighting and jump cuts, especially in the first telling of the story. As soon as the second version started, the entire plot became predictable. None of the characters were well-developed, as to do so would have telegraphed the ending, and none of them were likable. The transfer quality is not good. D+

  • Thumbnails

  • Nicole Oliver (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    "The Prime Gig"

    The Prime Gig (2001) was recently reviewed by Scoopy, and I am going to agree that it was a near miss, but for a different reason. Scoop found the ending very weak, spoiling the film for him. I had no trouble with the hero walking into the sunset, knowing he had been royally screwed, both literally and figuratively, and trying to sort out whether to give up, or to stay in the game, this time a little wiser. Three things bothered me a lot. First, they had a great comedy cast lead by George Wendt, and they dropped them from the story after the first ten minutes. Second, they spent entirely too much time on a romantic relationship with Julia Ormand, and not enough on the telemarketing scams. They had a relationship for no reason that I could figure out between Vince Vaughn and a crippled friend.

    Ormand's breast exposure was brief, and in very poor light. The good news is that some of the photography was absolutely outstanding. Be sure to view images 5 and 6, even though they have no exposure. The head shots are good, and the top scenes are amazing. I will give this a C+.

  • Thumbnails

  • Julia Ormond (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    THE OLYMPICS:

    Don't get upset about this Olympics thing. If you are, it's your own fault. Figure Skating and Ice Dancing aren't sports, any more than Ballet and Tango are. They are rigorous artistic performances that require athleticism and grace. The winner of the competition is whoever the judges vote for, simple as that. Works the same as the Oscars. Some people vote for Titanic as Best Picture. Some people vote for the Russian pairs as Best Skaters. You knew that before you tuned in, didn't you?

    For future reference, here's Scoop's rating of sporting events by credibility:

    1. Olympic sports decided by objective standards. (Sprinting, e.g.)
    2. Olympic sports involving head-to-head competition (Hockey, boxing, etc)
    3. Wrestlemania.
    4. The Scooby Laff-a-lympics
    5. Olympic sports decided by judges.

    Of course, you're listening to a man who used to lose money betting on the Dastardly team in the Laff-a-lympics.

    My suggestion to make the Winter Olympics more entertaining: change Nordic Biathalon to Nordic Biathalon Beyond Thunderdome.

    Two Swedes enter, one Swede leaves.

    Instead of shooting at some wimpy targets, they run the course two at a time, and they shoot at each other. First guy to cross the finish line wins. If they both die before crossing the line, the one closest to the line wins. Now that would be a good sport, with simple rules, and would even make the skis optional. If you're a good enough shot, just plug your opponent right at the starting line, then finish on foot. This would allow violent hot weather countries to participate on an equal footing with more peace-loving tundra-oriented nations, and would allow competitors to bring their favorite firearms - rifle, shotgun, bazooka, Buntline special, whatever. Even non-firearms would be OK. For example, a legitimate move would be to ski way ahead, set a bunch of bear traps, and catch your opponent in them when he skis by. This is called the Wile E Coyote gambit. You can also paint a tunnel on the side of a mountain, and write "short cut" on a nearby arrow, but most of the skiers will not fall for this one. Except maybe the Poles.

    Hey, just kidding about that Polish thing. (I am Polish, in case you didn't know. 100%. All eight great grandparents born in Poland.)

     

    MOVIES:

    In honor of an Oscar nomination for our resident  goddess, I decided to go through the highlights of her nudity on DVD. These are all new captures and collages.

    She did some of her best nudity in Mulholland Falls, but for some reason that has not yet migrated to DVD, even though it's a reasonably good MGM movie. Hey, Tuna, it's on Region 2 DVD - there's a cool project for you - naked Connelly.

    Jennifer also exposed a breast in a Banderas movie called Of  Love and Shadows, which is not on DVD in any region that I know of.

    The four (and a half) with nudity on DVD are:

    The Hot Spot     (1, 2, 3)

    Inventing the Abbotts      (1, 2)

    Waking the Dead      (1, 2)

    Waking the Dead deleted scenes      (1, 2)

    Requiem for a Dream      (1, 2)

     

    The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Top Story
    Jennifer Lopez partial nip slip! The British Tabloids score again with this image of the actress/singer not exactly 100% covered up!

    Helcrom
    If ever there was a sequel that begged to be made, it was the follow up to 1999's "Alien Erotica". So many unanswered questions!

    In "Alien Erotica II", Kira Reed returns as the busty softcore version of Agent Scully. This time around however, they fall short of the humor and X-Files spoof that actually made the first one kinda entertaining. Back again is the plant that makes everyone super horny, and of course...lot's of skin and pseudo sex!

    C2000
    Review and vidcaps by C2000...


    "Sugar, Sugar" (1998)

    Sugar Sugar (Sarah Manners) seems the typical rebellious teenage girl when she swaps her seemingly perfect upper middle class life in a quiet village for the bright lights of London. Having travelled to London with no money or friends she is soon working as a stripper in a Soho club for the hideous TC. Alarmed by her absence Mr Sugar hires a local, Tom (Jason Traynor) to play private investigator. A sensible choice as he has been keeping her under surveillance since their school days. This time it's legitimate! Sugar transforms from lost newcomer to manipulative minx using her sexuality to influence both TC and Tom. She even becomes a gun-toting action girl leading a raid on the warehouse of Mr Big, no not the guy in Sex and the City. There is a dark secret in Sugar's life, she was sexually abused by her father and his mistress, and Mr Sugar is determined the secret remains intact.

    This would have been an infinitely better film if Sugar's death hadn't been revealed inside the first minute. With her fate known it was a matter of discovering the manner of death and the identity of the killer. This is a leading contender for the cinematic Hall of Shame. It is the worst film I have seen in a long time.

    • Sarah Manners is topless emerging from the shower to seduce Tom.

    Region 2 DVD with extra features including director commentary, casting sessions and gallery. The original film and/or DVD transfer is dreadful. This is definitely the worst quality DVD I have seen.

    Dreadful movie, dreadful DVD. I rate this 10/100 with the majority of points being for the nude scene.

    Rasslin'
    From Monday Night's Smackdown....Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson in a bikini posedown. Nothing more that normal bikini exposure, but I kinda like links 4,5 and 6.

    • Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    Variety
    Virginia Madsen Madsen topless in a steamy shower scene from 1985's "Creator". Nice 'caps by Watty.

    Claudia Black This Aussie actress is known to many as one of the babes from the Sci-Fi movie "Pitch Black". Here she is showing some very lovely cleavage on the Sci-Fi Channel show "Farscape". Thanks to DeVo.

    The Funnies
  • A friend emailed this me the other day. I'm not sure of the original source, but kinda reads like a bit from The Onion.


    Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

    Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.  "Right.  They are Just as Evil . . . IN THEIR DREAMS!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.  "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."

    Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

    "An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.  "This is not my rule; it's tradition.  In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.  So you can only have three. And a secret handshake.  Ours is wickedly cool."

    International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as, within minutes, France surrendered.

    Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.  Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia  said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia, and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

    With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be asked to Host the Olympics.

    Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

    "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

    While wondering if the other nations of the world were serious, a cautious President Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application.  Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

    Italy, meanwhile insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

    • Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Manson's Actress Ex Feels Like A Failure Over Broken Romance
    Marilyn Manson's ex-fiancee Rose McGowan still feels like a failure after letting the relationship slip away - because she was sick of bomb threats. The actress broke up with Manson a year ago after a two-year engagement, and she's now stepping out with Frank Zappa's son Ahmet. She says, "Brian (Manson's real name) was charming and sweet and soft, but he'd get bomb threats. I was always on guard. I just got tired. In that way I do feel a bit of a failure." Zappa started dating McGowan last summer after approaching her in a Hollywood burrito shop.