Felicia (1975) is a French hardcore directed by Max Pécas, and is widely considered one of his best. This one was requested by a reader, do to the appearance of Mary Mendum (AKA Rebecca Brooke). Mary and her husband Jean Roche are to take care of a friends teenaged daughter (Béatrice Harnois as Felicia) while her parents are away. They are at a loss as to how to deal with this sullen girl, who gives them nothing but attitude. Felicia has her own plans however, and seduces first Mendum and then Roche.

Pécas did not dwell as much on the mechanics of sex as he did on the motives and the passion, thus there was a great deal of good nudity. The actual hard core content was not that much of the running time. There were some genital closeups, and two money shots, but this was more interesting than the typical hard core in and out. For fetish fans, we have girl/girl, toe sucking and a spanking.

In addition to the total nudity from Mendum and Hamois, two unknowns also gave three B performances. Unfortunately, this DVD was mastered from a VHS copy, and not a very good one. Some of the scenes are very dark, and, with the poor transfer, are hard to see. There was a nigh time swimming pool sex scene, and a long nigh time outdoor girl/girl that yielded few images. Had this been a good transfer from decent source material, it would be a C+, but given the condition, it is a C-.

Lake Consequence (1993):

Lake Consequence has a small, tightly-defined target audience. It is the perfect movie for those of you who like the plotlines and characterization in porn movies, but don't actually enjoy watching hard core sex scenes. Instead of hardcore grinding, this film substitutes the  softcore, "couples erotica" feeling of Red Shoe Diaries - swirling camera movement, sexy jazz music, cutaways to exotic visuals, brief glimpse of body parts

Here's how a typical scene goes. A women is in a trailer. The vehicle attached to the trailer starts to pull away, taking her with it. Unable to escape, and unable to communicate to the driver of the pick-up, she falls asleep. When she awakens, she is in a remote area called Lake Consequence. Nobody at Lake Consequence has a phone, either a cellular or a landline. In order for her to make a phone call, she'll need the driver of the pick-up truck to drive her "miles" into "town".

The driver of the pickup, a beautiful woman who happens to be sunning stark naked when first spied by the trailer passenger, says something like, "Nothing happens by accident. You wanted to be here for some reason. You were looking for something. I suggest we find out what it is." This leads to various sexual acts generally disapproved by the Republican Party. That whole section of the film encompass thirty minutes of running time, but the line in quotes is the only dialogue, except for necessary mundane matters like "do you have a phone?".

"Do you have a phone?" seems to be the softcore equivalent of "I'm here to fix your washing machine."

Luckily for our trailer-girl, the nearby "town" in this remote mountain region not only has a phone, but also a massive parade for the Chinese New Year. If you want to make your own Zalman King films, your characters are required to be within short driving distance of major bacchanalian celebrations. The Chinese New Year is best, but Mardi Gras will do in a pinch. If it is summertime, it is permissible to substitute a traveling carnival with plenty of sweaty, handsome, bare-chested roustabouts sledge-hammering massive stakes into the ground, while straining every muscle in their bodies.

Doug Pratt's Laserdisc Reviews described Lake Consequence beautifully, as follows:

Although the housewife appeared to be living in a typical American suburb, they drive for a while and end up in a remote mountain lake that is apparently up the hill from Thailand, where they go for the evening to debauch after a busy day of skinny dipping. The image has hazes that go beyond deliberateness. A jazz score tends to fill in the vacuum caused by a lack of dialogue.

Oh, let's face it, this really is an episode of Red Shoe Diaries. It was written and directed by the Red Shoe impresario, Zalman King himself. Unfortunately, while Lake Consequence has the same amount of plot and dialogue as a typical episode of that program, it occupies thrice the running time. Since those episodes of Red Shoe Diaries seem to have been stretched to get them to thirty minutes, you can easily imagine the pacing of this film.

Based on our system, this is a D-. It is a porn movie without the porn. If you enjoy softcore couples erotica, this film has the basic elements of that genre, but the quality is so far below average that you would be better served by almost any other comparable material. Except for May Karasun's skinny-dipping, the nudity is not even satisfactory - just disembodied body parts seen in fleeting, hazy glimpses. If you want to see the best nudity from Joan Severance, get the "Safe Sex" episode of Red Shoe Diaries.

• May Karasun (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

• Joan Severance (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

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Today from the Ghost, 'caps and clips of Perrey Reeves topless in a scene from the 1995 movie "Kicking and Screaming". You probably don't recognize the name, but you most likely remember her as Mrs. Frank the Tank from "Old School".

• Perrey Reeves (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
• Perrey Reeves zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

Wendy Cavanaugh
(1, 2, 3, 4)

CHRIS ROCKS F-ING IDIOTS AT OSCARS
The Straight Dope - The Drudge Report claims that longtime Motion Picture Academy members are furious over the choice of Chris Rock as Oscar host and want him replaced. One anonymous movie mogul said some of Rock's recent comments are a "disgrace," such as saying that "awards for art are f---ing idiotic" and that he's "never watched the Oscars," suggesting that only gays watch it. Rock said, "Come on, it's a fashion show. What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one!"