Greaser's Palace (1972) could only have come from that era. Those who remember that time might recall that a common justification for having long hair was that Jesus had long hair, the implication being that hippies were more "Christlike" than the conservative Christians who were not very kind to longhairs. I suppose a natural outgrowth of that was making a hippy "Life of Christ" film, and Robert Downey (senior) stepped up to the plate. The Jesus character, Jessy (Alan Arbus) is a zoot suited wannabe song and dance man on a holy pilgrimage to the old west looking for the agent Morris. He enters a small town that seems to be entirely comprised of "Greaser's Palace" owned by local leader Seaweedhead Greaser and featuring performances from his daughter Cholera Greaser. Then there is his son, Lamy "Homo" Greaser, whom Seaweedhead keeps killing, but whom Jessy keeps resurrecting. Each time, Lamy describes his death experience as follows, "I was swimming in a rainbow with babies and they were all naked, then I turned into a perfect smile."

Jesse does some required schtick, including dancing on water, raising from the dead, healing cripples (one of them crawls into the palace chanting "I can crawl again," and curing an Indian chief by expert chiropractic manipulation. God the Father, after killing her husband and son, keeps shooting a pioneer woman with an air gun (no, not a bee bee gun, an imaginary gun) and an air bow and arrow. She is to become Judas, after Jessy heals her. The Holy Ghost, who wears a sheet with holes cut out for the eyes and a western hat, does a lot of complaining about being misunderstood and under-utilized.

Seaweedhead is terminally constipated, and a mariachi band is on hand to play whenever he is in the outhouse. Hervé Villechaize is married to a bearded man named Petunia. By now, you should have the idea that this is a seriously strange film. I suspect that viewers should prepare by trying to get as high as the film makers likely were.

The nudity is from Toni Basil, as a topless Indian scout. We see her breasts while running, talking in exaggerated sign language to a pipe smoking Indian who answers in perfect English, and riding a horse. Like this film itself, she is an original item from the 70s that is still around. She also appeared in 5 Easy Pieces and Easy Rider, had an International hit song "Mickey," directed a hit video of the song, and has done a lot of work with choreography, as recently as 2001.

I don't want to give away too much of the ending, but the final scene is a sunset shown in real time. IMDb readers have this at 5.1 of 10, and most of the comments are very positive. Seems like there are a lot of people who remember the 60s. I am sure by now you have already decided if you need to see this or not, but the proper score as a cult oddity is C+, as it doesn't not get much odder than this, and, in the proper frame of mine, has much symbolism and possibly a truth or two hidden in all the foolishness.

Into the Sun (2005):

It's the latest direct-to-vid from Big Steve Seagal, and it is one of his best in the last five years. (I know that is faint praise, but what am I supposed to say? It ain't fuckin' Casablanca, now, is it?)

I wrote a lot, and I think it is pretty entertaining. Check it out here.

• Juliette Marquis (1, 2). A lot of people, including Tuna, predicted stardom for her after This Girl's Life. (Review here.) A minor role in a Seagal STV film doesn't seem to be the destiny they planned for her. There is still plenty of time, and she did a good job in the small role.

• Kanako Tamaguchi. I assume she has breasts, but I can't imagine where they might be. Look at how uncomfortable Seagal looks in the sex scene. Well, how comfortable would you be if you had to do a sex scene and you weighed 300 pounds?

• Some unknown

• Some other unknown or unknowns (1, 2)

Other Crap:

• CIA leak reporters 'must testify'. "A US appeals court has ruled that two reporters must testify about their sources in an investigation into the leaking of a CIA officer's name."
• ASPIRING ACTRESS CLAIMS BRAD PITT ROMANCE, QUOTES 'FABRICATED'

• No link here. Just in passing, here is how the Oscar Best Picture and Best Director nominees are rated at IMDb, as compared to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is rated the highest of any 2004 film. (Eternal Sunshine was nominated for Best Original Screenplay.)
   
  • Eternal Sunshine 8.6
     
  • Million Dollar Baby 8.4 (nominated Best Picture, Best Director)
     
  • Finding Neverland 8.2 (nominated Best Picture)
     
  • Sideways 8.1 (nominated Best Picture, Best Director)
     
  • Vera Drake 8.1 (nominated Best Director)
     
  • Ray 7.9 (nominated Best Picture, Best Director)
     
  • The Aviator 7.6 (nominated Best Picture, Best Director, currently favored)

   

• Clint Eastwood has now edged a hair ahead of Martin Scorsese in the Oscar betting odds for Best Director. The Aviator is still favored to win Best Picture, but is not a runaway favorite. No other Oscar race is considered close.
• "Empty praise - the kind showered on many kids years ago in the name of self-esteem - did more harm than good." From the Journal of the Obvious.
• Brad Pitt signed to star in Chad Schmidt, the story of an actor who looks like Brad Pitt. This could be really funny and touching if written by Charlie Kaufman. Unfortunately, Mr Kaufman is not attached to the concept.
• Pauly Shore to get his own reality series. I think it will be on community access in Fond du Lac and some of the surrounding townships! Check your listings. Or Fond du Lac's listings.
• The Onion: Michael Moore Honored With New Ben & Jerry's Flavor - The Waffle Truth
• If you are into both fonts and rock, this place is your Valhalla. Music Band Fonts
• 'Dogs-playing-poker' fetch $590,000 at auction.
• President George W. Bush reaffirmed his strong support for global warming, arguing that the phenomenon helps to make the world a "toastier, homier place."
• Jon Stewart reports "The Shiites have won the Iraqi elections, but try to keep the ululating to a minimum."
• The Daily Show's "This Week in God"
• Richard Gere says he offered J-Lo support during her break-up from Affleck. This seems to be the same sense of the word "support" that a push-up bra offers - several inches.
• Here's the trailer for Don't Move, an arty Italian melodrama written by, directed by, and starring Sergio Castellitto.
  • "In perhaps the most existentially drawn sexual drama since Last Tango in Paris, Don't Move is a grown-up, real life love story between two desperate people told from the point of view of a sensitive, angst-ridden male soul in mid-life crisis and a wretchedly poor and lonely woman who has never experienced real love in her life.
  • This might be good news: the wretchedly poor woman is played by Penelope Cruz, the wife is played by Claudia Gerini, and the trailer seems to promise LOTS of nudity.
  • European reviewers praised Cruz for her performance, and also for her command of the Italian language. Otherwise, reviewers were polarized into love and hate camps.
• Here's the trailer for the highly anticipated The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  • "Don't Panic... Stick out your thumb to join the most ordinary man in the world on an extraordinary adventure across the universe in the hilarious comedy, 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.' Earthman Arthur Dent is having a very bad day. His house is about to be bulldozed, he discovers that his best friend is an alien and to top things off, Planet Earth is about to be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Arthur's only chance for survival: hitch a ride on a passing spacecraft. For the novice space traveler, the greatest adventure in the universe begins when the world ends. Arthur sets out on a journey in which he finds that nothing is as it seems: he learns that a towel is just the most useful thing in the universe, finds the meaning of life, and discovers that everything he needs to know can be found in one book: 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.'"
• For those of you who thought Charlies Angels II was too deep and intellectual, here's the trailer for D.E.B.S.
  • Recruited by the U.S government for their unique ability to lie, cheat and fight, Amy, Max, Janet and Dominique join an underground academy of secret agents known only as D.E.B.S. These crime fighting hotties set out to save the world and keep their lipstick perfectly applied while doing so. Now the girls must combine their skills for their most important mission - to capture vexing vixen Lucy Diamond, the deadliest criminal the world has ever known. When D.E.B.S. star player, Amy, falls for Lucy, chaos erupts and the D.E.B.S. loyalty is put to the test.
• First online look at the international trailer for Fantastic Four
• The Rational Enquirer's Bomb-A-Tron: "Attention Reporters: Use this tool to file your story about the latest car bombing in Iraq."
• What'll ya have? In a marketing first, Pabst Blue Ribbon sponsors an Oregon State fraternity
• The Bill Cosby Fun Game. "Lure people towards you by offering them pudding"
• Ever wish you had an extra brain? Of course you do!! But how? Oz is a hell of a hike. Wait, two brains are better than one, you could simply get Dr. Karlosis's THINK TANK. This glowing life-like brain in a bubbling self contained unit, is much like the ones from the horror films of the 1950s.
• Kid Rock arrested on assault charges.
• News.Individual.NET is not free of charge anymore. This represents another nail in Usenet's coffin, but I think the old girl may still have some life in 'er.
• Internet Explorer 7.0 will be available this summer.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Requirements:
1.Grade-A top models only!
2.The actress/model must have done more than one movie.
3.The actress/model must have done a nude scene!

Here are a few nominees from Brainscan. Please Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

Angie Everhart, "Sexual Predator", "Bare Witness"
Beverly Johnson, "Ashanti"
Carol Alt, "Bye Bye Baby"
Carre Otis, "Wild Orchid"
Catherine Oxenberg, "Time Served"
Cindy Crawford, "Fair Game"
Diane Kruger, "Troy"
Elle McPherson, "Sirens"
Ines Sastre, "Beyond the Clouds"
James King, "Happy Campers"
Jenny Shimizu, "Foxfire"
Laetitia Casta, "Gitano", "The Blue Bycicle"
Lauren Hutton, "American Gigolo", "Lassiter"
Melissa George, "Dark City"
Rachel Hunter, "Two Shades of Blue"
Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, "Femme Fatale"
Rie Rasmussen, "Femme Fatale"

Here are the final results and comments for last week's poll Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Please Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

Today from the Ghost...a very little known B-actress baring breasts and a bit of bum in two slow moving sex scenes scenes from an episode of "Women: Stories of Passion".

• Deirdre Imershein (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
• Deirdre Imershein zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

Note to Shauna O'Brien fans: in these 'caps we see the former Pet before she had the silly-cones installed.

Erica Durance aka Erica Parker aka 'Lois Lane' on the WB series "Smallville" goes topless and shows off a thong view. Sonya Salomaa also gives up a little toplessness.

TRIAL POSTPONED FOR MICHAEL'S FLU
He's Stable? That's Abnormal! - Tuesday, Michael Jackson's molestation trial was delayed yet again after he was taken to a hospital with what his doctor called a "flu-like illness with some vomiting." He said Michael is "in stable condition, and we expect a full recovery."