I'm Losing You (1998) is a lighthearted romp that begins with a wealthy TV director discovering that he has terminal lung cancer. We then move on to such fun as his adopted daughter discovering that her real father murdered her mother, then killed herself, and that her uncle, the same TV producer slept with her mother. Her half brother, and the real son of the producer, has an ex wife who is a junkie, and insists on taking their daughter from time to time. The laughs just keep coming as the daughter is killed in an auto accident, and the brother supplements his acting income by selling insurance policies of AIDS patients to rich people, who then make a big profit when the patient dies. Then, he falls in love with a woman with AIDS, but is surprised when she dies.

Rosanna Arquette plays the half sister. We see her in black lingerie, and get a brief look at one breast in the bath. Elizabeth Perkins shows breasts, and bush covered with her hand in a sex scene. It is currently scored 5.5 at IMDB. Berardinelli awarded 1 1/2 stars. The film is competently made, but has the most depressing and pointless plot I have seen in a long time. Even with a talented cast, this film is absolutely unwatchable. D.

Movies 'n Stuff:

Lady Jane (1985)

CHICK-FLICK alert!

Actually, it's not a bad chick flick if you're into historical costumers, and it features Helena Carter's first  nudity.

Lady Jane is a fictionalized romance set against a true historical backdrop. The star of both the romance and the history is Lady Jane Gray, who was queen of England for a whopping nine days in between two of Henry VIII's children. It's a very long story, which I describe in painful and probably boring detail, with many supporting links, here.

The film is generally accurate in historical details except one tiny bit of dramatic license about a coin with Lady Jane's head on it, and for one very major bit - the relationship of Lady Jane and her husband. In real life, they despised each other, were forced to consummate their marriage against their will a month after the wedding, and thereafter lived apart. When Jane accepted her crown, she steadfastly refused ever to allow her ne'er-do-well husband to be king. They did not see each other at all from the time Jane renounced her throne until the time they were beheaded. The queen gave Guildford permission to see Jane one last time before their beheadings, but she refused.

The authors of the script didn't like that version of the story, so they substituted a loving romance between the mismatched nobles. According to the revisionist tale, the scoundrel Guildford and the studious Jane were united in their love for the common people, and were both outraged by the inequities of class system in England. They eventually became close friends and true lovers, retired to a country estate where they lived together happily for a time, then counseled each other during the nine day reign, and even during their imprisonment. They were still making eyes at one another, with their shirts off, in front of a fire, just hours before their deaths.

Therefore, the film really focuses on the fictional romance, and uses the history only as a backdrop. If you watch it as a painless history lesson, just be aware that everything is true except the relationship of Jane and Guildford. If you watch it as a filmed version of a historical romance novel, it isn't great but it isn't bad. As a group, women really like it. It is definitely a chick-flick of the first magnitude. The broad indicator of a chick-flick is that the IMDb rating from women is one point higher than the men's rating. In this case, the difference is 1.7 (6.4 men, 8.1 women). That compares to the all time estrogen films. (The comparable figure for Beaches is 1.7, for Dirty Dancing 1.9, so this film is in the same league. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood is only 1.2!)

The best thing about the film is that it marked the theatrical film debut of Helena Bonham Carter, and she celebrated that fact by unveiling her ta-ta's for the first time on screen. She was 19 or 20 when the scenes were filmed.

• Helena Bonham Carter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Encyclopedia Updates

• Updated volume: Helena Bonham Carter

• New volumes: Michelle Johnson, Caroline Key Johnson, Sharon Kelly, Moira Kelly, Kimberly Kelley, Sally Kellerman, Marthe Keller, Diane Keaton, Camille Keaton, Claire Keim, Barbara Edwards, Karoline Eichhorn, Lisa Eichhorn , Jenna Elfman, Karen Elkin, Jenny Elvers, Kathryn Erbe, Diana Espen, Kim Evenson

Other crap:

• man kills his fiancee over that Alanis Morissette "Ironic" song. Strangely enough, that is not justifiable homicide in England, as it would be in most countries. How many women will die before they ban "Seasons in the Sun" and "Dust in the Wind". I think it was David Letterman who said the sure sign of attending a bad summer camp is that they sing "Ironic" around the campfire.
• Donald Rumsfeld actually says something funny, "Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion". This page asks, "what else is going to war without France like ..."
• the guys at whitehouse.org have some balls. Cheney's lawyer sends them a warning letter, and they flip Cheney the bird.
• Serena Williams posed in a bikini in the new SI
• Blake Edwards to remake "10", the movie that launched Bo Derek to fame. (The original is also his film)
• Interesting political comparison by Mr Masterpiece Theater, Alistar Cooke, writing for the BBC. Drawing from scholarship and his own memories, he compares the 30s to the present day.

What're the odds?

Paparazzi day!

• Adriana Karembeu in what looks like an onstage performance on something like that, showing off her legs almost to where they meet.

• Adriana Volpe and Alba Parietti, beautiful Italian tv babes, topless on the beach.

• Alice Evans and her mega-cleavage.

• Brit Babes Dani Behr (bum), Emma Jones (boobs and bum) and Geri Halliwell (down-blouse of the year).

• Heather Graham, recently named sexiest woman alive by the boys in the shop, revealing a lot but keeping the critical stuff covered.

• Heather Locklear in a bikini. An older photo, this, but I worked like a dog to get it in shape 'cuz Heather is or was such a babe.

• Hera Lind, German authoress, stripping on the beach.

• Jelena Dokic in my favorite of the bunch. She's wearing skin-tight shorts over what has to be the best looking caboose in professional sports, unless your bag is safeties and tight ends.

• Got together all the pics I could find of Jennifer Aniston in her taped-down dress and stuck them together.

• Did the same with Jennifer Garner, dressed to kill at the "Daredevil" premeire. (1, 2)

• Jennifer Lopez in skin-tight white pants. Reminds me of a Richard Pryor story, 'bout a woman who, when she turned around, '"you could see ass for days." Weeks, even.

• Singer Jessica Taylor, wet and allowing her mini hooties to pop out.

• Jewel and some cleavage.

• Singer Kerry Katona with the kind of cleavage ya just don't find everywhere.

• Pamela Anderson on the Howard Stern show, in a white sweater, no bra, a mini-skirt and white panties. The collage literally screams, "Class act!"

• And last up is SI covergirl, Petra Nemcova, all dressed down at a party.

Additional comments by Dann:

A creepy story of "Sy, the photo guy", a clerk at the photo counter of a large discount store who takes an obsessive interest in a family that brings him photos often.

This is a very different role for Robin Williams, and while it drags a little at times, it's very chilling and scary, without being bloody.

You'll think twice about taking your photos to the corner store after seeing this movie.

MISS GERMANY WANTS TO MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR
Hope Her Talent Was Assassination - Miss Germany 2003, Alexandra Vodjanikowa, has a plan to avert war with Iraq: she wants to go on a date with Saddam Hussein. She's set up a meeting with Iraq's foreign minister and is going there for a week, but has yet to confirm a meeting with Saddam. The 19-year-old beauty queen said she hopes to make a date with Saddam and talk him into disarming.