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Domino (2005)
I wrote a long article about this film, although my points do not
add up to a film review. I think enough has already been written about
the film's seemingly drug-fueled style. What interested me was that
there is nothing true about it except that Domino Harvey was a bounty
hunter who came from a rich family. She was never a model, she never
studied at the Actor's School, and she did not give up her rich life
to become a bounty hunter. (Quite the opposite. She was living a poor
life on the Mexican border, and she moved back to L.A. to get back in
mommy's mansion. She became a bounty hunter because the L.A. Fire
Department turned her down.) The film is a fictionalized version of
Domino Harvey's account of her life. Unfortunately, Harvey's account
was already a fictionalized version of what really happened. The
result is a film which is ostensibly a biopic and in reality has
nothing whatever to do with Domino Harvey except what can be summed up
in a one-sentence "pitch" - "Laurence Harvey's attractive, financially
comfortable daughter became a bounty hunter."
Complete comments here.
The Weather Man (2005)
I'm completely unprepared to write anything worthwhile about The
Weather Man at this moment. It will have to wait until tomorrow, cuz
I'm late. I will say that I liked it despite its lack of sympathetic
characters, and you should like it you like the intelligent,
bittersweet black comedies of Alexander Payne (About Schmidt,
Election). If those kinds of know-it-all smart-ass movies don't appeal
to you, skip it and enjoy these pics of Robyn Moler:
Thursday (1998)
I reviewed this blatant Tarantino clone many years ago.
Here's the write-up.
The key point is that superdupermodel Paulina Porizkova got stark
naked. (Breasts and full rear.)
Here's a zipped
.wmv.
Britney Redux
I was never before aware of it, but
this film
clip is a legitimate bit of public areola from the newly-chubby
former pop tart. The actual clip is not mine, but was done by "Kitt"
Other Crap:
Create your own motivational poster!
The
Art of Photo Retouching - demonstrated
Just some crazy pictures collected from the web
Virtual girlfriend (another variant on subservient chicken)
URL says it all:
CrazyClones.com
Celebrity yawning
Fan letters to porn stars
- "Recently, I started sending spoof emails to pornstars for a
laugh. Most of the time they don't respond, and even when they do
it's mostly pretty boring. Every once in a while though, you'll
get a real gem of porno genius. All these are 100% true. "
You think
it's cold where you are? Is water freezing mid-air yet? Then stop
complaining.
Vic Frankenstein
and other FIRST NAMES you didn't know!
- Did you know that B.A. Baracus was actually Bosco Baracus?
That Bob Redford is actually Chuck Redford?
Best pillows
ever
Finland bounces U.S. Hockey from Torino in quarters
- Cheerleader Guy submitted this, and wrote: "It is becoming
apparent that US Hockey cashed in all of its chips in 1980. The US
has not sniffed a medal since and will not this year after a loss
to Finland today. Now that the Red Sox and the White Sox have won,
are we seeing the beginnings for the next great 'curse' in the
sports world? (The World Cup of hockey does not count...they are
even considering trashing the tourney.) Even if the US does not
win again for a hundred years...it was worth it!"
"FBI analysts have confirmed that the latest Osama bin Laden tape,
in which he claims to have won the recent record Powerball jackpot,
is authentic."
Urban
Legend: "Pia Zadora's performance in the stage version of The Diary
of Anne Frank was so bad that when Nazi soldiers came to the house
in which her character was hidden, the audience stood up and yelled:
'She's in the attic!'"
- Status: False, but funny!
LEGOd Video Games
Hilton signs up a personal choreographer for her live appearances.
- What? That's not odd. I used to have Martha Graham coach me on
my trips to 7-Eleven.
Happy 88th
birthday, Don Pardo
Life
expectancies will shoot up to 100 as soon as 2030, says Stanford
researcher
- Oh, boy! And we think Social Security is in trouble now.
Al Qaeda Recruits
Offered Generous Contracts, Dental Plan, Frequent Flyer Miles.
Amazingly enough, that is almost true. Read the story.
Slam Dunk contest
winner - from behind the glass
Hugo Weaving
discussed V for Vendetta
Satire:
Germans Demand Return of Hitler's Art
Uncle Scoopy's
Guest House presents J-Lo's butt in Blood and Wine
The official home page of
Shakespeare's Plan
12 from Outer Space
Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Class of 1984 (1982)
Class of 1984 is a crime/drama/thriller made in Canada that ended up being
distributed by the film makers because nobody else would release it. Perry
King plays the new band teacher at an inner city high school. His wife is
expecting, and he starts the job as a dedicated teacher and pacifist. What he
encounters is a war zone ruled by a gang of students, led by a very bright but
equally demented kid played by Timothy van Patten. A biology teacher, played
by Roddy McDowall, becomes King's friend, but is one of the casualties in the
escalating war between King and van Patten.
The film is non-stop violence, but was a fair prediction of the violence
that was to come in inner-city high schools. The theme has since been done
many times, including the Teacher franchise, but has probably not been done
better. (Thus a C+ on our scale.) Director Mark Lester used Clockwork Orange
as much of his inspiration, but fleshed out the characters, and got good
performances from his cast. Timothy van Patten was especially effective as the
villain. Look for Michael J. Fox in an early role as one of the good students.
IMDb readers say 5.8.
Ebert loved it at 3 1/2 stars.
The nudity comes from one-time-wonder Helena Quinton, who does full frontal
and rear nudity offering to become a coke whore, and breasts from an unknown
in a mosh pit.
Divorce Law - Maid to Order (1993)
In this episode:
- A rich, bored woman (Alison Hale) accuses her husband of boffing the
maid (Raven Burger), and has the butler's eye witness account as proof.
Unfortunately for her, that is not the only infidelity the butler can attest
to.
- Trapeze artist Michelle Trongone is being sued by her trapeze artist
husband for having an affair with a clown. According to his testimony, they
both climbed naked into the cannon. When the cannon went off, they were shot
into the net, and were still fucking when they landed.
Again, we have farcical situations, bad accents, and lots of tits.
These are available in a 4 DVD set called "More All-Night Movies."
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Pat Reeder's comments in yellow: A website called
WhatsMyImage.com lets websurfers upload photos of themselves and vote on various
questions based on impressions of the photos, such as "Is this person in a
longterm relationship?" An analysis revealed that the larger a woman's breasts
were, the dumber people thought she was. Knowing nothing about the women,
visitors estimated that the grade point average of a student with D-cups was 0.3
points lower than that of a student with A-cups.
* I blame this on Jessica Simpson.
* Any woman who's surprised by this must have enormous breasts.
Wente Vineyards of California has teamed up with the 80s rock band Foreigner
for a series of pre-concert wine tastings dubbed "Legends of Wine and Rock."
Wente said Foreigner approached them with the idea and
they jumped at it. They said it was such a "natural fit" because Foreigner
fans are wine lovers.
* Foreigner is the "balls-to-the-wall," head-bangin' rock
band preferred by four out of five wine connoisseurs!
* Foreigner fans prefer their wine like Foreigner's CDs: packaged in boxes.
* I think I'll wait for the combination ZZ Top tour and tequila-tasting.
Lindsay Lohan told Allure that she doesn't want to be known as a Teen
Queen or a Party Girl or a Skinny Girl, but as a Serious Actress
* Okay: she's a seriously bulimic actress
* The Allure story is illustrated with photos of her
posing naked on the hood of a talking Volkswagen.
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