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Woundings
This film is now called Brand New World in its latest DVD
avatar. Tuna reviewed it below. You may think that his review is rather harsh.
You would be wrong. I tried to watch it some months ago and couldn't get
through ten minutes before applying a sub-set of Scoopy's fourth rule, which
states: "Life's too short to dance with ugly women." In other words, as you
get to be my age you become acutely aware of the short span of this plane of
existence, and I did not want to spend two hours of my remaining time with
this film.
The only thing I have to add to Tuna's review is that the
cinematography is quite good, but even this silver lining has two clouds:
1) The DVD does not have a theatrical aspect ratio, so the
value of the photography is vitiated by the infernal TV-shaped box.
2) As my dad used to say, shit painted white still stinks.
This marks the rare occasion when I get to use the Scoopy Fourth Rule
and the Suits Fourth Rule in the same commentary.
However ...
... Emily Lloyd is adorable, and has a terrific body,
so here are the film clips to accompany Tuna's images.
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk: expanded format.
* Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Woundings
Brand New World (1998) is the name given to the British film Woundings in its Region 1 release.
The story takes place in the not-too-distant future, with British forces
occupying an island they have just conquered. The occupation forces are still
mopping up, clearing land mines, and meeting occasional resistance. The
biggest problems are two-fold: (1) the soldiers are seriously unbalanced from
combat; (2) there are not enough single and willing local women, and those
available seem just as unbalanced as the soldiers. The government hits upon a
great solution. They recruit willing women from the mainland to move to the
war zone for romance, excitement and probably marriage with a soldier. Of
course this solution is not greeted with enthusiasm by the local women.
That is about all I could figure out from this film. The accents are thick;
it's difficult to understand much of the dialogue; and the film is just plain
strange. As an example, the commanding officer stutters badly, and keeps two
pet seals in his backyard, despite the fact that said backyard contains nary a
drop of water.
Given the premise, Woundings could have been a very entertaining sex film,
but didn't have nearly enough sex and nudity for that. It also might have been
a good serious drama in the sense that it might have made insightful points
about occupation armies, but the characters were not developed enough to gain
any insight. Failing as entertainment, art and drama, this film did nothing
for me, and I find no evidence that anyone else took something worthwhile from
it, not can I imagine who the audience for this film would be.
D+.
IMDb readers say 4.1.
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Shadowboxer
Shadowboxer is an emotionally-charged thriller which uncovers the
complex lives of two trained assassins, Mikey (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) and
Rose (Helen Mirren).
When a brutal crime boss wants his wife dead, Rose has a change of
heart when they find her pregnant. And so, the three begin a harrowing
life on the run.
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Trailer Park Boys Movie
2006 Canadian hoser mockumentary based on the TPB cable series that
came out to DVD this week after a successful run at the theatres last
summer. Most of the (female) nudity is shown during the obligatory visit
to a strip club.
An obvious booby double was used for Lucy Decoutere (left) while Sarah
Dunsworth (right) and Lucy have a lesbian scene.
 
Sexy exposure from Nichole Hiltz as Randy's stripper girlfriend
and Veronica Reynolds
and Natasha Noreiga (1st runner-up for Miss Canada Universe 2003,
and no relation to the General) as
J-Roc's hoes.
Most of the strippers are unidentified:
  
Two of the IDed strippers are Valerie Fougere (J-Roc's Baby Mama #1
from TPB season 6)
and Halifax burlesque dancer Cadence Macmichael.
Here's another of Cadence as a fembot
"Reno 9/11!" (TV)
The cop mockumentary movie "Reno 911!: Miami" comes out in theaters
this weekend, so here is a stripper lineup from the pilot episode of the
Reno 9/11! cable series which aired several years ago.
This is probably the best (female) nudity of the series. The strippers
are from left to right: Tamara Cruz, Lorian Illiana, Katie Lohmann, and
Shayna Lee.
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Notes and collages
Bobbi Jo and the Outlaw
...this is Ms. Carter's only topless appearance (which she probably
deeply regrets in hindsight but YAY FOR US!)
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Film Clips
White Coats (2004), aka Intern Academy, is a Canadian medical
comedy written by SCTV's Dave Thomas, starring a bunch of young people,
but anchored by such Canadian comedy luminaries as Dan Aykroyd of SNL,
Dave Foley of The Kids in the Hall, and Thomas himself. There's not so
much nudity, but the sexy stuff comes from:
The Darkroom (2006) is a thriller with horror elements. Lucy Lawless
offers no nudity, but she's sexy and it's interesting to see what she
looks like post-Xena.
Bobby Jo and the Outlaw is
Lynda Carter's
one and only contribution to celebrity
nudity. (See the RokWatch section for collages from these scenes.) The
media quality is not primo, but is absolutely the best available from this
film.
Images
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Here's a rare see-through from Patricia Heaton.
The last one is the highest resolution. |
    
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Melissa Theuriau is a major babe French
newscaster.
(Wikipedia)
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Somewhat better versions of the recent Sienna Miller pics
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