Yanks (1979) is a John Schlesinger character piece set in WW II England, which focuses on cultural effects of being a long way from home in a stressful situation, and how people turn to love out of loneliness. It follows three "Yanks." Richard Gere is a sergeant, and falls for the daughter of a shop keeper, Lisa Eichhorn, who is conservative, engaged to her childhood sweetheart who is at the front, and whose parents do not approve of Yanks at all. William Devane is a Captain, and becomes close to Red Cross volunteer and upper class wife to a British officer Vanessa Redgrave while his own marriage at home is crumbling, and Chick Venneral, a horny private, meets and falls in love with fun loving bus conductor Annie Ross.

Much of the film shows cultural attitudes, and points out very clearly that, while Americans and Brits share a common language, they have very different culture and traditions. It also shows that, when people get to know each other one on one, the differences are not, in the long run, that important. Also, in one of the stronger scenes in the film, a black soldier is beaten for having the nerve to dance with a white British girl.

For those who find the story a little melodramatic and thus a stretch, I can relate the following true story. A friend of my father was an Army Air Corps officer stationed in England. He ducked into a pub to get out of the fog one night, and fell in love with, and married, the pub owner's daughter. After the war, he brought her back to the states, where they had to explain themselves to his childhood sweetheart and betrothed. In other words, the film is completely true to life.

Redgrave shows breasts and buns, and Eichhorn shows breasts. Neither nude scene is very long. IMDb currently has this at 6.0 of 10. It is decidedly my kind of film. Like my favorite Goldie Hawn film, Swing Shift, it deals with the cultural upheaval caused by WW II. As former military who found myself alone and a long ways from home, I can very much relate to the themes. I also enjoy music from the 40s. While I very much enjoyed the film, I was left with the feeling that it was a good movie, but could have been great. It received many awards and nominations, but nothing for lead performances, and therein lies the problem. There was nothing wrong with the script. The material was more than enough to carry the 139 minutes of running time. The problem was in the performances, especially by Gere and Redgrave, who are clearly capable of much better. Eichhorn's character was conservative, reserved, innocent and shy. Gere needed to be far more dynamic and flamboyant than he was to counterbalance that. He simply did not demonstrate enough dramatic range. I felt like Redgrave phoned in her performance -- I never believed her character. Annie Ross was brilliant, and I wish she would have had a larger part. This is a strong C that could have been much better with two more good performances.

Der Joker (1987):

This film is also known as Lethal Obsession, but if they had called it Hamburg Vice, it might have given a more accurate picture. Stylistically, Der Joker is pretty much of an episode of Miami Vice relocated in Germany, and filmed without the TV restrictions on nudity and drug use. Two hip cops - one wearing leisure suits, the other sporting a mullet - get caught in a turf war between baddies. The lead is played by Peter Maffay, a popular singer of soft rock ballads in the manner of Phil Collins, more or less. Maffay also did the musical score, and he made it as "Miami Vice" as possible. There is a lot of atmospheric photography of smoky sleaze clubs, cars winding through city streets, the Hamburg harbor, and old creaky deserted bridges in foggy nights. Again, this is your basic Michael Mann schtick transported to cold weather climes. Although it was filmed entirely in Hamburg, there are some interesting international names in the eclectic supporting cast, like Elliott Gould, Armin Mueller-Stahl, and Michael York.

The plot is typical grade-B crime thriller material.  One of the cops is injured in an explosion and loses the use of his legs. He leaves the police force and swears revenge on the bombers, enlisting the aid of a coldly efficient professional killer. As he pursues revenge from his wheelchair, he finds that various situations may not play out exactly as he imagined. The situation is complicated somewhat by the fact that both partners are in love with the same woman, and she is sleeping with both of them. (One knows, the other doesn't.) Blah, blah, blah. Gunfights. Betrayals. The legs miraculously recover at precisely the moment they are needed. People die. The end.

There is one scene which impressed me. After the injured cop begins his revenge campaign, the baddies eventually find out who he is and fight back. At one point, he is in a narrow street in his wheelchair when a fast vehicle and a powerful tow truck box him in from wither direction. The film editor and the stunt players are to be commended for their work in maintaining the illusion of several harrowing narrow escapes.

Tahnee Welch, Raquel's daughter, provides the celebrity nudity. At one time it seemed that she might follow in her mom's footsteps to stardom, especially after Cocoon was a big hit. Didn't happen. The rest of her career, such as it was, seemed to consist of grade-B American films and throwaway European projects like Der Joker, and since 1998 she has disappeared altogether. Why? She looks good enough. She has the same wide, square, athletic shoulders as her mom, and her face is every bit as beautiful as mama's. Of course, she is also missing two of her mom's most famous physical assets, but that isn't what kept her from stardom (well, maybe it was part of it.) Her real problem seems to have been a lack of electricity. She is a very low wattage version of the Welch bulb, and just doesn't have her mom's hot stage presence.

• Tahnee Welch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• some German chicks (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

More Tahnee:

I updated her Encyclopedia volume to encompass as much of her career as possible. She provided some nudity in quite a few films, although you probably never heard of any of them.

Jordan Ladd in Madhouse (2004):

Last year's Madhouse hasn't come to DVD yet. This scene has no nudity, but it is smokin'. I was amazed to find out two things about Jordan

1. She has had breast reduction surgery. Those puppies are still pretty damned big on her tiny frame. I wonder what they used to look like.

2. She is thirty years old. Holy shit. Here I'm thinkin' she's barely out of her teens,  and she's about ready to collect Social Security. Where did those years go?

• Jordan Ladd (zipped .avi, zipped .wmv)

Other Crap:

• Los Angeles Magazine's March 2005 issue has an article by Robert Ito discussing 'Fantastic Four'" What's so cool about that? It's not the new one, but the legendary 1993 version that was never released.
• Win an Oscar and get more than the silly little statue - live four more years. A Canadian professor has determined that Oscar winners live four years longer than the losers - and multiple winners live six years longer.
• Darius Rucker, lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish, makes a fool of himself for Burger King. (Second link from bottom)
• Fair Enough - how tobacco companies devise and market new ideas. (Spoof)
• The very first photo ever published on the Web. I never thought about it, but the web has only been including pictures since 1992. We started our sites in 1995.
• Mighty Oscar is shrinking. Year by year, he loses viewers. His luster is fading. He's vulnerable. He's fighting for the spotlight. Forty-five years ago, more than 80 percent of Americans watching television on Oscar night were watching the Academy Awards show. This year's Oscar-cast will do well to pull 40 percent of TV viewers.
• Halle Berry Honored As Worst Actress, Catwoman chosen as Worst Picture
• Green stars to eschew limos for hybrid vehicles at Oscars ceremony. Environment-conscious stars including Leonardo DiCaprio, Gwyneth Paltrow and Orlando Bloom will roll up on the Oscar's red carpet Sunday in fuel-efficient hybrid cars instead of limousines. In fact, DiCaprio is riding his Schwinn.
• "The Dodge" won the Best Film award at the Cesars (French Film Academy Awards).
  • "The Dodge" is a tale of teenagers in a blue color suburb rehearsing for a play by the 18th century playwright Marivaux. A real popcorn movie.
  • "Un long dimanche de fiancailles" (A Very Long Engagement), with five awards, was the biggest single winner on the night, Marion Cotillard claiming its most prestigious award for best supporting actress.
• 'Sideways' in Clean Sweep at Independent Spirit Awards
• Nostalgia: Mike's Classic Cartoon Theme Songs. Ol' Mike really assembled some old and obscure ones: Ruff and Reddy, Colonel Bleep, Beany and Cecil, etc.
• Here is a new internet-exclusive trailer for Hitchhiker's Guide
• Trial bombshell: Jackson's accuser has history of false accusations
• Neighbors claim there are too many animals at Hulk Hogan's house. And that's not including the 25 pets.
• Random House picks the | 100 Best Novels |. And their readers offer a (silly) counter list.
• Incredible photos. The headline says: "Remember not to park near the sea when it's cold"
• Mardi Gras 2005
• The Bathrooms of Madison County
• Fred Durst Says Sex Video Was Stolen From His Computer: "Contrary to rumors, the nookie clip was not hacked from a Sidekick."
• Carpet news: Dick Carnal pulls out, leaving frog behind
• Here is the Fred Durst Video in .wmv format, if anyone is interested.
• Colin Farrell is getting into character to play the Don Johnson role in Miami Vice
• The trailer for The Year of the Yao , a documentary about the gigantic NBA star from China. Looks interesting.
• The trailers for the Korean mystery film, Oldboy
  • "A man is inexplicably kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years and his wife is brutally murdered. On his release, he is given a wallet full of money and a mobile phone. A stranger calls and asks him to try and figure out why he was imprisoned. A girl appears and promises to help him solve the enigma and seek vengeance for his cruel fate. As the search progresses, the man finally comes face to face with his kidnapper, who proposes a game: if the man discovers the reason for his imprisonment, his kidnapper will kill himself. If not, then the girl will be killed. He has only five days to unravel the mystery."
• Six new clips from The Jacket, the supernatural mystery/thriller with Adrian Brody and Keira Knightley.
• The trailer for Fever Pitch, the new Farrelly Brothers film with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore.
  • "A contemporary romantic comedy about a high school teacher who meets and falls in love with a successful businesswoman. Although their lives are vastly different, the relationship seems perfect until the baseball season begins and she has to compete with his first true love: the Boston Red Sox."
• The Trailer for Roll Bounce. You KNOW this is going to be good. It's about the decline of Roller Disco, and it stars Bow Wow. 'Nuff said.
• This is a legitimate sentence: "Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo." It means: 'American bison habitually bamboozled by members of their own species that have themselves been bamboozled by others of their ilk (that is, buffalo whom other buffalo who have themselves been buffaloed by buffalo regularly buffalo) tend to engage in bamboozlement.'"

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

Today from the Ghost...'caps and vids of Elena Ayala topless and showing off a very fit body while getting in on in a hot tub. Scenes from an episode of "Hotel Erotica".

• Elena Ayala (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
• Elena Ayala zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

"Going the Distance" (2004)
Canadian road movie from last summer released to dvd last week. The topless blonde shown in the teaser ads is Kim Warnat best known for her role as the beer line girl in Freddy vs. Jason. The DVD has no special features other than an obnoxious commercial for a picture taking cellphone (the kind that got Paris Hilton into trouble last week).

• Kimberley Warnat: topless as surfer girl.
• Mayko Nguyen: boobs, buns, and a perfectly shaved bikini line.
• Joanne Kelly: cleavage and buns.
• Katheryn Winnick: partial boob.
• Kate Luyben: cleavage as farmer's daughter.
• Crystal Lowe: cleavage as striplclub waitress.
• Jacqueline Stewart: obligatory stripper.
• Tammy Morris: another obligatory stripper. She's best known as the lapdancer behind the meltdown of Bennifer Affleck's engagement to J-Lo (who fianlly admitted to be married to someone else last week).
• Cougars: Belinda Metz (the blonde) and Jill Teed (the brunette) sporting cleavage.
• Hot chicks: Mashiah Vaughn Hulbert (the blonde on your right) and Deanna Smith (left) in wet t-shirt contest.

"Switch Killer"
Here's an example of a B movie that is good not despite the normal B pitfalls of lame acting and sexploitation, but perhaps because of them. This 2004 horror/thriller is good even though it's a poor quality direct-to-video B movie all the way. The acting may be hardest to overlook, but the plot and storyline are very good, and the characters are believable. The strippers really look like strippers, heavily implanted and attractive but with plenty of mileage on them, and they really get naked. This movie is no Closer, where strippers don't strip.

A young woman leaves her physically abusive boyfriend and movies to Las Vegas, where she becomes a stripper. Determined never again to be beaten by a man, she takes up with women. Convinced that she still would love him if he were only a woman, the boyfriend has a sex change operation and comes after her. To eliminate all the competition, he/she starts killing all the girlfriends.

You'll want to dislike this movie, and there's plenty to criticize, but in the end you'll feel that you've just watched a pretty decent flick. The movie is also known as Transamerican Killer.

• Alixandra Agar
• Jennifer Autry
• Rachel Ruuska