If these Walls Could Talk (1996) was a made for HBO group of three films dealing with women in three generations, 1952, 1972 and 1992, each dealing with problem pregnancies. The common thread is that each story takes place in the same house, hence the title. In 1952, pre Roe v. Wade, Demi Moore is a widdowed nurse, her husband a marine killed in Korea. His large Irish family has been helping her, but she gets pregnant in a moment of weakness with her dead husband's younger brother, the spitting image of her bereaved husband. She resorts to a back alley abortion, her only alternative, and she hemorrhages to death.

1972 has Sissy Spacek, mother of several and wife of a policeman, who is finally able to start college, as her family is older. She finds she is pregnant with a mid-life baby. Her husband wants the baby, but admits that it will stop most of their plans, such as his early retirement, sending their daughter to a private college, and her education. The daughter, very much a young feminist, wants her to have the abortion, and her best friend, faced with the same choice, had the abortion and has no regrets. After a lot of soul-searching, she decides to have the baby.

1992 is the most powerful of the three, at least for me. Anne Heche is a young and starving architect who finds herself pregnant by her married boss. He gives her some money, and expects her to have the abortion. Her best friend and room mate, Jada Pinkett, doesn't believe in abortion, and is convinced she really doesn't either. On her first tript o the clinic, she encounters a right to life group, and ends up not going through with it. The next day, she gathers her nerve, and goes back to the clinic, which is being attacked by a huge mob of right to lifers performing for the news cameras. She has the abortion, then a protester breaks in ad shoots the doctor, Cher, to death.

Heche shows breasts and a shadow of bush in a bath scene for the only nudity in this film. It was nominated for a ton of Emmy's and Golden Globes. I think it is about as good as made for cable gets, hence a C+. It is a balanced look at an important issue told in an interesting fashion, and performed by some top talent. It was followed by a sequel that dealt with other women's issues that may have been even better.

Wild Side (1995, 1996, 1999):

This is the film with the famous lesbian scene between Anne Heche and Joan Chen. I have been wondering about the "director's cut" of this movie for a long time, so I decided to get it from Europe, and watch both versions back to back.

• The Region 1 DVD is a 90 minute version of the story.  Back in 1995, the investors took the film away from the director, and cut it back to this length to create a suitable cable/video product after it became clear that a theatrical release was simply not in the cards. The director hated this cut, and asked to have his name removed from it. He and the investors fought bitterly. He lost. He was a troubled man anyway, and he committed suicide not long after the film's 1995 release on cable.
• In 1999 the editor, a friend of the late director, created a "director's cut" posthumously, by working from the director's notes, using whatever footage he had available to him. This so-called director's cut, found on the Region 2 DVD, runs 111 minutes, and is in PAL format, which means that it is a 115 minute film which plays in 111 because of the 4% PAL distortion.

Therefore, the longer version should be so-o much better, right?

Not at all. Several reasons:

1)  The editor apparently did not have access to all of the original footage, perhaps relating to some legal problems. Therefore, he had to cobble the director's cut from raw footage not used in the short version, and a lot of that footage consisted of earlier takes that just weren't as good as the material in the shorter version. It has all kids of problems. Some of it isn't lit properly. Some of it employs completely different lighting from what we saw in the shorter version. (The sex scene between Anne Heche and Christopher Walken, for example.) Some of it has flubbed dialogue, or just different dialogue. Some of the camera angles are close-ups where a medium shot would make much more sense. The longer version seems to consist entirely of ideas that were discarded and/or takes that had to be re-done.

2) There is really nothing of interest in the additional 25 minutes. I watched the longer version first, and when I subsequently watched the shorter one, I had no sense that anything was missing.

3) The scenes are presented in a radically different order in the longer version, making it a completely different movie. Certain details which are plot revelations in the shorter versions are spoon-fed to the audience immediately in the longer one. In fact, it is the shorter, more economical version which makes more sense.

4) There is actually more of the Chen-Heche scene in the shorter cut, and the lighting of that scene is better in the short version as well.

The long version has its defenders -  check out the official director's cut website here - but I can't agree with them. I like the shorter version better in every respect except that it is in a 4:3 aspect ratio (the director's cut is widescreen). It really doesn't matter much which is better because they both suck mightily. Neither Tuna nor I thought it was much of a movie, no matter how you cut it. Anne Heche really had to carry the entire movie, providing the only link to normal human behavior in a cartoon script. Steven Bauer and Christopher Walken had over-the-top roles and they responded with correspondingly surreal portrayals. To be honest, the characterization and dialogue for Heche's part were every bit as operatic and silly as the material Walken and Bauer had to work with. She was supposed to be a bank executive who decided to work as a $1500 a night call girl, was then invited to be the protege of a super-criminal that she serviced, and then fell in love with the criminal's wife. Sure, that's plausible. Amazingly, Heche found a way to center the role in reality and somehow made it seem credible. Heche is more famous for her quirky mating habits than for her performing, but she is much more talented than people give her credit for.

Unfortunately Ms Heche's performance and her lesbian scenes with Joan Chen were the only good things in the movie. That scene is hot. Those women really seem turned on. I did only a small number of caps. See Tuna's caps in his section, in the back issues, or in the Encyclopedia.

• Anne Heche (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Joan Chen (1, 2)

UPDATES:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated
• There are approximately 19 updated encyclopedia volumes, all major names. All of these are indicated by yellow text on the main encyclopedia page.

OTHER CRAP:

• The new American Express commercial with Tiger Woods impersonating Bill Murray in Caddyshack.
• Police Stop Michael Jackson at Wal-Mart Pop star Michael Jackson was pulled over by police and asked to identify himself because he was shopping at a Wal-Mart while wearing a ski mask. Huh? So he wore a ski mask into a retail store to avoid attracting attention to himself? Yeah, he's in touch. This reminded one of our readers of an old joke ... Why does Michael Jackson shop all Wal-Mart? He heard them announce "Boys underwear, half off!".
• Here is the trailer for Evil (Ondskan), the Swedish film which has been nominated for the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film.
• Bill O'Reilly to publish a kiddie book - "The O'Reilly Factor For Kids: A Survival Guide" Yeah, that sounds like some good kid's readin'. "Dad, I don't want to read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or any more of those stupid Marvel Comics. They're so unfair and unbalanced. Can I read The O'Reilly Factor for Kids, can I , huh, please, can I?" I'm looking forward to some of his proposed sequels, including "How the Liberals Stole Christmas", "The Day Bill Clinton Invented Spinach", and "Is Teacher a Terrorist? Tell Uncle Ashcroft."
• "Seinfeld" finally to come to DVD. The major participants have finally cut a mutually satisfactory deal.
• Raleigh Carolina News 14 allows anyone to submit business closing reports during snow emergencies. You submit via text pager or internet, and the message scrolls along the bottom of the screen. The results are predictably zany. Click on a couple at random. You'll want to see them all.
• Critics of US Mideast policy are racist, says Condi. I know it sounds loony, but she actually has a valid point somewhere in the middle of the rhetoric. Opponents of the Bush Doctrine argue that people in the Middle East are "not ready for" or "not interested in" democracy - precisely the same argument that white people used to deny black people the vote in America's past.
• Character actor John Randolph passes away at 88
• The Official Home Page of Organized Crime & the Mafia
• Fox Searchlab presents: Farm Sluts. (Funny, professionally produced R-rated 17 minute film available for free download)
• I fucked a Sex Doll for science. Wow, that Dr. Hawking will do anything to prove his handicap doesn't restrict his whoopee.
• MovieJuice! reviews The Passion of the Christ. Quotes of the day:
  • "Looking around the audience, it appears that many of these folks have a passion not only for Christ but also for Lawrence Welk."
  • "the Jewish Temple elders called for blood as often as Paris Hilton calls for reservations"
• To Cross Street, Push Button, Wait for Walk Signal . New Yorkers have long joked that those crosswalk buttons don't really connect to anything. Guess what? They weren't joking. Push the button and the walk signal will eventually appear - just the same as if you don't push it!
• Here are eight new clips from The Girl Next Door
• The sexiest scenes in the history of British TV
• Weekly World News claims: "A controversial medical supply company has incurred the wrath of the healthcare establishment by selling do-it-yourself stomach-stapling kits to obese Americans!"
• Trainspotting tops the list of all-time favorite Scottish movies. In fact Trainspotting IS the list of all-time favorite Scottish movies.
• Welcome to Saudi Arabia. Except drunks and Jews. To tell you the truth, I just can't imagine that many Jewish people really want to visit. Unless they're drunk.
• Media Notes on the post-tittygate hypocrisy.
• Once again Forbes presents the world's wealthiest sugar daddies and mommies. Bill Gates still tops the billionaire's list with a net worth of $46 billion (less than half of what it once was). Warren Buffet is now in a very close second place, having made a large gain in 2003. That Harry Potter author is now on the list!
• The New Yorker's quiz on the 11th hundred days of the Bush administration. The previous quizzes are linked on the page.
• Celebrity dentist says Halle Berry has the best teeth in Hollywood
• The Judge dismissed the Securities Fraud charge against Martha Stewart. The jury will still evaluate several other charges, but that was the most serious one.
• Here is the sex and nudity report for BROKEN LIZARD'S CLUB DREAD
• According to Screenit, there is no nudity at all in TWISTED
• Here is a picture of Li'l Kim going commando.
• Four short videos fromPlayboy's Beach Babes!
• Free nude gallery of Stacy Sanches - Playmate of the Year 1996
• Tired of those boring fonts? Here are some naughty ones.
• FIFTH 'BATMAN' FILM GETS A TITLE: "The studio has chosen 'Batman Begins' as the title of the fifth installment, described as an origins story of how billionaire Bruce Wayne becomes the Caped Crusader and faces his first foes in Gotham City"
• Japanese Navy sells itself with singing and dancing ad. Notes to self: (1) insert Village People reference here for mainstream readers (2) insert reference here to Derek Jarman's The Tempest for the artsy set.
• JoBlo's Movie Emporium on the Best Actor Oscar. Like many of us, the author believes that the statue should go to Johnny Depp and, after the SAG awards, it is starting to look like Depp might have a chance.
• GALLUP: Fewer People Went to the Movies in 2003
• The Daily Show weighs in on The Passion of the Christ.
• Charlize Theron to star in Aeon Flux. It is set 400 years in the future in a world where humans have nearly been wiped out by a virus, with the remains of mankind living in a city encased in a protective bubble. The title character, an acrobatic superheroine, is assigned to kill the government leader.
• There is new life in Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain, with Hugh Jackman starring instead of Brad Pitt, and a smaller budget

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Miscellaneous

• Beverly D'Angelo in Hair. She actually got to sing the worst song ever. Everyone sing along - "Gliddy glub gloopy nibby nabby noopy la la la lo lo. Sabba sibby sabba nooby abba nabba le le lo lo. Tooby ooby walla nooby abba naba. Early morning singing song."  (.avi version, .wmv version )

• Why didn't Nancy Travis take off her clothes more? She was sure sexy in Married to the Mob. (.avi version, .wmv version )

• Marry Steenburgen - nearly 50 years old but still showing off a very nice butt in My Life as a House  (.avi version, .wmv version )

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

"Absolute Aggression"
In the year 2011, minor crimes like smoking are capital offenses, and prisoners are warehoused in virtual reality prisons, basically on slabs in a room hooked up to a virtual reality computer. Then, they're forced to compete in life and death virtual reality "games" that are viewed by the general public. The slogan: "die in the games, die in life", so if a prisoner is "killed" during combat, he never awakes from VR. A pretty cool Sci-Fi story that was destroyed in the process of making the movie.

Really lame acting, unrealistic action scenes, bad production, and poor photography kept this 1996 effort from being much of a movie, but the story is there if you can ignore the other faults. A topless Amy Lynn Baxter is there too, and that ain't half bad. :-)

• Amy Lynn Baxter
• Cheryl Clifford
• Assorted Topless babes

• Maruska Albertazzi (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Federica Palmer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

GIBSON'S "PASSION" MAKES BOX OFFICE HISTORY
Passion For Money - Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" weathered scathing reviews to make $26.5 million, marking the fifth largest opening in movie history and breaking "Hannibal's" record for the biggest non-holiday opening day.