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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk: expanded format.
* Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Red Meat
Three men meet for a monthly ritual which consists of working out, going to
dinner, eating red meat, and telling tales about women. This night, part of
the audience includes Traci Lind as a surly feminist waitress. It was she who
had many of the best lines. The first tale is from the alpha male, and
describes a night where he made passionate love to a new woman, then almost
got caught by his live-in girlfriend. Tale two, from the self-deprecating and
passive friend of alpha male, concerns a birthday party for Mia (Heidi Lenhart),
the current flavor of the month for alpha male, and Ula (Anna Karin), the
wimp's date, who ends up in bed with alpha male. The last tale is from the
newest member of the group, and he tells of how he married the terminally ill
Lara Flynn Boyle. Guess which one ends up with the surly waitress?
Red Meat (1997) is a comedy that languished on the shelves for five years
before going direct to video. I must have been the target audience. I found
the dialogue ranging from clever to hilarious. Lines like "I had a healthy
loving childhood. I was raised by lesbians," and "She put the ik in shiksa"
will stay with me. The film is about relationships, and when you strip away
the often funny writing, these are people I have known. It was written and
directed by Allison Burnett, who also wrote Autumn in New York. He (yes,
Allison is a dude) has real talent, and will eventually latch on to the right
property and make a very good film. I will give this one a C.
IMDb readers say 5.6.
Scoop's notes: I didn't like the film as much
as Tuna did (I called it a C-), but it has one of the greatest endings in
history, which I'm now going to spoil for you since you will never have time
to work this obscure flick onto your "to do" list.
Guy one and two leave the restaurant. They see that the third guy is
still talking to the sexy waitress after the restaurant has closed. The
never-gets-laid dude asks, "Do you think he made up that entire cancer story
just to fuck the waitress?"
The cock-sure guy says, "Nah, he's even more of a woman than you are ...
"
" ... unless he did make it all up, in which case he's my hero."
Roll credits.
I doubt that Tuna's prediction for Burnett is going to come true. Burnett
directed Red Meat in 1997. It was his first film, and also his last. He seems
to have abandoned directing in favor of full-time dedication to his writing
career. (He has three scripts currently in the pipeline.)
Even so, we don't have to wait for the future for him to write a
classic. His first script to be produced was the immortal cinema classic
Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight, starring Richard "Shaft" Roundtree and Don
"The Dragon" Wilson. Like Orson Welles, Burnett may never top his first great
effort.
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Country Cuzzins
Rene Bond is back to the old barnyard for more sexploitation stark naked fun
in "Country Cuzzins".
Caps and three clips.
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Oculto
This one features VERY sexy, don't-miss nudity from red-hot and curvaceous
Angie Cepeda, whom you will remember from Pantaleón y las visitadoras.
She has a role in the highly anticipated upcoming adaptation of Marquez's
acclaimed novel "Love
in the time of Cholera." The film will be directed by Mike Newell, who did Four
Weddings and a Funeral, Donnie Brasco, and one of the Harry Potter films
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Notes and collages
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
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Ana Claudia Talancon in Fast Food Nation (zipped
.avi), The caps from this film, as well as many other contributions
from LC, can be found in yesterday's edition. |
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Pat's comments in yellow...
A double layer of irony was added to news that Al Gore lives in a
power-hog mansion. The Green site TreeHugger.com admitted that the Texas ranch
house of the environmentalists' most hated person, Gore's arch-rival President
Bush, is a relatively small 4,000 square feet; has a rainwater storage tank,
waste water collection for recycled irrigation, passive solar power, and
geothermal heat and cooling; and it's built from local limestone leftovers that
would have been thrown away.
* Of course, being in Crawford, Texas, it still costs $2
million a year to cool it.
* And in Crawford, Texas, that rainwater tank is just hypothetical.
The Wall Street Journal reports that a survey by Leichtman Research found that
nearly half of the 24 million Americans who now own high-definition TVs have yet
to obtain the additional hardware from signal providers that allows them to see
HDTV. And about half of them, or six million, don't even realize they're not
watching HDTV. A spokesman called it "cognitive dissonance," saying they spent
so much money on the TV set, they can't believe they're not getting what they
paid for.
* More likely, they see Rosie O'Donnell on TV and think,
"Never mind."
AFP reports that on April 18, the small town of Isafjoerdur, Iceland, will hold
an unusual beauty pageant. One of the organizers, a self-proclaimed
feminist, was dissing pageants in a pub with some friends when they got the idea
to hold one that challenges Western ideas of beauty and changes the rules about
what beauty is. Both men and
women can compete, and there is no age limit. Entrants will be rewarded
for their wrinkles, saggy boobs and other flaws, and the only restriction is
that nobody who's had cosmetic surgery may enter.
* That's why they had to go to rural Iceland to find
contestants.
* This show will make people glad they never hooked up their HDTVs.
WRTV in Indiana reports that the Delta Zeta sorority at DePauw
University is being accused of discrimination after 23 members were asked to
leave. The evictees all are either minorities or could be considered
overweight. Some who are minorities said they don't think it's racism so much as
that they weren't skinny or pretty enough; and if you look at the women who are
still in the sorority, you can see the evictees "didn't fit into their mold." A
Delta Zeta spokeswoman claims they weren't ejected because of their looks and
weight but because they weren't committed to the aggressive
recruitment program.
* This story is unbelievable! A sorority actually LET IN
fat, ugly girls?!
Paris Hilton was stopped by L.A. police for driving her Bentley with the
headlights off, and they found she was driving with a suspended
license. Since she's on 36 months' probation for last month's
alcohol-related reckless driving charge, breaking any laws during that time is a
probation violation punishable by up to 90 days in jail.
* If you're not Paris Hilton.
Jeff Goldblum won a permanent restraining order against a woman who has stalked
him for years.
* They know she's insane because, hey: she's stalking Jeff
Goldblum.
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