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Site note:
I had a meltdown in sections A-E of Tuna's section.
Currently looking at different solutions.
The day's top story:
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Lindsay Lohan with her entire boob hanging out
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More of Lohan with her boob hanging out.
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Here's a (slightly blurred) video clip of Lohan falling out of her dress.
Death Tunnel (2005)
I'll write about this later, since it is a complex
melange of positives and negatives.
For now, it's a creepy "haunted house" film with the
usual plot - five college women have to spend time in a decrepit
sanitorium. The visual style of the film is similar to Saw or maybe
Gothika - ghosts and blood in a rotting, damp building.
Kristin Novak gets topless, as do a couple of ghosties
played by Kendra Hale and Ashley Neighbors.
Kristin also removed her top a couple of years ago in
another timeless screen triumph, Malibu Spring Break.
 
Her film resume is starting to rival that of Derek
Jacobi or Edward Norton, or even John Cazale. Let's look at a complete
rated filmography side-by-side:
Yup - have to say it's too close to call at this point
Other Crap:
Get $115?
Spend
the weekend with David Lynch and a Quantum Physicist in Fairfield, Iowa
- Do you think that genius scientist understands Eraserhead?
The Motley
Fool calls CBS's Stern lawsuit "brutally idiotic" (He's analyzing it as a
financial strategy, not as a legal move.) Geez, Motley, you have to stop holding
back and being so subtle.
Three more clips for 16 Blocks (Opens Friday)
Video - Tyra Banks undercover as a stripper
Presidential Nicknames: The Complete List on "White House For Kids" (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
- Bono, Musician/Activist = "Boner McFaggy-Shades"
Borowitz:
"BUSH PAYS SURPRISE VISIT TO REALITY" ... President Calls Two-Hour Stop in
Real World "Informative"
Scott Stapp thinks a recently released sex video showing him and Kid Rock with
several strippers is meant to sabotage him.
- "Obviously someone wants to hurt me and doesn't want me to be successful
in my solo career"
Teri Hatcher admits using botox and collagen, says "no mas"
Colbert reports on Mardi Gras
- "Through the sheer power of alcohol and bare breasts, the Deep South has
risen again."
Liberty University's debate coach debates with Stephen about debating.
Colbert: Tip o' the Hat; Wag o' the Finger
Colbert asks, "Who's attacking me now?"
business and military acronyms and abbreviations dictionary
- This is not a satire site, but is surprisingly unsafe for work, even
though it uses "chick" as an euphemism when the "C" should stand for "cunt."
Some of the naughty military acronyms, like FUBAR, have crept into civilian
life without people really thinking about what the "F" stands for.
Rack
and Ruin - The Supreme Court considers Anna Nicole's surprisingly real claims.
"God Tells Antwaan Randle El To Sign With CFL Just To See If He'll Do It"
... Oh, that God. What a kidder. He thinks just because his tests worked on Abraham they'll
work on anyone.
A bid to have the 2014
Winter Olympics on the icy planet Hoth
Noted Individuals Who Have Experienced Homelessness
- James Bond used to live on a park bench? He likes his benches "lacquered,
not painted"
- Of course, he was the only homeless guy with a valet.
- "Golf, Goldfinger? Certainly. I think I have an old Titleist somewhere in
my shopping cart."
"Bloody Thursday" looms over NFL
- This article is about the scramble to meet the salary caps.
- "This year? People are going to be stunned -- not just by the quantity of
players who are cut by Thursday but by the quality, too. It's going to be
ugly. There's going to be blood in the streets and, compared to past years,
it's going to be from some bluebloods, guys who can still play."
Fans mourning the recent loss of two iconic television actors will be heartened
to learn that a previously 'lost' television episode featuring the two has been
discovered.
- In the episode, McGavin's character (Carl Kolchak) is sent to Mayberry,
North Carolina, to do a human-interest piece on drunk-turned-lottery-winner
Otis "The Drunk" Campbell. Shortly after his arrival, Aunt Bee is turned into
a hideous Bee-ast by contaminated feminine hygiene products and starts
slaughtering the hapless residents of bucolic Mayberry. It is up to Kolchak,
with the help of Deputy Barney Fife, to take on the Bee-ast.
Where are they now ...??
The Official head shot for Frank Sinatra Junior
Jessica Alba Threatens Playboy Over Cover Pic
- "Actress Jessica Alba, who appears in a bikini on the cover of Playboy's
March issue, is threatening to sue the magazine, claiming that Hugh Hefner &
Co. are trying to make it seem that she appears in a 'nude or semi-nude
pictorial.' In a February 23 legal threat letter, a copy of which you'll find
below, Alba's lawyer demands that Playboy cease distributing the magazine and
provide the 25-year-old actress with a 'monetary settlement' for its
unauthorized use of her image for commercial purposes."
Bush Gets Oprah To Endorse Seaport Deal
- "Oprah's endorsement will provide the President with more time to locate
his lost veto stamp thingy."
California to ban opposite sex marriages
Coming Soon has three clips from Ultraviolet
The domestic trailer for Lucky Number Slevin
The poster for "lucky number slevin"!
A new novel for baseball fans:
A Man Called Shoeless
Belgians take their Coke bottles to Netherlands to collect the deposit.
- It's fairly substantial - thirty cents per bottle
Minnesota Senator apologizes for saying the Mayo Clinic is worth more than the
entire State of South Dakota, even though it is, of course, true.
- At least the apology was easy. He just had to stroll across the aisle.
South Dakota only has two citizens, so they're both in the Senate.
Anti-Darwin Bill Defeated Overwhelmingly in Utah
China announces the creation of an alternate internet.
Juilliard given priceless music manuscripts
- "New York's Juilliard school unveiled a treasure trove of music
manuscripts on Tuesday given by a collector determined to seek out the
original papers scribbled and annotated by the likes of Beethoven, Mozart and
Bach."
Colbert says: "State, you tried living apart from Church. But now it's time to
admit it was a mistake."
Stephen Colbert talks to a Baptist minister named Tony
"Colbert Report: The De-Deification of the American Faithscape"
"Stephen compares Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and the Toyota
Camry."
CBS sues Howard Stern for (holds pinkie to lips) one ... zillion ... dollars!
Here's a clip from Dave Chappelle's Block Party (opens Friday)
Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Jane Street (1996)
This is an erotic thriller with a transparent plot. Linda Hoffman has just
taken a job in New York with an ad firm, and her boss not only finds her an
apartment on Jane Street, but helps her move in. As he is leaving, we learn
that he is unhappily married. That only leaves one fact remaining for us to
figure out throughout the entire film. We get that last piece of information
immediately as Hoffman gets in the tub and sees the ghost of a dead woman,
Gabriella Hall, who lived there.
Spoilers
So, let's see. Hall must have been murdered, or she wouldn't be a ghost.
The boss is a letch, and seems to move employees into apartments with an eye
toward sex. If Hoffman turned him down, the movie would end there. So, he will
have his affair with her, she will not do well seeing a married man, and the
ghost will continue to make her life miserable until she solves the murder.
The boss is the obvious suspect, so it won't be him. There's nobody left but
his drunken bitch of a wife. Thus we can predict the entire film from the
first two minutes.
End Spoilers
When Hoffman finally quits seeing the boss and takes up with the building
handyman, her co-worker (Carrie Stevens) takes up with the boss.
IMDb readers have this at 3.8. The few comments are evenly divided between
straight guys who admit the plot is weak but like the nudity, and gay guys who
were really turned off by the entire thing, but most especially seeing Robert
Grant (Queer as Folk) play the handyman, requiring him to do a love scene with
a woman.
I found it a genre cliché. Three naked women, transparent plot, poor to
mediocre acting, in other words, a C.
Sinful Deeds (2003)
This one is another direct-to-video soft-core erotic thriller based on a
totally unique premise ... strippers are being murdered.
Hmmmm, not so unique, is it?
But this one has naked women, both stripping and having sex, sometimes with
each other.
You have seen that before, you say? Well, how about this? Three of the four
naked women have only one name.
See, this is a really unique film.
As the film opens, we are introduced to the lead, Syren, in bed with her
boyfriend the banker, who doesn't like the fact that she strips. He is suspect
number one. We then see the sleazy club owner having sex with Angelica Sin.
Suspect two. The club opens, and their best customer, who is there from
opening to closing every day and stalks a woman a week, is waiting. So, we
have three suspects before we have even one ripped stripper. Before the film
is over, the murderer will kill most of the women, Syren will switch
boyfriends by taking up with the private detective she hires, and the killer
will be caught. Surprise!
Probably the most important rule in making this film was that there be no
10 minute period in which Syren does not get naked. This, evidently, was
Syren's first attempt at moving from hard core to mainstream. She gave it the
old college try, but could have used a decent script and a competent cast. A
budget big enough to permit set design would have helped as well.
IMDb readers say 2.5. I agree with the low rating. This film is a disaster.
Even at 68 minutes, it was an ordeal to watch.
D-.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
On her talk show airing today, Tyra Banks will be shown going undercover as a
stripper named "Chanel" at a topless club, although she stops short of exposing
herself completely. The former Victoria's Secret lingerie model insists this is
not a sweeps month stunt, but a serious effort to educate as well as entertain.
She said she found out the majority of strip club clients are married men, so
she wanted to go inside their minds, "to see and hear why they went, and the
only way to do that was to go undercover and see for myself."
* Or she could bring them on her show and ask them, but
who wants to watch a talk show?
* Why would men want to look at hot naked women? It's a mystery wrapped in a
riddle wrapped in an enigma...
* She has no idea why anyone would want to see strippers, so she's putting them
on her show during Sweeps Month.
The group Global Language Monitor chose "Brokeback" as the Hollywood Word of
the Year, thanks to all the talk and jokes about "Brokeback Mountain." The
movie's talk factor far exceeds its success: a Google search found more than 38
million references to it, even though only about 10 million people have seen
it. In second place was "Brangelina," the annoying abbreviation for Pitt and
Jolie, which beat out "TomKat," the tabloids' nickname for Tom Cruise and Katie
Holmes
* The word that was used the least in Hollywood this
year: "profits."
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