Bachelor Party 2

 (2008)

The number following the title is a bit misleading. Normally a film named Billabong 2 is a sequel to one named Billabong, or possibly a prequel, if Billabong is kinda arty. This film is neither. It is basically just a remake of Bachelor Party with different actors and ... I started to type in "updated to 2008," but that doesn't really apply. It would be difficult to find any sign that this film was made in 2008 other than the birthdates of the actors. If you were to watch it without any warning or foreknowledge of the actors and without having seen the first Bachelor Party, you would guess that the film was made in the mid-eighties by the Corman shop or by Golan/Globus. It even includes some Miami Vice jokes which must have been blisteringly topical in 1985. In other words, this is essentially the same film as the 1984 version of Bachelor Party, except with different actors. It's like when your parents finally got their tickets to see Camelot with Richard Burton and Robert Goulet and Julie Andrews, except that by the time they got to New York, the parts were played by Raymond Burr, Vic Morrow, and Charo. It was the same play they hoped to see, but it was just not the same.

Even the two DVD boxes are almost identical:

As in the 1984 version, our hero has to make it through the debauchery of his bachelor party without being unfaithful to his incredibly cool and beautiful betrothed. Temptation is thrown at him constantly. His fiancée finally decides to sneak into the party to see for herself what's going on and she eventually catches him doing something which looks inappropriate. Needless to say, appearances are deceiving. He has remained stalwart and wins her back with true love and a facile explanation.

The only meaningful change from the first version is an expansion of the actual bachelor party to a three-day affair in Miami. During those days our partiers encounter rivers of booze, rock music, sex addicts, seductresses, wet t-shirt contests, strippers, naked caddies, naked stewardesses, naked Nazis, and all the other things that make life worth living - except firearms. The script doesn't have many subtleties or even many jokes, and you've seen all of these these characters before. The plot exists basically as a vehicle to carry the film between the topless scenes.

If the film doesn't meet your FDA minimum requirements for breasts and locker room humor, there are eighteen deleted scenes and a full length commentary by the cast. There's nothing new here, but it moves along apace and is good-natured enough. If you can ignore the film's complete lack of originality, and/or have never seen the first version with Tom Hanks, you might get a few laughs from the raunchy goings-on. I can't really recommend it because you'll feel you've seen it twenty times before, but I found it pleasant and never reached for the fast forward button. Then again, perhaps I'm just easily amused by raunchy situations and attractive topless women.

Oh, who am I kidding? There's no "perhaps" involved.

Here's the nudity:

This is Dena Carman and Mariann Gavelo as the topless stewardesses. No idea which is which.
This is Erika Smith, Ashley Totin and Diana Vilskaya as the topless Nazis. No idea which is which.
The woman shown to the right is Arianna Coltellacci. She is the only one of the topless strippers I could identify. The other two women who try to seduce our hero in the VIP room are Sara Kova (the blonde) and Akari Kalai (the Asian woman). Neither of them removes her top. The various strippers are not identified separately.
The two topless caddies I can identify are Paula La Baredas and Claudia Costa. The other topless caddy is not identified, even though the credits are quite detailed. I guess it's just an omission or an error.
The wet t-shirt woman is La Trice Perry. Great body.
Some random unknown
This is Emmanuelle Vaugier, an incredibly hot women. She never got naked but she looked spectacular in her underwear.

Pistol Whipped

(2008)

Pistol Whipped is the latest effort from the Weighty Warrior himself, Steven Seagal. Has it really been three years since the last one, as indicated by IMDb? I guess it must have been because the Paunchy Paladin has picked up a lot of wrinkles, and a lot more chins. This time he's going for a little more depth of character by playing a disgraced cop who lost his job, then his wife, and then finally lost himself in the bottle. In addition to being an alcoholic, he is also a gambling addict with a million dollars worth of markers floating around the city.

A powerful and mysterious character buys up all of the Chubby Champion's markers, and then enlists him to pay off his debts by turning to murder for hire. Lacking any other options, the Stout Sensai goes along reluctantly, but gradually grows more enthusiastic about the job when he does a bit of research and finds out that Mr. Mysterious is only asking him to kill really bad dudes. He reaches a bit of inner peace about being a hit man until the day when his new assignment involves killing his best friend, who is also the loving step-father of Seagal's own daughter. Is this a test? Has the Big-Bellied Brawler been conned into this position? Or is it possible that the best friend is actually a bad dude? And how can our tubby hero find out for sure?

Interesting sidelight: Seagal's ex-wife is played by Blanchard Ryan, whose career really never materialized after Open Water. This is only the second film she had made since her nude scene in that surprise hit temporarily raised her to the top of our consciousness.

Overall, Pistol Whipped is just another generic crime film filled with amoral hit men who seem almost heroic compared to the immoral cops. The usual stuff. There are a couple of good action set-pieces like a final shoot-out in a cemetery, so this movie could have been a pretty decent little straight-to-vid if the screenwriter and Seagal had had the courage of their convictions and had been willing to create the character as a true anti-hero. As it is, the script sold out with all sort of sappy feel-good compromises. Mercifully, the script doesn't try to justify his drinking or gambling, but it does tries to exonerate him for his failures as a husband and a police officer, and it layers his "essential goodness" on really thick by showing how much he loves and is respected by his daughter and his priest.

Why can't Seagal just play a bad-ass without those sorts of crutches?

 

The nudity is supplied by Alison Chin, in a role with quite a bit of screen time but no lines and no name.

 Samples below.

Today we have a pair of "Damsels in Distress" taken from recent "Fun House" clips.

 

The Pit and the Pendulum

(1991)

First up we have a totally naked Rona De Ricci being harassed by a bunch of baddies in "The Pit and the Pendulum.

 

 

The Flock

(2007)

Then its a "Babe in Bondage" Cyd Schulte all naked and tied up in "The Flock".