Stage Beauty (2004) is a British film loosely based on a chapter of history. During the reign of Charles II, he made several changes to the theater, first reopening it after Puritan rule had shut it down, then lifting the ban on women performing on stage, and finally making it illegal for men to play women's rolls. This film deals with those events, and includes many real people and situations. However, strict historical accuracy was not the goal, and the film includes many things that would have happened 10s of years before or after the time the film takes place. Billy Crudup plays Edward 'Ned' Kynaston, the best of the female impersonators, and is wowing audiences as Desdemona in Othello. His dresser, Claire Danes, is clearly in love with him, and wants desperately to be an actress. It is her appearance in a tavern as Desdemona that causes Charles II (Rupert Everett) to lift the ban on women on stage. Her desire for Kynaston doesn't seem as promising, as he is having a homosexual relationship with a lord.

Kynaston suddenly finds himself unemployable. Dames is the flavor of the month, but performs her parts mimicking the performances of Kynaston. Finally, Kynaston is persuaded to tutor her. The triumphant ending scene is yet another performance of Othello, with Danes as Desdemona and Kynaston as Othello.

The film is not really a costumer or a historical reenactment, although sets and costumes were excellent. Rather, it is all about love, acting, and sexual identity. Dames shows her breasts, one in one scene, and one in another, and Zoe Tapper, as Charles II's mistress, shows her buns is a castle masque. Brilliant performances from all of the principles, and excellent editing brought this tale alive. IMDb readers have it at 7.1 of 10. It did a disappointing $777K in the US reaching 78 screens in it's best week. I enjoyed every moment of it. C+

Updates:

• Charlie's site was updated yet again.

Other Crap:

• Controversial tiny humanoid specimens from Indonesia do represent a new species.
• Anonymous Internet access is now a thing of the past. A doctoral student at the University of California has conclusively fingerprinted computer hardware remotely, allowing it to be tracked wherever it is on the Internet.
• Gawker responds to Fred Durst's lawsuit
• Fred Durst Sues Over Stolen Sex Video
• The International Trailer for Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven has some additional footage not seen in the domestic trailer.
• Iron Mike Tyson, made his singing debut on Wednesday at Italy's most popular music festival. And if you think I'm going to give him a bad review, you're nuckin' futz. My official comment, "Mike is greater than Pavarotti, Ray Charles, and Sinatra rolled together. That is all."
• Jon Stewart interviews "The Rock"
• Four new pics from Batman Begins
• Don't forget, March 14th is Steak and BJ Day. Curiously, Hallmark has not embraced this profitable opportunity.
• What was the original food? Give up? It was, surprisingly enough, marshmallows in a can.
• Robert Duvall joins the cast of Curtis Hanson's poker film. (Eric Bana and Drew Barrymore co-star). Drew plays " a struggling singer." If you've heard Drew sing, you know why she was struggling.
• Nicolas Cage will star in a remake of The Wicker Man. Neil LaBute will direct. Why remake it? First of all, it's a cult classic which still looks great and plays well in the original version. Second, it's a film which derives its power from a surprise ending. That's like remaking The Crying Game when everyone now knows the surprise. (Of course, although I hold that up as the apotheosis of absurdity, next year somebody will probably announce a remake of The Crying Game as well, and they'll reveal the secret in the trailer.)
• It is no small feat to artificially impregnate an elephant. It requires a very sturdy ladder, a very long syringe and, curiously enough, John Goodman.
• A full ten minute clip from Mail Order Wife. This is a mockumentary which never lets on that it is kidding. The idea is to make you think you're watching a real documentary. It features a short appearance by tell-all slugger Jose Canseco in the challenging role of "Jose Canseco." (I'll bet Ozzie could have played that role.) The review in Slant Magazine gives you the full picture.
• Daily Show: As soon as the elderly figure out the Internet, they're going to be very angry about a new site.
• ESPN.com: The 50 greatest North American athletes of the 20th century. They named the same Top 5 that I would have named, although I have no idea in which order they belong, since they played five different sports.
• Burton Anchors FOX News
• No comment. Real Photographs of Jesus and Mary Collected from the Web
• The 48 Laws of Power
• Mystical Ball - The Amazing Mind Reader. This may be fun to amaze your friends for a couple of minutes. Or not. Try it, and if you can't "get it", here is the answer.
• "Hey Guys! Red Alert! HOW YOUR DATE EATS A HOT DOG REVEALS HOW GOOD SHE IS IN BED!"
• The "Luther Burger," a bacon cheeseburger served on a Krispy Kreme doughnut bun, is named after Luther Vandross.
• The Michael Jackson Trial - E! News Presentation - Re-enactments!
• The trailer for IMAGINARY HEROES, the new drama featuring Sigourney Weaver and Jeff Daniels. It opened late in December to establish Oscar eligibility, but got no bites on that bait. In its latest appearance, it has been unable to expand beyond 20 screens.
• I've double-locked my doors tonight. Martha Stewart is back on the streets. With both Martha and Tommy Chong running free, no home is safe from brutal drug-induced rages, savings-destroying financial manipulation, or tastefully decorated knick-knacks.
• MARTHA'S PRISON REPORTS 12-MONTH WAITING LIST. Beats Out Harvard Business School as Top CEO Destination
• Netscape Browser 8.0 Beta Test. It looks pretty darned cool, but fair warnings: (1) Remember it is a beta test, not a commercial product (2) This is based on the Firefox 1.0 platform, which means it has some security issues already resolved by Firefox with 1.01, but not resolved in this Netscape version.
• A Concise Guide to the Major Internet Bodies
• Warner Bros. is the new Criterion Collection. How the DVD label cleaned up its act (and its digital transfers).

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Of the Best Actress Winners who showed nudity in their award winning roles, who gave the best nude performance? I think I've included every actress to show Oscar some skin. If I missed anyone, let me know.

There are a couple on the list that push the definition of nudity, (Hunt's scenes were see-thru and partial, MacLaine's was nudity was very brief, and Christie's was rear only) but it's my poll, so ppphhhtttt :-p

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Best All Time Television Comedy

Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

Today from theGhost....

First up, part 2 of his salute to Skinemax babe Ashley Rhey. This batch features 'caps and vids of Rhey baring all and gettin' it on in scenes from her most recent movie "Deviant Vixens 2" (2002).

• Thumbnails
• Thumbnails
• Thumbnails
• Ashley Rhey (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
• Ashley Rhey zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

Next up, a few assorted video clips. zipped .wmv's as usual

• Unknown nekkid servant girls bathing Eddie Murphy in scenes from "Coming to America" (1988).

• B-movie regular Griffin Drew showing off her robo-big'uns and keeping the van a-rockin' in scenes from "Recoil" (1997).

• Sylvia Kristel, the Dutch actress and original "Emmanuelle" going topless in a scene from the 1981 movie "Private Lessons".

• Assorted nekkid babes in a shower scene from the 1990 comedy "Nuns on the Run", starring Eric Idle and Robbie Coltrane (better known as Hagrid from the "Harry Potter" movies) (1, 2)

• Pam Grier showing off her glorious big'uns in scenes from the 1974 Blacksploitation classic, "Foxy Brown". (1, 2, 3) According to the IMDb, Hall Berry is attached to a remake, but so far there are no other details.

"Silent Warnings"
This bad/good Sci-Fi movie from 2003, direct to video, which has appeared several times on the Sci-Fi channel, will appeal mainly to lovers of alien invasion movies, and not many others.

After a drunken binge, a farmer dies when his truck catches fire, leaving the farm to his college-student cousin. When the cousin and several friends come to the farm to fix it up and sell it, they discover there's a reason for the farmer's drunkenness: the farm is being invaded by aliens.

This effort has all the expected B-movie flaws: lame script, hokey plot, some bad acting in spots, its all there. Even so, the special effects are OK and the aliens aren't bad, Michelle Borth and Kim Onasch give us a nice if brief show (but not on Sci-Fi, of course), and its kind of fun. Just don't expect too much.

• Michelle Borth
• Kim Onasch

Sandra Reinton
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

JACKSON JURY TOURS NEVERLAND BY VIDEO
"Take, Eat...This Is My Body" - Thursday, Michael Jackson's jury was treated to a police video tour of his home, Neverland. Among the decor: various mannequins of young boys, one sitting on a throne with his legs in the air; statues of half-naked cherubs; a model of Gollum; a painting of "The Last Supper" with Michael in it; and cardboard cut-outs of movie stars and of two children kissing. There's also the "Toy Room," which is filled with life-size "Star Wars" characters, and the "Doll Room," which is filled with dolls of all sizes, including a Boy Scout on a pedestal, with a four-poster bed and cot in the middle.