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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk: expanded format.
* Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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La Maison du Canal
La Maison du Canal (2003), or The House by the Canal is a Belgian
made-for-TV drama starring Isild Le Besco. She plays Edmee, a 16-year old girl
suddenly orphaned when her father dies. She is to live with her uncle on his farm in
the boonies, but when she arrives, he too is dying. His oldest son, who shared his
father's passion for prostitutes, becomes the man of the house, determined to
make sure Edmee knows her place. His younger brother, a hunchback, is fond of Edmee.
Up to this point, I thought I understood the plot: Edmee wasn't happy in
the sticks, she resented her older cousin trying to control her, and sought
refuge with the dim-witted hunchback.
Then the plot got going in earnest, and I no longer had a grasp of what the
film was trying for. What follows will be complete spoilers.
SPOILER ALERT
Edmee and her obnoxious cousin do it on a wood pile. Voluntarily? Who
knows. If someone told
me is was rape, or it was her idea, I would believe either
story. Then a little kid jumps out and makes fun of them. The cousin kills the
kid accidentally, whereupon he and the hunchback bury the kid. Edmee responds by getting
tuberculosis, which leads her into a meeting with a rich uncle who is a bigger whoremonger
her obnoxious cousin. Then she seems to decide decide to marry her obnoxious
cousin, but she convinces the hunchback to strangle her on her wedding day.
He, of course, lovingly obliges.
END SPOILER
I find myself drawn in by Isild Le Besco, with her pouty mouth and "me first" attitude. She has a lovely
body, and has shown a willingness to share it, but even given nudity from a
favorite, this film has no
fascination for me. There was probably a point to it, but somehow it didn't
survive the translation to subtitles.
This is a very low C-. (Or less, if it is equally opaque in French.)
There is one French review, and no comments.
IMDb readers say 6.0 but based on an insignificant 30 votes.
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Beerfest
When Jan (Paul Soter) and Todd's (Erik Stolhanske) grandfather dies,
they learn from their grandmother that he always wished his ashes would
be buried in Germany. When the brothers learn that Oktoberfest is about
to take place in Germany, they leap on the chance to deliver the ashes
themselves. While there, the brothers learn of a drinking competition
known as 'Beerfest', and decide to form their own team after being
humiliated by the Germans.
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Notes and collages
The Man Who Fell to Earth
...Ms. Candy Clark looks great in this cult classic about an alien (played
by David Bowie) who comes to Earth in an attempt to save his own species from
ecological annihilation but ends up being himself destroyed by the dark side
of the human experience...
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Autopsy
Most of you won't remember Mimsy Farmer, but she was born in Chicago,
and started acting at 16 (a bit part in Spencer's Mountain in 1963). She
acted in several films and TV before moving to Italy in 1970, fed up with
the U.S. involvement in Vietnam. She then started a long career acting in
Italian films, where she was known as the peroxide-blonde American leading
lady. She moved to France in the 1980's with her teenage daughter and
continued working in films. 1975's Autopsy is typical of her work, which
continued into the early 1990's. Daughter Aisha Cerami is still an active
actress in Italy today.
Young pathologist Simona Sana (Mimsy Farmer) is working in a morgue in
Rome trying to complete her college thesis about natural deaths. The
morgue is suddenly hit by a wave of suicides, but when a Catholic priest
shows up adamantly insisting that is sister, a recent victim, did not
commit suicide but was murdered, Simona decides to help him.
As the suicides mount, and the pair get closer to the truth, Simona
finds that she herself is being stalked. Perhaps she is to be the next
"suicide" victim?
Fairly lame horror mystery, but it is an interesting look at 70's
Italian filmmaking, and an American actress who became an international
star.
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Mimsy Farmer |
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Pat's comments in yellow...
Once again, Al Gore is being accused of hypocrisy, but from an unexpected
source: PETA. The animal rights group says that if he's serious about fighting
global warming, he must stop eating meat. They pointed to a UN report claiming
that raising livestock creates more greenhouse gases than all the cars and
trucks combined. They offered to cook Gore a vegetarian faux "fried chicken"
meal as an introduction to a meat-free diet.
* Al is already on a meat-free diet; for the past five
years, he's eaten nothing but pie.
* Al would rather eat five Big Macs, then send a bag of rice to the Third World
as a meat offset.
Brothel owners in Sofia, Bulgaria, claim global warming is causing a hooker
shortage. Their best prostitutes are off at ski resorts and won't come back
because the lack of snow has forced tourists to engage in other activities. One
brothel owner said they've had to resort to hiring college students and temps,
who aren't nearly as good.
* A hooker shortage is good for global warming; it means
there'll be fewer emissions.
London's Daily Star reports that Queen Elizabeth was mortified after she asked
her grandsons, Princes William and Harry, for help with her new answering
machine. They put on a message that went, "Hey, wassup! This is Liz! Sorry
I'm away from the throne." It went on to say to press one for Phillip, two for
Charles and three for the corgis.
The paper said the Queen eventually saw the funny side, but her private
secretary was not amused.
* The Queen also asked them to program her Tivo, and now
all she gets is porn.
* But she hasn't asked anyone to change it.
Following days of testimony, two hours of closing arguments and 90
minutes of jury instructions, the jury for the New Jersey doctor who ran over an
11-year-girl on his bike and then sued her for negligence for not getting out of
his way ruled against him. They deliberated for 15 minutes.
* That included a 14-minute coffee break.
* He's now suing the jury for wasting 15 minutes of his time.
Supermodel Naomi Campbell was sentenced to five days' community service mopping
up a New York warehouse while wearing a safety vest, work gloves and boots, as
punishment for throwing a phone at her maid's head. The boots aren't part of the
uniform; she just looks hot in them. The judge warned that if she didn't clean
the way he likes, he'll throw the book at her.
* A scrub woman who looks like a supermodel? I thought
that only happened in J-Lo movies.
The Association of Social Anthropologists declared that it's no longer
acceptable to call tribes "stone age," "primitive" or "savage," because it harms
their welfare by creating an impression that they're backward.
* And how would they know what they're being called,
since they're still 5,000 years away from inventing the printing press?
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