Boardheads (1998)

Only four things you have to know about the history of movies:

Casablanca ... The Seventh Seal ... The Godfather ... Boardheads.

• Zipped .wmv of Victoria Silvstedt (nice topless flash)

• Zipped .wmv of Portia Dawson (minimal nudity, but kinda funny in a goofy way)

• Zipped .wmv of Avalon Anders and various chicks who look good topless.

Olga's Sommer (2002)

This film must be after some kind of rare obscurity record. Although Clemence Poesy is now known internationally (she was in the last Harry Potter film), this film doesn't seem to be available on home media. Even IMDb comes up empty-handed. They say it was screened at the Moscow Film Festival in 2002, and had a brief, limited run in French theaters that same year.

Period.

In fact, the damned movie is so obscure that I could not verify that these caps are what they purport to be! I am accepting them on faith.

After the new stuff, I added a few more to give you a taste of the Poesy beauty. My favorite collage is Charlie's first one from "Roses," in which Clemence looks very much like Kiki Dunst.

Clémence Poésy in Olga's Sommer (2002) - approximately age 19

Clémence as Mary, Queen of Scots in Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot (2004) - approximately age 21

Clémence in Welcome to the Roses (2003) - approximately age 20

Clémence in Les Monos (2000) - approximately age 18

Other Crap:

Joan Rivers at the Oscars

• Joan is the one comedienne who is just as smokin' hot as she is funny!

Paris Legally Restrained, Except at Parties! (That's really what happened. Honest!)

"An extraordinary family who walk on all fours are being hailed as the breakthrough discovery which could shed light on the moment Man first stood upright."

• The family, Hollywood's Baldwin brothers, are to be studied for their astonishing resemblance to higher primates, or in the case of that blond one who works with Pauly Shore, lower primates.

A clip from The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things

"The U.S. House of Representatives has approved child-safety legislation that includes a provision bringing some legitimate film and TV productions under the same federal-reporting requirements as X-rated films."

DAILY SHOW: "There's a new film that shows man's paralysis in the face of catastrophe: Bush's Katrina briefing."

"Eugene Linden talks to Jon Stewart about his book 'The Winds of Change,' about climate, weather and destruction."

"Daily Show: Uncaged Heat ... "Dan Bakkedahl profiles a town with a fence-less women's prison and consults a security expert."

Daily Show: Don't miss the King Kong attack ad that didn't air at the Oscars.

COLBERT: "Scholar Norman Ornstein on being one of the six 'raging moderates' left in America."

"Colbert Report on The Long War" ... "If we call it The Long War, who can really criticize it for not being short?" ("The Long War" is the new spin on the "War in Terror")

"Colbert Report: All You Need to Know ... Stephen predigests the news, and then excretes all you need to know."

"Make Stephen Colbert your heir, Sir Slade, and restore balls to the British aristocracy."

2006 India Visit: President Bush Grants India Lucrative Contract to Outsource America's Defecation on Nukular Nonproliferation Treaties (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

The trailer for Find Me Guilty

• "Based on the true story of Giacomo "Jackie Dee" DiNorscio (VIN DIESEL), a member of New Jersey's notorious Lucchese crime family. Already in the midst of serving a 30-year sentence, Jackie is offered an opportunity to shorten his time by testifying against many of his closest friends."

The trailer for Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles

• "From three-time Academy Award nominated director Zhang Yimou comes a moving story of one man's journey across China's heartland."
• Click on media/trailer

You think you're tough? Even death can't slow this guy down. Sinatra opens on London stage. Even the guy who kicked the Great White's ass has to be impressed with this.

Afghanistan Surprise Visit: President's Remarks During Top-Secret, Unannounced, 240 Minute Pit Stop in the Massively Stable Nation of Afghanistan (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

"It may not be what Sharon Stone wants to discuss, but the actress is happy to confirm that, yes, she does indeed get naked in her next movie, the sequel to the 1992 hit 'Basic Instinct.'"

Jimmy Kimmel helps Jon Stewart out before the Oscars

"How did a 40-year-old woman fool the world into thinking she was a teenage male prostitute and wunderkind author JT LeRoy?"

SONY has really done a good job on the Ricky Bobby fan club, a promo for Will Ferrell's new comedy, Talladega Nights.

Divers Report Discovery of Furry Blond Crustacean

• Oops! Turns out it was just Britney Spears swimming in her cut-offs again

Coming Soon's creepy Image From Silent Hill!

• Could we finally see a worthwhile game-to-movie adaptation? This one has some potential. You can see a sample of the iconography at the site. It was scripted by Roger Avary (Pulp Fiction) and features a solid cast

"These 10 entries received zero nominations, but they're winners to us."

• They make some very good points in the article. Mickey Rourke did a better job in Sin City than the Oscar winner (Clooney in Syriana), but the Mickster wasn't even nominated. I'd also add Seth Rogan in The 40 Year Old Virgin, maybe the best supporting comic performance since Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary.
• I'm still shocked that Werner Herzog wasn't nominated, and I haven't even seen the bear movie!
• Cronenberg and Rodriguez showed that comic book movies could be more than primary colors.
• "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" would have been one of my five nominees if I could have been the Academy for a day. It was probably the one movie I enjoyed most last year.
• I haven't seen The New World, but James Horner's score does seem impressive
• No film won more Oscars than Memoirs of a Geisha. Entertainment pictures were out of favor this year, but here are some that were better than Memoirs of a Geisha: Sin City, Batman Begins, Cinderella Man, Lord of War, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, A History of Violence, Walk the Line, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Danny the Dog

"In a seemingly ominous development for the White House, a new survey released today indicates that the avian flu is now more popular than President George W. Bush."

• " ... one way for the President to increase his popularity vis-à-vis the avian flu would be to eradicate the avian flu, possibly by having Vice President Dick Cheney take out his shotgun and shoot at the world’s birds. But even this strategy carries with it certain risks: Thousands of people could wind up getting shot in the face."

"Citing concerns with the way that the gritty 'Crash' beat out favored gay cowboy movie 'Brokeback Mountain', Al Gore has called for a partial recount of Oscar ballots."

• Also check out the ad for Nagin and the Chocolate Factory

iPorn

A nice tribute and recollection: Kirby Puckett - dead at 45 - remembered.

"Runaway bride dolls disappear as quickly as she did"

The Hoosier Gazette says: "Spencer County's new tourism web site highlights the many exciting things to do there, like visiting Boner Bridge." (Of course, this may not be accurate. Those crazy Hoosiers were trying to write and Hoos at the same time)

"Uma Thurman has dumped her boyfriend Andre Balazs just weeks after declaring that she had found love on the rebound."

Forty-Four Percent of Americans "Strongly Disapprove" of Bush, prefer Brazilian waxing

• Only one other President has ever had a "strongly disapprove" percentage above 40% - Richard Nixon. Even Jimmy Carter didn't make it!

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

On ABC's "The View," Donald Trump was asked how he'd feel about his daughter Ivanka, a former teen model, posing in Playboy.  He replied, "I don't think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure.  I've said if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."  Afterwards, his spokesman said Trump was "absolutely joking," and "making fun of himself for his tendency to date younger women.  It's a sense of humor that people don't see all the time."

*  You know, like Woody Allen's sense of humor. 

*  It would be too awkward to date his daughter...He's already dating all
her friends.

*  She's the perfect woman for him: it would be like dating himself, only
with better hair. 

*  He'd never date his own daughter...She's much too old for him now.

Nelson Mandela encouraged people to vote by saying, "Even after I go to my grave, I will wake up to come and vote."

* Of course, he'll have to be buried in Chicago.