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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk: expanded format.
* Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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National Lampoon's Spring Break
The process of creating National Lampoon's Spring Break (2007?) is easy to explain.
Here's the formula:
1. Think of a "girls gone wild" video shot at Cabo and South Padre Island.
2. Now get rid of most of the tits.
3. Next, cut it together in MTV style with a relentless sound track.
4. Sensing you have essentially nothing of value here, get Nikki Ziering to
film a topless narration.
Yes, that's right. A bunch of young, stupid drunks in bikinis.
Short review, easy score: F, but only because our system does not explore
more of the alphabet, although the entire English alphabet would be strained
by this one. How many letters in the
Cambodian alphabet? 74? Still not enough.
IMDb has not yet heard of this one, and I frankly wish I had not either.
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Vampires: The Turning
Astoundingly awful on so many levels, Vampires: The Turning follows Connor (Colin Egglesfield), who must save his girlfriend, Amanda (Meredith Monroe), from becoming the blood slave of a ruthless vampire. He believes that the only way to rescue Amanda is to become
a vampire himself, leaving him with no choice but to turn to a group of pacifistic blood-suckers for help.
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Notes and collages
Re-Animator
... Ms. Barbara Crampton is a great screamer; I wonder if she could
fit a baseball in her mouth ...
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Shout at the Devil
(1976) IMDb listing
Some info from the Time Out film guide:
"Set in East Africa in 1913 in the days of German and English brinkmanship,
this ostentatiously displays its large budget, but makes a mostly unsuccessful
return to the world of colonial intrigues. Combining a slim plot about ivory
poaching with some African Queen malarkey (involving blowing up a battleship),
the film offers a comedy adventure that Ford or Hawks could have directed
standing on their heads. But Peter Hunt seems incapable of controlling his
leading men. Marvin behaves increasingly like a caricature of himself, turning
to leer at the camera at the end of each take, while Moore, displaying officer
qualities with all the conviction of Biggles, shows little aptitude for comedy.
Barbara Parkins provides the only emotional complexity on display."
I think they 're too kind: this is mostly just boring. It starts as a humor-flavored
adventure and ends in a downbeat fashion. Most probably the director is to blame.
I picked it up judging it by its cover but Barbara Parkins was the best thing in
it.
On the other hand, according to
Roger Ebert it's great fun (!)
Barbara Parkins
Sacra Corona
(2001) IMDb listing
Some info from Variety:
"Director Gabor Koltay, who's made a career with nationalist epics ("Julianus,"
"Conquest"), comes up this time with "Sacra Corona," a talky but stirring
portrayal of the struggle to keep the fledgling Hungarian state alive following
the death in 1038 of King Istvan. Culturally inclined webs seem the best bet
offshore for this swordfest, which is several notches better than Koltay's
previous pics.
When a shaky peace among kingly rivals Laszlo (Attila Szarvas), his brother
Geza (Pal Oberfrank) and the jealous Solomon (Peter Horkay) breaks down, Laszlo
and Geza are hunted by Solomon's henchmen. Supported by the neighboring Germans,
Solomon is married to Judith (Eszter Onodi), the daughter of one of their
leaders; the bros have a vision of an independent state, summed up by the "holy
crown" (sacra corona) of Hungary. Though small-scale, the rapidly edited battles
have a visceral power, and performances, in elevated language, are sturdy. Pic
was last year's local B.O. champ, with 254,000 admissions, but the government's
direct allocation of production coin to the filmmakers (rather than via
democratic subsidy channels which look at multiple script submissions) rankled
other cash-strapped filmmakers in Hungary."
"Visceral power"?
I agree more with an IMDb comment: the script is weak,
the performances are weak, the whole thing looks chaotic. And having seen some
Franco Nero films, I think he has to be one of the worst actors ever. At least
there was a little nudity from Eva Auksz.
See more of her here.
Eva Auksz
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The Golden Girls
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Images and comments by Magicman:
Several weeks ago I posted part one of the
Golden Girls, the 1982 adult movie featuring Rachel Ashley. Today, I'm
posting part two of Golden Girls which is of Shauna Grant in a beautifully
filmed scene with the famous porn star John Leslie, set in a luxurious
home overlooking San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge. Shauna, because
of her suicide at age 20, has become a legend in the porn industry. She
appeared first as Callie Aimes (which is the name she used in this movie)
although she sometimes used her real name Colleen Applegate, and then
later changed her stage name to Shauna Grant, with which name she became
famous. She appeared in 24 movies from 1982 through 1984.
Golden Girls was the third movie she made and she still had the
innocent look of the high school cheerleader that she was when she
graduated a year earlier in Minnesota. For those of you looking to get
more information on Shauna, I should point out the IMDB has some errors on
her bio including the years when her movies were released including this
film. She became addicted to cocaine during her brief adult career and
retired from the business and was working as a leather goods store manager
at the time of her death. For more complete information on her career and
the mystery surrounding her death, check out the
Shauna Grant page on
the Wikipedia web site.
Film clips here.
Collages below. |
 
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Film Clips
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TV round up, part 1: Episode 10 of "Dirt,"
with Alexandra Breckenridge and Olivia Hardt |
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TV round up, part 2: Episode 9 of
season 4 of "The L Word," with
Leisha Hailey and Rose Rollins. They are nude and
embracing sensuously, but the only real nudity is the side of their hips. Meh. |
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Except for teases, Kate Beckinsale's one-and-only real topless appearance was in
Uncovered |
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Follow-up #1. Yesterday we saw Trishelle Cannatella,
host of the Lingerie Bowl, in The Dukes of Hazzard 2. Today she appears in
The Scorned |
Follow-up #2. Yesterday we saw WWE superstar
Candice Michelle in an "accidental" flash. Here there is no doubt that she's showing it all on purpose,
about a year before she began her rasslin' career, in
Hotel Erotica. (The clip
is in .mov format.)
Sample to the left. |
The editor of
this Christina Aguilera music
video failed to notice the appearance of her nipple. (And its attendant
nipple ring.) Sample to the right. |
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Pat's comments in yellow...
Raquel Deandrade of Ridgefield, New Jersey, was charged with DUI among other
things after she allegedly mistook the Atlantic City Boardwalk for a street. A
police captain said he gave chase down the wooden structure, with lights and
siren blaring, but she made a U-turn and nearly ran into his car. He stopped
chasing her when speeds reached 40 mph for fear of hurting pedestrians. She was
finally stopped by two motorcycle cops.
* She should've known it would cost her a lot of money if
her car landed on Boardwalk.
The makers of the Beer Belly, a strap-on fake belly where men can
carry a secret stash of beer, have a new product: the Winerack. It's a bra with
compartments in the cups that not only hold your favorite beverage, they boost
your boob size up to a D-cup. A long, flexible straw runs up the strap, so the
woman can have a drink, or offer a suck to a man. It's billed as the ultimate
way to get a man's attention.
* No, that would be a triple-E cup bra filled with
Michelob.
Newt Gingrich admitted that while he was leading the charge against Bill Clinton
during the Monica Lewinsky scandal, he was having an extramarital affair himself
* Surprisingly, with Hillary
* But Newt didn't lie about it under oath because
nobody ever asked him about it. Nobody even wanted to THINK about it
* The news caused Bill Clinton to switch his
endorsement for
president from Hillary to Newt.
A judge in Rockford, Illinois, granted an accused child molester permission to
take a two-week Florida vacation with his family before his trial, since he
hasn't yet been found guilty. While there, he plans
to spend three days at Disney World
* While his family visits the Everglades
* He has to go there; the new Michael Jackson theme
park in Vegas hasn't been built yet. |
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