Monday

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• Netscape 6..2.1 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Kids (1995) is one of those films I really wish I hadn't watched. As a matter of fact, I wish it hadn't been made. Not only is the subject thoroughly depressing and disgusting, but the cinema verite style looks its worst throughout, the actors all talk at once (maybe that isn't so bad considering the garbage they are spewing), and I think this is my first F of the year.

Leo Fitzpatrick is a New York inner-city high school punk. When he is not too busy smoking dope, getting drunk, beating people up, shop lifting and stealing from his mother, his real thing is deflowering 13 year old virgins. When he takes their virginity, he leaves something in its place -- AIDS. None of his friends are any better, and all of the girls are so starved for what they think is affection that they are easy prey.

The film supposedly had a bush shot from Chloë Sevigny from the end where she goes to a party to tell Fitzpatrick he has given her AIDS, passes out, and is fucked by his best friend, Casper (Justin Pierce). The bush shot is there, but is impossible to cap. When brightened to the point that you can even see her thighs, there are ugly blue. green and purple splotches everywhere. I ended up with images from two women. In the opening scene, Sarah Henderson has a nip slip while losing her virginity. Later that day, a bunch of kids break into a swimming pool, and we see Michele Lockwood's breasts through a wet white bra. IMDB readers have it at 6.4 of 10, but I have no idea why.

MOVIES:

A NOTE: I noticed yesterday, after I commented about how bad the DVD was for Crimes of Passion, that a new version of that film will hit DVD eight days from now, fully remastered, complete with several minutes of restored footage and additional deleted scenes! (The current one is not anamorphically enhanced, the image quality is grainy, and the sound is monaural!)

UPDATES:

• There is a new Encyclopedia volume for the magnificent Laetitia Casta. There are also new Encyclopedia volumes for those acclaimed thespians, Victoria Silvstedt and Pamela Anderson.

I have often written about the unchallengeable legacy of Johnny Cazale. Because he died young, was picky about his projects, and knew a lot of important people, he never made a bad movie. In fact, he never made anything but great movies. The low point of his career was Dog Day Afternoon, a terrific movie in which he did a great job! (If you don't recognize his name, he's the guy who played Fredo in The Godfather)

Yet, when I praise him I usually forget to mention that there is an actress with a comparable legacy. Pam Anderson has only made four movies (excluding TV movies and her stolen camcorder flicks): Snapdragon, Raw Justice, Barb Wire, and Naked Souls (plus an uncredited appearance in something called The Taking of Beverly Hills).

 It just doesn't get any better than that. I almost feel that comparing her to Cazale understates her contribution, because it limits the comparison to one medium, one century. Her lifetime output should rather be placed into the pantheon of the immortals in all of human history, like Michelangelo, Beethoven and Bill Shatner. Even limiting it to the arts seems too restrictive. Perhaps we should include Moses, Louis Pasteur, Churchill, and Thomas Jefferson. There's really no question in my mind that her face should be on Mt Rushmore, except that the United States could not afford the mascara upkeep without help from the international community. Of all history's greatest luminaries, Pam probably wore the most eye make-up, possibly excepting Cleopatra, KISS, and Joseph Fiennes.

Her legacy can best be summarized by the observation that her stolen honeymoon tape, shot with a hand-held camcorder with a filthy lens, is rated higher at IMDb than any of her movies. In fact, that's the highlight of her career, except for a TV film called Baywatch: Forbidden Paradise.

1. (4.69) - Baywatch: Forbidden Paradise (1995) (V)
2. (4.58) - Pam & Tommy Lee: Stolen Honeymoon (1998) (V)
3. (4.34) - Come Die with Me: A Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer Mystery (1994) (TV)
4. (4.23) - Playboy: The Best of Pamela Anderson (1995) (V)
5. (4.20) - Taking of Beverly Hills, The (1991)
6. (3.88) - Raw Justice (1994)
7. (3.71) - Snapdragon (1993)
8. (3.33) - Barb Wire (1996)
9. (2.96) - Naked Souls (1995)

Pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Amy Lindsay (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Next up is the bountiful Colleen Camp in "Apocalypse Now Redux". Colleen is a cult fave, at least if you call the boys who work around here a cult. She did not get nekkid enough nearly often enough to suit our tastes.

• Colleen Camp

Then there is Donna Scott, topless and rear views in a thong bikini, in "Soldier of Fortune".

• Donna Scott

Next we have Itziar Miranda with lots of full frontal stuff going on in "Celos".

• Itziar Miranda

Here is Jennifer Van Dyck, pretty and topless, in "States of Control".

• Jennifer Van Dyck

Jennifer Ludlow in JohnnyWeb caps of the softcore vampire flick, "Embrace the Darkness". Now THIS is the default B movie bim: blonde and pneumatic.

• Jennifer Ludlow

Jobeth Williams in "Kramer vs. Kramer". When I first saw this film on videotape I picked up what I still think is a continuity error. The two right frames come from the part of her "discovered on the way to the bathroom" scene when she is first, well, discovered. Then there is a cut to the kid asking whether she likes fried chicken or something like that and then the camera cuts back to her, shown on the second frame from the left. Between cuts she has shifted which arm tries to cover her boobs and which hand covers her bush. Oh, and tell me something: with hooters so small how is it possible not to cover up more thoroughly? A good call by director and actress: leave something for cappers in the distant future to grab.

• Jobeth Williams

Laura Angel in "Variations Amore Italiano", a borderline hard softcore production, typical of Penthouse. It is filled with pornobees doing stuff that is just barely hidden from view.

• Laura Angel

Leslie Ryan and Lisa Pescia in differnt installments of "Body Chemistry" (Leslie in BC4, Lisa in BC2). You see Leslie topless in a sport-humpin' scene and Lisa with bum and boobs in a bathtub scene.

• Leslie Ryan
• Lisa Pescia

Lois Chiles in topless in "Creepshow 2". Lois was perhaps the least glamorous of the Bond babes (she played Dr. Goodhead in Moonraker), who showed some goodies only in this feature. I know that because my dear older bro gave me a copy of the Barefacts CD for my birthday. Damn, that is a work of scholarship and original contribution worthy of a Ph.D. from any of our finest universities. Kudos to Dr. Hosada.

• Lois Chiles

Lucia Laurier showing two B's in "The Assignment".

• Lucia Laurier

Lisa Ann Brown in Hankster's caps of "Stripteaser 2". Good ol'Hankster has sent in some righteous caps of first rate babes but these were my favorites of a woman with serious hooters. Lisa Ann has posed for the Hefmag, where she looks just as good.

• Lisa Ann Brown

Lydia Farrell in "The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill", showing off two nice B's and a hint of the third.

• Lydia Farrell

Lynn Frederick in two scenes from the wierd-ass movie, "Schizo". First collage is of her in a funky shower scene, the second is a more attractive pair of 'caps of her in bed. She shows off boobs and a 2/3rds of her bum.

• Lynn Frederick (1, 2)

Lynn Karris in "The Erotic Adventures of Zorro". From the look of the caps, this is one seriously twisted movie. We see a guy threatening Lynn with a snake and then stepping on her tummy and boobs. Excuse me? Through it all, Lynn has a lot of full-frontal action going on.

• Lynn Karris (1, 2)

Maria Ford and her robo-hooters playing something other than a stripper (mirabile dictu) in "Perfect Fit". We see Maria pouring ketchup on herself whilst sitting, topless, at the dinner table and we see her lolling in bed on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Or so I imagine. Maria's boob job was not half-bad especially when you've seen the original equipment (on view in the first dozen stripper movies she made).

• Maria Ford (1, 2)

Finally, there is Marilyn Joi showing boobs and bum in "The Possession of Nurse Sherri". The first collage has a view of what I assume is Nurse Sherri in the mirror, holding up her hand in a way that suggests she wanted Marilyn to cough. Marilyn, instead, screams. Must be different for boys and girls.

• Marilyn Joi (1, 2)

Until the next batch of goodies....

Shauna O'Brien

Lauren and Shauna
(1, 2)

Part 5 of "The Abductors"...

Laurie Rose is abducted, molested and then gets roughed up by the white slavers. Meanwhile Cheri Caffaro captures one of the bad guys and leaves him handcuffed to a tree with his unit hanging out.

• Laurie Rose, tied up, tolpless and being seriously groped and man handled. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Cheri Caffaro a little upskirt action in #1, but no other gooies. (1, 2)

• Iris Berben, lingerie and full frontal nudity in scenes from "Das Viereck" (1987).

• Mariella Ahrens, plenty of partial breast exposure as seen on "Blitz".

• Ramona Drews, busty, blonde and topless. Also from "Blitz"

• Claudie Wenzel shows all 3 B's. From "Dr. Stefan Frank - Der Arzt dem die Frauen vertrauen".
  (1, 2)

Knowing you're a movie history buff, I thought you might enjoy this site, which proves Britney Spears was hardly the first child star to discover sex appeal.

-Pat