Carnal Knowledge (1971) is one of those highly acclaimed films that I could do entirely without. Jack Nicholson and Art Garfunkle are college roommates. Garfunkle starts dating a girl, and as soon as he tells Nicholson that he got a hand job from her, Nicholson asks her out, took her virginity, then tried to get her to dump Garfunkle, all behind his back. Garfunkle marries her, end of act one.

The rest of the film chronicles their trouble with women. Both become successful, Garfunkle a doctor, Nicholson an accountant. Garfunkle eventually leaves his wife, and finally finds happiness with a hippie chick. Nicholson is entirely too self centered to have a real relationship, and he almost destroys Ann-Margret, who make the mistake of loving him. To Nicholson, all women are ball busters.

Ann-Margret shows breasts and buns. IMDB readers have this at 6.8 of 10. Ann-Margret received a best supporting actress nomination. The few critics who have weighed in are 100% positive. For me, Nicholson's character was so dislikable that I could not enjoy the film. Nevertheless, it was a landmark film when it was released, and has a huge following, therefor C+.

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993):

• The only reason I mention this film is that we are following up on Lorraine Bracco nudity, Here is her bushy crotch shot from this movie, in .wmv format. The movie got a half star from Ebert, and another half from Berardinelli. They were generous. The film is incoherent, and the acting is at a level incomprehensible in a major film. It may be the worst movie ever made by a major director. (Amazingly, the film was directed by Gus Van Sant, who usually has a pretty good idea of what he's doing.)

Calendar Girls (2003):

This movie is:

• A chick-flick (7.7 women, versus 6.6 men) of the granny variety (highest scores from people 45 or older)
• The same-old same old Type B Brit-flick (Gentle, quirky comedies about eccentric small-town provincials who are doing something vaguely naughty or socially unorthodox, and end up showing us a positive side of life. (Growing marijuana in their greenhouse, getting naked in public, boys giving up football for ballet, girls giving up baking for the trumpet, etc)
• A true story (well, more or less) about some old ladies in Yorkshire who posed nude for a charity calendar and ended up being international celebrities.

Don't let that description put you off. It is a very good film, and came close to being a great one. For about 70 minutes it is a great one, both funny and touching, and slightly naughty, a smooth blend of entertainment and purpose. Then it went astray and got bogged down in unimportant matters. I wrote in my original review, "Calendar Girls is just about the best 90 minute movie I saw in 2003. Unfortunately, it is 108 minutes long."

Setting aside aesthetic matters, Calendar Girls was a massive financial success. It grossed a very solid $30 million in the USA, and was a monster hit in the UK, grossing twenty million pounds (the population of the UK is about 1/5 that of the USA, and the pound averaged about $1.70 last October, so that's equivalent in popularity to a $170 million blockbuster in the USA ). The film was made for a modest $10 million, and distribution/marketing costs were an equally sane $7 million.

These are made from the Region 2 DVD. The Region 1 disk is not yet available.

• Helen Mirren. (1, 2, 3) I'm not really into naked geezers, and Helen is nearly 60, but I have to admit she still has a helluva nice rack.
• Here's the original photo upon which Mirren's photo is based.
• Julie Walters (1, 2)
• Celia Imrie (1, 2)
• Penelope Wilton (1, 2)
• Here's the original photo upon which Wilton's photo is based.

OTHER CRAP:

• Jayson Blair: The Art of the Self-Review
• Osama Bin Laden to Endorse George W. Bush in 2004 Election! (From The Spoof, accompanied by very naughty picture.)
• Screamin' Dean backs Kerry. Whoa! There's a surprise. I really thought he'd go for The Bushman.
• Check out the (obviously bogus) results of this online poll at a pro-life site. 90% choose Kerry for President; the rest prefer Nader over Bush almost 2-to-1.
• The original Donkey Kong online. (Early arcade game - first appearance of Mario)
• Coming Soon has a new TV spot for The Punisher
• Gay Republicans like Dick, hate Bush.
• Did Jessica Rabbit shoot a beaver in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
• The nude career of Pam Anderson on film, from the fresh-faced Canadian sugarplum with a natural body, to ... whatever she is today.
• Five dozen Frenchmen arrested for drawing moustaches on ads. It's a good thing Bart Simpson got out of there while he could. You mean there were pictures of Frenchmen without moustaches? No wonder they went nuts.
• McGrady scores 62 against the Washington Wizards.
• Kerry blasts Republicans. : "These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group of people I've ever seen". Bush campaign spokesman Scott Stanzel said Kerry wasn't following his own promise to run a clean campaign, and faulted Democrats for "harsh, angry, bitter", albeit accurate comments.
• Who will play Kurt Cobain in the Gus Van Sant grunge period piece? Rumor has it that Spalding Gray had it locked up, but took method acting a bit too far with the suicide.
• Spectacular color photographs of The Empire That Was Russia: The Prokudin-Gorskii Photographic Record . (A Library of Congress Exhibition) These are color photographs from pre-Revolutionary Russia. Read that sentence again to make sure you understand it. (The science is explained on the page.) Amazing exhibition!
• Get the news from almost any source, in any language, from any country. Brilliant list of media links.
• Elephant Art. These are actual paintings made by elephants holding brushes with their trunks.
• Prophets: scoldings, warnings, and prophecies looked at through an aesthetic lens.
• Famouslocations.com -1000s of famous locations of movies, film stars, sites, actors & events
• George Michael to put future songs on Internet, royalty free: "British singer George Michael said he was retiring from the music business and intended instead to put all his future songs on the Internet -- for free. "
• The full collection of teasers and trailers for Troy
• Republican Senator McCain says he's open to being Kerry's VP on the Democratic ticket. The President has a secret counterplan to replace Dick Cheney with Jesus.
• Norway rated first in freedom of the press, perhaps because there are never any non-codfish items to report, and the government doesn't care what you say about cod. It is a little touchy about herring, which is why the country didn't get a perfect score. Reporters without borders made the rankings. The U.S. places 31st - just behind Hungary and Uruguay. Hey, we kicked North Korea's ass.
• The new Pentagon papers: "A high-ranking military whistle blower reveals how Defense Department extremists suppressed information and twisted the truth."
• Aussie pub owner bans people who cast spells in his establishment. "They brought with them, I believe, a small cauldron". That would be the first bad sign. The eye of newt was also a mite suspicious.
• MARTHA WAS FRAMED, SAYS O.J.. He offers to help look for the real liars.
• The Museum Of Bad Art (MOBA). Work of such monumental vapidity that it makes Monet seem as deep as Umberto Eco.
• The Daily Show analyzes the 2004 Bush campaign strategy: the glass is only half empty.
• View the porno technology of the future
• New uses for your cell phone!
• Nicole Kidman shocked some fans in her homeland of Australia by posing for some startling photos in a men's mag.
• Discovery Channel's MythBusters Quiz
• Movie-Vault.com :: EXCLUSIVE! Episode III Photos!
• A sneak peek at the transformers video game
• Many, many links to female model portfolios
• This is hilarious. The official Bush-Cheney site has on online poster creator, with their official graphics and the ability to add custom text. Internet wags are having a ball with this one!
• Arizona judge says Diana Ross's stay in rich people jail doesn't count. She will have to go to Arizona to serve real jail time.
• If you still haven't seen the Paris Hilton tape, here's a 17 minute excerpt.
• Currently up for sale on eBay--plastic replicas of Jackson and Justin Timberlake in all their Super Bowl finery. Break out the Turtle Wax. Now you and your kids can play the Tittygate Home Game, and win fabulous prizes.
• Another heart-stopping major catastrophe looms for Norway - Norwegian lawmakers facing easter egg crisis: "Norwegian lawmakers bravely faced down the critical issue when one of their own demanded that the government outline plans for countering a looming Easter egg crisis."
• The Sopranos season premiere kicks ass. It had twice as many viewers as the next highest rated cable show last week.
• Bush fund-raisers are among the overnight guests to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom. Some of them have even taken a dump in the Herbert Hoover Crapper, played with the Nancy Reagan Ouija Board, and put their cowboy boots up on the Millard Fillmore Ottoman. This is no story at all, except that the Bushmeister himself said it was evil, and bad for the country, back in the 2000 campaign! Of course, to be fair, he never actually said that he himself would be any less evil or any better for the country. The truth is that there was nothing wrong with it then, and there's nothing wrong with it now. When I become President, I'm going to invite all my old frat brothers for a kegger in the Dick Nixon Kick-Around Lounge, followed by an orgy in the Jimmy Carter Heart-o'-Lust Conservatory.
• The new trailer for the PG rated sports film, Madison. This features Jim "Jesus" Caviezel in his first post-resurrection role.
• Voters league to issue political 'gay list': "The Christian Civic League of Maine is asking supporters for 'tips, rumors, speculation and facts' about the sexual orientation of the state's political leaders so it can post the information on its Internet site." You have to love the fact that they're specifically looking to print rumors. I sent them a rumor that all Maine's prominent Republicans are gay, but I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that they'll ignore it.
• Another fast-paced day in Norway. Today's top headline in Aftenposten: "Royal security threatened by gossip".
• Very funny interview with Rob Corddry of The Daily Show.
• Archbishop of Canterbury praises author accused of blasphemy. The Archbishop didn't like the blasphemy that much, but he felt that the buggery more than made up for it!
• Here is the Archbishop's actual review of "His Dark Materials"
• The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive
• Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Lopez will star in American Darlings, a period drama about a white female swing band that joins forces with a group of black and Hispanic musicians at a time when women were ostracized from playing male-dominated clubs.
• Freezerbox: The Hunter S. Thompson Interview about the state of the American Dream
• Test your knowledge of the fruits and other plants depicted in arcade games.
• NY Theater troupe does a reading of Lynne Cheney's softcore lesbo novel. : "Lynne Cheney's still-remembered 1981 lesbian romance novel, 'Sisters,' was feted Monday night in a special performance by the 'Lynne Cheney Players' - to the delight of an audience of liberal East Village types."
  • The writing is excruciatingly bad. Get this: "Let us go away together, away from the anger and the imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement."
• Canadian nude model disappears in Philadelphia. Police search for an elderly man.
• Here are some sample pictures of the missing girl, who calls herself "Taylor Sumers, Sexy Canadian"
• Here are four free short movies from Playboy's Cheerleaders & College Girls!
• Tina Marie Jordan was the playmate in March of 2002. Here is her free Playmate Gallery Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Various:

• This is a real hoot, and new to me! Here's Danielle Spencer and a very young, trim Russell Crowe, who was taking top billing for the first time ever, in 1990's The Crossing. Thirteen years later, the notoriously hard partying Mr. Crowe would abdicate his bad boy kingship to Colin Farrell in order to marry the very same Miss Spencer! (.avi version, .wmv version, .jpg collage)

• Spinning off this whole Mel Gibson Jesus thing, here is Barbara Hershey in Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ. Special bonus - dubbed in German!  (.avi version, .wmv version)

• And here's Hershey in her last screen nudity. She was 50+ (and lookin' great) when she did Drowning on Dry Land (.avi version, .wmv version)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Julia Roberts...a very quick glimpse of Julia's nipple in scenes from "Pretty Woman" (1990).

• Ornella Muti, the Italian actress topless and showing a hint of pubes in scenes from "Tatiana, la muņeca rusa" aka "Compromesso d'amore" (1995).

• "Sopranos" co-star Lorraine Bracco shows pubes in the Gus Van Sant movie "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" (1993).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Charlotte Rampling
(1, 2)

"Instinct to Kill"
A young woman whose mother was a victim of wife abuse is stalked from the age of 15 and finally married by a police detective who is himself a wife abuser. When she discovers he has murdered nine women, she solves her problem by sending him to jail, actually a prison for the criminally insane.

A year later he escapes and she turns to a martial arts master to teach her self-protection, because she knows hubby will head for her.

The predictable plot still isn't bad, and there's a lot to enjoy in this 2001 action/thriller, but the acting lacked spark and the movie fell short of what it could have been. Disappointing, but still worth watching.

• Tracy Ryan
• Missy Crider

NEWS LEAKS OF GUMMY BREAST IMPLANTS
In Orange, Cantaloupe And Watermelon - Are you ready for gummy breasts? MSNBC reports that plastic surgeons say one of the most promising new replacements for silicone implants are leak-resistant cohesive silicone gel implants with the consistency of gummy bears. They also have a new type of shell coating less likely to cause scars and inflammation. One surgeon said we're getting closer to "the perfect implant" in terms of durability, biocompatibility and natural shape.