Boat Trip (2002) was trashed so thoroughly by Scoopy when it was released that I passed on it. Still, the DVD has a large nipple count, and see-through action from the likes of Viveca A Fox, Victoria Silvstedt and Roselyn Sanchez. As long-time readers know, Scoopy and I very often agree completely about a film, but once in a great while, we disagree strongly. This is not one of those times. If anything, I hated it more than he did. One short, fat, supposedly fun guy takes his slick but recently dumped buddy on a cruise. When they piss off the travel agent, they find themselves on a ship completely full of gay stereotypes. Cuba Gooding Jr. meets Sanchez, and Horation Sanz meets the Swedish tanning team, and both feel it would be to their benefit to be thought of as gay.

In what was almost a brilliant move, they got five Heffers, three of them topless, and used them behind menus, and even had a tanning lesson. "Moisturize and depilliate first, then apply high SPF sunscreen 30 minutes before exposure to nasty UV rays, who especially like attacking hot blondes." The eye candy was wonderful, but they had these women chatting and giggling. What were they thinking? Everyone knows centerfolds should be obscene and not heard.

Breasts from Deanna Brooks, Natalia Sokolova, Jami Farrell and 4 members of the Swedish tanning team, see through from Roselyn Sanchez, Cleavage from Viveca A Fox, and Victoria Silvstedt in first a bikini then palter, a bra and panties. The cast included folks who have been known to act, thus blaim can only be assigned to the writers and director. It received Razzie nominations for worst actor and worst director. This is a D, a colossal waste of a $20M budget, and my time.

Joyeuses Pâques (1984):

Joyeuses Pâques is an old-fashioned sex comedy in the Western European style, which means naughtier than a Doris Day and Rock Hudson film, but with a similar tone. If you watched it with the "mute" button on, you might easily mistake it for an Italian movie from the late 60s, although it is actually a French movie from 15 years later.

Belmondo plays a playboy industrialist with a real eye for fast cars, fast boats and fast women. He is also married, but he always manages to get home in time to keep his wife from getting suspicious about his activities. One day he sends his wife off for a long trip, thus anticipating a relaxing non-stop orgy of beautiful babes to share his bed, starting with the gorgeous young one (Sophie Marceau) he picks up at the airport.

Well, things go wrong. Isn't that the whole point of these films?

Mrs Belmondo's trip is cancelled. She pulls up into their driveway that same night, just as Sophie is about to remove her blouse. Belmondo panics, struggles for a credible explanation for Sophie's presence, and finally has to admit to his wife that he is caught, and that he mist confess a secret he's been keeping for a long time - Sophie is his daughter!

His bullshit story actually works out very well for a while. Mrs Belmondo even invites her newly discovered stepdaughter to stay with them, and Belmondo is purring like a cat in a henhouse until Sophie's mom shows up at a dinner party. Belmondo manages to weasel around the fact that he doesn't seem to know the woman, nor she him, despite the fact that they were supposed to have a daughter together. Belmondo really gets his comeuppance, however, when the old sot starts to tell the dinner guests about the monstrous creature that is Sophie's father, whom they all believe to be Belmondo.

And so forth. You get the idea ...

It's your basic Marcello Mastroianni movie, except with Belmondo instead of Mastroianni.

Belmondo is one of the greatest stars in the history of film, with a list of credits as long as your arm. In the late 50s and early 60s, he may have been the biggest star in Europe. He was also one of the coolest.

1. (7.79) - À bout de souffle (1960)
2. (7.71) - Doulos, Le (1962)
3. (7.60) - Ciociara, La (1960)
4. (7.51) - Une femme est une femme (1961)
5. (7.45) - Professionnel, Le (1981)
6. (7.37) - Pierrot le fou (1965)
7. (7.36) - Misérables, Les (1995)
8. (7.15) - Léon Morin, prêtre (1961)
9. (7.13) - Un singe en hiver (1962)
10. (7.03) - Cent mille dollars au soleil (1964)
11. (7.02) - Magnifique, Le (1973)
12. (6.96) - Sirène du Mississipi, La (1969)
13. (6.85) - Homme de Rio, L' (1964)
14. (6.78) - Classe tous risques (1960)
15. (6.78) - Stavisky... (1974)
16. (6.74) - Itinéraire d'un enfant gâté (1988)
17. (6.74) - Cartouche (1962)
18. (6.71) - Scoumoune, La (1972)
19. (6.66) - Borsalino (1970)
20. (6.65) - Peur sur la ville (1975)
21. (6.49) - Paris brûle-t-il? (1966)
22. (6.47) - Charlotte et son Jules (1960)
23. (6.46) - Tricheurs, Les (1958)
24. (6.40) - Voleur, Le (1967)
25. (6.40) - As des as, L' (1982)
26. (6.35) - À double tour (1959)
27. (6.34) - Moderato cantabile (1960)
28. (6.33) - Week-end à Zuydcoote (1964)
29. (6.33) - Inconnu dans la maison, L' (1992)
30. (6.32) - Mariés de l'an II, Les (1971)
31. (6.32) - Flic ou voyou (1979)
32. (6.32) - Hold-Up (1985)
33. (6.25) - Corps de mon ennemi, Le (1976)
34. (6.24) - Tribulations d'un chinois en Chine, Les (1965)
35. (6.24) - Alpagueur, L' (1976)
36. (6.23) - Animal, L' (1977)
37. (6.23) - Cerveau, Le (1969)
38. (6.20) - Docteur Popaul (1972)
39. (6.19) - Héritier, L' (1973)
40. (5.97) - Casse, Le (1971)
41. (5.96) - Aîné des Ferchaux, L' (2001) (TV)
42. (5.96) - Solitaire, Le (1987)
43. (5.92) - Cent et une nuits de Simon Cinéma, Les (1995)
44. (5.91) - Marginal, Le (1983)
45. (5.84) - Sois belle et tais-toi (1958)
46. (5.71) - Peut-être (1999)
47. (5.71) - Incorrigible, L' (1975)
48. (5.68) - Morfalous, Les (1984)
49. (5.68) - Une chance sur deux (1998)
50. (5.61) - Joyeuses Pâques (1984)
51. (5.56) - Amazone (2000)
52. (5.21) - Casino Royale (1967)
53. (5.17) - Acteurs, Les (2000)
54. (5.12) - Guignolo, Le (1980)

As you can see from the highlighted cell on the list above, this is one of the least respected films in Belmondo's career. I suppose that is true for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it's a goofy lightweight comedy in which Belmondo plays pretty much of a feckless douchebag, nothing like the cool guys he once played for Godard and Truffaut. You might compare this phase of his career to the phase Robert DeNiro is going through now. Belmondo was 50 then, and was trying to find the right niche for his middle-aged self.

Having said that this is not a film of substance, I should hasten to add that I found it pretty damned charming. Hell, even grade-B Belmondo is pretty good stuff. The photography and stunts are excellent, reminiscent of a James Bond film. Sophie Marceau was a cute little tootsie then; Belmondo was fine as the fox who is less foxy than he imagines; Marie Laforet was amusing as the wife who obviously knows a lot more than she lets on; and the ending is completely appropriate and clever. I found it a pleasant time-killer.

• Sophie Marceau (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6). This was La Marceau's first real screen nudity.

• other French babes (1, 2, 3)

DVD INFO:  This film is not available on a Region 1 DVD. There is a Region-free DVD available in Germany in PAL format, however. If you are in the States, you will be able to play it on any computer with a DVD drive, but will not be able to play it on a stand-alone player unless your TV knows what to do with PAL or your player knows how to convert it to NTSC.

WARNING: although it has an excellent anamorphic widescreen transfer of the film with some extra features, there is NO English soundtrack. You can choose from French or German.

The German DVD info can be found here. The U.S. distributor's home page can be found here. If you are thinking of buying DVDs from outside your region, read this first.

The Jacket (2005):

OK, let's be honest. There isn't much nudity here, and what little there is sucks in quality.

Now that we're gotten that out of the way, we can enjoy Keira Knightley's tiny little hooters:

• Keira collage

• Keira zipped .wmv (no sound)

Other Crap:

• Comparison of Unwanted Software Installed by P2P Programs.
• For the capital letter lover in you: CAMERON Diaz was rushed to hospital after falling from a CHEST OF DRAWERS.
• The average child received $1.78 per tooth from the Tooth Fairy in 2004. That's a 12.5 percent increase from the 2003 average of $1.58. I know he founded the business but, dammit, Mr. Fairy is really going to have to start controlling expenses better, or the board of Fairy Enterprises will be forced to remove him as CDO.
• Borowitz: NETWORKS REFUSE TO AIR BIN LADEN TAPE AFTER FINDING NO NEW INFORMATION IN IT ABOUT JACKSON CASE. Madman Frustrated By Lack of Airtime, Sources Say
• Who better to summarize the Jackson trial than that calm, staid bastion of responsible journalism, The Sun.
• Tara Reid sues Vegas condos over 'Let It Hang Out' ad
  • Yeah, there's an example of why her career is soaring. Step 1: She's tanking into oblivion. Step 2: These guys keep her name on people's lips. Step 3: She doesn't thank them - she sues them.
  • Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's a slick move because Step 4 is that the lawsuit prolongs her 15 minutes another ten to twelve seconds.
• Freespending king of Swaziland to hold extravagant birthday bash, filled with rich chocolates, and expensive watches, and cuckoo clocks, and secret bank accounts ...
• This site claims that these are Former WWE Diva Gail Kim topless pics. They say, "These pictures were taken AFTER Gail Kim was released from the WWE late last year. They were taken for a cell phone company in Japan or some such shit and the pictures were originally pixellated so you couldn't see her nipples. These are the uncensored pics for all to enjoy. Thank us later."
• Muslim clerics in Spain issued a fatwa - against Osama bin Laden
• Paris Hilton Fans Strike Back: "The fan consortium also formally nominated Paris for the Nobel Peace Prize"
• Gotham Comes of Age: New York through the Lens of the Byron Company, 1892 - 1942. Tremendous collection of photos. Click on "The Physical City" for an excellent example.
• Ten clips from the Asian murder mystery, Oldboy
  • "A man is inexplicably kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years and his wife is brutally murdered. On his release, he is given a wallet full of money and a mobile phone. A stranger calls and asks him to try and figure out why he was imprisoned. A girl appears and promises to help him solve the enigma and seek vengeance for his cruel fate. As the search progresses, the man finally comes face to face with his kidnapper, who proposes a game: if the man discovers the reason for his imprisonment, his kidnapper will kill himself. If not, then the girl will be killed. He has only five days to unravel the mystery."
• Here's the trailer for Madagascar
  • "Ben Stiller ('Meet the Parents'), Chris Rock ('Chris Rock Never Scared'), David Schwimmer (TV's 'Friends') and Jada Pinkett Smith ('Collateral') star as the voices of four zoo animals who hang up when they hear the call of the wild."
• Weekly World News: "NEW VACCINE PREVENTS CATTLE FARTS FROM CAUSING CLIMATE CATASTROPHE!"
• Whitehouse.org: Dan Rather Retires: White House Sends Warm Congratulations
• Here's the trailer for Linklater's A Scanner Darkly ... different!
• Here's the full trailer for The Bad News Bears
• The Daily Show's This Week in God
• Daily Show: "President Bush has a message for the people of Lebalon: You've been mispronouncing your name."
• Jon Stewart helps Brian Williams tell the difference between the Daily Show (fake) and his news (real).
• Jon Stewart interviews the ubiquitous Bruce Willis.
• Oh, no, Mr Sluggo. It appears that Carla Gugino's nudity has been removed from Sin City.
• This is National Procrastination Week, so you might think about how to put off celebrating it. I know the week is almost over. I would have posted this last week, but - well, you know how that goes.
• The trailer for Lipstick & Dynamite: The First Ladies of Wrestling
  • 'Lipstick & Dynamite' shines a spotlight on the forgotten first ladies of the ring. Gladys 'Killem' Gillem wrestled women, men, alligators, and bears. At 18, Ida May Martinez took to the road to flash the only thing she knew - how to kick, punch, and defend herself. Narrowly escaping a date rape at 16, Penny Banner trained for survival. Still kicking butt at 80, The Fabulous Moolah and Johnnie Mae Young live together with midget wrestler sidekick Diamond 'Lil, and continue to take bumps with World Wrestling Entertainment.

    Each woman reflects on her own remarkable life with fond and bitter memories, reconciling a wild, flamboyant youth with the reality of getting older and fading away. 'Lipstick & Dynamite' follows Moolah, Jonnie Mae and the girls 60 years, many bumps and falls later as they discuss the money, the old days and what it's like to be a 'lady' in today's favorite guilty pleasure: spectator sport. The girls are taking all comers. Are you ready?"

• The trailer for Hooligans with Elijah Wood and Claire Forlani
  • "Matt Buckner is unfairly expelled from Harvard and moves to England to stay with his married sister. Buckner soon discovers the joys of football and becomes obsessed with the West Ham United club, thanks to the passion for the game of his brother-in-law Pete."
• Sandra Bullock has revealed she uses hemorrhoid cream on her face. If that shit is so good for the prune face, then why are assholes so wrinkly?
• Griffey to make spring debut Thursday, hopes to be out for season by Sunday.
• I did not make this up.The Irish Dirty Sanchez festival has been "cancelled due to injury". The future will not be that different from the present. Today your dad can't play golf because of his old football injury. When you are his age, you'll have to beg off because of your old Dirty Sanchez injury.
• There is hope for old geezers to get hot sex - and not just in Kevin Coster movies! Bruce Willis, who turns 85 this month, and teen queen Lindsay Lohan, 18, recently enjoyed a mutual gropefest. (Note: Willis claims that he's only turning 50 this month. Yeah. I'm 56 and I still have my Bruce Willis lunch pail from kindergarten.)
• Marcia Cross has been inundated with offers from straight men who want to convert her in the wake of false reports that she's gay.
  • The 43-year-old single actress, who plays Bree Van De Kamp on Desperate Housewives, told the New York Post that at a Hollywood party recently she was approached by one man who whispered, "I heard you were gay. Let's get a room and prove that wrong."
  • Her response? "No thank you, President Clinton."
  • Props to Pat Reeder of The Comedy Wire for that gag!
• Sharon Waxman's "Rebels on the Backlot" is to 90s filmmaking what Peter Biskind's legendary "Easy Riders, Raging Bulls" was to the 70s: gossipy, gonzo insider journalism. She bases her work on six of the hottest hot-shots of the 90s.

   

  • Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
     
  • Steven Soderbergh, Traffic
     
  • David Fincher, Fight Club
     
  • Paul Thomas Anderson, Boogie Nights and Magnolia
     
  • David 0. Russell, Three Kings
     
  • Spike Jonze, Being John Malkovich
     

  
  The links below lead to purchase info on Waxman's book as well as Biskind's 70s classic. (Dude, if you haven't read Biskind's book, you aren't even vaguely interested in the cinema revolution of the 70s. It is a must read not just for its revelations, but mostly for its pure entertainment value.)
  
   

• 
   

• Headline of the day: "Dwarfs Can’t Afford To Miss Boat Again". If they would just get the fokkin' boat closer to the dock, I think the little fellas would have a better chance.
• Sports trivia fans: "Mr Outside" is dead at 80.
• Here is the mystery woman whose affair with the married chief executive of Boeing led to his downfall

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Of the Best Actress Winners who showed nudity in their award winning roles, who gave the best nude performance? I think I've included every actress to show Oscar some skin. If I missed anyone, let me know.

There are a couple on the list that push the definition of nudity, (Hunt's scenes were see-thru and partial, MacLaine's nudity was very brief, and Christie's was rear only) but it's my poll, so ppphhhtttt :-p

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Best All Time Television Comedy

Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

Today from the Ghost...'Caps and clips of the long time B-movie and Skinemax babe gettin' it on in scenes from an episode of the late night cable series "Hotel Erotica". In the 'caps we mostly see toplessness, but the clips show some goodies south of the border.

• Monique Parent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
• Monique Parent zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3

"Heat and Sunlight"
Beautiful and well-done black & white photography doesn't quite save this draggy 1987 drama, but it certainly helps. Way too much philosophical droning for my taste, but the art house crowd probably loved it.

When a photojournalist returns from overseas after a tough assignment, his girlfriend doesn't meet him at the airport, nor return his calls. Deeply in love, he anguishes over her with close friends and anyone else who will listen. To call this a "talky" movie is an understatement.

What we wind up with is a minute examination of 16 hours of a man's life, in which he reflects over his last 20 years as a photographer. There's things to enjoy in this movie, but unfortunately, it was just too plodding to hold my interest. There was no script, per se. The scenes were improvised by the cast as they shot, which undoubtedly lent to the slowness. The photography, however, was great.

• Consuela Faust

WILLIS THREATENS TO MURDER DAUGHTER'S DATES
Rumers Of War - Bruce Willis told "Good Morning America" that when boys come to date his 16-year-old daughter Rumer, he interviews them until they're shaking, then he jokingly tells them if his daughter is not returned in the same condition she left the house in, they will be murdered. He laughed, "You see their knees start knocking and they sweat."