Alien Terminator (1996) is a pretty ambitious title. Alien, and The Terminator were certainly milestone movies. Alien Terminator isn't. It is an ultra low budget snooze-fest that doesn't even have an alien. Six scientists have been deep in an underground lab for years, supposedly as an experiment to study the effects of isolation on people. One of them, however, is actually working on a biological weapon, designed to infect our soldiers, making them strong, ruthless, and without morals. With the help of a nose full of crystal meth, he sort of succeeds, with a minor problem. He forgot to engineer it such that it didn't need a host organism. Voila, one bad ass monster.

Lets see, we have a small cast, a small space easily handled by two or three sets, a badass monster, what more do we need? I know, tits. Well, dummy, that is why we have Lisa Boyle in the cast. You certainly didn't think she looked or talked like a scientist did you? The cast members then play a deadly game of tag with the monster. Who will be left standing? Maria Ford is also in the cast, but must have been worrying about sunburn underground like that, as she kept her clothes on. Boyle shows breasts in a very tame sex scene. Later, there is a shower scene where she shows breasts and a little bush. I am reasonably sure that the shower scene is recycled footage from some other film. The color palette is completely wrong, and it is crudely inserted. If anyone recognizes the frames, let me know and I will include that information.

IMDb readers have this at 3.5 of 10. You need to be a genre fanatic to put up with this one. D+.

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.

Other Crap:

• They let the fans pick their name, and now ... New team's nickname riles some in Worcester. I'm not surprised. The Worcester Pigfuckers seems to have minimal merchandising possibilities. (Yeah, I wish the story was that interesting.)
• A French appeal court ruled yesterday in favor of somebody who downloaded about 500 movies, on the grounds that those were private copies, that he didn't redistribute them, and that a proper tax was paid on the blank media.
• Here's the trailer from Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, the title of which says all that is necessary.
• Napoleon Dynamite, Rob Schneider and David Spade will make a movie about ... (wait for it) ... (surprise!!) ... three uncool losers. I mean, where is the acting there? Let them play JFK, Sinatra and Dino - then we'll see if they can stretch.
• Those calm, rational heads at PETA have created this web site just to vent their anger at J-Lo. You know, it's enough to make you sympathetic with J-Lo. OK, I lost my head there. It's ALMOST enough.
• Here's the trailer from Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, the title of which says all that is necessary.
• Johnny Depp remembers Hunter Thompson.
• It's jail watch time for former Baywatch star Michael Bergin.
• You say you've been meaning to try Thai cooking. Eighty-two deadly snakes have apparently been stolen from a Red Cross facility in Bangkok, and police fear they are destined for the stew pot.
• No Verdict in Robert Blake Trial After a Week. Jurors in the Baretta trial ended their first week of deliberations without a verdict, increasing speculation they may deadlock.
• The trailer for Winter Solstice
  • "In this suburban drama, a widower (Anthony LaPaglia) confronts his older son's decision to leave home and his younger son's self-destructive behavior."
• Weekly World News: THREE QUICK & E-Z WAYS TO TELL IF A GAL'S BREASTS ARE REAL -- OR FAKES! (Completely useless information, even by the standards of WWN.)
• The trailer for Disney's Ice Princess
  • " A high-school bookworm transforms into a swan in Walt Disney Pictures' 'Ice Princess.' Brainy Casey Carlyle (Michelle Trachtenberg) has never quite fit in. Caught between her fantasy of becoming a championship figure skater and her strong-willed mother (Joan Cusack), who has her on the fast track to Harvard, she can only hope to be like Nikki, Tiffany and Gen (Hayden Panettiere) - three elite skating prodigies who are ruthlessly competing on the US Figure Skating circuit (and have attitudes to match). But when Casey gets the chance to train with Gen and her coach, a disgraced former skating champion who also happens to be Gen's mother (Kim Cattrall), she must dash her own mother's hopes in order to pursue her dream. Now, with only the support of Gen's teenage brother, a hunky Zamboni driver (Trevor Blumas), Casey takes on the challenge of her life when she finds herself competing against the best to make it into the championship circuit and become a real 'ice princess.'"
  • Hayden Panettiere? I haven't seen her since her family used to work with Captain Planet.
• A new ballet, "Diana The Princess," is unlikely to have Prince Chuck cheering. A ballet tracing the twists, turns and pirouettes of Chuck's tragic first marriage made its British debut Tuesday. Oh, man, now I have to lose all the time involved in going to London. Plus it's expensive and the dollar is weak right now: there's the airfare, the tickets, some bangers, some chips, a few loos, some lorries, a couple of lifts, some queues and quays. Right away you're talking multiple quids.
• Judge rules that Jay Leno can make fun of Michael Jackson.
• Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Tice acknowledged scalping some of his Super Bowl tickets. He's no small-timer. Those tickets made a PROFIT of $1300 each.
• Lucas says Star Wars may be PG-13. First time ever for the franchise.
• Lindsay denies she's dating Bruce Willis. I suppose she probably doesn't have time for him in between Russell Crowe and her lesbian affair with Paris Hilton. Lohan's spokesperson told the New York Post: "She is not interested in Bruce Willis in any way but as the producer of her next film, and of course as a single man who is probably the world's biggest star who loves to get juiced, has a great sense of humor, and still has an impressively hard dick for a man his age. Oops, did I say too much?" Well, the Post did not actually cite the entire quote. They may have stopped at "film."
• Today's obligatory Russell Crowe or Paris Hilton item: Paris Hilton and her family story is set to be the subject of an expose by a major writer.
  • Y'know, Russell and Paris could make my life a lot simpler if they would simply date one another. Plus, imagine the mischief they could get into!
• Economist Paul Krugman talks with Jon Stewart about his new book and the potential collapse of the New Deal.
• The Daily Show covers Jacko's pajama party trial.
• Daily Show: How did the Pulitzer committee overlook the fact that Dan Rather was in Mordor???
• A resource for working links to the Star Wars trailer
• Girls just wanna scream. The psychology of female horror fans.
• Way, WAY too many pictures from Miss Congeniality Two: Armed and Fabulous. I'm really looking forward to the next sequel, when Miss Congeniality arrests a criminal who is defended by Legally Blonde. It will be Freddy and Jason all over again.
• This is one sad story! Nicole DeHuff, an actress who played Teri Polo's sister in Meet the Parents, has died at 30. (She's the girl who got the volleyball in the face.)
• The Daily Show's Samantha Bee reports from Lebanon.
• The trailer for Eternal
  • "When the wife of Montreal vice cop Raymond Pope disappears, the trail leads him to the home Elizabeth Kane, a disturbingly beautiful woman who taunts him with information, but denies him any answers. A dangerous game of cat and mouse ensues as Pope's investigation reveals that while Elizabeth, along with her servant, Irina, have no documented history, they seem bizarrely connected to the past - particularly that of Erszebet Bathory, the Transylvanian countess who murdered 650 women in order to bathe in their blood. The closer Pope gets, the more sadistic Elizabeth becomes, systematically targeting those around him and framing him for their murders. Unsure if the rumours are true that Elizabeth is the Countess made immortal or if she is simply a demonic killer obsessed with bloodbaths, he makes the ultimate leap of confrontation. Based on real-life events and inspired by the look and feel of classic film-noir and the tastefully terrifying storytelling of Hitchcock, 'Eternal''s blend of suspense, horror and perverse romanticism walks delicately between reality, fantasy and possible supernatural phenomena."
• The trailer for Zathura
  • "In Columbia Pictures heart-racing sci-fi adventure 'Zathura,' two squabbling brothers are propelled into deepest, darkest space while playing a mysterious game they discovered in the basement of their old house. On their fantastic journey they are joined by a stranded astronaut and must survive meteor showers, hostile lizard-like aliens, a rocket-propelled robot run amok and an intergalactic spaceship battle. But their greatest peril lies ahead. For unless they finish the game and reach the planet Zathura, they are doomed to be trapped in outer space forever. 'Zathura' is based on the best-selling book by the acclaimed children's writer Chris Van Allsburg ('The Polar Express,' 'Jumanji')."
• Heather Graham is set to topline the ABC pilot 'Emily's Reasons Why Not.' No, she can't work full-time on a sitcom. Not while she still looks good naked.
• SpongeBob to turn more children gay. Man, I couldn't look at a woman for weeks after watching that video, and I was really starting to wonder if my drapes were cut from the right fabric.
• Here is the trailer for Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
• Officer shoots himself - while in a crowded classroom demonstrating gun safety to a bunch of kids.
• Anna Faris has signed a deal to star Scary Movie 4. So she's like the Tackleberry of the Scary Movie franchise.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Comments and zipped .wmv vids by Striplight:

• Leading off is Jennifer Leigh Hammon in “Alysson is Watching”. This is the only rude stuff she’s done according to the encyclopedia. All the more memorable for that of course.
• Following closely behind is Kristin Scott Thomas in “Unforgettable Summer”. This is a tricky scene as the main part with her in tub includes scenes with a couple of kids. Now whilst you not likely to be looking at them, I thought I’d not include any of that. What’s left is worth the download I think …

To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass. Look for the official poll results and comments in tomorrow's update.

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Best All Time Television Comedy

Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

Some assorted video clips from the Ghost today. Zipped .wmvs as usual.

• Karen Allen baring breasts, bum and a hint of bush in #4 in scenes from the 1984 movie "Until September" (1, 2, 3, 4)

• A very young Sherilyn Fenn, briefly baring a breast as she takes off her bathing suit and makes out with Charlie Sheen in a scene from the very lame 80's flick "The Wraith".

• Vickie Benson, also briefly topless in another scene from "The Wraith".

• Nancy Travis baring breasts and bum in scenes from "Married to the Mob" (1988), starring Alec Baldwin, Michelle Pfeiffer, Dean Stockwell and Matthew Modine. (1, 2)

• Skinemax favorite Jacqueline Lovell bares all in a couple of slow moving love scenes from a "Red Shoe Diaries" episode. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) Look for Lovell on the big screen in a non-Skinemax movie later this year! She has a small role in "The Pink Panther" starring Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Beyoncé Knowles and Emily Mortimer.

• Alice Evans

Next up, scenes from another movie not yet available on home video, "Sexual Life" (2004).

• Anne Heche shows some pokies.
• Azura Skye is seen baring a bit of bum.
• Kerry Washington briefly bares breasts and bum in a couple of sex scenes.
• An Unknown in a triple B performance.

MICHAEL JACKSON AND THE VERY BAD DAY
Revoke It For Speeding! - Michael Jackson's case got even more bizarre Thursday, when he was late for court because he was reportedly being treated for back pain. The furious judge threatened to revoke his bail and arrest him. Michael's Dodge Esplanade sped to the courthouse at 90 mph, and he came to court in his pajama bottoms.