8 1/2 Women (1999), the latest offering from Peter Greenaway. I capped the US DVD, which came after a theatrical release that grossed less than half a million. It didn't surprise me that this film wasn't very commercial, his seldom are. It did surprise me that it was not very good. I just received a French version from Austria (it was a joint French/English production, hoping it would have additional exposure. Unfortunately, both versions are the same.

It is the story of a big dollar debt collector, very wealthy, who lives in Geneva. As the film opens, he has just acquired 8 1/2 Pachinko parlors in Kyoto. His son is running them. When his wife dies, his son returns. The father is deeply depressed, and the son takes him to see Felini's 8 1/2. That inspires them to set up a "brothel" in their Swiss chalet for their own amusement. They acquire 8 1/2 women (the half is a girl with no legs). They start off thinking that wealth gives them power, and that they control the women. Before everything is over, they find out that it is the modern woman who really has all of the power.

Greenaway claims he made this as a homage to Felini. He doesn't disappoint in terms of shocking ideas. He has one woman who has sex with horses and pigs (a female pig at that), a young Japanese girl who wants to become a female impersonator so she can be more feminine, a thief who wants to be a nun, and father/son incest. I am sure Greenaway packed this with symbolism, but he didn't chose to make it accessible to his audiences. The biggest crime, to me, however, was that he made a film entirely about sexual reawakening and debauchery with not so much as one sex scene. In the end, it is not strangeness or undecipherable symbolism that ruined this film for me, it was shear boredom.

Amanda Plummer - breasts and buns.
Annie Shizuka Inoh - breasts and buns
Kirina Mano - breasts
Polly Walker - All three Bs
Toni Collette - breasts and bush, or rather shaved pubic area.

IMDB readers have this at 5.5 of 10. Ebert says 3 stars, praising the dry humor, Berardinelli says 2 1/2, and Rotten Tomatoes gives it 36%, with 50% from the top critics. I am a big Greenaway fan, and this was my least favorit3e of his films. It is, as always, visually stunning, with plenty of nudity, but I just didn't find the story at all engaging. C-.

Other crap:

• The Sun claims Don Johnson questioned by German customs officials after they found $8 BILLION in cash, bonds and share certificates. According to other news outlets, this is just a rumor.
• New Thai police uniform 'too sexy'
• Spector's Lawyer Says He Is Innocent in LA Slaying, and that Lana Clarkson accidentally shot herself. But despite an "I told you so" email that originated from the Spector camp and radio reports that back Spector's innocence, the LAPD says the case is still being investigated as a homicide and is quoted as saying: "The information being released regarding cause of death being an apparent suicide did not come from the sheriff's homicide bureau...". Keep in mind gang, Spector's lawyer is Robert Shapiro, the same guy that managed to get a jury to say O.J. didn't do it!
• Hollywood Halfwits a site "Exposing the ignorance, insanity and anti-Americanism of Hollywood Celebrities". Chock full of great quotes from some of the more politically outspoken celebs.
• Archie Bunker, meet Eric Cartman...Norman Lear to Co-Write "South Park"
• Ex-Spice Girl Geri Admits Lesbian Fling

What're the odds?

GOLF! Odds to win the US Money List except for Woods

Odds without Tiger Woods. Closing Date: Mar 13, 2003 08:00

MADONNA THINKS SHE'S THE REAL MADONNA
It Was A Service To Men, Anyway - Madonna told W magazine that she wonders, "Why did I make that choice" to do her X-rated 1992 photo book, "Sex." She said, "I thought I was doing a service to mankind, being revolutionary, liberating women. I wasn't." She said it wasn't just about sex, but money, power and getting people's approval, and "I was just being an ego-driven nutcase." She said she now realizes she is famous for a reason, and "My real responsibility is to bring light to the world and make the world a better place."

Hey Scoop,

Here is a little update to the question I asked last week about Meg Ryan in "The Presidio" that I found while looking around for information.

"In footage only available on the European DVD release, Meg Ryan is seen topless as she rides a guy during a love scene."

Can any Funhouse reader confirm this? And if so which Euro release? (UK, German, ect.)Amazon offers a German version (that probably contains the scene) but does that version have a English voice track? If any Funhouse reader (or maybe even yourself) can confirm this for me I'd appreciate it.

Anyway I hope this helps someone else who was wondering about this for future reference.

-B

Jr's reply...I'm not sure of region info, or if this is indeed the scene you are looking for, but Palrune did these 'caps that feature Ryan topless and on top a while back.