Dust (2001) is not easy to pin down, but I will give it a go. The main story is one of a black street hood, who burgles an apartment, only to be accosted by an old woman living there. She breaks his nose, and starts telling him a story at gunpoint. When she has a heart attack, he gets away, but returns and calls for an ambulance, possibly because he now has reason to belive she has gold hidden somewhere. We find he is in debt to some very unsavory characters, who turn out to be cops.

He continues to visit her at the hospital and listening to her tale, even after he finds the gold, and finds redemption through her. As the film ends, he is taking her ashes back home to Macadonia. But that is only a small part of this ambitious film. The author/director was struck by the similarities between paintings of the Macedonian war with the Ottomans and the Mexican civil war, and concocted her tale to show the two together. Two cowboy brothers, one a mean outlaw type, the other a mean God monger, fall in love with the same whore. The young God monger marries her. The older brother leaves town, and ends up in Macadonia, however, the wore has committed suicide, and the God monger brother has followed him.

Eventually, we learn who the old woman was, and how she was related to these stories. One of the themes of the film is about the nature of storytelling. The old woman admittedly makes up or exaggerates parts of her tale as she goes, and, at the end of the film, our hero finishes and embellishes it, making the story his own.

We have lots of graphic violence. We have breasts from Rosemary Murphy as the old woman, Nikolina Kojaca as a Macadonian woman, and both breasts and buns from an unknown hooker and Anne Brochet as the hooker both brothers love. IMDb readers have this at 5.6 of 10. Scoopy very much admired the film, as much for its ambitions as for its execution. I was not as entertained. I frankly found scene after scene of gunfights tedious. This is a C.

Normal Life (1996):

This provides a perfect illustration of the subjectivity inherent in writing film reviews. I don't know if this is a good film or a bad one. I do know that I found it very painful to watch because it concerns me directly. It illustrates how significantly a man might change his life if he is in love with a women who is mentally and emotionally unbalanced.

Is that what the movie is really about? I'm not sure. The point is that I couldn't focus on anything else, because I have been there and done that. I didn't end up robbing any banks or shooting any cops like the guy in this film, but I have spent a lot of time doing things that were totally out of my character in a desperate attempt to bring happiness, normality, and/or contentment to a woman whose head is broken and doesn't even really notice the extent of my efforts (in fact, usually finds fault with them!)

I don't know why we do these sorts of things. Perhaps we remember the best times we had with the person, and we think those times can come back. Perhaps we have children, and we are fulfilling our obligation to them by tending to their mother. Perhaps we hold out the hope that mental illnesses have at least partial cures, and that our loved one will return to us. Perhaps we feel obligated to someone with whom we shared a life. Perhaps we feel guilty and responsible for their problems. Perhaps it is the highest form of love we human beings can exhibit, if we support, nurture, and care for those we once loved, who once loved and appreciated us, but who now seem to be beyond caring that we do those things. Or maybe we just don't feel that we have a choice, that if we don't take care of them, nobody else will. I mean, what are you supposed to do when somebody you love loses their mind? Should you let them join the ranks of the homeless? You probably do what I have done. You end up trying to pay off their foolish debts and legal problems, and trying to talk their way out of conflicts with family and neighbors, and you ultimately end up swallowing your pride and accepting the fact that they don't even seem to appreciate your sacrifices. Let's face it, we get trapped.

That's what happens to the kid in this film. He's a bookish rookie cop who can't relate to some of the brutal thuggery of his fellow officers, and just doesn't fit in to police work. He dreams of owning a book store. One day he runs into a beautiful woman who is reading A Brief History of Time, and seems even more bookish than he is. They hit it off, and he "falls in love," but there is a great problem. She is a serious sociopath with just about every possible form of mental illness. She's emotionally unstable, suicidal, a pathological liar, has no regard for other people's feelings, spends recklessly without regarding the consequences, ignores or insults his family, will not do any housework, can't sit still, is easily bored, takes a bunch of drugs, and is sexually frigid. Oh, yeah, and she mutilates herself with knives every so often, when she's not playing Russian Roulette.

Our straight arrow police officer finds out that he's been dismissed from the police force, and that he can't pay back his debts without something like eight years of frugal living. But eight years of sensible, boring life will cause him to lose his high octane babe, so he finds another profession that is extremely lucrative - robbing banks.

He's a brilliant guy in possession of a police radio, fortified with an intimate knowledge of the personalities and procedures of the local gendarmerie, and an expert with firearms. He is equipped to be brilliant at his new profession. He assembles enough of a nest egg to get out of debt, buy a house, open up his bookstore and resume a normal life. Again, the boring life that he wants to live puts him on the verge of losing his beloved psychopath, so he reluctantly re-enters the world of crime, and even takes her on as an accomplice - anything to please her, to keep her.

I guess you know how that will turn out. Lots of criminals can get away with crimes if they know when to stop, but very few know when to stop, and nobody can get away forever. Eventually the police figure out some patterns, make some correct deductions, set a trap, and ...

That was not a spoiler. The film begins with his capture and is told in flashbacks.

Is it a good film? I don't really know. It brought me into its world and held me there, but I have a personal connection to the story. Your mileage may vary. Maybe you better consult Tuna's review and check out the scores. A lot of other people also say that it's pretty darned powerful.

• Ashley Judd (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

By the way, Normal Life started on cable, then had a brief theatrical run. James Berardinelli explains why the film had such an unusual distribution path.

For some reason which even now is unclear, Fine Line Features, Normal Life's distributor, elected not to release the film in theaters, opting instead for a run on HBO. This infuriated director John McNaughton (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer), who claimed that he never would have directed the movie had he been aware of Fine Line's intentions. So, to placate him, the company gave the film a very limited theatrical release. Without publicity or advertising, it was dead-on-arrival, and was pulled after one week.

Other Crap:

• An Aussie man faces extradition to the United States on internet piracy charges after an appeal was rejected in the Federal Court today.
  • Remember this is a guy who is accused of pirating millions of dollars, and here's my favorite line in the story. "Griffiths, who is unemployed and lives with his parents, was ordered to pay the costs of the extradition." Some fokkin' pirate. Sumbitch couldn't even afford a decent eyepatch.
  • I suppose the U.S. government will spend a few million dollars of the taxpayers' money to bring this hardened criminal to justice.
  • Frivolous or not, the case could set an important legal precedent, because he is an Australian citizen who stayed on Australian soli, and yet is being extradited for having broken U.S. laws. "If there is apparent novelty in this appeal it lies in the nature of the extradition offences the appellant is alleged to have committed and for which his surrender is sought by the United States of America when, at all relevant times, he was residing in Australia."
• Judge Gives Apple a Win in Trade Secrets Legal Dispute. "There are no legal protections for those who publish a company's trade secrets."
• You think Catwoman was bad with Halle Berry? What about Margaret Cho as Catwoman
• The Vegas mayor is making no apologies for telling a class of fourth-graders that drinking booze is one of his hobbies, along with "lighting up a Lucky" and "getting some ring-a-ding," or as you youngsters like to call it, "poon."
• Director Alexander Payne and wife Sandra Oh have gone from 'Sideways' to parting ways
• Whatever happened to ... Lindsay Wagner (The Bionic Woman)
• Finding Neverland, as reviewed by the greatest of all critics, Filthy.
• Iditarod - Photo Gallery. I think the Iditerod is cool, and I admire what they do. But I sure don't want to join them. This is another very cool pic. Pretty good job on their website. Lots of interesting stuff and complete current results.
• The Straight Dope: Could you jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and survive the fall? What is the highest altitude anyone has ever survived a fall from?
• Man takes out his penis at Willy Wash. Well, you have to admit the name was misleading.
• An un-gagged Jay Leno spit out an all-Jackson, all-the-time monologue on Friday night's Tonight Show.
• You Call That Art? ABC News showed people famous paintings, valuable moderns, and childrens works to groups of people. In general, people preferred the kids' stuff. Even artists rated some of the kids' works higher than the others.
• US pays out for looting Nazi gold
• 50 Jacko fans have suspended their normal lives -- and in some instances traveled from as far away as Spain -- to settle temporarily in Santa Maria, California
• A new featurette and five clips from The Ring 2
• Kelsey Grammer Brings Sketch Show to Fox
• Flash parody of the new, extreme Bugs Bunny

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Comments and zipped .wmv vids by Striplight:

• Sonia Kirchberger in “die Venusfalle”. Her only fully nude appearance I think – at least as reported in the encyclopaedia. Excellent use of the table cloth I’d say.
• And following that we have Paz Vega doing her striptease in “Sex & Lucia”. I don’t think anyone has created a video of this before, which seemed a pity and required rectification.

To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass. Look for the official poll results and comments in tomorrow's update.

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Best All Time Television Comedy

Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

"Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell" (2001)
Third installment of the horror series.

• A.J. Cook: nice nipple pokies.
• Louisette Geiss: boobs in sex scene.
• Emmanuelle Vaugier: bra and panties changing.
• obligatory hookers: robohooters by Angela Jackson and Ruth Dubuisson.

"Ripper: Letter from Hell" (2001)
First installment of the horror series. The sequel sans A.J. Cook is being released DTV in the US at the end of March.

• A.J. Cook: wet nightgown but those nipples seem fake.
• Kelly Brook: cleavage by uk actress.
• unknown: nude crufified woman.

"Jacklight" (1995)
Low-budget Big Chill sort of movie.

• Robyn Ross: topless while changing showing her bigguns.
• Malindi Fickle: tight jeans cameltoe.

"Crime Spree" (2003)
The only reason to see this movie is to see a rare post-Fish appearance by perennial dead pool candidate Abe Vigoda.

• Joanne Kelly: sexy.
• obligatory strippers: robohooters.

"American Gothic" (1988)
A bunch of campers get stranded on an island inhabited by a very strange family.

• Caroline Barclay: down-brassiere getting ravaged by hillbilly.

"Terminal Choice" (1985)
Hospital where the staff takes bets on when patients die. Much like how many HMOs operate.

• Diane Venora: boob in nude sex scene.
• Ellen Barkin: legs and panties.
• Teri Austin: full frontal but dead and very bloody.
• Lynda Mason Green: pokies and thong as hooker.

Slings and Arrows: episode Mirror Up To Nature

• Rachel McAdams: partial boob after sex.

Bliss season 3: episode Tango

• Larissa Gomes: upskirt and underwear having sex.

"Comedy Presents special..."
Finally a Canadian comedian more sexy than Carla Collins.

• Anne Marie-Scheffler: flashing boobs but wearing flesh-colored breast shields.

"Nirvana"
Set in a strange future, this 1997 Sci-Fi tells of a hapless computer game designer who realizes at the last minute that his creation is not what he intended.

Three days before release of his game by a huge Japanese company, Jimi, already distraught because his girlfriend has disappeared without a trace, discovers that his game has become infected with a virus which has given a consciousness to the main character of the game, who begs Jimi to end his useless existence, so he is not being killed over and over again.

Nagged by all these problems, Jimi sets out to find people who can help him discover what happened to his girlfriend, and also to delete the game from the company's mainframe before it is released.

Like many Sci-Fi offerings (think The Matrix), this one can be a little hard to follow, but it's definitely well done and most Sci-Fi lovers will enjoy it. It was an Italian/French co-production, but the DVD has an English sound track.

• Stefania Rocca
• Emmanuelle Seigner