Heaven's Tears (1994) is now a Blockbuster exclusive, and is only available for rent. Too bad. While the dialogue is a little stiff and pretentious at times, and the leading man is too old for the leading woman, the film has a lot going for it, including a beautiful filming location (Prague), a lovely and frequently naked star (Lisha Snelgrove), and a morality play about the evils of Nazi racism.

Peter Steiner (Stephan Nichols) returns from England to Germany during Hitler's ascendancy. He has been attending a military post-graduate school, and his father, a Nazi official, is intent on him becoming a German officer. As he is riding home from the station, the car frightens a young woman (Lisha) into falling off her bike. Even though the chauffeur warns that she is Jewish, and they should just ignore her, Peter stops to help, and falls instantly in love. He gets home to find a father that is stuffier than ever, and less tolerant, and a little sister that he used to play doctor with as a child, but who now wants to play the adult version. The sister swears revenge when his brother prefers a Jewess to incest. Peter accepts the commission he is offered in the German military, with plans of helping Lisha's parents escape, then coming back for her. This is not French, so there is a happy surprise ending.

Most of the film is spent with Lisha naked. We see an upskirt as she tumbles off of her bicycle, then her breasts that night as she masturbates thinking of Peter. There are two lovemaking scenes between Peter and Lisha, and some nude bath scenes of Lisha late in the film when she is in hiding.

There are no reviews available, and not enough voters at IMDB to count. I am not sure what genre to include this in, so am not sure what grade to give it. It has something of the feel of an early seventies softcore, but also has a serious side to the plot. If the images below appeal to you, you might enjoy renting this one.

NEW RELEASES

I took one last look atAlmost Famous. Terrific movie, but they had a problem with the DVD. Crowe was going to assemble a new director's cut wth 30 minutes of extra footage. It didn't get done in time, so they issued a quickie DVD, with plans to release the other one later. DON'T buy this one. Wait for the special edition. But rent this one to watch the movie!

A bit of trivia. The relationship between the kid and the guitarist was a composite of two different stories that Crowe's worked on. Crowe went on the road when he was 16 with the Allman brothers, then two years later wrote a breakthrough piece on Led Zeppelin. The Crudup character is about a third of Jimmy Page, a third of Gregg Allman, and a third fiction.

• Fairuza Balk
• Kate Hudson (1, 2)

I took a look at Wonder Boys. Also a really good movie, also a box office disappointment - basically like an offbeat indy, except made with a $35 million studio budget and directed by Curtis Hanson, the whiz who did L.A. Confidential. Came out in February of 2000, was praised by the critics, but never found an audience and was soon gone from theaters. No flesh. People complain that Hollywood never makes worthwhile films, but when a top director like Hanson (or Sean Penn in The Pledge) makes a personal movie, the film loses money, so it all gets back to the blockbuster mentality again. I doubt if Hanson or Penn will continue to get budgeting for art films or pseudo-indies.

• Katie Holmes. These are small single images, and she has clothing on, but I think they are probably worth a look if you like Katie, especially the second one. (1, 2)

I took a look at Trash. Zero budget mindless film about violent white trash. Well acted for a grade-z, but nothing else. Jaime was in it, but stayed clothed. Marisa Ryan was topless ever-so-briefly, and out of focus.

• Marisa Ryan

Battlefield Earth

In response to the guy who wrote about Battlefield Earth - if you have read my review, you know I agree with a lot of your points. I said it was nowhere near as bad as the critics said, and nowhere near as bad as the 2.3 rating at IMDb. I don't know why it is rated that low. There are worse movies in the 5's. I don't think it's a good movie, and will be surprised if it becomes a cult classic as you predicted, but it could happen. I actually liked it when Travolta was on screen. I defended his "over-the-top" as being appropriate to the character, and often quite amusing.

I didn't like the movie at all when Travolta was off-screen, but I still don't agree with the savage pounding it took. Critics are like wolves. When they sense a wounded animal, they all attack quickly and savagely in a pack. I wrote "it is the worst-reviewed film of the internet age, but I've seen many much worse". I also wrote "I like Travolta in the movie", and quite a bit of elaboration to explain that rather controversial point. It was nowhere near the worst movie I saw in the past year, not even the worst among the Hollywood entries. Hell, if Kim Basinger had been in it, it wouldn't even have been in the bottom two Kim Basinger films, thanks to Bless the Child and I Dreamed of Africa. (Don't get me wrong here. I like Kim well enough, but those movies bit the big one.)

I think Battlefield Earth took an especially bad beating because of the monstrous egos and budgets involved. They threw seventy million dollars into it, and rushed it into 3300 theaters. And skeptics don't seem to like the arrogance of the Scientologists very much either, so dumping on this movie was a way to strike back. The reviewers seem to have keyed on the difference between the hype and the delivery. To me, B.E. is very much like the Kevin Costner vanity projects - all massive wastes of money, but not as bad as everyone says they are. From my own perspective, I can watch Waterworld and The Postman and Battlefield Earth a lot more easily than I can watch "The Loss of Sexual Innocence", "Bless the Child", or "Autumn in New York"

Music

You have to see this site. The "worst songs of the century" - complete with downloadable clips. Nominees include Shatner, Pesci, Nimoy, Hasselhoff, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Don Johnson, Bruce Willis, Patrick Swayze --- all the funhouse favorites except Abe Vigoda --- ya gotta love it. I listened to them all, and nothing is even close to Shatner. Some of them are even OK, (I reluctantly concede that Patrick Swayze doesn't sound any worse than most 80's music). Some others are bad, but Shat is ... Shat. The second worst was probably his partner-in-space, Nimoy.

But where was Lee Marvin? "Oh I was bo-urn under a wan-drin star!"

On the other hand, CNN ran a list of the 365 Best Songs of the Century, as chosen by the National Endowment for the Arts. Our tax dollars at work. "Louie, Louie" checked in at #57.

And, for good measure, while speaking of the best music of the century, here's Marvin Gaye's legendary version of the Star Spangled banner, (Real Audio) sung live before the NBA all-star game in 1983. Gaye would die soon after, shot by his own father, the climax of a lifelong abusive relationship. Gaye's life could make a helluva star vehicle movie for someone (preferably not William Shatner)

Other

TomCat did

• Gail Strickland in The Drowning Pool, Paul Newman's second Harper movie
• A couple of Charlotte Valandrey in Rote Kusse (1, 2)

The SAG Awards featured:

• Juliette Binoche falling out of her dress
• Kate Winslet trimmed down a bit, but still sporting an impressive chest
• Julia Roberts. One reader wrote in to say that Julia's top was see-through when she accepted the award, but these backstage pics don't show us what we are looking for,

#2 is a Salma in much more normal poses, by Wolfey.

Comments by Donbun:
Sitting here grading tests from my American History class and became so disgusted I needed a diversion. Did you know that Hitler was the American president who dropped the Atomic Bomb on the Japanese? Seems some people are so clueless it is discouraging to be a teacher. Anyway, for some relaxation I edited a single cap (out of around 500 I have on my HD) of some unknown, yet buxom, young lady.

Enjoy

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"

"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.

However, as she was going out the door, the Prof's reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.

The Golfer and the Leprechaun

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.

"Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball.

When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing. The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how's your golf game?"

The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."

"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how is your sex life?"

Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."

Floored the leprechaun stammers, "Once or twice a week?"

The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."