Thursday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6..2.1 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

The Man Who Loved Women (1977), or L'Homme qui aimait les femmes is essentially the memoirs of Don Juan (usually an adult film), but with nearly all of the nudity and sex removed, leaving a hell of a challenge for someone to make a good film out of what is left. François Truffaut was able to do just that. Not only did he direct, but he share writing credits, and even made a cameo appearance in the film. Charles Denner is a quiet engineer by day, but a modern day Don Juan after 6. He cares about women deeply, understands them, and makes them feel wanted. He is content with this, and has no interest in a deeper relationship. It is not just the sex that motivates him, and it has nothing to do with ego, he just genuinely enjoys many women, especially ones with nice legs. He will go to any lengths to meet someone who attracts him. In one case, armed with a memory of a pair of legs, and the license number of the car the legs belonged to, he tracks down the woman, only to find that it was her cousin he saw. He thanks her and leaves. Obviously, she is not his type.

At one point, a woman his age turns him down. Seems she only sleeps with men under thirty, to compensate for her self-image problems of being much older than that. This starts him thinking, and he decides to write a book. Most of the story switches between the present, and recollections as he writes the book about his experiences. Hence, the book is a plot device, both to provide exposition, and to neatly separate the two time frames. There is a delicious irony in the ending, where he dies, which is why the film begins at his funeral, attended only by women -- lots of them. The film works, and works well, because Truffaut was able to make the story move, and turn Denner into a character that the audience is sympathetic to. We see breasts from Valerie Bonnier in a distant shot, out of focus as she dresses, and great breast exposure from an actress I have been unable to identify.

Even though this is a sub-titled character driven drama, I think many people will like it, and give a B-.

The Man Who Loved Women (1983) is a remake of the Truffaut film, but as a comedy, and set in the US. First of all, they followed the biggest weakness of the original, and only managed to get one of the beautiful women in the cast out of her clothes. (Marilu Henner shows all three Bs in bed with Burt Reynolds, which brings me to a second huge mistake. Burt Reynolds has one character, Burt Reynolds, and plays the same character in every film. Some stories can use a Burt Reynolds, like The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Semi-Tough, and The Longest Yard. He is a little boy in a man's body, grinning and cavorting on screen. This film did not have a part for Burt Reynolds, so they had to start changing the story. His character changed from an intelligent engineer who charms women with his personality and honest appreciation of them, to a little kid playing at being a sculptor, whose charm is primarily physical. The new character would be neither bright nor introspective enough to write a book, so they gave him a personality disorder (he couldn't decide what to order on a Chinese menu), and sent him to a shrink, Julie Andrews, who provides the exposition.

Which brings us to another problem. In writing the script, producer director Blake Edwards filled it with pretentious dialogue. Normal people, in fact, even very bright people, seldom have 7 5 syllable or more words in a sentence, but Edwards' characters all do. Nearly any actress could have delivered lines like, "How did that make you feel?" "Tell me more about your mother," or "That's it, fuck me till my teeth rattle," but it took Julie Andrews to get through the dialogue without spraining a tongue. Of yes, and Reynolds is cured when, due to an earthquake, he sees up her skirt. The two end up lovers, and the Board of Licensing doesn't take away her license. Henry Mancini wrote the score, but didn't manage even one recognizable tune.

They tried, in a few places, to retain plot elements from the original film, but they sucked at it. Reynolds sees a perfect pair of legs through a window, and chases them. He is nearly hit by a cop car, and jumps backwards into a gardeners truck, who pulls out just as Burt lands in back. The cops stop the truck, and Burt spots the car the legs got into, and writes down the license plate number. He then crashes his car into a tree, calls his insurance company, and gives them the number as belonging to the car that hit his. The owner agrees to meet him in a filling station, where she admits that it was her cousin that Reynolds saw. Burt puts the heavy moves on her anyway. She tells him that she is naturally cautious, realizes it is her cousin he wants, not her, thinks he is a woman chaser, which she hates, and is in a stable relationship.

Reynolds thinks she is lying about the cousin, and starts stalking her, but gets caught. He then smashes her tail light, and leaves a note with his address on the car. So what does this cautious woman who is in a relationship and doesn't like him do when she finds that he is stalking her and smashed her tail light? Why jumps into bed with him, of course. The rest of the script is equally intelligent. While I like physical humor in a Marx Bros. film, the slapstick here was way out of place. In short, this film was a total disaster. It is, however, well photographed, and available on a good DVD transfer. Were it not for good production value, this would score lower, but I will give it a D+.

MOVIES:

Training Day (2001) - a pretty good movie depending on what you like. Very entertaining as a character-driven cop drama with a charismatic performance by Denzel. On the other hand, it's weak as a plot-driven film. The plot has gaping logic flaws and requires you to accept outrageous, completely unbelievable coincidences to make it work. I decided to ignore the plot and watch the characters at work, and therefore enjoyed how it all played out.

• Eva Mendes (1, 2, 3)

If you are looking for something different, there is no question that Incubus (1965) is unique. Before today I had only heard it described in veiled references. It is a arty 1965 horror film. What' so odd about that, Scoop? Glad you asked. First, it is performed entirely in Esperanto, a fabricated language devised in 1877.  Second, it is performed as if the characters were participating in a medieval morality play, ala The Seventh Seal. Third, the star of the film, playing the single human man who was purest of heart, so pure that he converted the sisters of satan back to the God of Light, was none other than Captain Friggin' Kirk.. Fourth, Shatner also does a full-length commentary. Fifth, the cinematographer also did such masterpieces at Butch Cassidy and American Beauty.

And that only scratches the surface of the stories and sidebars related to this movie. Mysterious curses following the cast. Inexplicable weather conditions occurred during filming that have never occurred before or since. Yadda, yadda.

Quite a package. It's a mediocre film at best, despite some stunning B&W cinematography. The whole thing seems like an unfunny parody, and the novelty of hearing Captain Kirk speak Esperanto wears off quickly.  But if you want something different ..... it don't get any diff'renter than this, amigo!

• Ann Atmar provided the only nudity. She committed suicide shortly after the film was completed.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Charlize Theron, baring her bum in "The Cider House Rules".

• Shannon Tweed, the Queen of Erotic Thrillers topless and a little tied up in scenes from "Nightfire".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

• Sherilyn Fenn in all of her glory. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Kristy McNichol (1, 2)

• This Topless Unknown is rarely featured when folks review this flick. Kudos to BFD.

Today is part 7 of "The Abductors". Laurie Rose is still a captive of the white slavers, still being manhandled and the chief bad guy is about to have his way with her. Meanwhile Cheri Caffaro is also abducted, but she quickly escapes. Sadly not much nudity from Cheri in this "Ginger" movie. Laurie should actually have been top billed in this one. One more chapter to go and you will have seen the whole movie.

• Cheri Caffaro, tied up, topless and being groped. (1, 2)

• Laurie Rose, topless and serious man handling in all, plus a hint of pubes in #4. (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Laurie Rose and Cheri Caffaro both tied up and topless.

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• Daphne Crosby, I bet she gives great helmut. ("Spaceballs" fans will get the joke.)
• Jasia Ward, a little scary, but full frontal nudity.
• Kay Rhodes, even more scary, and topless only.
• Kylie Minogue, nude pose, side view only.

  Here's a little note from me, Scoopy Jr. to Kylie...

  Kylie,
  I just heard your new single, and I think I know the reasons why you have never been a success in America as a pop star...
  1.) It's not 1988 anymore
  2.) The single reallly stinks. It made me long for the quality of your only other Yankee single, "The Loco-Motion". Or more specifically, it made me long for the 1974 Grand Funk Railroad version of "The Loco-Motion"!

  Don't get me wrong, you're still cute and a fine actress (I mean you totally rocked in both "Bio-Dome" and the Van Damme flick "Street Fighter"), but we have enough crappy, bubble gum pop stars as it is in America, and no real need for lame imports.

• Liza Walker, full frontal nudity.
• Melanie Rickey, topless.
• Sarah Haymes, for those keeping score, these look like the largest breasts of this batch.
• Stacey, breast exposure while she eats a gator.
• Theresa Linhardt, full frontal nudity.

The most can skin can be seen in Links #1,3,5,7,8 and 10. Her hair partially covers her breasts, but there is still plenty left to see.

Stacy Haiduk
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Jeannette Walls at MSNBC says it is alleged that Britney Spears was filming a video late at night on an L.A. street, and angry residents who were trying to sleep (or maybe they were just music critics) started throwing bottles of urine at her. I have a feeling that within five years, she'll be making films like this on purpose.

Here are photos of the alleged pee fling. If you speak IKEA you might be able to translate the site.

The INS documents can be seen at: http://www.thesmokinggun.com