May Morning (1970) is an Italian made story about the hypocrisy at Oxford in 1970. It was originally titled Alba pagana or May Morning in Oxford. The title refers to a tradition so old that nobody knows where or when it originated. On the morning of May first, a hymn is sung in the gardens. The night before is an Oxford Commons ball, where al of the students get drunk dancing to really bad rock, then screw in the grass. This is the setting for our story. Note that I am writing a complete spoiler, in the hopes of convincing all of you not only to never watch this film, but to be highly suspicious of anyone who has.

Spoilers

The story centers on Valerio Manelli, an Italian underclassman who just doesn't fit in, which is a serious problem at Oxford. He does well with the ladies, and is an excellent oarsman. He is given a chance to row on the main Oxford crew, which would make him a "blueman" and pretty much stop all the harassment. However, the daughter of his tutor, and girlfriend of one of the most important upperclassmen, Jane Birkin, tries to seduce him. Her mother is caught watching them. Manelli tries to apologize to the upperclassman, who becomes offended at the conversation as bad form. The upperclassman baits him into saying the wrong thing at the dining hall, and challenges him to drink two quarts of beer in 30 seconds. When Manelli refuses, he is booed out of the hall, and finds he has lost his place on the crew.

Going back to the upperclassman to try and work things out, he ends up beating him up, and is "rusticated," or kicked out. He has until the next evening to pack and leave. It is probably important at this point to mention that Birkin's mother is a voyeur and has a thing for young girls, and that her father is either gay or a cross-dresser or both. Manelli convinces Birkin and the upperclassman that he is going to go screw her mother. They follow him, and find her mother undressing and caressing an inebriated young girl Manelli brought along for the purpose. Birkin runs out, heading back to the Commons and Manelli follows.

Then the film gets strange. Manelli helps restrain Birkin while the band gang rapes her, then makes love to her. The two leave arm in arm, heading for a punt boat so he can take her home. She pushed him into the river, and she and the band members beat him to death with oars.

End Spoilers

Birkin shows breasts in the seduction scene and again in the rape scene. 8 IMDb reads have this at 5.0 of 10. Not a very good vote turnout for a 35 year old film. The phhotography is very nicely done, and the film was shot in and around Oxford. The English dubbing is laughable, the sound track appalling. This is a D-.

Mr Wroe's Virgins:

One IMDb user summarized this as follows:

Shot beautifully in northern England, it examines life in a closed religious cult in the 1830s. The cult is led by prophet John Wroe, an intense, powerful man, who asks his congregation to give him seven virgins to look after his needs. This story -- of life within Wroe's house, of the women who live there and the life-changing events that occur -- is told from the viewpoint of four of the women, each with a different perspective

From the U.K., this was originally shown as a mini-series on television in 1993, or as they call it there "the lorry." (Dave Barry's joke, not mine. I know full well that they actually call television "the loo.") Some interesting facts:

(1) It was directed by Danny Boyle , the guy who did Trainspotting.

(2) It starred Minnie Driver and Kerry Fox as two of the women.

(3) Minnie Driver showed the goodies.

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MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
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To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass.

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Today from the Ghost....'caps and clips from a flick that may have the longest name of any B movie. Here is Lisa Falcone showing breasts and thong views while doing some brass pole work in scenes from "In the Kingdom of the Blind, the Man with One Eye Is King" (1995), starring Michael Biehn and "CSI" dude William L. Petersen.

• Lisa Falcone (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
• Lisa Falcone zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Lisa Falcone bonus zipped .wmvs (1, 2) Here she is topless in a scene from a 'strip n' wiggle' video called "Raw Adventures at Bikini Point".

"Intent to Kill" (1993)
Dreadful action starring Traci Lords as a babe cop. These caps are from the R-rated version featuring a lot of fully clothed sex. There's a NC17 version floating around that's a few minutes longer but why?

• Traci Lords: bra and panties as undercover hoe.
• Donna Baltron: bra and panties having sex.
• Elena Sahagun: ditto.
• Unknown: thong bikini and buns of steel. Can anyone ID her?

"It' Pat: The Movie" (1994)
Even more dreadful comedy based on the androgynous SNL character by Julia Sweeney. A movie about the land shark would have been more funny.

• It's Pat: unfortunately this shower scene does not identify Pat's gender.
• Donna Baltron: cleavage as stripper.
• Dee Hengstler: cleavage and maybe distant nudity as stripper.
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"Bloodbath in Psycho Town" (1989)
Grade-Z low budget horror about some student film makers in a haunted house (hello Blair Witch Project). There is a body double credited for Donna Baltron but it appears it was never used. Donna who would later become the booby double for both Meryl Streep and Isabella Rossellini in Death Becomes Her.

• Donna Baltron (again): boobs and butt.

"Sex Crimes" (1992)
Exploitation about a woman raped shortly before she gets appointed as a judge and decides to take the law into her own hands. A complete role-reversal for Maria Richwine who previously in the sex comedy Hamburger... The Motion Picture played a topless hot latino chick who forces a guy to have sex with her at gunpoint. Mmm... burger.

• Maria Richwine: partial boob.

"Jeepers, Creepers" (2001)
Recent horror classic.

• Gina Philips: distant black thong panties pulling up pants after taking whizz.