Other Crap:

Weekly World News: "WORLD'S FATTEST BIGFOOT SHOCKS SCIENTISTS"

"British male drivers waste nearly six million hours a year lost on the road because they are reluctant to ask for directions."

Letterman: "Top Ten Signs The Government Is Running Out Of Money"

• 10. State dinners are at IHOP
• 9. Country renamed United States of Ditech.com
• 3. N.S.A. can only afford to tap phones during off-peak hours

Does Nicole deserve three million for having sex with Colin Farrell?

• Imagine how much she could get for having sex with Tom Arnold

Natalie Portman goes semi-erotic for Vanity Fair

URL says it all: TriumphTheInsultComicDog.com

Benicio del Toro to play the wolfman

• He could be the first actor do play the role without make-up, or perhaps the first actor with wolf make-up less scary than his real face.

Courageous George Clooney Almost Kills "Icky" Spider

FCC fines CBS 3.6 million dollars for 'indecency' in Without a Trace

Harrison Ford and director Steven Spielberg are finally satisfied with the script for the forever-in-the-works fourth installment of Indiana Jones

Strange headline of the day: "Testicle festival, Leprechaun train this weekend"

• You young guys are so lucky. Back in my day, you had to choose between the testicle festival and the Leprechaun train. Now you can do both in the same town on the same weekend.

Stern goes on CBS's Letterman show: to call CBS head Moonves "one of the biggest jerks on the planet"

"Sharon Stone says she insisted producers of the Basic Instinct sequel increase the amount of sex and nudity."

Claude Allen Arrest: President Expresses Shock and Dismay Over Failure to Practice Bush Doctrine of Discreet Larceny (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

• "After all, I clearly remember telling Claude that as Republicans, our job is to steal from the negroes and give to the corporations. Leave it to some fella who got his job because of quotas to get something so darned simple 100% backwards!"

VIDEO: Basic Instinct 2 ... another NC-17 Sex Scene with Sharon Stone

"STUDY: AMBIEN USERS INVADE COUNTRIES IN THEIR SLEEP" ... Wake Up With No Memory of Reasons for Invasion, No Exit Strategy

MovieJuice! looks at The Hills Have Eyes

This week's movies: Find Me Guilty, the Vin Diesel mob film directed by screen legend Sidney Lumet.

• Very few reviews. The general consensus is that it should have included more drama, less sitcom comedy.

This week's movies: V For Vendetta

• EXTREMELY mixed reviews.
• The New Yorker called it "disastrous," one reviewer called it "incoherent," and Philadelphia Weekly said that the Wachowskis were "... writing in the same babbling, humorless fashion as their woebegotten Matrix sequels."
• But Roger Ebert liked it, and many others praised it for its fanboy appeal as well as its political daring.

ComingSoon.net - The Weekend Warrior's prediction for the upcoming weekend

• V for Vendetta will be the first "buzz" movie of the year, and the warrior thinks it will sail into first place, amassing receipts about equal to the next three films added together.

Nostalgia (Expensive variety): Luxury on the Orient Express: The ultimate train experience

A visit to the set of Black Christmas, a horror remake which hopes for a release over the holiday season. (Duh)

More proof that NASA's alleged Mars pictures were actually filmed in West Texas

Operation Clambake - The Inner Secrets Of Scientology (Including the Rolling Stone special report)

Meadow Soprano stripping for her fiancé (The article says "fiancée." I don't know the plot lines, but I assumed she is not marrying a woman.)

"Presiding judge at Missouri Eighth Circuit issued an order stating the court clerk would now reject pleadings and motions containing illegible signatures."

• But here's the best part - he signed it illegibly!
• Since it is illegible it can be ignored
• But the right to ignore is only valid if the order is valid. Therefore it cannot be ignored.
• Get Mudd's robots on the line.

Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes" to retire ... Wallace has been on 60 Minutes since its debut -- in 1968

World War 2 Photographs In Color

The Most Unfortunate Names In Sports

Isaac Hayes quits South Park over Scientology slurs

Kevin Federline says if his rap CD fails, he'll be a stripper

Phoebe Cates Nabs Burglar

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

"Womb Raider"

Womb Raider (2003) is a spoof of Tomb Raider staring Lauren Hayes as Cara Loft, adventurer. Her father is dead, and she is summoned by Dr. Scrotus to carry on his mission and find the three wombs, which, when reunited, will give the owner the power of creation. She must travel to Arabia, the African Jungle, and Tibet to find them, all the while tailed by Antoinette Abbott. Most of the travel and most of the confrontations involve female nudity and girl/girl sex. For instance, the way to defeat the Zulu princess, Shalimar, is to kiss her on the lips, completely ignoring her nasty looking spear.

There is clearly one person to admire or blame for this effort. Randolf Scott was credited as Art Director, Still Photographer, "A" camera Operator 2, Property Master and Buyer, Best Boy Electrician, Best Boy Grip, Costume Supervisor, Recording Mixer & Recordist, Foley Mixer & Recordist, Score & Song Programming, Music Editor, Production Manager, Editor, Producer, Story, Writer and Director. Further, he wrote all of the songs and performed them, played a small part, and even wrote the IMDb summary. Now that is what I call trying your best.

California, Utah and Arizona locations were used for the exotic locals. There is plenty of nudity, including full frontal from Lauren Hayes and Antoinette Abbott, and breasts from Shalimar, Annie Body, Mercedes Bin, Sirena Scott and Crystal White. Note that there are no images of the last three. There were always in scenes with the main players, and two of them wore masks the entire time.

IMDb readers say 3.4. There are some impressive overlays done in editing, and this has a lot of production value for what was clearly a minuscule budget. Much of the acting could have been better, but it is no worse than similar genre efforts, and Hayes can deliver lines. This is a C.

Annie Body Antoinette Abbott Lauren Hayes Shalimar

WILL FERRELL NOT DEAD
Not Really A Crasher - Tuesday, some hoaxster put a fake press release onto the Internet, claiming that Will Ferrell had died in a hang gliding accident. Ferrell fans were suspicious immediately because in "Wedding Crashers," Ferrell's character fakes a hang gliding accident to pick up women at funerals.
* So if all his fans came to his funeral and he was still alive, he could really pick up women!
* I heard he died from inhaling the toxic fumes of Sex Panther cologne.
* So Will Ferrell is definitely NOT dead...But after seeing "Bewitched" and "Kicking & Screaming", his career may be.


MOST BEAUTIFUL CELEBRITIES SURVEYS
Catherine Is Natural?! - In a survey of the National Association of Screen Makeup Artists and Hairdressers, Scarlett Johansson was named Hollywood's most natural beauty, followed by Kate Winslet and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Orlando Bloom was the most naturally attractive man, followed by "Brokeback Mountain" star Jake Gyllenhaal.
* Who also came in fourth on the beautiful ladies list.
* Once again, Jake comes up behind the most attractive man around.
* Scarlett used to be a natural brunette, but she looks better as a natural redhead.

Mike Wallace Looks Better - A British cable company held a similar survey, and Jessica Alba was named the person who looked best on HDTV, followed by Eva Longoria and Anna Kounikova. Teri Hatcher was named the star who looks worst on HDTV, followed by Demi Moore and Donald Trump.
* Demi spent $100,000 on plastic surgery and looks worse than Donald Trump? Talk about buyer's remorse!...She should tell her surgeon, "You're fired!"
* On HDTV, you can see the paws and tail on Donald Trump's hair.
* On HDTV, Teri Hatcher and the Donald are identical.
* Teri Hatcher might rethink her decision to give up Botox.
* Proving that the British have never seen Barbara Walters, Robert Redford or Andy Rooney.