Army of Darkness (1993) is a horror/sword & sorcery spoof that somewhat legitimately claims to be Evil Dead III, in that it involves the Book of the Dead, and stars Bruce Campbell. The book sucks him back into the middle ages, where he is hailed as the promised one and their savior, and must get the book to get home. Along the way, the film is a sendup of both horror and hack 'n slash films, with a large helping of Three Stooges.

Embeth Davidtz is his love interest, and briefly shows a nipple in a short and very dark sex scene in the newly released director's cut. The film has a huge following, and is best appreciated with a belly full of pizza and a head full of bear in the company of similarly prepared friends. IMDB readers have it at 7/3 of 10. Ebert awards 2 stars, but Berardinelli enjoyed it more at 3 stars. The special effects are often impressive, and the film is non-stop action, which tends to keep you awake. This is a solid genre film, adored by fans, but with very little to offer those who dislike the genre. C.

Movies:

White Oleander (2002)

The story follows a young girl's travels through various types of foster care in the years after her mother is convicted of murder. Over the course of time, the girl comes to understand a lot more about her mother's actions, and about life in general. The story chronicles the ups and down in the girl's life, as well as the parallels in her relationship with the murderous mother.

Michelle Pfeiffer was nominated by the SAG as best supporting actress (losing to Zeta) for her portrayal against type as the selfish, scheming, thoroughly detestable mother who proves herself still capable of a noble action when her daughter's welfare is on the line. Robin Wright and Renee Zellweger rounded out the talented cast. Zellweger did a great job, but her character was just too pathetic for my taste. Similarly, Wright did a good job at bringing some depth to a poorly-written cartoon role as a caricatured white trash foster mom.

I don't have much to say about this movie. While there is nothing especially good about it other than glossy production values and a talented cast, there is nothing very bad about it either, except for some one-dimensional characters, and I was able to keep my hands from the fast forward button. Although it is a soap opera and the source novel was once an Oprah Book Club selection,  it is about equally appealing to men and women, as reflected in both IMDB scores and CinemaScore exit polls.

• Robin Wright Penn. No REAL nudity, but here is her entire butt in thong underpants.

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Other crap:

• PRINCESS Diana made a sensational secret video diary in which she complained that Charles had an "unhealthy relationship" with a top male aide.
• Another talking fish story! "Whistling fish have been serenading fishermen with patriotic tunes such as "God Bless America," "Star Spangled Banner," and even country singer Lee Greenwood's contemporary classic, "Proud to be an American." "This defies everything we thought we knew about fish neuropsychology," declares noted Australian marine biologist Dr. Cary Silthouse." I knew his brother, Brick Silthouse. The previous neuropsychological thinking was that fish were only into Country Joe songs.
• The Self-Made Critic's Guide to the Academy Awards 2003
• Willard makes a run at Solaris for worst audience response ever.
• Complete, printable NCAA pairings. Nice quality
• Internet gamblers take odds on Saddam's last day in power. I was just wondering - if Pete Rose was president, wouldn't he bet like a trillion dollars that Saddam will still be in power on April 1, then call off the invasion? That could resolve all our budget problems. Vote Pete in 2004.
  • My theory on Pete's gambling is that after he broke the all time hits record, and was an absolute lock for the HOF, he could get like 10-1 odds if he bet that he would NOT make it. Then he revealed his gambling problem to baseball in order to win the big HOF bet. But that's just my theory.

What're the odds?

In the meantime:

75th Academy Awards: Best Picture

Ice down the champagne. According to the bookies, Chicago almost has it in the bag.

• Audie England, brief breast exposure. (1, 2)

• Lori Lively, brief breast and views. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Eva Herzigova, side nudity.
• Fabienne Terwinghe, topless.
• Ines Rivero, topless.
• Jana, full frontal.
• Kathy Muller, partial nudity.
• Monica Bellucci and Yasmeen Ghauri, both ladies in black bras.
• Nissa full frontal nudity.
• Echo, topless.
• Michelle Behennah, assorted nude poses. In links 1-3 the goods are just out of sight, but #4 has clear breast and bum exposure. (1, 2, 3, 4)

One of the Creature Feature series, this 2001 made-for-cable movie follows the familiar format of the series: nudity and violence.

It's a not-great movie, with a surprisingly good cast including Carla Gugino and a great-looking (and topless) lady fish, Rya Kihlstedt. Watch it for the women, not the story.