Slaughter's Big Rip-off (1972) stars Jim Brown reprising his role as Slaughter in this blacksploitation sequel. In the original, he raised hell with the mob. Now they are out to even the score. Further, a black police lieutenant detective is out to prove how much of the police department and city government is on the take. Jim Brown kicks a lot of ass, shoots lots of bad guys, has a lot of sex, and otherwise acts cool.

Gloria Hendry, as his main squeeze, shows breasts. In one of the cooler scenes, she is made to drive off a cliff with Slaughter in the car by the bad guys. Judy Brown, as an old flame and informer, does a full frontal. Pamela Miller shows breasts trying to seduce Slaughter, and some unidentified women show breasts in a long shot at poolside.

IMDb readers say 5.1. The grade is easy. This is exactly what a 70s blacksploitation film is supposed to be, but nothing to make it rise above the others, hence a C+. Brown was very convincing in the fight scenes. All in all, I enjoyed it.

Judas Kiss (1998)

Judas Kiss wants you to know what kind of a film it is from the first moments. A security guard is supposed to be paying attention to his video monitors, but is actually watching a porno video about lesbians from outer space. This video is not just pictured on the tiny security monitors, but also on the full screen, with lush production qualities, as if the lesbian aliens were actually in the movie we are supposed to be watching. About a minute into the action, there is clear, well lit, full-frontal female nudity, followed by an energetic lesbian love scene aboard a cheesy spaceship.

So right away we know we're not going to be watching "The Sweet Hereafter."

Not THAT'S gratuitous nudity. Not only was is not necessary to show the nudity, but it certainly was not necessary to show it anywhere but on the little monitor. Frankly, it was not even necessary for the security guy to be watching a video at all. He could have been asleep. Moreover, the entire video-within-a-film had absolutely nothing to do with the central plot. As an example of the kind of sense of humor this film has, a kidnapper later decides to watch a video to pass some time while waiting for the hostage negotiations to finish. Can you guess what he watches? Sure enough, it's the same outer space lesbian movie from the opening scene!

Judas Kiss wants to tell you upfront that it is a guilty pleasure movie, pure and simple. Once you determine that it is not a movie about lesbians from outer space, you will see that it is one of those detective stories where ... well, at one point one of the characters turns to another and says, "There is really only one plot: "Nothing is as it seems.'"

It's that kind of movie.

What is it supposed to be about?

If the security guard had not been totally into space lesbians, he would have seen and/or reported a kidnapping. A band of four crazy criminals (who often spout faux-poetic dialogue) decide to kidnap a Bill Gates kind of guy, opting to demand a ransom exactly equal to the amount covered by his company's insurance. As predicted, the company has no problem forking over the money, but those darned law enforcement officials insist on taking the matter seriously, not in small part because the kidnappers managed to shoot and kill a witness on their way out, and that witness happened to be the wife of a U.S. Senator. Oops!

Alan Rickman is the cop assigned to the murder investigation, and Emma Thompson is the federal agent in charge of the kidnapping. Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman? So this takes place in Manchester, or London, or someplace like that? You're close. New Orleans. Yup, Em and Rickman spend the entire film trying to speak in Paul Prudhomme accents, y'betcha. As it turns out, they did reasonably well. Their speech did slip out of Louisiana now and then, but they generally managed to cover up their British roots. When they messed up, it was usually to draw out an American "r", which made them sound like cops visiting The Big Easy from Minneapolis. The accents didn't really matter very much, because they are both good actors who brought wit and quirky intelligence to their parts, so the film was much better with them than it would have been with two ordinary actors speaking in the right dialect.

At any rate, the film takes a lot of twists and turns, and involves a lot of secrets. Rickman somehow figures out what is really going on, which is amazing because even the criminals are not completely sure, but he can't pursue the case directly because a lot of people in very important positions don't actually want him to solve the crime. Instead they want him to follow the planted clues and solve the apparent crime, which is actually only a mammoth distraction from what is really going on. So Rickman has to skulk around the background and solve the crime indirectly.

Don't fret if it sounds too complicated. Judas Kiss is not one of those way-too-confusing stories. In fact, the only reason we are ever confused at all is because we don't know all the details, but the whole scheme makes some sense once the smoke and mirrors are removed, so the story plays out as a pleasurable noir. It is not an ultra-realistic and gritty noir film, but rather the stylish type of noir like The Big Sleep, in which the complicated story is really of secondary importance when contrasted to the witty and philosophical exchanges between the characters. The criminals are quirky and intelligent, while Rickman and Em provide humorous and literary banter throughout their pursuit.

A couple of years ago there was a movie called "Real Women Have Curves." I haven't see it, but if its title represents an accurate statement, then a picture of Carla Gugino should be used as the scientific symbol for reality. Her lush, curvaceous figure and innate sexiness combine with a kind of sweet Sally Field wholesomeness and a deceptive intelligence to make her kind of like Salma Hayek without the accent. She would be a perfect femme fatale for the film noir genre except that audiences would normally have a hard time accepting her as a calculating schemer. That single flaw was custom suited to her role in this film, however, because the script actually required her to teeter on the tightrope between the roles of criminal and victim. Yes, she was a bad girl - but one with a conscience and a good heart who eventually ends up as the hero of the story, even though it was she who killed the Senator's wife and first turned their comical lark into a bloodbath! How could that be? You'll have to watch the movie to find out!

• Carla Gugino (1, 2, 3)
• Yvette Lera
• Beverly Hotsprings (1, 2). Judas Kiss was merely a prelude to her ultimate career triumph, in a film called Ben Dover's Booty Duty.

Other Crap:

• More pics of naked chicks showing their tits to Prince Chuck.
• Showing blatant disregard for the U.S. Constitution, a jury convicted a celebrity. Rapper Lil' Kim Convicted of Perjury. She may be facing several years of prison time.
• Emboldened by the Li'l Kim conviction, justice-crazed prosecutors are considering whether to file criminal charges against singer Paula Abdul (news) for an alleged hit-and-run freeway accident last December.
• The teaser from Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
• Four clips from The Perfect Man. (PG rated romantic comedy with Hilary Duff, Heather Locklear, and Mr. Big.)
• Borowitz: "Condoleezza Rice praised President Gen. Pervez Musharraf for leading his nation on the road to democracy, saying that Pakistan is now more democratic than either Florida or Ohio."
  • "Elsewhere, an attorney for Saddam Hussein said that the former Iraqi dictator wanted to be tried by a jury of Robert Blake’s peers."
• The Daily Show's Rob Corddry reports from this month's trial of the century
• The Daily Show's Ed Helms examines the size of George Bush's testicles in relation to his policy decisions.
• Here's some tips for you youngsters, especially psychopathic youngsters.The gallery of torture devices.
• Jon Stewart discusses the World Bank nomination.
• Home Shopping guy demonstrates a sword's sharpness, with unfortunate results.
• Shoulder Mounted Rearview Mirror
  • "Always getting in trouble at work for goofing off? Then take a look at B.S.L Labs' Shoulder Mounted Rearview Mirror. Perfect for cubicle monkeys who are forced to sit with their back to the general public."
• You and I are too late. The Time Machine from the Year 2239 has been sold at e-bay. But unlike you, I have a plan.
  1. Find the plans for the time machine
  2. Build one of my own
  3. travel back in time to March 12th at 19:34:42
  4. outbid the Golden Palace Casino by one cent with one second left to go on the auction!
  5. control of all time and space is mine. Mua-ha-ha-ha
  6. profit
• Of you really love "The O.C.", the New York Observer wrote about a ten page term paper about it.
• If you have a mere $105,000 on your hands, you can buy Pedro's house from Napoleon Dynamite. Only one catch: it's in Preston Idaho.
• Ashley Judd is now writing a basketball column for the Lexington Herald-Leader. And there was much rejoicing from Rick Majerus. This column is some bizarre stuff, weaving South African apartheid into a thread of "moving well without the ball." She even manages to work in the fact that she WAS wearing panties at the Oscars that year. Hell. she could write this page, and you'd never know I was gone.
• Listen to Beck's new album online
• Various video clips from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2005 ceremony.
• Publishers seek the next phenomenon of "DaVinci Code" magnitude.
• Weekly World News: "HEY LADIES! NOW YOU CAN ... HOOK YOUR WAY TO RICHES "Ladies, are you tired of casting envious glances at hookers who drive fancy cars and make megabucks just by lying on their backs all day? Well, fret no more. By using this exclusive guide to the oldest profession you can learn how to become a successful lady of the night and earn up to $500,000 a year . . . tax-free! "
• Letterman's "Top Ten Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning The NCAA Basketball Championship"
  • 7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.
  • 5. The scorekeeper doesn't bother to turn on your half of the scoreboard.
  • 4. In your region: North Carolina, Duke and the '98 Chicago Bulls.
  • 2. Team refuses to attend game beacuse they don't want to miss a new episode of The George Lopez Show.
• Joss Whedon will write and direct a new Wonder Woman film. (He's the guy who created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in both its TV and earlier film incarnations.)
• Two clips from Guess Who? (This is the one where Kutcher visits the parents of his black girlfriend - a role-reversed remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?)
• Nine clips from Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
• An ad for high-speed wireless modems, featuring an Al Gore impersonator.
• A mess o' pics from High Tension.
  • "Marie and Alexia are schoolmates and best friends. Hoping to prepare for their college exams in peace and quiet, they decide to spend a weekend in the country at Alexia's parents' secluded farmhouse. But in the dead of night, a stranger knocks on the front door. And with the first swing of his knife, the girls' idyllic weekend turns into an endless night of terror"
• A mess o' new pics from Crash
  • A Brentwood housewife and her DA husband. A Persian store owner. Two police detectives who are also lovers. A black television director and his wife. A Mexican locksmith. Two car-jackers. A rookie cop. Tony Fucking Danza. A middle-aged Korean couple… They all live in Los Angeles. And in the next 36 hours, they will all collide…
• Prosecutor Says Lil' Kim Thinks She Is Above The Law. It's a case where both sides have good points. He's right. She does think she's above the law. And she's right. She is above the law. She's a celebrity, dammit.
• Naked Dan the Handyman. I wondered if Naked Dan was the only nude notary in the world. Not at all. A google search for "nude notary" (in quotes) yields 1,270 hits.
• The South Park tribute site now has made available the March 16th episode featuring Cartman against his mortal enemies, the hippies.  
• Swank to fight charges in New Zealand court. OK. We know that she really did bring the fruit into N.Z., and the article tells us that "'No lawyers for Ms Swank will be present and she's not going to appear." So what, precisely, are her grounds for protesting the fine? I can only assume that her defense is that no law could possibly apply to her, for she is a celebrity. The O.J. Rule.
• Eight clips and five featurettes for Steamboy
  • A retro science-fiction epic set in Victorian England, "Steamboy" features an inventor prodigy named Ra Stim who receives a mysterious metal ball containing a new form of energy capable of powering an entire nation. This young boy must use it to fight evil, redeem his family, and save London from destruction. The lush Victorian interiors and the elegance of the era's mechanical design allows Otomo to create dazzling visual backgrounds and machines for this film. With more than 180,000 drawings and 400 CG cuts, "Steamboy" is sure to be one of the most elaborate animated features of 2005.
• Five clips and a new featurette for The Ring Two.
• The trailer for Rock School.
  • "First time feature documentary filmmaker Don Argott traces the ups-and-downs of the Paul Green School of Rock Music, a unique institution founded in Philadelphia in 1999, dedicated to teaching children ages nine through 17 the ins-and-outs of rock and roll."
• The trailer for The Holy Girl (La Nina Santa)
  • "The Holy Girl" (La Niña Santa) explores the burgeoning sexuality and religious fervor of two teenage girls, Amalia and her best friend, Josefina. Artfully piecing together a mosaic of nuanced details, fragments of sounds, and small moments, Lucrecia Martel creates a potent and specific portrait of adolescent life. Understanding the temptation of good - and the evil it causes - "The Holy Girl" delicately explores themes of sin, frustration and desire.
• A Flesh-and-Blood "Family Guy"? Yup, a "theatrical stage production of the animated comedy titled Family Guy Live!"
• Jon Stewart helps prove why the New York Post is good reading material for when you're in the crapper.
• Daily Show: Karen Hughes is nominated to the post of undersecretary of "making people like us

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass.

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The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

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Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

Today from the Ghost...a whole bunch of 'caps and clips from the mega-lo budget "Hollywood Dreams" (1994). I haven't seen it, but apparently it's a low budget sex movie about making a low budget sex movie.

• Busty B-babe Debra K. Beatty bares all. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Debra K. Beatty zipped .wmvs. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) Topless only in 1 and 2, all 3 B's in 3 and 4, frontal in #5 and #6 features her topless in a sex scene.

• Kathy Pasmore shows off robo-hooters and a thong view. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Kathy Pasmore zipped .wmv

• Kathy Pasmore is joined by Natasha Pulanova for some mild lesbo lovin' and a 3-way. (1, 2, 3)
• Kathy Pasmore and Natasha Pulanova zipped .wmv looks like we see breasts and bush from both.

• Kelly Cook aka Kelly Jaye. Here is the former Penthouse Pet topless and showing brief pubes. (1, 2, 3)
• Kelly Cook zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3) We see more skin in the 'clips. In #1 we have breasts and bush. In #2 we see her topless and showing a thong view. In #3, the former Atlanta Hawks cheerleader bares all 3 B's.

Jacklyn Lick
(1, 2, 3, 4)