Thursday

Tuna
"Crack House"

Crack House (1989) is a story of drugs and gang warfare between a group of blacks and a group of Chicanos. It centers on a young man who has left the gang to be with his 18 year old girlfriend, Cheryl Kay. She is a senior in a rough High School, and lives with her drunken single mother. When the rival gang kills her boyfriend's cousin, he leads a revenge raid, and is arrested for about 7,000 felonies. The police want to cut a deal with him in exchange for help breaking up a crack ring, but he would never squeal to the police, at least until he discovers that someone turned his girl into a crack whore, then gave her to the head dealer for partial payment of a debt.

Things I learned from this film.

1) Drugs suck (I hadn't realized).
2) Gang Bangers are not good life insurance risks.
3) Coke whores will do anything for a fix.
4) People do nasty things to coke whores.
5) Blacks and Chicanos are not necessarily best friends.
6) Narcs have really cool tanks to assist in busts.

The nudity is more of a story than the film. I fast forwarded after the first few minutes looking for nudity, not wanting to sit through it if there wasn't. There was a shower scene, where we saw breasts, but not head for Kay's character, it was cut sloppily between breast and head shots, and in one frame I saw part of a white bra. Obvious double, right? Then a minor character, Heid Thomas, showed breasts and buns as a crack whore who ODs, probably intentionally, so I watched the whole thing. It was then I discovered another topless scene with Kay's character that showed much of her face. The DVD also had a full negative 4/3 aspect ratio version for further investigation. In the full frame version, we can see a partial face with breasts in the shower scene, but even more frames showing the white bra at the end of the scene. However, we now see the entire face, and in lighter frames of the other nude scene. The breasts, body and partial face look enough alike that I don't think a double was used, especially given that she shows the same breasts in the other scene, but I can't explain the white bra at the end (see the last two images).

IMDb readers have this at 4.6 of 10. It earned a whopping $838K in theaters. The cast did include Jim Brown and Richard Roundtree. I think it was meant to be hard hitting, and may have been in 1989, but it oscillated between boring and unpleasant to watch. This is a very low C-.

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  • Cheryl Kay (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
  • Heidi Thomas (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Correction:

    Re the hot sex scene in the L-Word in yesterday's edition, this in my mailbox:

    "That is Leisha Hailey, not Katherine Moenning, with Erin Daniels on today's (March 23 2005) page. Thought you should know."

    Make it so.
     

     

    Being Julia (2004):

    Julia is a famous actress on the London stage in the late 1930s. She is losing her passion for performing the roles she has made famous, and she is getting too old for those roles, so she is beginning to see her current existence as the end of Act One of her life, and is wondering what will happen in Act Two.

    It doesn't take long for her world to change. Act Two of her life is also Act Two of the film. She falls in love with an adoring American half her age, and the rejuvenation of her sex drive stirs her passion for work as well. She abandons her plans for a vacation, and plans to work through the summer. Unfortunately, her American's infatuation was short-lived, and Julia is doubly humiliated when the young man not only dumps her, but dumps her for the beautiful young actress who seems to the the Julia of the future. She tries to turn to her long time platonic friend for passion, but finds out he is gay. She tries to turn to her aging husband, and finds that he, too, is infatuated with the up-and-coming young actress.

    The final act is basically Julia's carefully orchestrated revenge. This act is the film's weakness. The revenge is limp and tepid. The result? No climax. No catharsis. The film ends up a beautiful piece of foreplay, with no actual lovemaking.

    Despite the unrealized potential of the main plot, there are lots of delicious little things going on, all performed by great actors and photographed lovingly. The husband and wife (Jeremy Irons and Annette Bening) are a magnificent couple past their prime. The mother and son (Anne Bening and young Tom Sturridge) relationship is the best part of the film: the gentle and soft-spoken son is the only one who always dares to tell his mother the truth - about himself and about herself as well. Julia can also get the truth from her loyal dresser (Juliet Stevenson) if she needs to hear it. The relationship between Julia and the gay aristocrat (Bruce Greenwood) is also quite charming, as is the imaginary relationship between Julia and her dead mentor (Michael Gambon). A lot of the charm in those relationships derives from the fact that the six characters involved are all real people - even the dead guy-  and are all essentially good people. We can recognize them, we like them, and we root for them. The parts of the film that don't work as well revolve around the dramatic conflict, and involve the characters who are not so nice. Of course, the villains are not really that bad, and nothing so bad really happens to them, which is appropriate, but ... well, really boring as hell.

    Annette Bening has always been an unusual actress. She's one of those whose appearance doesn't really match her aura. She is obviously beautiful, and elegant, and may have the most perfect smile in history, but we get the feeling that underneath her classic looks she is too smart and calculating for her own good, and that we should not trust her, no matter how much warmth her smile may radiate. She's not sweet enough and she's too aloof to play the "girl we love" Meg Ryan roles, but she's too damned likeable and vulnerable to play the bitchy Joan Collins roles. This leaves her typecast as the woman who seems benign until betrayed, then turns Machiavellian and insidious. As it turns out, that's exactly what she was called upon to do here. Bening is magnificent, because the role not only makes use of her greatest strengths, but does so virtually in the context of her own life story. She, like the character, is a beautiful woman getting too old to play the beautiful seductresses. Some aging actresses can drop the seductress roles, change gears and start playing ugly old crones and drunks, ala Anne Bancroft. Neither Bening nor the fictional Julia is that kind of actress. In another parallel, Bening, like Julia, is married to a man once considered the handsomest in the world, but now obviously much older than herself. Given a chance to act out her own life in many ways, Bening delivered a charismatic and showy performance that let her showcase what she does best. Julia's son points out in the script that his mother is always acting, onstage and off, so it's a really juicy role, and it got Bening a deserved Oscar nomination.

    One other thing to mention. Completely irrelevant to the plot development, but of great interest to me, was the curious scene where a street busker did an impersonation of Neville Chamberlain, the famous "appeasement" minister. Ya know, you really don't see a lot of Neville Chamberlain impersonations among today's crowd of mimics, and all's the pity for that.

    That's about all you have here. Strong date film material that the woman probably will like more than the man. (IMDb scores: 7.2 males, 7.8 females). Great costumes, elegant sets, plenty of interesting things going on, and a brilliant cast in a film which seems like a fast flyweight boxer who dazzles with his footwork but just doesn't know how to deliver the K.O.

    Shakespeare in Love without Shakespeare.

    Or the Love.

    • Annette Bening (1, 2). Just the tiniest flash of her tiny left breast in the massage scene (#1). Collage #2 is the love scene, but nothing is out there.

     

    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

     

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    This week's poll is another look at a poll from a few years ago...

    Best Sex Scene in a Mainstream Movie
    For this poll it's A-list only. No skinemax or adult stuff. You'll also notice a lack of lesbian lovin'....I'm saving that for another poll.


    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
    Best All Time Television Comedy
    Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance.

    Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.


    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.


    Today the Ghost takes a look at the Fred Olen Ray mega-lo budget sex comedy, "Bikini Airways" (2003). Looks like all the girls are topless and joining the mile high club. I guess the obvious question is..."Where can I get tickets?"

    Variety
    Anne Hathaway
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    		First up in links 1-3 we have another look at the star of "The Princess Diaries" wearing a dress that almost fully reveals one of her breasts in a side view. Links 4-7 are proof that the movie "Havoc" actually exists. Sorry, no skin yet.

    Dara Tomanovich
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    		Flautista 'caps of Tomanovich in see-thru black undies and topless in a sex scene in "Amnesia" (1997). If you don't know of her, it's ok. After all, the biggest film of her career is the Pauly Shore classic, "Bio-Dome".

    Nicolette Sheridan The "Desperate Housewives" star wearing a very low cut dress and showing off plenty of cleavage. Thanks to Squiddy.

    Madeleine Stowe
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Sherrie Rose
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    		The Skin-man takes a look at the 1992 Crime/Thriller "Unlawful Entry", starring Kurt Russell, Ray Liotta and Madeleine Stowe. Not a great movie, but not a bad one either. Russell plays his usual good guy, Liotta of course is great playing the psycho bad guy while Stowe and Rose provide some decent nudity. There are worse things to watch at 2am.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    MICHAEL JACKSON UPDATE
    Made For Each Other - Tuesday at Michael Jackson's trial, a female fan in the courtroom began screaming, then fainted to the floor. It was later reported that she was such a fanatic, she had claimed she hadn't had sex in 18 years and was saving herself for Michael Jackson, and she wants to have a dozen or more kids with him.

  • Hope she has an industrial strength turkey baster.
  • Michael likes the dozen kids idea, but not the sex part.
  • Wouldn't she prefer someone more masculine, like LaToya?
  • So we finally have an answer to the question, "How delusional ARE Michael Jackson fans?"

    Only One Rule In Vegas: Hands Off The Kinder! - If Michael doesn't go to jail, he may have a new gig. Us Weekly claims that Donald Trump and his partners in the New Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas think that while Jackson may not be selling records anymore, like Barry Manilow, he might be a big draw as their house performer in Vegas. They've already spoken to his reps about an $80 million contract, but it would include "morals clauses."

  • Only Michael Jackson could get kicked out of Las Vegas for violating the moral code.
  • Michael likes the idea, but he'd rather play at Circus Circus.
  • He'd headline a new show called "Freaks!"
  • Michael would like it there: what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and kids stay free!
  • Vegas already has a dozen Michael Jackson impersonators who look a lot more like Michael than Michael does.


    OPRAH'S "FREE CAR" FLOPPING WITH BUYERS
    "G6: The Edsel Of Cars!" - Oprah may be losing her magic touch: she talked GM into letting her give away 276 new Pontiac G6 cars to her audience, which was hailed as a brilliant advertising move. But despite GM's claims that the G6 is selling well, industry analysts say it's a flop. It's sold less than half of the Grand Am's monthly average; and GM has ramped up incentives and rebates to over $3600 just to try to make it sell.

  • People want the "Oprah Rebate: 100 percent of MSRP."
  • It's starting to remind Oprah of the time she had on the cast of "Gigli."
  • At least nobody can say that "you can't give it away."


    HORROR TALES FROM THE OFFICE
    Take-Your-Anger-To-Work Day - A Maxim magazine survey found that 74 percent of readers said their boss disrespects them and over half had been publicly humiliated, like a man whose boss demoted him in front of his visiting kids. But some took revenge, such as: having fetish magazines sent to him at the office, stealing his clothes from the locker room, sending him a fake $500 gift certificate to a restaurant, and changing his Caller ID to "Lord Farquar," the short, nasty ruler from "Shrek." Most clever was a woman whose boss always stole her ideas. Convinced he couldn't tell a good idea from a bad one, she came up with some that were so bad, when he stole them, he was demoted.

  • It was the best idea she ever had.
  • She just wished she could think of ideas bad enough to get him fired.
  • She must not work in television: when you steal bad ideas in TV, you get rich.
  • The "Lord Farquar" trick didn't work: that boss liked being called "Lord."

    • A quick site note
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