Satan's Schoolgirls

Satan's Schoolgirls (2004) is a direct to video soft-core from Plausible Denial Productions.

The story takes place at a home for wayward girls. It is summer, but four girls are kept over the summer at their parents' request. They are babysat by a nun, a priest, and a custodian. The institution was formerly a satanic cult headquarters. One of the girls is a cutter. That gives a good reason for sister Helen to spank her bare bottom with a ping pong paddle. Another is a nympho. Well, a modified nympho: she does the custodian, but keeps her clothes on. Another is a lesbian, and goes topless frequently. The last seems to be a good girl, but with psychic powers. The new priest also seems nice, and genuinely helpful.

This is awful. Terry West can write (Lord of the G-Strings), but I have no idea why he didn't this time.  It runs 61 minutes, but would be considerably shorter were it not for the same two establishing shots again and again, and repeated torture and mutilation images. Plausible Denial Productions also needs a director, a photographer, better set design, and someone with a steadier hand to hold their HD video camera. The photography was especially irritating in this one. There are shots where Brandy D'Vinn's elbow appears larger than her head. In others, she looks 4 months pregnant. This is just bad camera work. Hint. You got a woman naked. Good start. You have a camera. Also good. Now learn to use your camera. Not all angles are good angles.

On the plus side, the producers have women willing to get naked, and a graphic artist to design kick-ass DVD jackets. Not enough.

This is an F.

IMDb readers say 2.8, based on only 33 votes. Nearly half who have voted awarded a one, the lowest score under the IMDb system.

Scoop's note:

How good a job is "custodian at a school for wayward girls." The salary may not be great, but the perks are awesome.

I'm glad to see Satan getting into education. The Republicans have been looking for an alternative to the public school system, and this just could be it!

Brandy D'Vinn, as the lesbian, shows breasts.

Jane Scarlett, as the cutter, shows buns.

Kerri Taylor, as the normal girl, does full frontal and rear nudity.

Silent Night, Deadly Night

Today the Time Machine stays in 1984 and Silent Night Deadly Night.  Linnea Quigley, one of the all-time great "scream queens" bares her boobs (what else is new) and meets a gruesome ending in this notorious flick. Darn, she was cute. And she is still going strong to this day. Take a look at her long list of credits at IMDb.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

I saw this movie when it came out, guess I was one of the few since it flopped. I really like it back then and I still do. I was familiar with the character the infamous liar Baron Munchausen. In this story he arrives in Vienna, currently being besieged by a Turkish army, and, claiming that he is the cause of the Sultan's anger, declares that he will save the city. To do so, however, he must first find several of his former companions, each of whom has some extraordinary ability. One is very strong. Another has keen sight. The third has acute hearing and the ability to blow strong winds, and the last can run exceedingly fast. As he sets out on his quest, the Baron discovers a young girl hiding in the balloon in which he is escaping the city, and together they make their way to the moon, Vulcan's workshop under Mount Etna, and the belly of a giant fish. Uma appears in the Vulcan's story, she plays Venus and she looks great the little time she is on screen.

Scoop's notes:

I liked it too. Here is what I wrote:

"Terry Gilliam is what Jonathan Swift or Cervantes would have been if they had lived in a time when great artists created movies. His societies may be vile, perhaps as an extension of the real societies that we build, but his individuals can be noble, and willing to fight against monstrous odds, even at great personal peril. Gilliam inevitably sees the brighter angels of our nature. When I watch Gilliam's films, I always get a sense that we humans have failed, but that we should not have, that we should have been much more, and might yet be if we can suppress that portion of our DNA that still belongs to the territorial apes we once were.

Gilliam has made great films but Baron Munchausen, to be honest, is not such a great film. It is one of Gilliam's most tepid offerings, and one of his most confusing and silly. Yet it is still a good film because there is just so much to enjoy. There is Gilliam's astounding visual invention. There is Uma Thurman's beauty, Eric Idle's comic timing, Sara Polley's childish adorability, and a marvelously theatrical lead performance by John Neville. There is the celebration of our ability to dream, the condemnation of irrational authority and power wielded cynically, the recognition of the power inherent in forgiveness, and in hope. Most of all there is the ubiquitous notion that the individual is important, that he cannot normally win a victory over the ruthless, soulless power of entrenched demigods, but there is great nobility and value in the fact that he tries. And sometimes, no matter how quixotic his quest, he may even prevail."