Tuesday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Mulholland Drive (2001): Let me start with a description of the tops of the Laura Harring images. They are very dark images from the opening scene of the movie. The reason I chose them, is because they are from a sub-plot that probably never happened, at least, not to her for sure. I that makes sense to you, then you might be able to make sense of this film as well. For details of this film, see Scoop's review. Let me say me also add that I enjoyed it even less than he did. Oh, and I don't understand it all. C+.

MOVIES:

Rancid Aluminum is a rather rancid entry in the seemingly endless wave of gangster genre films which seem to pour out of the UK like tea. Remember when I said that Joseph Fiennes should some day play another role besides the guy mooning around over a love he can't have?

I was so very, very wrong! Back to the sonnets for this lad.

In addition to Fiennes's outrageous Irish accent and mugging at the camera, ala Jerry Lewis, Tara Fitzgerald was so bad as a vampy chain-smoking Russian that I'm pretty sure they over-dubbed her worst dialogue. Her accent changed in every scene. The photography attempted to be arty, except when it was too dark or out of focus. Just not a very professional movie.

• Tara Fitzgerald
• Sadie Frost

Skulls 2 is a workmanlike straight-to-vid which uses the same general premise as The Skulls, but none of the characters or situations. It is watchable, if uninspired.

• Margot Gagnon

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Dana Delany, wonderful, full frontal nudity in "Exit to Eden".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

A very good question that has two answers.
1.I needed to up the boob count today.
2.I had not seen it all the way through before.

As a refresher...it's not a sequel at all, but rather a pilot for a TV series based on the Sarah Michelle Gellar movie. Originally called "Manchester Prep", it was canceled before any episodes aired. My guess is they did some retakes, added some gratuitous nudity, dubbed in a lot of dirty words, and bammo, a straight to video release designed to milk the name for all it was worth.

The story for the first 80 minutes is a little different from the movie in that Valmont is a nice guy that never hurts anyone, and in fact is a champion of the little people. But then, during the last 3 minutes, the girl our hero has been chasing turns out to be his half-sister's lover, and they all have a 3-way (not on film). All of the sudden, he becomes manipulative and cruel just like his half-sister...the end.

The 'caps:
A total pain in the arse! Bad colors and too much steam in the gratuitous nude shower scene. But on the plus side, you don't often get to see identical twins with great breasts making out with each other. So please try to enjoy anyway.

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• Annie and Alicia Sorell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

A little variety today....

First we have a deleted scene from "15 Minutes" featuring two unknowns completely in the buff.

• Unknowns going full frontal (1, 2)

Then, our "Babe in Bondage" is former "Baywatch" and Hefbabe, Donna D'Errico is bound & ball gagged in a scene from "Candyman 3", sadly no skin but sexy .

• Donna D'Errico (1, 2, 3)

We wrap it up with a return to "Justine:In The Heat Of Passion", this time with a scene featuring Kristen Knittle doing a little loving behind a mesh net.

• Kristen Knittle, bares breasts and a bit of bum (1, 2, 3, 4)

Rena Riffel

Riffel amazingly keeps her clothes on, but I think her pokies might be armour piercing.

Scoop,

A couple of items from IMDB News. First up, something to raise your spirits on a Monday full of bleak news...

Winslet: "I Love Getting Naked"
Kate Winslet loves stripping for movies. Kate says she has no problem getting her clothes off for racey scenes in films like Hideous Kinky and Holy Smoke. She says, "I like exposing myself. There's not an awful lot that embarrasses me. I'm the kind of actress that absolutely believes in exposing myself."

Next, stop the presses! Milla reveals that modeling is not an intellectually-stimulating occupation!...

Milla's Model Warnings
Movie star Milla Jovovich is urging the parents of teenage models to rethink plans to put their daughters on the catwalk - because it's a lawless and terrible world. The gorgeous star began her career as a model, but there's no way she'd ever let her own daughter become a teenage clothes horse. She says, "There are a lot of 14-year-old girls who are experimenting with things that are dangerous. A lot of these girls are not with their parents and they're confused. They've dropped out of school and they're just naive little oysters waiting to be scooped up." Jovovich also insists agents and the peer pressure aren't the youngsters' biggest enemy - but the day-to-day boredom. She adds, "The work is not mentally stimulating. It's like being a fifth grader in a first grade class - after a week, it gets really boring and you want something to challenge you. To be young, out of school, with no parents, a boring job - the only interesting part is after work when you go out to clubs and stuff."

Finally, from Thisislondon.com. Bob Guccioni has actually found a way to lose money selling pictures of naked women and is pondering a garage sale. If you need any tasteless gold jewelry or red velvet drapes, set your alarm clock to go off early...

Porn magazine chief faces ruin
by James Langton
Porn king Bob Guccioni has admitted he is facing financial ruin because of losses from his magazine, Penthouse. The publisher, 71, may have to sell his New York house - Manhattan's largest - and his art collection, which features works by Picasso, Degas and Renoir, to pay his debts. He founded Penthouse in 1965, but circulation has tumbled with competition from internet pornography. From a high of five million, it now sells 650,000 copies a month. General Media, the company that owns Penthouse, said last week that it would be unable to meet £10million debts this year. If it fails to keep up payments on a £40 million overdraft, the Bank of New York will take control and may well close the magazine. Guccioni has used his house and art collection as security for borrowing. Penthouse lost £7 million last year, and his two general interest magazines, Omni and Longevity, both failed.

In other news

In Philipsburg, Pennsylvania, Samuel T. Albert was charged with disorderly conduct after he was spotted dancing outside a convenience store wearing only snakeskin cowboy boots, black women's panties, electrical tape on his forehead, and red, white and blue steamers attached to his waist. When a cop tried to ask what he was doing, he allegedly cursed, pushed and spit on the cop until he had to be subdued with pepper spray.

* He paid his bail with a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.

J-Lo Bashes Hairstylist for her Bizarre Look At Oscars
*Jennifer Lopez has joined the rest of thw World

-- She now agrees that the hairstyle she wore to the Oscars was a major mistake--

She said "I looked like something out of a 1960's TV commercial. The only way I could'be pssibly looked any worse would be to wear Gwyneth Paltrow's dress"

Fans Complain: ‘Celine’s CD Crashed My Computer’
*CELINE DION'S NEW CD IS ALREADY #1, BUT COMPUTER USERS AREN’T TOO FOND OF IT -- THE DISC COMES WITH A WARNING NOT TO PLAY IT ON A PC OR A MAC: IT’S EMBEDDED WITH "COPY PROTECTION TECHNOLOGY"

-- MANY FANS ARE COMPLAINING THAT THE CD MAKES THEIR COMPUTERS CRASH -- OTHERS SAY IT’S AFFECTING THEIR HARDWARE AND GETTING TRAPPED INSIDE THE COMPUTER (CELINE HERSELF WOULD FIT INSIDE MOST COMPUTERS)

-- A SPOKESWOMAN FOR SONY MUSIC DENIES THAT THE CD WILL CORRUPT ANY HARDWARE, BUT ADMITS THAT, IF USERS IGNORE THE WARNINGS, IT COULD CAUSE CERTAIN SYSTEMS TO FAIL…

Scoop's notes:
1. Interestingly, it also crashed my radio and my left ear.
2. The actual warning on the CD, that you are not to ignore - "don't play this crap"
3. I don't know, Celine's singing on the "Titanic" score did the same to my DVD player and my sub-woofer