What Planet Are You From (2000) starts off as an over the top SCI-FI comedy (or at least tries to), and sort of meanders into a romantic drama. There are some lovely women, some real talent, and a few funny moments, but it is an often slow, and mostly incoherent film. Garry Shandling plays an alien who is given a short course on the seduction of the earth woman, then sent to earth with an added penis, to impregnate a woman as quickly as possible. This is all in the interest of intergalactic expansionism. We are never told how a mixed-race baby causes the annexation of Earth, but that is a minor flaw for this film. Transit is accomplished through the toilette of an airliner in flight. Shandling starts hitting on women from the moment he leaves the john.

He has been given a cover as an investment banker, and a co-worker (Greg Kinnear) takes him under his wing and tries to get him laid. After hitting the strip club, he takes Shandling to the ultimate babe-mart -- an AA meeting. There Shandling finds the woman of his dreams --Annette Bening. You can see her at the AA meeting in image one with great pokies. At one point, Kinear's wife, Linda Fiorentino tries to seduce Shandling, and she also comes into the bank in a white fishnet outfit that is hot, even though little flesh is exposed. Shandling also has sex with a stew ... excuse me, flight attendant played by Samantha Smith.

IMDb readers have this at 5.6 of 10, but the box office was a total disaster, grossing $6.29M against a budget of $50M. Ebert awards one star, Berardinelli two stars. This isn't a bad film, it is just sort of a nothing film. I have a hunch some of the best footage was left on the cutting room floor by the fact that sub-plots start, then just sort of go away. Better editing might have made for a much better film, and they should have gone all the way with either comedy or romance. This is a very low C-.

Updates:

• There are about a gazillion new volumes (actually something like 58) in the Encyclopedia. All the ones in yellow.
• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is finally updated! He captured Bertolucci's controversial The Dreamers, and he added to the legend of Charlotte Rampling
• Charlie had this to say about Vince Gallo's notorious snoozefest, The Brown Bunny, "The movie is not that bad except for its pretentious ridiculous nonsense ending. It may be somehow empty (most of the film is Gallo driving, riding & filling his tank), but as long as it is supposed to deal with the emptiness of the lives in the American Midwest, it makes some sense. The blow-job, performed by a topless Chloe Sevigny, is pretty lengthy; she is supposed to swallow, but I don't think he came. It's more like he shoved his dick into her mouth than a real blowjob. She has a second nude scene later on, topless with a hint of pubes."

OTHER CRAP:

• Here's what you need for Easter: The Computer Easter Eggs Database.
• Bend 'em over like Beckham. More Sex for Bex. How does that guy find time to play soccer?
• Advance Film Review: "The Punisher" is surprisingly good.
• In case you were wondering about that Brit who bet his entire net worth on one spin of roulette - he won.
• Reacting to sticky toffee pudding, Johnny Depp swears to kill chef with a sword. I know the feeling. I almost did that at Applebee's, over some greasy chicken fingers, but I left my sword in the car.
• The TV commercial for the Jesus Christ action figure - now with walk-on-water action.
• Nero fiddles while Iraq burns
• Mickelson shoots 31 on the back, birdies 18 to hold off Els and win his first major.
• Janet spoofs herself (and Condi) on SNL
• Student residences to overlook nude beach. Beats the hell out of my dorm, which overlooked the 3rd Avenue El.
• "Gash or Tash". A photo quiz.
• Find that you just don't have the time to stalk the way you'd like to? Turn the duties over to Stalk 4 U. Funny stuff.
• The Chess Variant Pages. Hundreds of different variations on the traditional game.
• The big surprise in the Weekend Box Office is the answer to this question: Which film had the highest average per screen? The answer is the inexpensive and critically-reviled Johnson Family Vacation, which took in about twice as much per screen as The Alamo, and even beat The Passion.
  • The Girl Next Door was the big disappointment, opening in the number ten spot at the box with about six million dollars, but The Alamo's nine million dollar weekend was an even bigger disaster, because that film already has nearly $150 million invested in it, and it is now looking like it will gross no more than $40 million, maybe less.
• Uma looking tres sexy at the premiere of Kill Bill 2
• FROM 'THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG KILBORN': 'Latest polls say if the election were held today, President Bush and John Kerry would both lose to that Asian kid who sings She Bangs.'
• Passion is outpacing Return for the King, just shy of Spider-Man and Phantom Menace

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Shiloh's Sunday Cable Round-up!

• Edie Falco in The Sopranos. (.avi version,  .wmv version).

• The L-Word, Mia Kirshner and Anne Ramsay. A couple more years of this and Kirshner is going to challenge Nastassja Kinski for the all-time screen nudity championship. (Excluding softcore chicks, of course, in which category there is no current challenge to Julie Strain, who has done some nudity in nearly a hundred different films, plus magazines) (.avi version,  .wmv version).

• The L-Word, Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman. Crazy sex scene, Holloman topless, but Beals, as usual, supplies no nudity. (I think you can see the top half of one of her areolae (.avi version  .wmv version).

• The L-Word in an previous episode (Locked Up) - Jennifer Beals and Ion Overman. Sorta sexy, I guess, but also kinda boring. Just naughty talk and suggestion in this one. They are not even in the same room. No nudity at all.(.avi version,  .wmv version)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmvversions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Leigh Taylor-Young, baring all the goods in scenes from the 1969 movie "The Big Bounce" (recently re-made into a box office dud starring Owen Wilson)

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

"Point of View" (2001) (V) aka P.O.V.
Interactive DVD with various endings depending on a bunch questions you answered. Something best left for video games and porn videos.

• Stefanie von Pfetten: tight t-shirt, cleavage, shower nude.

"Late Night Sessions" (1999)
Slacker comedy drama directed by someone who looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.

• Alisen Down: cleavage, see through pants.
• Christine Chatelain: pokies.
• Eliza Murbach: tight t-shirt, tame lezzie scene with Christine.
• Babz Chula: getting felt up.

"Tales from the Gimli Hospital" (1988)
Guy Maddin black & white indie.

• Angela Heck: bare back, partial boob.
• Caroline Bonner: silhouette nude.

"Archangel" (1988)
Another Guy Maddin black & white indie available on same DVD as Twilight of the Ice Nymphs.

• Kathy Marykuca: breasts though transparent nightgown.
• Caroline Bonner: partial boob from behind.

"Death Wish V: The Face of Death" (1994)
Last but not least more sexy exposure by Claire Rankin.

• Claire Rankin: legs and downblouse.

• Raquel in "Bandolero!" (1968) (1, 2)

• Raquel looking amazing in a bikini in scenes from "Fathom" (1967) (1, 2, 3)

• Raquel in "One Million Years B.C." (1966) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

• Raquel in "Fantastic Voyage" (1966) (1, 2, 3)

• Assorted production stills of Raquel wearing very little. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Next up, a few new video clips...

• Alison Eastwood, gettin' it on it a spirited sex scene from "Friends & Lovers" (1999).

• Anne Heche and a bunch of other nekkid babes in a shower scene from "Girls in Prison" (1994).

• Barbara Carrera, stripping off her dress to reveal breasts, bush and a side view of her posterior in "I, the Jury" (1982).

• Jenny Agutter, brief breast and bum views from the 70's classic "Logan's Run".

• Olivia Pascal, full frontal nudity (including some serious 70's Euro-bush) in scenes from "Island of 1000 Delights".

"The House of Spirits"
The main nudity in The House of Spirits comes from Maria Conchita Alonso (with the lovely nips!) and Sarita Choudhury. There is also nudity by Meryl Streep (but it is probably a body double), Teri Polo (but it is undoubtedly a prosthetic) and Winona Ryder (but nothing is visible).

• Maria Conchita Alonso (1, 2,
• Sarita Choudhury
• Meryl Streep
• Teri Polo
• Winona Ryder (1, 2,

"Mississippi Masala"
Some more of Sarita Choudhury in Mississippi Masala, but the topless nudity is brief.

• Sarita Choudhury (1, 2)

"The Night We Never Met"
The nudity in The Night We Never Met comes from an unidentified actress, we don't even see her face. However, lots of nice caps of actresses in various stages of undress, including Jeanne Tripplehorn, Annabella Sciorra, Justine Bateman and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.

• Jeanne Tripplehorn (1, 2, 3)
• Annabella Sciorra
• Justine Bateman
• Dana Wheeler-Nicholson
• Unknown

"Married with Children"
I think Married with Children is one of the better comedy shows to come out of the States. Lots of sexy women have appeared in it, including Brandi Brandt and Milla Jojovich. Christina Applegate has also shown lots of pokies in quite a few of the episodes.

• Brandi Brandt
• Milla Jovovich
• Christina Applegate (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Pure Country"
A brief upskirt in Pure Country by Lesley Ann Warren.

• Lesley Ann Warren

"Murder by Numbers"
Some brief pokies by Sandra Bullock in Murder by Numbers.

• Sandra Bullock (1, 2)

"Primal Fear"
Azalea Davila has a brief appearance in Primal Fear, but she does go topless.

• Azalea Davila