Birth (2004) is controversial due to a scene with a nude Nicole Kidman and a young boy together in a bath. Don't let the hype convince you to see it. It is about as erotic (or pedophilic) as Bambi. Kidman lost her husband, and had trouble getting over him. When she has finally agreed, 10 years later, to marry a persistent suitor, a 10 year old boy announces that he is the reincarnation of her dead husband. Guess what? In the only place this film rings true, people don't believe him. That is, nobody but Kidman believes him. Given her long term marriage to Tom Cruise, I suppose having her in love with a little boy is not that great a stretch after all. Without going into gory detail, Kidman goes for the kid, then finds out that, gasp, he isn't really her dead husband. The pace is something akin to watching paint dry. Everyone in this dirge speaks in pretentious, English 1A sentences.

Although Kidman was nominated for a few awards, I saw nothing from her in this role. It was as if she had no idea what the script was asking for, and neither did the director. Nonetheless, they were deadly serious about this film. Kidman shows breasts in near blackout early in the film, and almost shows her right breast in the much ballyhooed bath scene. IMDb readers have this at 6.1. The film rates highest with young male voters at 7.1. Why not? At 10, the idea of a bath with a naked Nicole Kidman would have kept me warm at night for weeks. Theater goers, it seems, were not fooled, as it only earned $5.01M against a $20M budget. Berardinelli gives an overly generous 1.5 stars, but redeems himself by calling it "pretentious crap." This is a D, a boring film based on a preposterous concept, and with an incredibly unlikely ending. Avoid it at all costs.

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated.

Camp Fear (1991):

In order to get the flavor of this timeless film classic, you may want to see the pictures, so I'll send you off to the Movie House

• Michelle Bauer (1, 2)
• Savannah (Shannon Wilsey). She is the porn star and major league druggie who sometimes crossed over into some mainstream T&A stuff. She was also known for dating famous people like Gregg Allman, Pauly Shore, Slash, and Vince Neil. (Pauly loved her, and said he would have married her if she could have kicked her drug habit.) She committed suicide three years after making this film, still only 23. The conventional wisdom is that she become despondent after getting her face disfigured by a car accident.
• Two other chicks who wandered around topless. (1, 2, 3)

Other Crap:

• Paris Hilton has announced that Kimberly Stewart, daughter of Rod Stewart, is her new co-star for The Simple Life 4, replacing Nicole Richie.
• The Amityville Horror - based on a true story or an urban legend?
  • It seems amazing that Snopes would even consider wasting the time required to refute this silliness, but I also covered it in my reviews of the 1970s version of
    • The Amityville Horror
    • and Amityville II: The Possession
• Hey, Napoleon Dynamite - now THAT's a liger. Nothing magical about him, though. He's 12 feet long. He weighs 900 pounds. Although twice the size of a big lion, his strength is proportionate to a lions, and he can run as fast as a tiger (50 mph). You do NOT want this guy mad at you.
• Sony has acquired Tokyo Suckerpunch as a starring vehicle for Tobey Maguire.
  • "It's the story of Billy Chaka, who writes a column that casts him as macho hero living in a surreal, amped-up Tokyo. When his book gets turned into a movie, Chaka flies to the city for the premiere and hates it enough to clash loudly with the director, who ends up murdered"
• Weekly World News: "BAD NEWS FOR HORNY GUYS & GALS . . . IRS TO TAX SEX"
• Spell your name with naked people
• Magnifying glass game. Submitter wrote, "Remember as a kid, getting a magnifying glass and focusing a beam of sunlight on ants and literally burning them up with sunlight? Ever wonder what would happen if the ants could get their revenge for the genocide inflicted on them young boys everywhere? This little game shows what that revenge would be like! Very fun! Be sure and get the truck."
• Most obscure news item of the week: "Some lobsters have developed hairballs after eating chunks of cowhide"
• Letterman's "Top Ten Signs Your Accountant Doesn't Give A Damn Anymore - as Read By Ten Area Accountants"
• What happens when webmasters take acid?
• Outlaw Biker Name Generator v2.0
  • "Be a Hog-riding outlaw and kill your enemies! All you need is a good one-percenter name, and soon everyone will cringe in terror"
  • I came out Ol' Ironhorse, which is amazing because it didn't know I was a Texan. (In Texas, every man's name is required by law to begin with Ol'. Even the mainstream newspapers refer to the President as Ol' Dubya - as in "Ol' Dubya sure 'nuff mopped up them towelheads something fierce.")
• Homeless man receives suped-up shopping cart.
  • "The cart features a manual can crusher, an AM/FM stereo-cassette player, a color LCD television, a GPS satellite tracking device, a remote controlled alarm, effect lighting, driving lights, a refrigerator/heater, pull-out seating, and even a fold away tent."
• Battle Pope
  • "Creators Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore combine Rambo and South Park in a hilarious, politically incorrect four-issue mini-series. Set just after Judgment Day, Battle Pope portrays an unorthodox (and heavily armed) pope who must make amends for his sin-filled life by single-handedly fighting the legions of darkness. Featuring appearances by everyone from Bruce Lee to Jesus Christ, this comic features something to offend and amuse everyone."
• Bush isn't sexy. I guess that's why so many women trim it now. Oh, wait! They're talking about the President.
• Play the "Martin Short is Lame Game". How long could that last?
  • Alleged comedians Martin Short and Tom Green are engaged in a catfight demonstrating a level of wit unseen since Shaw and Wilde stood toe to toe.
• Star Wars line - fans of Star Wars line up for tickets - in 360 degree panorama
• Daily Show: Great Moments in Punditry: Hannity vs. Sylvester
   
  • "If they don't stop their namecalling, at least one pundit is getting a time-out!"
• Jon Stewart talks to John P. Avlon, author of "Independent Nation: How the Vital Center Is Changing American Politics."
• The Daily Show: "On a surprise visit to Iraq, Rumsfeld receives a floral welcome from a young Iraqi."
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller have reportedly tied the knot in a secret ceremony.
• Britain's Prince Harry fails basic computer test at army college.
  • Hey, he could have passed it if he had been allowed to ask his butler for help. What does he need a computer for? The rest of us have to Ask Jeeves via computer. He just turns directly to Jeeves and asks the sumbitch.
  • Why the hell do you think the English brought in so many smart guys from India? It was so the British upper classes wouldn't have to bother with all this menial computer shit.
• "Christian Schools Use Faith-Based Cheerleading Camps"
• 'The Wedding Singer' Transformed Into a Broadway Musical
• My favorite gullible newspaper, the Guardian, reports: "In more than half of Nike's factories, employees worked more than 60 hours a day."
• NFL Tries to Stop Spread of Vick's Alias
   
  • "The NFL is trying to stop the spread of Ron Mexico. Since that name was listed as an alias for Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick in a lawsuit filed last month, a number of people have gone to the NFL's online store to order Vick's No. 7 replica jersey with a personalized "MEXICO" on the back."
• STICK UP, NEW YORK! Large collection of stickers and posters found around New York
• See how the various Reps voted on the Bankrupcy bill. Sortable by many different factors.
• "The world's only known whale-dolphin mix has given birth to a playful female calf, officials at Sea Life Park Hawaii said Thursday." The mother is half false killer whale and half Atlantic Bottlenose - born 19 years ago after a surprise coupling between a 14-foot, 2,000-pound false killer whale and a 6- foot, 400-pound dolphin.
• Scalia has no comment to question about whether he slips it in Mrs Scalia's bumhole. The justice replied that the question was unworthy of an answer, which is the way hypocrites and sleazebags say "yes", since they would just say "no" proudly if it were the truthful answer.
• Abstinence only - a celebration of non-penetration.
• Two new "webisodes" for the Lords of Dogtown
• Man Confesses 'It Was Kind Of Fun' Killing Neighbor
• BRITNEY'S HUSBAND REPRODUCING AT AN ALARMING RATE
  • Two days after pop tart Britney Spears announced that she was pregnant with her first child, environmental experts around the globe warned that Ms. Spears’ husband, Kevin Federline, is reproducing at an alarming rate.
• Conan does his comedy spring cleaning.
• Gwyneth Paltrow says her memory has gone since she had a baby. It can't be that bad. She remembered having the baby.
• Nicole Kidman thrilled fans as she attended the UK premiere of her latest film The Interpreter. Nicole is pretty, but she's really challenging Rose McGowan for the official Zonker Harris/George Hamilton tanning award.
• Jacko denies he is selling his Beatles music catalog
• A stretch limo made from a Mini Cooper!!
• A collection of "Owned" videos set to music.
• The Church Sign Generator .... go to their home page to make your own sign like this, or change to any of several other styles.
• Today in Uncle Scoopy's Guest House: Téa Leoni in Spanglish. Hey, so it wasn't intentional nudity. It still counts

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Sex Scenes

First up from the Ghost 'caps and a clip from the direct-to-vid movie "Gunmen" (1994). I have never seen this one, but now that it has come across my path I feel that I must. If for no other reason...the B-factor!

This puppy was one of the first writing credits for Stephen Sommers...long before he did the "Mummy" movies and "Van Helsing". Next, let's combine Sommers' lack of writing depth with a classic cast! Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Denis Leary, Patrick Stewart, Kadeem Hardison, Sally Kirkland, Brenda Bakke, Rena Riffel plus a bunch of rappers like Big Daddy Kane, Doctor Dré and Ed Lover as themselves.

The nudity today comes from Ana Luisa Pardo in her one and only role. She plays "Orgasmic Hooker".

• Ana Luisa Pardo...sweaty and topless. (1, 2, 3)
• Ana Luisa Pardo...sweaty, topless and moaning (zipped .wmv)

Next up, the Ghost's daily dose of Skinemax. Today's feature...the 2003 flick "Talk Dirty".

• Adult babe Ann Marie baring all 3 B's. Toplessness and pubes only in the 'caps with the rest of the skin and pseudo-sex in the clips. (1, 2)
• Ann Marie (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Blonde porn babe Monique Alexander shows full frontal nudity while gettin' it on. In video clip #2 she taks the dude for a serious ride. Another case of porn stars making Skinemax sex look better. (1, 2, 3)
• Monique Alexander zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

• Ann Marie and Monique Alexander showing off all the goodies and having some lesbian fun. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Ann Marie and Monique Alexander zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Nichole McAuley showing off her big ol' robo-hooters in a hot tub sex scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Nichole McAuley zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

• One more adult film actress showing some softcore skin. Here is Kaylynn. (1, 2)
• Kaylynn zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Kaylynn teams up with porn babe Lezley Zen for some more lebsian lovin'
• Kaylynn and Lezley Zen zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

"Alfie"
Michael Caine won an Oscar for his 1966 portrayal of Alfie. Jude Law won't. Nevertheless, the remake of this well known movie isn't bad, especially if you take it in context.

The 1966 version has a lot more innuendo and a lot less blatant sex (and no nudity, as I recall), so a direct comparison isn't really possible, but the story's the same, and Law makes a fairly charming and likeable Alfie.

For those who don't know, Alfie is a British cad and womanizer (living in New York in this version), who easily falls in lust with attractive women, who also find him attractive and desireable. He just as easily dumps them like a pair of dirty shorts, with no regrets. When he impregnates his best friend's girlfriend, then falls into true love with a woman who leaves him for a younger man, Alfie's world starts to fall apart.

Like the original, an enjoyable movie, light and fun in the beginning, but ending on a more serious note.

• Jane Krakowski
• Nia Long
• Sienna Miller

Joy E. Gregory
(1, 2, 3)

CAN'T TAX STRIPPING
Take It Off Your Form - The Nevada Senate is considering placing a 10 percent tax on exotic dancing in strip clubs. But a lawyer from the Nevada ACLU warned them Wednesday that if they passed it, it would be struck down as unconstitutional. He said adult entertainment is protected by the First Amendment, and you're not allowed to put a special tax on a protected activity based on content when you're not taxing other businesses.

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